Mr. Softee (28 page)

“Here is five hundred dollars I can get you more if you need it.”

“You still haven’t told me who you want me to ‘sort of’ find. A name would help, for starters. Not to mention, you know my name but I don’t know yours.”

Grace brought our drinks, grabbed a ten off the bar from the small pile in front of me.

“Oh yes, sorry, I’m Kerri.” She held out her hand to shake.

“Nice to meet you, Kerri, call me Dev
. Your accent?” I asked.

“Ahhh French.”

She nodded, batted her eyes innocently, then proceeded to drain nearly half her martini glass.

“Mmm-mmm, that is a very good vodka,” she gasped
. “Yes, French, but from a long time ago. I was just a little girl. Dev, I hope you’ll help me find my little sister.”

“Your sister?”

“Yes, she is called Nikki.”

“Hmm, Kerri and Nikki, sisters
. Anyone else in the family? Mom, Dad, brothers, more sisters?”

“No, we are the only ones
. My, I mean, our parents passed away eight years ago, maybe six months apart,” she made a quick sign of the cross, in the Orthodox way, reverse order to the Irish Catholic I grew up with. Then she washed it down with a hearty sip of martini.

“Oh, sorry.”

“Don’t be. My father killed himself, one drink at a time. And my mother was a religious crazy woman. She wore herself out trying to put a stop to anyone thinking of enjoying himself. You know the old question? Which came first, the alcoholic husband or the long-suffering wife?”

“Can’t say that I do, but I know a couple or two it might fit.”

“Yes, well.”

“So,
your sister Nikki?”

“Oh right, I have not seen her in maybe two months
. Not that we were really close or anything, but she hasn’t been home for quite a while as far as I can tell and her phone is disconnected. Her car remains in the same place, in her driveway. I have a key to her house. I went through it but nothing seemed unusual, do you know? It was not trashed or ransacked or some-such.”

“Husband, boyfriend, kids?”

“Not that I know about. She had a boyfriend about a year and a half ago, but he did away with her. Actually he was keeping her on the side and had a regular girlfriend. He married that woman last spring. Nikki read about it in the newspaper.”

“That’s a tough way to find out.”

“Yes. I think he was maybe four years older than Nikki, Bradley Cadwell. Brad the Cad we called him. He is a lawyer now. But I must be honest, she only spoke of him, I never really met him.”

“A
lawyer?”

“Yes.”

“Say no more.”

She didn’t, instead she drained her glass and left the olives
. With a nod I had Grace mixing a new double just after her empty glass hit the bar. Things become a little bit bleary after that.

I remember checking the rearview mirror constantly on the drive home to make sure she didn’t lose me, although I couldn’t swear to the exact route we took
. I remember she could drink vodka like a fish, had a gorgeous figure. She was trimmed as opposed to shaved and had a little Victorian-looking angel with wings, sitting on a cloud tattooed on her right butt cheek. I was too drunk to read the writing that encircled the angel.

I’ve got a bite mark on my left nipple, scratches on my back, my bed’s a mess, and the place reeks of stale spicy perfume
. My head is pounding and I just finished reading a note that says she only took a hundred dollar bill from the five she gave me out of “professional consideration”.

She penned her phone number at the bottom of the note, just after she wrote to hold onto her emerald green thong from
Victoria’s Secret should I run across it.

I needed aspirin, coffee, and a sauna
. Any phone call to Kerri could wait until after those things were accomplished. And ever the professional I made a mental note to find out her last name.

Chapter Two

While recovering I sat
in a back booth at Moe’s a little after one in the afternoon. Moe’s was my morning office at least three days a week. The earlier sauna and aspirin were working their magic, and the third cup of coffee kept me going until breakfast was delivered. I was just finishing up the last of my hash-browns, dragging the remnants through a slick of heart-stopping hollandaise sauce as I phoned Kerri. Her phone message kicked in, but the voice didn’t sound like her at all.

“Hey baby, thanks for calling
. Sorry I’m all tied up at the moment. Leave your name and number, and one of us will get back to you just as soon as we can, bye-bye.”

My guess was Kerri didn’t work for a pediatrician
. I checked my watch as the beep sounded to leave a message.

“Hi Kerri, Devlin Haskell here
. Please give me a call when you can. I’d like to schedule an appointment so we can review some facts on your case and I can begin my investigation. It’s Wednesday afternoon at one-thirty, you can reach me at ….”

I’ll be the first to admit it was a bit presumptuous to suggest I’d be able to review facts on her case
. I really only had four facts; Kerri’s first name, her sister’s name, Nikki, Kerri’s phone number, and five, make that four hundred dollars, cash in advance.

A half hour later I was behind the wheel of my car, debating about starting it up or going back into Moe’s for a couple more aspirin when my phone rang
. I glanced at the number coming through like I always did and just like always couldn’t read the numbers.

“Haskell Investigations.”

There was a very long pause on the other end before a female voice sounding somewhat confused said,

“I think I must have the wrong number,” then hung up.

The phone rang again less than a minute later, I did my routine of looking at the incoming number, just like before I was unable to read the damn thing.

“Hello,” I said in what I thought passed for pleasant considering my hangover.

It was the same voice from a minute before, female, young sounding.

“Yeah, I’m calling for Devil.”

“That would be me, Devlin, actually,” annunciating the last syllable in my name.

“What do you need, baby?” sounding decidedly unimpressed with my attempt at correction.

