Mosquito Chase (27 page)

3 days to go …

I hadn’t ventured from the room much. It felt weird being in this house. A lot of drama and old wounds festered on the other side of that door. It was easy to ignore it with my head always focused on Simon and Caleb, but there wasn’t anything I could do for either of them. I knew in a few days I would be sacrificing myself for my son like a real mother should. But everything was starting to wear me down, and I didn’t think I could stare at these four walls anymore. If it wasn’t for the view of the lake, I might have gone stir crazy two days ago. The pain from my cesarean was subsiding, and I was beginning to feel restless. And I wanted food, like real food; like anything other than a sandwich. If the Mexican drug cartel was going to hold me captive or kill me, I would like my few last meals to be actual meals.

I pushed myself up from the chair and adjusted the waistband of my yoga pants. I walked across the rug and slipped on a pair of shoes. I opened the door. My eyes flickered left and right as I listened to the silence. A breath blew from my lips in relief as I walked into the kitchen. A bowl filled with red, yellow, and green apples sat in the middle of the island. I reached into the bowl and plucked one out, like Eve at the tree. I stared at its deep red color and imagined the visual enhancing the flavor. I bit into its crisp flesh. Juice ran down my chin. It crunched between my teeth, muting out any sound around me. In between bites, I heard footsteps running down the stairs. I stopped chewing to suppress a moan.

My eyes popped open as Jordan entered. I stared like a burglar caught in the act. She smiled at me. I tried to smile back with my teeth locked into the apple. This was all still so weird. I crunched down again. I’d already been caught, might as well finish it. Heels clicked against the hardwood as Jordan went to the front door. I heard voices, but my chewing muffled them so I couldn’t make out what they were saying. A few moments later, a woman stepped into the kitchen and stopped. I swallowed.

Katherine.

Well, this was awkward.

She placed her handbag down on the counter next to the bowl of apples and walked over to me; her chin lifted in confidence and her smile friendly. She reached out her hand to me.

“Hi, I’m Katherine. You must be Angela.”

I stared at her hand and then back up at her. I hesitated, taking a second too long to process the situation that my ex-boyfriend’s wife was standing in front me, showing me all that I could never be. Instinctively, I smiled and shook her hand.

“Just call me Angie.”

I had no other response but
Just call me Angie
. We released our grip and she placed her hands on her hips, turning to Jordan.

“I told you we’d be fine,” she said.

“Yeah, fine,” I repeated the word, hoping it would sound normal coming from my own mouth. It didn’t. I nodded at both women before taking another bite of the apple. I closed my eyes and savored the flavor. I could feel them watching me, but I didn’t care. If I was about be shipped off to God-knows-where by some drug lord, I was eating this damn apple.

“I’m sorry I stole your apple,” I said awkwardly after swallowing. “I just couldn’t take anymore peanut butter sandwiches.”

Jordan rolled her eyes. “I told Caleb to give you something else to eat. He was adamant about peanut butter sandwiches.”

I giggled to myself and shook my head. “He just knows I like them.”

“Angie,” Katherine said, sounding like we’d been friends for ages. “We were going to meet Ellie for dinner. Do you want to eat with us?” She turned to Jordan and continued, “We can order from that Italian restaurant Ellie likes so much.”

“Oh my God, yes.” I had no filter when it came to food.

Jordan laughed and said, “I’ll call Ellie and have her pick it up.”

Later on, all four of us sat in the living room, chatting and laughing like four friends normally would. Weird was an understatement.

Katherine poured herself a glass of wine and turned to me. “Do you want some? You can always pump and dump.”

I turned to Ellie in confusion. Her eyes widened. “You haven’t pumped.”

I stared at her for a moment until it clicked. “Oh! We tried that while I was still in the hospital. Not much production there it seems. So, I guess I could have some wine.”

Katherine handed me a glass and I sipped slowly. As soon as it hit the back of my tongue, my whole body relaxed.

The front door opened and four kids ran through the house, followed by three men. They all stopped and stared at us. My eyes instantly met that shade of green that had haunted me for so long.

“Umm,” he said.

I turned back to Katherine. We stared at each other for a second. My chest heaved. She pressed her mouth closed as tight as it would go, but it was no use. Laughter spilled out, echoing from every corner of the room.

“Did you see his face?” Katherine asked leaning over to me. She fell back into the sofa cushions as the four of us continued to laugh at the man named Lance Walton, and it was probably one of the best moments of my life. All the grudges I’d held onto for ten years vanished in fit of giggles.

2 days to go …

I went back to keeping to myself after that, not wanting to interfere with anyone else. I longed for Caleb to come home. Tomorrow was New Year’s Eve, a night of renewal, but as the clock counted down every second to the big night, I felt tormented by all I would have to let go. What would they do to me? Would they torture me before they killed me? Would it be a quick death? Getting out of this alive didn’t feel like an option. I’d never get to see my son celebrate his first birthday or his twentieth. I’d never get to start a life with Caleb. I loved Caleb with everything in me. I wanted a life with him. As the time drew closer to the moment when I would have to tell him goodbye, my heart ached. It was like losing Simon all over again, except this time, I knew it was coming. I watched the seconds tick down on the clock.

The front door slammed. I hopped up from the chair, running out of the room. When I saw the man standing just inside the closed door, my shoulders fell.

