Read Murder at Breakfast Online
Authors: Steve Demaree
Tags: #Literature & Fiction, #Humor & Satire, #Humorous, #Mystery; Thriller & Suspense, #Mystery, #Cozy, #General Humor
“Have
you solved the case yet, Cy?”
“I
was about to, but then I had to get up to answer the phone.”
“I
doubt if you got up. Knowing you, the phone is right next to where you were
sitting.”
“How
did you know that? You don’t by any chance have a surveillance camera in this
apartment, do you?”
“No,
all the incriminating video of you I found on YouTube. I can always arrange to
put one in, in case the murderer returns to the scene of the crime, or you want
me to know how busy you are.”
“Actually,
Sam, we’re not sure where the crime was committed, other than it was committed
somewhere in this building. Anyway, what do you want? Did that woman call you
back?”
“She
did, Cy, and if she is to be believed you have one less suspect.”
“No,
I don’t, Sam. Not unless another one of the people here has been murdered and
Lou and I don’t know about it yet.”
“Okay,
let me rephrase what I said. According to Carolyn Jones, the woman who was
Cindy Bradshaw’s best friend growing up, Cindy died twelve years ago. I
asked her if she was there when Cindy died, and she said that Cindy died
somewhere else and her body was shipped back for burial. I asked her where she
is buried and she gave me the name of a cemetery. I called, and there is a
grave and a tombstone with the name Cindy Bradshaw on it. We can try to dig it
up to see if there is a body in that grave if you want to, but it might be
difficult to get a court order to do that. But, as you know, most of the time a
tombstone with someone’s name on it means that he or she is resting underneath.
Usually a woman who wants her money right away is not willing to wait another
twelve years to get it.”
“So,
does this mean that everyone gets double the amount listed in the will?”
“Not
yet. They still have to go through the process to see if Cindy Bradshaw
appears. Do any of your suspects appear to be around that age?”
I
thought for a moment before I answered. Wally Gentry is around that age, but I
couldn’t see him as a niece, so I thought of the only person on the premises
who fit the profile.
“One.
Ginny Adams. But she seems the least likely of all my suspects. Supposedly, she
only knew the woman to recognize her, and I can’t see how she had the
opportunity to do it.”
“That
settles it, Cy. Ginny Adams is your man. I mean your woman.”
“I’m
not interested in a woman, Sam. But I would like to find a murderer. Do you
suggest I slap the cuffs on her and bring her in?”
“No,
wait a little while, Cy. If you solve this thing too quickly you’ll have to go
back to what you do best. Nothing. Oh, I never answered the question you asked
a few minutes ago. Since I am an intelligent policeman and I have a great deal
of knowledge about you, I looked at the evidence and realized that it would be
impossible for you to answer the phone on less than twelve rings unless you
were seated next to it. My guess is that it sets on a table right next to the
pillow where your head was resting.”
Like
I’ve always said, Sam is good at what he does. I just happen to like it better
if his comments aren’t about me.
I
didn’t want us to be the last ones down for lunch, so at 11:25 I motioned to Lou and the two of us locked the apartment and headed for the elevator. As soon
as the elevator door opened on the first floor my nose told me which direction
to go.
Lou
and I entered the dining room, found out we had our choice of chairs. The cook
seemed a little frightened when she entered the dining room and ran into two of
Hilldale’s finest.
“I
won’t be serving for a few more minutes. You’ll have to excuse me. Some of the
food is still cooking.”
I
smiled and nodded. After she left the room I turned to Lou.
“Oh
by the way, you didn’t happen to find out what we’re having, did you?”
“She
did say something about tofu burgers and hummus.”
I
felt like sending Lou’s chair on a quick route to the floor, but wondered if
doing so would deprive me of lunch. I didn’t want to have to stand in the
corner and watch everyone else eat.
I
looked at my watch. Only two minutes until lunch, if the cook served it on
time. I looked up and saw Elaine Jewell enter the dining room. I smiled as she
took a seat at the other end of the table.
“So,
you two gentlemen are still here. If you don’t mind my asking, what do you do
all day? Sift through clues? I noticed you’ve been hanging out in Katherine
Higgins’ apartment.”
“Yes,
it is always better to start at the scene of the crime.”
