Mr. Right (5 page)

J
ess

Y
ou’re most probably wondering
why I continued to date Pierce when it was fairly obvious that while we’d had a great initial meeting, our subsequent dates hadn’t been all that. On top of that, it’s quite obvious I was attracted to Evan. The fact is I was lonely. Pierce was attractive and he liked me and he was good fun when he wanted to be. He didn’t push me for sex, which I really liked. I wasn’t sure how long he’d be cool with the no-sex thing, but Alyssa thought that he’d already shown remarkable constraint given the circumstances under which we’d met. And I had to agree with her.

“Jess, that guy must have blue balls that go on to the end of days,” Alyssa had joked one evening when we’d stayed home to watch reruns of
Gilmore girls
on Netflix.

“Blue balls for days?” I’d burst out laughing at her comment.

“Not just for days,” Alyssa said with a smirk. “Blue balls until the end of days.”

“End of days, huh?” I shook my head at her. “That’s a long time to have them.”

“Yeah, it is. That’s what you’ve done to him.”

“I haven’t done anything to him,” I said and all I could think about was Evan. I know. I’m a hot mess.

“He’s a good guy, Jess,” Alyssa said slightly enviously.

“He’s not bad. He’s not exactly in line to be a pope or anything. I don’t think St. Peter’s about to give him any keys.”

“Who?” Alyssa asked blankly.

“No one,” I said with a small smile and shake of my head.

“So do you think you’ll sleep with him soon? Put him out of his misery?”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. I really didn’t know what I was going to do with Pierce. I mean, a part of me thought I should just get it out of the way. It wasn’t like I didn’t like sex. It wasn’t like I didn’t crave that intimacy. I just didn’t know if I craved it with Pierce. Even though he was pretty hot and clearly wanted me, which was a huge ego boost, was an ego boost enough for a lasting relationship? I didn’t know. I was so confused about everything. So, so confused.

“I’d love to meet a guy like Pierce,” Alyssa continued wistfully. “You’re so lucky. He must really love you.”

“What?” I almost choked at her words. “Love? We barely know each other. Alyssa, he doesn’t love me. He barely knows me. Why would you even think or say that? Are you crazy?”

“Girl, he has to love you,” she said seriously. “I don’t know many guys who would put up with no sex. And I’m talking ugly guys and we both know that Pierce doesn’t qualify as ugly. He’s hot as hell. He can have models in his bed every night of the week if he wants, yet he’s being calm and patient with you, waiting around for who knows what.”

“It’s because I’m a challenge.” I frowned. “But thanks, Alyssa, you’re sure making me feel better about myself.”

“What do you mean?” She sat up and looked at me.

“I mean, I’m glad he could have a hot model in his bed every night, but he’s settling for me.”

“I didn’t say he’s settling for you.” She sighed. “And you’re hot too, you know that.”

“Uh huh. Let’s not compare me to some Victoria’s Secret model though, which we know he can get.”

“Oh, Jess.” Alyssa got up from her couch and walked over to me. “That’s not what I meant and you know that. That’s not what I meant at all. I was just saying that you have a good guy who really likes you and that should make you happy. That should make you feel good about yourself. I don’t know why you aren’t happier.”

“What’s there to be happy about?”

I looked at her with a small frown. “If anything I’m not living up to my end of the bargain. I’m not giving him what he deserves—what other, more beautiful, women would give him.”

“Jess, what is going on with you? Where are you getting that from?” Alyssa touched my shoulder. “Are you okay?” I feel like you’re not acting like you’re super happy for someone who’s in this situation.”

“What situation, Alyssa? What situation am I in that should make me so happy?” I turned to her and frowned. “I met a hot guy in a club. We left the club, made out. He was hoping for sex, didn’t get it. We’ve been on a couple of dates—well, more than a couple, and I’m sure he’s still hoping for sex and maybe that’s why he’s keeping me around. There have been no declarations of love or anything close to that. No flowers, no jewelry. No nothing of substance. I don’t even know if he really likes me or if he’s just waiting to get laid. And honestly, I’m not sure how I feel about him, or if I want to possibly hookup with his hot friend, Evan, because I suck.”

“Wait, what?’ Alyssa gasped loudly. “Who the fuck is Evan? And why haven’t I heard of him before?”

