Mr. Chickee's Messy Mission (9 page)

Ms. Tiptip smiled and said, “You're right! I think it's great your parents encourage you to read and to learn about other people.”

“Yeah, the book says the Masai are very friendly and never get angry at anybody.”

Ms. Tiptip and Mr. Chickee exchanged a look.

She said, “Indeed we are a friendly people, Russell, but I'm not really sure what the book meant when it said we never get angry. Believe me, I've seen my sister get quite angry with my brother, and I must admit I've been known to get a little ticked off with him myself.”

“Are you sure you're Masai?”

“Without doubt.”

“I don't know, the book said real plain that you guys are the kind of people who have no mads in the group.”

Ms. Tiptip smiled. “Ahh! Nomads! That doesn't mean we never get angry, Russell, it means we're wanderers, we travel from place to place.”

Russell whispered to Steven, “I'm gonna ignore her definition, I like mine better.”

Ms. Tiptip said, “Guess what, Russell? I've also studied a few things about you. I know you hold many Yourside records for eating massive amounts of food. In fact, I believe the only person in Ourside, in our dimension, who can consume as much as you do is the Incredible Bottomless Pit Glutton Man of Sultana.”

Mr. Chickee said, “I don't know, Naomi. Don't forget, on the island of Cyclopsia there's Bryanne the Wonky One-Eyed Goat Girl, and she's even less picky about what she'll eat than the Glutton Man.”

Russell beamed and whispered to Steven, “Wow, Bucko!
I never thought I'd be famous in another dimension! I don't even know what a dimension is!”

Mr. Chickee said, “And this charming young woman is Richelle Cyrus-Herndon.”

Richelle said, “
Jambo, bibi. Habari gani?
”

The African woman laughed, threw her head back and said, “
Swahili! Jambo! Ulijulia wapi kuongea Kiswahili sanifu hivyo?
”

Richelle said, “
Niliishi Kenya miaka mitatu
.”

Ms. Tiptip said, “
Nimefurahi sana kukutana na mschana kama wewe anayeongea lugha yangu vizuri sana!
”

Richelle said, “
Asante sana! Sijafanya mazoezi juzi juzi
.”

Ms. Tiptip said, “
Unaongea vizuri sana. Naamini tutapata nafasi nyingine ya kuongea
.”

Richelle said, “
Natumai hivyo pia. Nimefurahi sana kukutana nawe!
”

Ms. Tiptip said, “
Nafikiri ni vizuri tuendelee kuongea Kiigereza tena. Naamini kwamba marafiki zako wanafikiri tunawasengenya!
”

Richelle smiled and said, “
Ni kweli, wao si vijana werevu hivyo
. …”

Russell looked at Steven and Steven looked at Russell.

Steven said, “What a show-off. So what? Richelle Cyrus-Herndon speaks a little Spanish. Big deal. So does everyone in Puerto Rico.”

He looked at Richelle, his eyes lit up and he said, “And my, my, my, what a beautiful Spanish accent that precious little cupcake has!”

He snatched his eyes away and said, “E-mail to self: No more looking at Richelle. Look other way no matter what. Can't forget this one.”

Richelle pointed a finger at Steven and said, “If you say one more crazy thing to me, I'll hit you so hard you'll think Thor's popped you with his hammer.”

Mr. Chickee said, “And finally, Ms. Tiptip, this confused-looking and -acting young man is my dearest friend from Yourside, this is Steven Daemon Carter.”

“A pleasure meeting you, Steven.”

“Pleeztameetchew, Ms. Tiptip.”

Russell said, “Mr. Chickee, is it okay if I ask you a question? I was looking at that newspaper you were reading and something got me real confused.”

“What is it, Russell?”

Russ pointed at a headline that read: STRANGE YOURSIDE

WEATHER: RIO DE JANEIRO SNOWSTORM, SIXTY BRAZILIANS MISSING!

Mr. Chickee said, “Ah, that is a bit confusing, we're not sure why it's snowing there.”

Russell said, “That's not what's got me confused, what I don't understand is how many is a brazilian?”

