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Authors: Danny Katz

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Mucked Up

BOOK: Mucked Up

Also by Danny Katz

First published in 2013

Copyright © Text, Danny Katz 2013
Copyright © Illustrations, Suren Perera 2013

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The
Australian Copyright Act 1968
(the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or ten per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to Copyright Agency Limited (CAL) under the Act.

Allen & Unwin
83 Alexander Street
Crows Nest NSW 2065
Phone:   (61 2) 8425 0100
Fax:        (61 2) 9906 2218
Email:    [email protected]

A Cataloguing-in-Publication entry is available from the National Library of Australia

ISBN 978 1 74237 925 8

eISBN 978 1 74269 793 2

Cover design by Lisa White
Cover photography (boy) by Lucien Alperstein, model: Justin Wolfers; (balloon) by Ryan McVay / Getty Images; (others) by iStockphoto
Cover and internal illustrations by Suren Perera
Text design by Simon Rattray / Squirt Creative
Set in 11.5/16.5 pt Warnock Pro Light by Simon Rattray / Squirt Creative

To Talia, who mucked up big-time


My School

9:22 a.m. First period: Yard Duty

9:44 a.m. Second period: I.T.

10:32 a.m. Recess

10:55 a.m. Third period: Science

11:50 a.m.Fourth period: Library

12:25 p.m. Lunch

1:35 p.m. Fifth period: Double Food Tech

2:22 p.m. E Block Corridor

About the Author

… and in through the gates I go. But these are not the normal gates I come through every day: normally I come in through the main quad gates with everyone else but these are the teachers’ carpark gates that you’re not supposed to use, they’re off-limits, could get me into trouble, like big trouble, but I don’t care, look at this, I’m doing it right now, look at me, just walking right in.

I’m in.

No one round. Okay, going in further, walking …

By the way, this is not the normal way I walk into school every day either. Like normally I just walk with my feet in a normal walking-person way, you know, just one foot taking a step then the other foot taking a step, then the first foot taking another step, then the other foot, moving along like that. But today I am doing little fast walks, like scared walks, my head a bit bent down, looking round all scared-like. Doing a snawk, which is a sneak and a walk put together.

Snawking into school.

snawk snawk


And this is not the normal time I come to school every day. Normally I’m here at 8:40, plenty of time to get over to the bench beside the bin behind the canteen and meet up with the rest of the SCUMmers before bell – Ravo and Jack S and Bris and Jarrell (stupid suckhead Jarrell, hate her). But this is really late for me, it’s yeah look—

—just a couple of mins before bell, left it as late as possible because I’m not going to the bench beside the bin behind the canteen to see anyone from SCUM, I just want to get to the tanbark path, run round to Science Block and run into Admin Block without getting seen by—



Thought I heard something.

Nah, nothing.

And this is not the normal feeling of fear I have every day when I come to school. Normally I’ve just got the usual scaredness that Cody Carruthers is going to call me a homo or come up behind me and give me a sack-tap where he slaps me in the sack with his hand. For someone who calls me a homo so much, he sure likes to spend a lot of time around my sack.

But anyway, today I’ve got maxi-fear, this is Maxi-Burger-’N’-Fries Super-Meal-Deal fear. With a jumbo Coke.

Snawk faster …

Teachers’ Carpark has got lots of cars parked in rows so I duck down behind a car to catch my breath because my lungs are going huff huffffff and my guts are flipping round like mad.

This is Mrs Contogeorge’s blue Barina. She’s the drama teacher and her car is like her: small and remodelled, with a bad smoking problem.

No one round.

Snawk to the next row of cars and hide down behind Bitchface Fruehling’s four-wheel drive. She’s the assistant principal of the school and she’s a real bitchface. Nobody likes her, but she’s in charge of the school because the principal is overseas on some study tour thing (the principal is always away on a study tour thing. I’ve been at this school for three years and I don’t think anyone’s ever seen the principal). Anyway, Frueling is the boss of the school for the moment and this four-wheel drive is just like her: big and scary with poppy-outty headlights like Fruehling’s eyes that are always popping out of her sockets when she gets mad.

Peek round the back of the Bitchface-mobile. All clear.

I’m snawk-rawking now. It’s a kind of sneak-run-walking combo and I’m going past Mr Whooten’s ute (just like Whooten the P.E. teacher, old, dented and white) and past Mrs Duckworth’s VW Beetle (just like Duckworth, my history teacher, kind of a fake-orange with a funny sticky-out arse). Past Mr Bartle the Pedo’s old rusty car that is still parked on the side after he got taken away by the cops for the toilet-web-perving biz last year (just like Bartle the Pedo, dangerous and off-limits to kids).

Past Mr Pooks’ lie-down bike chained to the fence. It’s a douchey-looking bicycle that you have to lie on your back to ride and it’s a bit like Pooksy the I.T. teacher – massively lame and massively losery.

Even has a red flag that sticks up at the back cos he’s so proud of his lame losery lie-down bike and he wants everyone to—


Someone said that. Who said that?

Kelsie, over here!

Flarping hell, duck down somewhere. Where? There’re no cars here to duck down behind.

I am on the ground hiding behind Pooksy’s lie-down bike. It is stupid to hide behind a bike because bikes are see-through, you can see right—

Wait on, Sabrina!

Four or five of them coming over to the taps on the other side of the carpark. They are blue with white hats.

Hurry, Kelsie!

Don’t move, Zurb, try to look like a piece of the bike and they won’t see you. Do not move, do not breathe. Ahhhhh my guts are flipping like mad.

Put some blue in it /
Hurry up!

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