“Evan is the big problem.” I sighed and leaned back on the couch, groaning. “Oh, my God, Alyssa, I haven’t been able to talk about it because I’m so embarrassed and ashamed but this guy Evan… Argh.” I groaned loudly and closed my eyes for a few seconds as I pictured his face. “Oh, my God, I haven’t been able to get him out of my mind. He’s the reason why I haven’t been able to sleep with Pierce yet. You don’t know how this guy has gotten under my skin already. It’s crazy. I don’t even know him. Barely met him once or twice. Barely had a conversation with him and the conversations we have had have shown me that he’s an arrogant asshole. A real bastard. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. He’s absolutely horrible. Cocky, full of himself. A real jerk. And he even touched me. Albeit it was on my knee and kinda on my thigh, but still—how rude, right? But even though he’s everything we hate in a guy there’s something about him that’s gotten under my skin and I just don’t know why. I just do not understand why I can’t stop thinking about him. I’m a horrible, horrible person, Alyssa. I know I am. I feel absolutely horrible, but I just can’t help myself. And, man, he’s so, so cocky—I said that, right? What’s worse is that he seems to be really close to Pierce, so he seems to always be around. It’s like this weird kind of torture.” I finally stopped talking and looked over at Alyssa to see her expression to what I’d just confessed to her. I was surprised to see a huge smile on her face. “What’s so funny? I asked her with narrowed eyes.

“You.” She giggled. “I never thought I’d see this day.”

“What day?” I frowned.

“The day that you became a player.”

“I’m not a player.” I pouted my lips. “I’m far from a player.”

“You are so a player.” Alyssa almost cackled in glee as she bounced up and down on the couch. “Who would have thunk it?”

“Alyssa, I’m not a player. You have to be dating multiple guys to be a player. I’m not doing that. I’m barely dating one guy.”

“Yeah, but you are kinda into his friend and from what you’re saying, it also seems like he’s into you as well.” She smiled at me in glee. “I mean, if he’s touching you, it sounds like he has an interest in you as well.”

“Alyssa, ugh. Don’t. He’s the player. He’s not into me. He’s just trying to play me.” I made a face.

“Imagine if you start dating both of them at the same time.” Her eyes widened and she clapped her hands excitedly like a little child. “Oh, my God, I can’t believe you, Jess. This is so exciting!”

“What are you talking about?” I glanced at her but I couldn’t stop a small smile from crossing my face. “This is hardly exciting.”

“Yes, it is. I’m in shock.” Alyssa jumped up. “This calls for some music and a small dance party.”

“Dance party?” I gave her a look. “Really? A dance party? Why does this call for a dance party?”

“Because dancing is fun and you’re finally becoming a woman!”

“Huh?” I gave her a confused look. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“You’re finally hitting your stride in your sexuality.” She grinned.

“I am?”

“Sure looks like it to me.” She nodded and reached out her hands to me. “Pause Lorelei and Rory and let’s get some Pitbull up in here.”

“Alyssa, you make me laugh.” I shook my head at her. “Here I am feeling like shit about myself, yet you’re acting like I just told you I won the lottery—and not a dollar scratch-off either. You’re acting like I told you that I just won a million bucks or something. This is not something deserving of a dance party and definitely not Pitbull. Next thing you’ll be saying is that we need some Nicki Minaj as well and you know that that is just not on.”

“Oh, Jess, come on, let’s have some fun. Stop being so repressed. Own it. Shit, fuck Pierce and Evan. Who cares? If you want to do it, do it. Just make sure you use protection. We don’t need any babies up in here and we sure as hell don’t want to be on Maury.”

“Maury?” I asked her in confusion.

“How else would we know who the baby daddy is?” Alyssa asked with a wink.

“Alyssa,” I shouted at her and laughed. “You’re absolutely horrible. I am not a slut.”

“Well, maybe you should be.” She winked again.

“Dude, you were just saying Pierce has blue balls. I don’t go from giving one guy blue balls to not giving two guys blue balls.”

“Does that sentence even make sense, Jess?” Alyssa walked over to her Bose Speaker. “I think not.” She plugged her phone into the speaker and pressed play. Taylor Swift erupted into the room telling us to “shake it off” and we both started laughing. I jumped up off of the couch and walked over to Alyssa and we started dancing in the middle of the room as if neither of us had a care in the world. My worries about Pierce and Evan were gone and her sadness of having no one was gone was well, lost to the music as we let ourselves let go of all our concerns.