Mr. Chickee looked at Ms. Tiptip.

Ms. Tiptip looked at Mr. Chickee.

Richelle's eyes rolled.

Steven saved the day by saying, “I'll explain it to you later, Russell.”

Richelle said, “Mr. Chickee, when I told you we weren't
going to stay here long, you said you hoped it wasn't going to be all that easy for us to get back to Flint. What did you mean by that?”

“Richelle, I'd suggest we go to my home to work this out, there's someone there who can explain everything.”

Russell said, “Yeah, Mr. Chickee, I'm starting to get kind of hungry, do you have something to eat?”

Mr. Chickee said, “Of course I do, Russ. I know you're really going to enjoy it too. So what do you say, Flint Future Detectives? Shall we go? It's a very short walk to my porch.”

Richelle said, “Hello, madam. How are you?
”

The African woman laughed, threw her head back and said, “Swahili! Hello! Where did you learn to speak such perfect Swahili?
”

Richelle said, “I lived in Kenya for three years
.”

Ms. Tiptip said, “It is such a pleasure to meet a young woman who speaks one of my languages so well!
”

Richelle said, “Thank you very much! I haven't had much practice lately
.”

Ms. Tiptip said, “You're doing beautifully. I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to speak later
.”

Richelle said, “I hope so. It's really good meeting you!
”

Ms. Tiptip said, “I think we'd better start speaking English again. I'm sure your friends think we're talking about them!
”

Richelle smiled and said, “You're right, they're not the smartest couple of boys you'll ever meet
. …”

And in any language that you care to choose, Richelle Cyrus-Herndon sure is right about that!

Huh? I
Really
Don't Get It!

M
R
. C
HICKEE OPENED
the door to his home and said, “Welcome!”

Steven, being the great detective that he was, noticed something odd and said, “Mr. Chickee, this looks exactly like your place in Flint!”

“Yes, Steven, that was done deliberately. In the beginning it made it much easier on me when I went to Yourside if I was already familiar with everything.”

Steven said, “The only difference is that the table where you used to keep your sound system is empty.”

“Not really, we have a different type of technology here. I don't mean to be curt, Steven, I hope well have plenty of time to discuss this later; now, however, we must get moving quickly.”

Russell said, “Yeah, we really need to move fast, Mr. Chickee. All I want to do is find Rodney Rodent and get back to Flint in time for dinner. Have you and Ms. Tiptip seen a real shy, little, nervous-acting dog?”

Mr. Chickee and Ms. Tiptip looked at each other. She said, “Yes. Russell, the animal you call Rodney Rodent came through here yesterday, but he's gone back home.”

Steven moaned, “You mean we let that gnome grab us for nothing? Rodney Rodent is safe? He's already back in Flint?”

“No. He is safe, but he's back at his other home, his home here in Ourside.”

Mr. Chickee said, “Rodney Rodent was sent to Flint to lead you to us. You coming here was no accident.”

He sighed. “This is kind of complicated and contains a lot of new information, so maybe you boys should have a seat before the brain freeze sets in again.”

Steven said, “Boys? What about her?”

He looked at Richelle. “I'll sit if I can sit next to my darl—”

Richelle balled her hand into a fist and Steven quickly looked the other way.

He told himself, “No looking! No looking! Very important!”

He and Russell sat down on a couch in front of Mr. Chickee's empty round coffee table.

Mr. Chickee said, “Your adventure with the quadrillion-dollar bill was a test designed to see if you were capable of
completing a series of missions that the Old Souls have set up for you. It was felt if you could pass that test, then you might be able to help us understand the prophecies of the Chronicles of Zornea-Hu. And Steven, I must say we were quite worried for a while, but you did enough things properly with the mystery of the quadrillion-dollar bill to pass.”

Steven puffed his chest and started to look at Richelle to make sure she was hearing all of this, but Russell slapped the back of his head and said, “Please, don't look at her, Bucko, please don't shame yourself any more than you did already.”

Mr. Chickee continued, “You didn't do great, but you did pass, just barely.”

