Mr. Hollywood (Celebrity #1) (24 page)

She gave a wry laugh.
“
Well,
look at us, for instance. I wasn
’
t planning on picking things back
up with you, yet here we are. We
’
ve been back together for what .
 
.
 
. a day? Where is this relationship
headed? Is it just sex? Is it commitment? One minute I was begging to talk to
you about things, and in the very next breath we were going at it like rabbits
and haven
’
t stopped since. Nothing has been
resolved between the two of us except that we know the sex is still really
good. I don
’
t think that
’
s enough to build a long term
relationship on.
”

She was completely correct.
“
What do you want from me, Aubrey?
You tell me what you
’
re thinking and then I
’
ll tell you what I want.
”
My heart was racing, even though I
was trying to remain calm and cool. What I wanted was to have her in my life. I
wanted to please her in every way possible. I
’
d
do anything she asked, as long as she could forgive me and wanted me to stay
with her.

She sighed heavily.
“
I
want to do things right this time. I want to take things slow and get
reacquainted. I want us both to know everything about each other from the last
ten years. I fell in love with a country farm boy I
’
d known my whole life. You aren
’
t that guy anymore, Zane. You
’
re some big shot movie star
—
Z McCartney
—
to everyone else. But me, I don
’
t care about all that. I
’
m still in love with my country
farm boy. While I don
’
t begrudge your success here at
all, you
’
re not him. I don
’
t know you anymore, and you don
’
t know me either. The girl who
thought life was going to be all roses and sunshine is gone. I
’
m here now
—
the girl who had to fight and
struggle for every single thing she has. I can be a bitch if needed, and really
hard headed in a fight. You don
’
t know that side of me. The girl
you know thought her country farm boy was going to ride up on a white horse and
carry her off into the sunset.
”

Everything she was saying was true, but it didn
’
t mean I liked hearing it.
“
I
’
d
love nothing more than to make life roses and sunshine for you, if you
’
ll let me. My greatest desire is to
make you
—
both of you
—
happy.
”

She placed her hand on my arm.
“
Don
’
t
you see? We already
are
happy.
I love my life here with my parents and my little boy. It may not have started
out ideally, but we made it work. I don
’
t need you to rescue me anymore.
”
She paused for a moment and then
gave a short laugh.
“
It
’
s
really funny because I didn
’
t realize that until just now. We
really are okay.
”

“
I
think you
’
ve done an amazing job.
”
It was the truth, but I had to
admit, I hated that she didn
’
t really need me. I wanted her to
need me. I wanted her to want me
—
more than anything I
’
d ever wanted in my life.
“
So where do we go from here?
”

I was giving her the reins on this one. No matter how
badly I
’
d like to rush headlong into
things, I wouldn
’
t risk scaring her away. We
’
d play the game using her rules.
Hell, I
’
d lived in misery without her for
ten years. I could wait longer if that was what she needed.

“
Well,
I was thinking you could maybe spend some evenings here, if you want. Or we can
come to your place on some weekends. I want Dustin to get to know you, but I
want it to be as painless on him as possible, too. This is going to be a big
adjustment for all of us.
”

“
I
totally get that.
”
What was bugging me at the
moment was the fact that she didn
’
t seem to want to live together.
Hell, I was ready to pick up right where we
’
d
left off.

“
I
also think that for the time being, you should allow me to do all of the
disciplining with Dustin. I think it might be difficult to suddenly throw a new
boss into the mix. It
’
s not that I
’
m trying to undermine your
authority, but rather give you the chance to get used to the way we do things
and then gradually integrate you into that. Does that make sense?
”

“
Yeah,
I understand.
”

“
Is
something wrong?
”
she asked, placing a hand on
my knee and without even thinking about it, I covered it with my own.
“
You seem kind of .
 
.
 
. lost.
”

I shook my head.
“
I
’
m
fine. I just thought, or hoped rather, that we might all get to live together
like a family.
”

“
Really?
”
she seemed surprised. That wasn
’
t good.

“
It
never occurred to you?
”

“
Of
course it did. I just thought it would be something that happened way down the
road, after we were all better acquainted.
”

“
I
want to be with you both, Aubrey. We
’
ve wasted so much time already.
”
I couldn
’
t hide my disappointment, even
though it was unwarranted. I knew she had every right to want to go slow.