“How
long does the start last? You’ve been there several days. What is it you’re
doing over there?”
“Well,
that’s confidential.”
“I
understand. I take a nap, too. It refreshes me, helps me get through the day.”
I
looked up, grateful for the cook’s interruption, but sorry to hear what she was
about to say.
“Gentlemen,
this is your first time here, so you don’t know the rules, but here, we say
‘ladies first.’ I hope you don’t mind.”
I
figured if I told her the truth I might be skipped altogether, so I refrained.
But there was only one woman. How long could that take? At least I would get to
hear the choices and have a few seconds to make up my mind.
“I’ll
go get your food, Miss Jewell.”
Evidently,
the cook already knew what this woman wanted to eat. That made me nervous. I
turned to Lou and whispered.
“Are
you sure we didn’t have to turn in our selections in advance?”
He
just looked at me and smiled. I looked at him as if to say, “If you filled out
a card for me with those things you eat circled, I’ll feed you to my next-door
neighbor.”
Just
as the cook returned with a plate for the woman at the other end of the table,
two other women came in. I felt like taking out some candy and eating it. I
almost did, when Hilda Winters came in. Then, I realized that if all of these
women got served before the staff showed up to eat, Lou and I would be served
next. I made a mental note to have Lou hold the women in the elevator at supper
until I had been served. It wouldn’t matter to him. He had given up food for
longer than Lent.
A
fortnight or two later, the cook ambled down to our end of the table and gave
us a look at the possibilities. Meatloaf, pork loin, or fried chicken. She’d
underlined the part that said “Pick One.” I chose meatloaf. For vegetables we
could pick two. I wanted to ask if I could switch the “Pick One” and “Pick Two”
categories, but was afraid God would release twenty more females who would be
served first. There were five vegetables to pick from; mashed potatoes with
gravy, macaroni and cheese, peas, carrots, and a fifth which wasn’t even a
vegetable, Jell-O, with fruit. I started shaking when I didn’t see a category
with desserts, then realized that my fat fingers were covering them. What a
relief it was when I found out that the desserts were real, not Jell-O, and not
yogurt. Pecan pie, peach pie, and chocolate cake. This time a bolder pencil was
used to underline the “Pick One.”
Russell
Cochran arrived while Martha was off getting my food and whatever you want to
call what Lou ordered. The women made a fuss over Russell. He sat next to us,
asked us if we were making any progress. I told him I would be as soon as the
cook brought my lunch. He laughed. So did one or two of the women.
I
had only a minute amount of strength left when she returned with my food. The
good news was that it was filled to the sides with meatloaf, mashed potatoes
with gravy, and macaroni and cheese. The bad news was that I couldn’t help but
see what Lou ordered; pork loin, carrots, and Jell-O with fruit. We were told
that we would get our dessert after we finished the main course. It was almost
enough to take me back to my days of parochial school. Probably the only thing
that kept me from doing so is that I never attended parochial school.
I
dug in, careful not to offend any of the old biddies at the table. Somehow none
of them reminded me of Rosie. I almost cried as I thought of her, wondered how
the Blue Moon was going to be able to stay afloat without Lou and me for one
day. Well, without me. The Blue Moon had been doing without Lou ever since he
got that blasted Wii. I would apologize to Rosie later, and make up for it by
ordering a little extra food. Maybe a third piece of pie?
I
might have been the last one served, but I was the first one through. I looked
up, just in case the cook would appear and ask if anyone wanted seconds. She
appeared, but she took my plate instead. At least she brought me a piece of
pecan pie. I wanted to ask if she had any chocolate ice cream, but I behaved
myself.
Eventually,
everyone left. Lou and I had talked about him leaving at the same time that
half of the suspects left. He was fine with that. I could see Lou trapped in
the back of the elevator with all those women messing up his hair.
I
decided to take advantage of the few minutes I had before those who worked at
Parkway Arms dropped by to gather enough strength to get through the rest of
the day. I didn’t want to lose out, so I walked into the kitchen. I
complimented Martha on her cooking, told her I knew why everyone wanted to move
to Parkway Arms. She saw right through me, asked me what I wanted.
“I’m
glad you asked. I was afraid you didn’t realize that I’m going to eat with the
staff, too.”
“I
figured that out when you didn’t leave until you scraped all the food out of
the warming trays at breakfast.”