“I need to speak with Kerri, actually. Is she available?”

“She can’t do nothing I can’t do better, honey
. You don’t need her, do you?” She hissed the word
nothing
, suggesting maybe there was a space between her teeth.

“Actually,
I do need to talk with her. Is she there or is there a number I can reach her at?”

“You a cop?”

“No, I’m not. But look, I’ll call the cops and give them this number unless you have Kerri call me in the next half hour. If I don’t hear from…” Whoever she was, she was so impressed she hung up.

I decided to venture home, grab some aspirin, maybe close my eyes for a few minutes
. My mood improved as I considered I could be sitting on the easiest four hundred dollars I ever made.

I had just put my feet up for the briefest of moments when my phone rang
. Yes, I looked at the number. No I still couldn’t read the damn thing.

“Haskell Investigations.”

“Oh, no wonder Da’nita thought you were with the police. Do you always answer like that?”

I recognized her voice immediately
. A hazy, torrid scene from the previous night replayed in my mind.

“Kerri?”

“Dev?”

“That’s me
.”

“Dev, I’m returning your call, remember
? You wanted to set an appointment. I think we should. No drinks please, at least not until we’re finished with the serious business,” she chuckled.

“You tell me where and when.”

“How about your office?”

“My office?” I swallowed, the throbbing in my head returned with a vengeance.

“Yes, that is okay, no?”

It would be okay if I had an office, so I dodged the question.

“No, I mean, look, I think I owe you at least dinner, after last night and all. You free this evening?”

“I can be.”

“Okay, tell you what. You know Malone’s?”

“It is a place on the corner, with the black awning.”

“Yeah, you got it. I’ll make reservations, say seven, seven-fifteen, no alcohol. At least not until we’re done discussing. Sound okay?”

“Yes.”

“Great. Oh, Kerri, can you bring some pictures of your sister? And I’ll need her address and, ahh, if you have a spare key to her place that would help too.”

“Maybe I should just bring her.”

“Hunh?”

“Joking, never mind
. I will see you at Malone’s.”

I was pretty sure I wouldn’t need a reservation, but phoned anyway.

“Yeah, I’d like a table for two at about seven tonight.”

“Not a problem, you won’t need a reservation.”

“Let me make one anyway, so I look important.”

“A reservation here is gonna make you look important
? Jesus.”

“See you at seven.”

Chapter
Three

I had a nap,
cleaned up a little, actually changed the sheets. Stole some flowers from the neighbor’s after I belatedly remembered I was supposed to water the garden while they were out of town. Showered, shaved, found a clean shirt, and some fairly clean black jeans. I topped it off with my black leather coat that a former girlfriend once described as making me look incredibly sleazy.

I was at Malone’s five minutes early and then waited twenty minutes nursing a Coke before Kerri arrived
. Malone’s is one of those restaurants with passable side dishes, great steaks, a nice bar, and no surprises. It was about half full, which seemed rather good for a Wednesday night in the midst of the Great Recession. As far as I was concerned it was a good steak place with a limited wine list and cheap drinks. Ambience was not its strong suit. The placemat was white paper sporting purple script that spelled out Malone’s and looked like it was designed by a fourteen-year-old girl serving detention after class.

I was seated in the back, close to the kitchen door, which pushed in or out, depending, and thumped loudly every time it swung closed
. So much for reservations.

Even the women sitting at tables cast an appraising eye for a brief moment when Kerri sauntered through the front door, stopped, and scanned the room
. She was wearing some sort of black stretch fabric pants that were indeed stretched, wonderfully. Sling back heels, dangerously high, clicked across the oak floor. Conversation halted as she strutted past.

She wore a black strappy T-shirt, emblazoned with stretched, bouncing white letters that proclaimed ‘St. Paul Girls Are Hot!’  I could only imagine the thing must have shrunk in the wash
. She smiled and nodded in my direction as she made her way to my table. Two waiters fought to pull her chair out, then lingered over her, fawning and leering down her top as she sat.

“Oh thank you, nothing for the moment,” she said, dismissing them before turning her attention to me.

I waited until the two were in full back pedal. Her perfume began to waft around the table before I spoke.

“Do you always have that effect?” I chuckled.

“Effect?” she seemed genuinely unaware.

“Nothing, nice to have the service I guess.
” I’d never seen a waiter pull a chair out for someone at Malone’s before.

“I guess you did not need a reservation?” she said looking at the handful of empty tables, then stared past my shoulder as the kitchen door thumped closed.

“That won’t do. Excuse me,” she smiled at the waiter hovering in the shallows of her perfume. “Is there another table we could have, please? This door banging will drive me cuckoo,” she smiled, her accent suddenly stronger. I thought she set her shoulders back ever so slightly, batted her eyes, and maybe added a slight bounce or two to her request.

“I can take care of that for you
. Is there a table you’d prefer?” he smiled down at her, then quickly stepped to the side to pull out her chair, hovering again to catch a glimpse as she bent forward. That was twice in the same night with the chair pulls.

“How about that one in the corner?” she said crinkling her eyes and grabbing his forearm.

“Not a problem, ma’am. Please, allow me,” leaping across the room.

“I don’t believe it,” I said once we were reseated and he’d danced off, attending to a table that had been attempting to get his attention for the past few minutes.

“What? I would have lost my mind with that door.”

“No, I mean the chairs pulled out for you
. The waiter fawning all over.”