Smiling, she turned her hand over and slipped her
fingers between mine and leaned her head against my shoulder.
“
I know. I was honestly thinking
about Dustin. This is his home. I
’
ve never brought another man here.
He
’
s never seen me date anyone or be
in love. The few times I went out with other men, he was still a baby. He doesn
’
t remember any of that. I don
’
t want him to feel like he
’
s been uprooted from his home and
displaced by a new member in his family
—
even if he is excited to meet his
dad. And with you in therapy right now and getting ready to go back to work
part time, I just figured it was better for everyone if we went slow. You know,
let us all get used to the idea.
”

Everything she was saying made complete sense, yet I
still felt brokenhearted. Aubrey and Dustin were mine. They belonged to me. I
wanted them with me all the time.

Then again, maybe I was looking at this all wrong.
Maybe Aubrey
wasn’t
mine anymore. Maybe I needed to win her back and really show her the kind of
father and companion I could be. I already knew I wanted to marry her
—
that was a given. Just the short
time I
’
d been with her had reconfirmed
those feelings for me. I still felt the same way about her that I always had. I
wanted her. No, I needed her in my life. I needed them both. They were like
fresh air in my crazy world
—
a life raft for a drowning man.

“
I
can do that,
”
I found myself saying, even
though I didn
’
t want to. I was tired of fighting
and struggling to find happiness. I simply wanted to be with the two people who
made me feel absolute euphoria for the first time in years. Everything was
going to be all right though. I was going to court Aubrey like she
’
d never been courted. I was going
to make her see that she couldn
’
t live without me either. I was
going to be the best dad in the world, and be there for Dustin in ways my
father was never there for me. He would never miss his dad in his life again
—
not while I had anything to say
about it. I wanted him to know he was actually loved, and not just someone only
around when needed or because I was too drunk to help myself. I wanted him to
be proud that I was his dad, not embarrassed like I
’
d been on so many occasions with
mine.

Laying my head against hers, I stared at our clasped
hands, softly rubbing my thumb against the back of hers.

“
Are
you okay?
”
she asked and I nodded.

“
Yeah,
just thinking about how much I love you and how lucky I am.
”

“
I
’
m the lucky one,
”
she replied, glancing up at me.
“
I have the two greatest guys on the
planet in my life.
”

I nodded, agreeing.
“
Your
dad and Dustin are awesome,
”
I teased her.

She snorted, laughing.
“
You
know that
’
s not what I meant.
”

“
I
know. But I like hearing your laugh. It makes me happy.
”

“
I
’
m glad.
”
She continued to stare at me and
the smile slid off her face.
“
Can I ask you something?
”

“
Anything.
”
I didn
’
t want her to feel any reservations
around me.

“
This
won
’
t be an easy request, I
’
m sure, but will you tell me about
everything?
”

“
Everything?
”
My breath caught, not sure if I
understood her correctly.

She nodded.
“
I want to know about all the women,
the parties, the drugs, making movies
—
everything. I don
’
t want to be blindsided by something
down the road. I need to know what
’
s happened in the time we
’
ve been apart.
”

Shit.
She wanted to know everything.
This was going to take a long time. Nervousness gripped me. I wanted to be
totally honest with her, but it would be so hard. I never spoke about some
things because hell, I could hardly stand to even think about them.

“
I
can tell you everything I can remember. How
’
s
that? There are times that I blacked out, and don
’
t
mean passed out. I was still conscious, but I don
’
t
remember what happened. I can remember things prior and afterward, but I don
’
t always remember things I did
during, except for the occasional flashbacks, and I never know if those are
real, or something my mind made up.
”

“
Things
got really bad for you, didn
’
t they?
”
There was sympathy mixed with fear
in her eyes.

“
They
did. I
’
ve been in a dark place for a long
while.
”
My eyes drifted over her features.
“
Are you sure you want to hear it
all? Most of it revolves around lots and lots of sex and drugs. I don
’
t want to hurt you anymore than I
have.
”

“
I
need to know it all, Zane. Otherwise I
’
ll sit around imagining the worst.
And like I said, I don
’
t want any surprises jumping out at
me down the road. I want to be informed and know what I
’
m walking into with my eyes wide
open.
”