“Was
I that bad?”
She
laughed.
“No,
but I can see now how you’ve acquired such a circumference.”
I
wanted to give God some of the credit for my fine physique, but I wasn’t sure
He wanted it.
“So,
hotshot detective, what do you want for your second lunch?”
“Oh,
the same as the first, except that I’ll substitute fried chicken for the
meatloaf. Oh, and by the way, when we get to the pecan pie, would you happen to
have any chocolate ice cream to go on top?”
“I’ll
see what I can do. Now, skedaddle, so I can get ready for the rest of your
suspects.”
The
woman was feeling more comfortable around me. Did that mean she was innocent,
or did she think she had hoodwinked me?
+++
I’d
just finished my second lunch and was about to waddle back to Mrs. Higgins’ apartment
when Margaret Draper stepped out of her office and motioned for me. She didn’t
say anything until we were both in the office with the door closed.
“Lieutenant,
I doubt if this is important, but I just thought of something about the day
Kate was murdered. Remember I told you that I went to Kate’s apartment to see
if I could rouse her? Well, I got off the elevator and walked by the computer
room on the way to Kate’s apartment, and Wally Gentry was in there printing
something. He looked kind of embarrassed when he looked up and saw me. I don’t
know how that fits in, if it does, but I thought I’d better tell you. Oh, and,
Lieutenant, we haven’t had any murders here before. Would you have any idea how
much longer you’ll be using the apartment? The owners want to know. Naturally,
they’ll want to rent it as soon as possible.”
“I’m
not sure exactly. I don’t anticipate eating here any other days, although I’m
not ruling that out. We’re trying to get a feel for the routine the victim went
through, and everyone else’s routine, too. I don’t anticipate that we’ll need
the apartment more than another week or so. Maybe less if someone confesses.”
I
could tell by the look on the woman’s face that I wasn’t the highlight of her
day. Still, Lou and I had jobs to do. Murder investigations are an
inconvenience to us, so I don’t mind inconveniencing someone else every now and
then if it will help make our corner of the world a little safer.
I
thanked the manager and left. I dismissed the last part of our conversation and
thought back to the reason she stopped me. So, the handyman was printing
something in the computer room. I wondered what it was. There was no suicide
note, so that couldn’t have been it. More than likely it had nothing to do with
the murder. Of course I had only the manager’s word that the building
superintendent was in the computer room printing something. Was it possible
that the manager was trying to divert my suspicions? Of course, at that point I
didn’t suspect any person more than anyone else. Well, I had pretty much
eliminated Lou from my suspect list. I didn’t think he had the energy to do it.
Besides, I think at the time the woman was murdered Lou was with me. Would I be
willing to give Lou an alibi? I might, but then I might insist that Lou sell
his Wii at a yard sale, preferably to someone who lives out of town. I wouldn’t
want it to end up in the hands of someone else I know.
I
had secured a second key to Mrs. Higgins apartment from Margaret Draper. I
returned from my feast downstairs and quietly unlocked the front door of the
apartment. I was appalled by what I saw. Lou stood in the middle of the living
room floor wearing nothing but boxer shorts and a T-shirt, but that was not
what bothered me the most. Somehow Lou had had time to drive back to his
apartment, unhook his Wii, bring it back to the victim’s apartment, hook it up,
and start exercising.
I
shut the door quickly, and as loudly as I could, without causing a commotion
throughout all the apartment building. The only way I could tell that it
affected him was that he made a misstep, after he realized who had broken and
entered. He didn’t bother to stop until he had completed the exercise he was
doing, which was one of those step exercises.
“Oh,
hi, Cy.”
“Don’t
‘hi, Cy,’ me. Wouldn’t you call whatever you’re doing unbecoming of a police
officer on the job?”
“I
agree that all this is making me less of an officer, but I’m looking at the big
picture. I’m looking at maybe sometime my lesser girth will allow me to snatch
a murderer by the heel, a murderer I might have flailed at and missed a couple
of months ago.”
“And
I assume that you thought about the case all the way back to your place, and
even when you were unhooking that thing, and all the way back over here?”
“It’s
not like that at all, Cy. That nice woman in the apartment across the hall had
heard about my Wiiing and asked me if I’d like to borrow hers while we’re here.