“Did I tell you that Pierce adopted a dog?” I said as I danced around the room with Alyssa. “His name is Squirrel.”

“Squirrel?” Alyssa gave me an astonished look and we both just started giggling uncontrollably. Maybe I needed to not take this situation so seriously. Maybe Alyssa was right. I just needed to go with it. Besides, whatever was going to happen was going to happen regardless of how much I analyzed or thought about it.

J
ess

H
ave
you ever gone into a situation knowing that it wasn’t going to be what you expected? Like, you knew things would be different, yet you still went into it, not really caring or even hoping for the outcome to be different?

I knew the night that I decided to go over to Pierce’s place to look after his dog while he was out of town was going to be one of those situations. I’m not sure how or why. It wasn’t as if I knew that Evan would be there. I mean, I’d hoped that he would be. I’d hoped that we’d get to banter back and forth again and I’d get to make sarcastic jabs at him while admiring him from afar. I mean, he was a jerk and I couldn’t stand him. He was just far too cocky. Especially for a man his age. Who did he think he was? I didn’t think it was appropriate for him to flirt with me in the way he had knowing that I was kind of dating Pierce. It seemed—forget seemed, it was completely inappropriate. Yet, there was something in his actions that made the situation even more exciting and sexy. Dangerous, even. How far could we push it? How much could he say? How rude could I be back to him? At what point would we reach the line that shouldn’t be crossed? Maybe never, maybe we’d just continue like this? But then, how could this continue? What would Pierce think? Would he find it strange? Of course, he’d find it strange. But I didn’t care. I wasn’t thinking about any of that. I wasn’t thinking about the ifs, ands, or buts. I was only thinking about the excitement. I was only thinking about the banter. And so that’s why I eagerly went to pet-sit that night. That’s why I agreed to do something I knew could potentially lead to something pretty crazy. It’s as if I wanted to go down Crazy Street.

I arrived at Pierce’s around six. His dog “Squirrel”—a stupid dog name if ever I heard one—ran up to me, his tail wagging as I entered the apartment. I groaned when I realized that he’d already had an accident on the floor. I’d thought Pierce had said the dog was house-trained when he’d adopted him. I considered leaving the pee on the floor and pretending that he had done it after I’d left but then I realized that he most likely would do it again. And several puddles of pee in the living room wouldn’t be explained as last minute and it would probably stink in the apartment. It was already starting to smell a little bad and he’d only done one pee so far.

“Hey, Squirrel.” I reached down to scratch him between the ears and he eagerly licked my hand, leaving a large amount of slobber on my skin that I immediately wiped away on my jeans. Gross! Yeah, so if you didn’t know by now, I’m not exactly a dog person. Not really. Which is why it makes it even shadier that I’d agreed to dog-sit. I never would have done it if I hadn’t thought that there would be a possibility that Evan would be there. Yeah, I told you, I like playing with fire.

“Squirrel, do you want to go on a walk?” I asked the dog, stupidly waiting for an answer, as if I thought he’d respond. He did wag his tail and I knew that he was eager for a walk. I groaned inwardly, since I didn’t really want to walk him. I had no clue how to properly walk a dog and especially not on the streets of San Francisco where there were so many hills. I wasn’t in bad shape, but the thought of walking a pooping and peeing Squirrel up and down hills wasn’t an exciting prospect for me.