“Mr. Chickee!” Steven said. “We did better than barely pass, you can ask the feds in Washington. Madam Director knows the Flint Future Detectives solved the mystery of the quadrillion-dollar bill.”

Ms. Tiptip said, “Actually you solved only a portion of it, but Mr. Chickee argued so strongly in your defense that the rest of the Old Souls gave you a pass.”

“A pass? I didn't even know I was taking a test, and who are the Old Souls?”

“It's a group of people here in Ourside who have come together to try to save our world.”

“Save it?”

“Yes,” Mr. Chickee said, “save it. Sad to say, but what you see around you is a dying world.”

He showed them his wrist. There was another one of the
Oops-a-Daisies there, but this one read thirty-two days, seventeen hours and forty-eight seconds.

Richelle said, “Are you saying that's all the time that Ourside has left before it dies?”

“That's it. If the mystery isn't solved by the time this Oops-a-Daisy zeroes out, the Chronicles of Zornea-Hu predict our destruction will be unstoppably set in motion.”

Ms. Tiptip said, “Ah, Othello, they seem like such nice children, but those looks! Have you ever seen such expressions of confusion? Play the Holo-Vision for them, it's only fair that we flum-flub them to make sure they're completely informed. Especially since we are asking them to risk their lives.”

None of the Flint Future Detectives said anything, but each one was thinking, “
Risk our lives
?”

Richelle looked at Russell, then at Steven.

Russell looked at Steven, then at Richelle.

Steven, who was slowly smartening up, looked at Russell, then at the floor in front of Richelle.

Mr. Chickee said, “Of course you're right, Naomi. Children, please make yourselves comfortable and watch the tableau there.”

He pointed at the round coffee table where Steven and Russell were sitting. “I'll turn on the Holo-Vision and all of your questions will be answered.”

Mr. Chickee clapped his hands twice and the lights in the room dimmed.

Russell said, “Mummy has a Clapper to turn off the lights too.”

“Yes, Russell, it's brilliant, isn't it? It's on the list of the top ten things ever invented in Yourside.”

Russell said, “Really? Is the magic U on the list too?”

Ms. Tiptip said, “The magic U? I'm not familiar with that. Dictionary?”

Great-great-grampa Carter's thumb drive dictionary said, “I'm drawing a big blank on the term, Ms. Tiptip. And considering the person who asked the question, I think perhaps this is something we might not want to pursue.”

Ms. Tiptip said, “No, I'm not familiar with the term ‘magic U’ and would like to know what it means.”

Russell said, “Yeah, Ms. Tiptip, it should be on the list of greatest inventions too, Mummy invented it. If you're not at home and you've gotta use the bathroom, you need to make a magic U.”

Steven sighed. “Russell, maybe you can tell them about this later.”

Ms. Tiptip said, “No, I'd like to hear about this if it doesn't take too long. What exactly is the magic U and what does it have to do with using the bathroom, Russell?”

“Mummy told me if you're not at home and have to use a strange toilet, you've got to be real careful 'cause they have a ton of germs and cooties on them. The only way to keep those things from jumping on you and making you sick is by taking three sheets of toilet paper and putting them on the seat in the shape of a upside-down U. For some reason the germs and cooties and junk can't get at you because the U is magic and stops everything from attacking you when you sit down.”

Mr. Chickee and Ms. Tiptip both began blinking rapidly. It seemed the Flint Future Detectives weren't the only people who could look very, very confused very, very quickly.

Great-great-grampa Carter's thumb drive said, “I'd never stoop to saying ‘I told you so,’ so instead I'll quote one of my favorite Yourside situation comedies, ‘Uh toad uh so!’ ”

After a few seconds Mr. Chickee said, “Perhaps we should just watch the Holo-Vision.”

He clapped twice again and a man the exact height of a can of soup appeared in the middle of the table.

He bowed elegantly and said, “Welcome, one and all.”

Russell and Steven were amazed!

Richelle, on the other hand, was not so impressed.

“Oh,” she said, “I get it!
Holo-Vision
stands for ‘holography vision.’ ”