I thought I could be Wiiing while you ate your second lunch.”
“I
didn’t eat a second lunch. I merely paused between the first and second courses
of my only lunch. But let’s don’t change the subject. Surely, you haven’t Wiied
in front of this woman dressed like that?”
“Oh,
no, Cy. She hasn’t even been in this apartment. I couldn’t let her in, it being
the crime scene and all. And I promised to take good care of her Wii. The only
reason I took off my cop clothes is because sometimes I work up a sweat when I
Wii.”
“Lou,
turn that thing off, get dressed, and let’s get back to the case. You’re
supposed to be playing the part of the deceased.”
“You
have any ideas, Cy?”
“I
think we need to sit down, let our food settle, and mull over the possibilities
on how the woman was murdered.”
I
don’t like to brag on myself often, but I’m a great muller. As long as I have a
comfy chair and a adequate supply of candy, I can mull with the best of them.
It hadn’t been that long since I had eaten lunch, so I could mull for a few
minutes before depleting my stash of candy. Candy. Could it be that the victim
ate a mint or a piece of candy after breakfast? I looked around for a candy
dish, saw none. Frank didn’t say anything about taking a candy dish. Just
toothpaste, a toothbrush, and a piece of cheesecake. And none of them contained
poison. So, what were we overlooking?”
A
few minutes later, I turned to Lou. He knew it was time to talk.
“What
do you think, Cy?”
That
was twice he’d asked me that. Usually I ask him first.
“I
think I’m through mulling.”
“Does
that mean we’re ready to make an arrest?”
“It
does, but I prefer to wait until I’ve got the right person. So far God hasn’t
given me the name of that person. Lou, something tells me that either there’s
something missing that should be here, or there’s something here that shouldn’t
be. Let’s take our time. We need to stand back, see if anything looks different
than it should. It’ll be easier to see something that shouldn’t be here, so we
need to look closely at every part of this apartment, see if anything seems to
be missing. We need to check everywhere. You take the living room and the
closets. I’ll tackle the bathroom and the bedroom. Remember to look everywhere.
Some people are sneaky enough to hide something underneath the trash bag, not
at the bottom of it. Then, they can remove it later. Check the couch cushions,
anything else you can think of. Even the freezer and the microwave. And see if
anything’s taped to the inside of any of the lamp shades. Everything.”
Lou
and I got to work. The lab boys took all the trash bags that had anything in
them. I remembered that the maid cleaned on Thursday, so I doubted if any of
those bags contained much of anything on Friday. I’m sure if they did, Frank
would have told me.
I
started with the bathroom, even looked in the commode tank. Most people look to
see if something is flushed down the commode, but forget to see if anything is
hidden in the tank. I put down the lid to the seat, lifted the top off the
tank. There was nothing inside except water. There was nothing in the bathroom
closet, either. I pulled everything out and searched. I looked in the shower.
Janet Leigh wasn’t there. Neither was anything else that shouldn’t have been.
Just a bar of soap and a bottle of shampoo. I even checked to see if anything
was taped between the side of the bathtub and the shower curtain. I checked
each of the drawers and under the sink. I couldn’t tell if anything was
missing, and nothing seemed to be there that shouldn’t have been.
I
finished in the bathroom, headed to the bedroom. I opened each of the dresser
drawers, saw nothing unusual. After I finished looking through them, I tackled
the chest. Again a big zero.
I
knelt down, looked under the bed, saw a pair of house slippers, but nothing
else. Not even any dust bunnies. The maid had definitely done a thorough job of
cleaning. I lifted up the mattress, looked underneath. I called Lou and the two
of us flipped over the box springs. Again nothing. I sent him back to the
living room, while I took everything out of the closet, looked through
everything, and put all of it back. By the time I got through, I figured we had
done nothing but waste most of an afternoon. At least that was my opinion. I
had yet to check with Lou. I returned to the living room just as Lou was
lowering one of the windows. He had given the living room a thorough going
over. He too came up with nothing.
I
didn’t know why, but I felt like the place needed guarding again. I called
George to see if he could spare a couple of officers. He said he would send a
couple of men out. Lou and I went downstairs and out the front door to meet
them, explain to them what we wanted, then headed back up to the victim’s
apartment.