“Okay, okay, where’s your leash?” I looked around the room and sighed, knowing that I’d have to tidy up the mess that he already made in the apartment as well. It amazed me that Pierce had adopted a dog. He was just so put together and suave. He just wasn’t the sort of guy who you’d think would own an overweight basset hound that seemed to have toilet issues. And he certainly didn’t seem to be the sort of guy to name said dog
Squirrel
. Like, what the hell? Had he been high when he named his dog? Or maybe—and I was surprised that a twinge of jealousy hadn’t hit me at the thought—an ex-girlfriend had named a previous dog that he’d owned Squirrel and she’d kept the dog when they broke up. Maybe the ex had even lived with him. I looked around the living room, considering. Was this the sort of room a guy would have chosen the furniture for? Everything seemed to match so well. It almost looked like a photo from a Pottery Barn or Restoration Hardware catalog. Hmm, maybe Pierce had even been engaged before? Maybe he was still in love with her. I waited to feel the inevitable churning in my stomach at the thought of him truly loving someone else, but it never hit me. I was surprised. Was my lack of jealousy related to the fact that I didn’t care enough, or was it related to the fact that I felt that confident in our “relationship”? We’d only met a couple of weeks ago and made out a couple of times. We hadn’t even had sex yet. A fact that I think surprised both of us for different reasons. Part of me thought that the reason he still kept me around was related to the fact that I’d become a challenge to him. Maybe he was only spending time with me because he wanted to get me into bed. Maybe that was his end game and once he had me it would all be done. I mean, I knew how guys were. I knew that sex was a big thing and they liked a chase. Maybe he thought I was playing games. Maybe he thought that I was one of those girls who was using sex as a gateway into a more serious relationship. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking and I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t slept with him yet. It wasn’t because I didn’t fancy him; I thought he was hot as hell. And I
was
physically attracted to him. My body did want him, yet something always stopped me from going all the way. Maybe it was because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep up with him in bed. Maybe it was because I was scared he’d get me to do all sorts of kinky things that I wasn’t down for. I’m not one hundred percent sure but all I knew was that I was in this quasi-relationship with this hot guy, dog-sitting for his crazy dog and hoping to see his semi-rude, very hot friend.

“Squirrel, where is your leash?” I spoke to the dog again as I looked around the room. How was I going to walk the dog if I couldn’t find his leash? Squirrel started whining in response and ran up to the front door, lifting his paws up to scratch against the wood.

“Not helpful, Squirrel.” I groaned. “Not helpful at all.” I walked to the kitchen and looked for a leash or anything that I could possibly tie around his neck and walk him with. I wanted to cry as Squirrel kept whining and shaking his ass. I thought I heard a sound that sounded suspiciously close to a fart, but only really took notice when a horrible waft got past my nose. Squirrel had farted and, by the smell of it, he was dangerously close to pooping. And I sure as hell didn’t want to clean up his stinky poo and pee from the floor.

“Squirrel, please, please do not poop in the house. “ I moaned out loud and hurried to Pierce’s bedroom to see if somehow he’d left the leash in there. I walked in to see that his bed was unmade and he had clothes all over the floor. I had to admit I was surprised. I hadn’t thought that Pierce would be so untidy. I mean, you just don’t expect a sexy, suave man to end up being a slob. I bent down to pick up some of his clothes and throw them on the bed and then thought I noticed something that looked like a leash in the corner of his room, beside his chest of drawers. I could hear Squirrel still whining and I hoped that he hadn’t pooped yet. I bent down and grabbed the leather strap that was on the ground and pulled on it. It was caught behind the dresser and so I pulled harder. I paused as I thought I heard a noise, but I knew that I had to be imagining it. Pierce was in Miami so I knew he wasn’t here. It was probably just Squirrel darting around the room, probably playing in his pee and making a bigger mess for me to clean up.

I pulled the leather strap again, tugging as hard as I could, willing it to come out. It didn’t even occur to me that this would be a weird place for Squirrel’s leash to get caught. I kept pulling and fell back slightly as it came loose.

“Ooh,” I thought to myself and then I exclaimed out loud. “What the hell?” as I realized that what I was holding was not a leash at all but some sort of leather strap that was intended for some sort of sexual play, if the feathers and spikes on the other end were any indication.

“So what’s going on here, then?” The deep voice behind me made me jump and I turned around both in surprise and excitement.

“What do you think is going on?” I asked snarkily, as I glanced at Evan, who was standing there with a smug look on his face as he glanced down at me as if I were some peasant girl on his farm and he were deigning to talk to me.

“It looks like you’re playing with a sex toy, all by yourself,” he said with a self-satisfied smile. “And it’s not going well. There are schools that can teach you things, you know. And YouTube videos.”

“Teach me things?” I looked up at him with a frown. “What things?” I groaned as I realized how stupid my question was. What sort of things did I think he was going to talk about?

“Things that would ensure that you were a woman who knows what she is doing.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “And from the look of things, you’re not currently that woman.”

“Whatever.” I rolled my eyes at him and stood up. “What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here?” He gave me a look that indicated that he thought I was stupid, and I wanted to jump up and smack the smirk off his face.

