Mrs. Kormel Is Not Normal! (5 page)

The bus turned a corner, and we saw the big sign—
ELLA MENTRY SCHOOL
.

“We're there yet!” announced Mrs. Kormel.

“Yippee!” yelled all the girls.

“Boo!” yelled all the boys.

Mrs. Kormel pulled the bus up to the curb, and Mr. Klutz came running over.

“Bingle boo!” he said. “What—”

But he never got the chance to finish his sentence because, at that moment, the weirdest thing in the history of the world happened.

Mrs. Kormel must have leaned against the magic
STOP
sign button by accident. Because the magic
STOP
sign on the side of the bus swung out at the exact same time as Mr. Klutz arrived. The
STOP
sign smacked
Mr. Klutz on the side of his bald head! He fell down! It was a real Kodak moment.

Those
STOP
signs are dangerous!

We all rushed off the bus to see if Mr. Klutz was okay. He stood up slowly. He looked like he'd been in a fight, or he'd drunk too much beer.

“W-what happened?” he asked.

“The
STOP
sign hit you in the head,” said Mrs. Kormel. “I'm so sorry.”

“No, I mean why were you so late?” asked Mr. Klutz.

Everybody started telling Mr. Klutz what happened.

“We had a flat tire!”

“We got kidnapped and drove to the North Pole!”

“We went to the nude kid's house!”

“A.J. threw a doll out the window!”

“Ryan ate his seat cushion!”

“We got lost in the rainforest!”

“We pushed the bus out of a ditch!”

“We had a funeral for Striker Smith's head!”

“Well, I'm just glad you're all safe!” said Mr. Klutz.

“Did we miss the big spelling test?” asked Andrea.

“Oh, your teacher Miss Daisy was out sick today,” said Mr. Klutz. “So your class had a substitute teacher named Ms. Todd. You'll have your spelling test tomorrow.”

“Yippee!” yelled all the girls.

“Boo!” yelled all the boys.

While we were yelling, the school bell rang. The front door opened, and kids started pouring out.

“It's three o'clock!” said Mr. Klutz. “Everybody back on the bus. It's time to go home.”

“Home?” said Andrea. “But we just
got
here!”

“Bix blattinger!” yelled Mrs. Kormel.

“Hey, wait a minute,” I said to Mr. Klutz. “Where's the nude kid?”

“Nude kid?” said Mr. Klutz. “What are you talking about, A.J.?”

“You know,” I said, “the kid we were going to pick up before we got lost.”

“Ohhhhh!” said Mr. Klutz. “You mean the
new
kid. He's not nude. He's
new
. Here he comes now.”

This kid came over to the bus. He looked pretty normal. He even had clothes on.

“What's your name?” Ryan asked him.

“Neil.”

“Really?” Michael asked.

“Yeah, my name is Neil Crouch.”

“Is that your
real
name?” I asked. “Neil Crouch?”

“Sure it is,” he said. “Why?”

“Well,” I explained, “if your name is Neil Crouch, that means you can kneel and crouch on the bus.”

“Why would anybody want to kneel or crouch on a bus?” asked Neil Crouch.

“Because we're not allowed to!” we all yelled.

Sheesh! The nude kid has a lot to learn about being a kid. He's weird. Me and
Michael and Ryan decided to keep calling Neil Crouch “the nude kid” even if he did wear clothes.

We all got back in the bus, and Mrs. Kormel pulled out of the driveway. Maybe she'll get us back home before we die of starvation. Maybe we'll find out what “bix blattinger” means. Maybe I'll talk my parents into getting me another Striker Smith action figure. Maybe Neil Crouch will learn how to be a kid. Maybe I'll pass the big spelling test tomorrow.

But it won't be easy!

Cover art © 2006 by Jim Paillot