“Hey, Angie.”       He watched me, waiting for some form of acknowledgment. I remained still, not knowing what to say or do. The tension blended between us.

“I don’t think anyone’s here,” I said, hoping he’d just leave. I didn’t want to deal with him. Not today. Not ever.

Lance took two steps toward me. I wanted to take two steps back, but I needed to learn how to stand my ground. I wasn’t afraid of him, even if he was the reason my life turned out the way it did. I lost my fiancé. I’d lost my son. I was about to lose Caleb, the man I loved. It felt as if everything was being stripped away. I wondered how my life would have turned out if the man standing in front of me hadn’t left. I wondered how his life might have ended up had he not found Katherine. Maybe everything was supposed to happen for a reason.

“I came to see you.”

I shook my head, begging those wicked eyes of his to stop staring. “I don’t know if I can, Lance. Tomorrow is a big day. I can’t hash out the past right now.”

“That’s exactly why I had to come here.” He moved two steps closer. “If something were to happen to you…”

“You couldn’t live with the guilt. I get it, Lance. I do.” I sighed, giving in with an edge of annoyance. “You dumped me at four in the morning after you misinterpreted everything I had said. You fucked me and then you left. And, yes, I remember that night vividly. I relived it for years, because I loved you. You never gave me a chance. You never gave us a chance.” His lips started to move, but I held up my hand, cutting him off. “I’ve waited a very long time to get this out of my system. Please. The least you could do is let me finish.”

He conceded with a nod.

“All I had said was that I was sure Jordan was fine, and you could sleep for three more hours. I didn’t know then how it felt to lose someone you care about, that feeling of helplessness that comes with uncertainty. I was wrong. It was foolish of me to say something like that, I see that now, but to be fair, you never told me the details of the situation. You only gave me the physical part of you when I wanted all of you. You’ve never let me into your life and that’s all I wanted.”

“There’s no excuse.”

“There
is
no excuse, Lance. All you wanted from me was sex. All I wanted from you was your heart. I left to forget you, to forget this town that fed off the rumors you knew weren’t true. Never once did you do anything to diffuse them. And once I finally experienced what it felt like to be adored by someone, it was all taken away from me. Soon everything I have is being taken away from me again. I can’t deal with this shit right now!”

I didn’t know when it happened, but I was sputtering words between the tears as the weight of everything horrible in this world pushed down on my shoulders. I couldn’t believe I was confiding in the one man I blamed for everything. My face fell into my hands and I cried. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me into an embrace. Once upon a time, these arms might have made me the happiest girl in the world, but no longer. The only man’s arms I wanted were Caleb’s. All I wanted was Caleb.

“I love him,” I sobbed. “I’m going to lose him. I have to tell another man I love goodbye.”

“I’m so sorry, Angie.” His hand rubbed the back of my head, pressing my face into his chest as he let me cry it out. All the years of harboring this grudge melted away with that one word.
Sorry
could mean nothing, but right now it meant everything.

The door slammed and I jumped out of Lance’s embrace. I looked through the blur of my eyes to see Caleb standing there with his face drained of color. I didn’t know what was going on in his head, but I needed to know. I pushed Lance away and went to my love as my tears continued to fall. I wrapped my arms around his waist. That was all I needed. I didn’t need Lance or his apologies. I needed Caleb.

“What did you do to her?” His voice rose at Lance.

I pulled back shaking my head. “It’s fine. Words needed to be said, but everything’s fine now.”

For the first time, I actually felt bad for Lance. I wouldn’t want to be on Caleb’s bad side. Caleb tucked me under his arm and we walked slowly though the house. I squeezed Lance’s hand as I passed by, and then I let go.

Caleb closed the door behind us. I sat on the bed while he went into the bathroom. I couldn’t read his mood. He couldn’t possibly think there was anything there between Lance and me. If he didn’t trust me, he had to trust Lance at least. He threw open the door, wearing nothing but his boxers. My eyes ignored his body and remained focused on his face. His looked everywhere but at me.

“Caleb, say something.”

He breathed in deeply and held it. His hands rested on his hips for a second, and then he crossed his arms. When his eyes finally found mine, his arms hung at his sides.

“I’ve told myself I would never be a jealous man again. I know I have nothing to worry about with Lance, but seeing that … seeing that, Angie…” He turned away and I couldn’t tell if he was mad at himself or at me.

“Say what you need to, Caleb. We don’t have much time left.”

He looked back at me and let out a deep breath. He walked over to me and gingerly knelt down, guarding his ankle. “He’s the only man alive who’s had that one piece of you that I can’t get. I need time to get there, but I’m about to lose you and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

His hands rested on my cheeks. Less than an inch of space separated us.

“I love you, Angie. I love you with all my heart. Whatever happens, always remember that. Always remember this moment and how much I love you. I will always, always love you.”

I pulled his lips to mine and kissed him … and I kissed him … and I kissed him.

But I didn’t say the words back.

Last day …

I stared at the clock. Caleb’s arms were wrapped around me, his breath blowing gently against the back of my neck. I couldn’t sleep. Instead, I watched every hour tick by throughout the night. That damn clock caused the most powerful panic attacks. There was nothing I could do but grip the man’s hand resting on my thigh.