“That’s what I asked you,” I said, trying to give him my most indignant look. “Do you have trouble understanding English?”

“Do you have trouble being polite?”

“That’s rich coming from you.”

“Excuse me?” he said with a smirk on his face.

“You’re one of the most impolite men I’ve ever met.” I glared at him.

“And you’ve known many men, then?” He raised an eyebrow at me. “Surprising.”

“Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?” I frowned at him.

“I mean, you don’t seem to be that experienced, so I’m surprised that you’ve been around town.”

“Been around town?”

“Been around the block.” He paused and gave me another one of his “are you dumb?” looks.

“What the hell are you trying to say?”

“I’m not saying anything. I’m just trying to clarify what you just told me.”

“I didn’t just tell you anything.” I glared at him. “You’re deliberately trying to be confusing.”

“I don’t deliberately try to be anything. If you find me confusing that’s because you can’t keep up.”

“I don’t know that I want to keep up with you,” I said, suddenly feeling like I had made a huge mistake coming here tonight. Staring at him made me feel weird inside. It struck me unawares, but something about him made me believe that he had the power to hurt me. This was all fun and games, until someone crossed the line and things got awkward. And it was starting to feel like it could get awkward really quickly.

“You sure about that?” he asked me softly, his tone changing and becoming more serious. He watched me as I watched him, carefully, our eyes taking in every detail of each other's appearance. His lips were cracked. Mine were pinkish-red from both my lip-gloss and the strawberry lollipop I'd been sucking before I’d arrived. He probably wanted to know why my lips were bright pink and red at the same time just as badly as I wanted to know why his were cracked. More than likely, both of us were wondering how far we could push it and if this flirtation was as innocent as it seemed, if we were both just playing games with each other, or if perhaps there was someone else in either of our lives. Not Pierce, obviously. Pierce, we both knew about. He was not important in this equation. But another party, another party on either of our sides, was more dangerous. Could be a cause for jealousy. Craziness, right? How could you be jealous of someone you had nothing with?

I don’t know how to explain my attraction to Evan. It’s just one of those things. Every time I saw him my stomach flipped and my heart beat erratically. His hair was cropped, low to the base of his head, sexy in a Marine-style way. He looked like he’d had a haircut from the last time I’d seen him. I wondered what he would do if I stroked his hair, ran my fingers along his head. His tresses looked like they would feel silky against my fingers, even if slightly spikey. I played with my hair hastily, trying to smooth it out. Mine was messy, unkempt, my raven locks disheveled. Not exactly the femme fatale look. I wondered what he'd do if I changed the rules. Wonder what he’d say if I leaned in and told him, “Come on, then, big boy, show me what you got. Stop with the talk. Let’s just do this.” I knew that would likely shock him, take him aback. He would never expect it. Never in a million years. Guys like him didn’t think girls like me would actually start playing the game back. A part of me wanted to change the rules on him. Make him feel uncomfortable, but I knew I didn’t have it in me. I was too scared. Too scared that he’d accept and then I’d be the one who couldn’t back out.

“I’m not sure what you’re doing here, but I’m here to walk Squirrel. Nothing more and nothing less. And to be honest, I don’t even know why I had to come? I mean, if you’re here, why do I have to walk Squirrel?”

“You volunteered, didn’t you?” Evan looked at me with a smirk. “That was your mistake.”

“I didn’t volunteer to walk him.” I made a face. “I’m not really into cleaning up poop and pee.”

“I don’t think you have to clean up the pee.” Evan laughed. “Unless you want to mop it up.”

“Well, it’s not like I’m going to leave it on the ground to stain the floors.”

“You going to mop it up from the grass as well?”

“Mop it up from the grass?” I looked at him with confusion in my eyes.

“Yeah. The grass. He wouldn’t be pissing on the ground if you were to get him outside in time.”

“Why would I be mopping up piss from the grass?” I glared at him.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “That’s why I was asking you.”

“You’re insufferable.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re one of the most annoying men I think I’ve ever met in my life.”

“You haven’t met many men in your life, then?” He laughed.

“Grrr.” I just shook my head and turned away. “Squirrel,” I shouted. “Where are you? Squirrel, come on, let’s go.” I walked towards the door and Squirrel came barreling into me in excitement, tongue wagging and farting all the way. I turned my nose up at the smell and prayed to God that he hadn’t let a poop out in the living room.