Murder in Gatlinburg (6 page)

I heard one of them say,
"He's cute, and I think he has a friend. You can have his friend."

I struggled to my feet
and hoped that everyone else on board was occupied elsewhere. Their smiles told
me they were ready for a group picture. Behind me I heard someone coming up the
steps into the bus, so I headed back to my seat, aided by a push in the back by
Miss Friendly. As I passed a grinning Lou, I muttered, "I'm going to check
out the restroom."

"You might want to
knock first."

I did and heard no noise
from inside. I opened the door, and God was with me, because no one else was. I
stepped inside to recompose myself. While I was in the midst of this, the bus
lurched, and we were on our way, but I had more recomposing to do.

I gave everyone a couple
of minutes to occupy their minds elsewhere. I was about to step out when I
heard a knock down low on the door. I opened the door a crack, and saw the
little boy standing there, moving from one foot to the other.

"Mister, are you
about through? I gotta go."

I stepped out and around
him and saw that most of my fellow passengers' minds weren't occupied
elsewhere. They appeared to be friendlier than I was at that moment. They
grinned at me. Lou too was a little friendlier when I reclaimed my seat than I
had hoped he would be. He turned to me and uttered only one word.

"Well?"

"Six victims so
far. A couple appeared to have been poisoned. Two were stabbed and had bled all
over the seat. The bus will have to be disinfected. One passenger died from a
gunshot to the head. One had a rope around his neck. It had been pulled pretty
tight. His color wasn't good, and his tongue was sticking out of his mouth at
an odd angle. And one guy had a woman in handcuffs."

"Really? From what
I could see from my obstructed view seat, it looked like you were the only victim."

"I guess you had to
be closer to the action to see all that went down."

"Evidently."

"So, Lou, what do
you think the message means?"

"So far my vote is for
your taking no more vacations."

"Or at least go
with a different crowd next time. At least I didn't see anyone that we'd put
away over the years. Of course the light wasn't all that good. What was our
other possibility?"

"That the bus
driver was retiring."

"I can't say that I
think he's shy or retiring. Just that he doesn't talk much. Maybe his last job
was as an engineer. Or maybe a mime."

"I think your next
one needs to be as a mime."

I tuned out Lou and
gathered my thoughts. I hit myself on the forehead with the palm of my hand.

"I don't remember
seeing any mime do that."

"Me, either. But I
just remembered that I failed to linger long enough to check out the last
passenger. Maybe the murderer arrived last so she wouldn't be considered a suspect."

"Or first, to have
been forgotten."

"That's it. The bus
driver is the murderer, and he will come back through the bus murdering people
one seat at a time. Has that kid come out of the mini-restroom yet? If so, I believe
I'll wait in the restroom cubicle until the murdering is over."

Lou didn't answer, so I
considered it a good time to begin my mime impersonation. Or at least remember
that I too had the right to remain silent, and sometimes I did my best thinking
when I wasn't talking. I shook my head to get the cobwebs out, then focused in
on the last passenger to board the bus. I didn't pay any attention to where she
sat, but I was pretty sure she didn't pass our seats. If so, she did so while I
was in the restroom. I just knew that if I got up again, Earl might throw me
off the bus, and I'd miss my free vacation. Besides, I doubted if anyone
planned to murder someone else while we were cruising down the road. Lou spoke
and interrupted my thoughts.    

"I see you made
some new friends."

"I assume you mean
the two women whose laps Miss Friendly pushed me into."

"From my seat it
looked like you dived toward them willingly."

"Well, you did
mention that you had an obstructed-view seat, But yeah, a couple of friendlier
ones said they'd like to get to know you."

"I can understand
that. Women find me quite charming. And it looks like they've already gotten to
know you. I think you still have a few hairs out of place."

"Let's change the
subject."

"Okay, did you find
any dead bodies on your trip to the front?"

"I thought we'd
already covered that."

"We did. I'm giving
you a second chance to come clean. There were too many victims the first
time."

"One, Miss
Friendly, appeared to be dead until she did her Lazarus routine. I don't keep
up with current events, but I think she's the wrestling champion of her nursing
home."

"Cy, I think she's
only a few years older than we are. Maybe she'll warm up once you get to know
her."

"I don't plan to
get to know her, so you can have her. You should have been the one to go up and
meet her. After all, you're the one who got the message. And if you get any
more messages, don't bother to share them with me."

As I said that, I
received my third message from George. He asked me if we'd solved the murder
yet, or if we needed him to come and solve it for us, like usual. I was glad
that Lou forgot to get up and snap a picture of me during my dilemma. If so, it
would be trending right now. But who am I to say? I'm not sure what trending
means, but I think it means popular at the moment. You have to remember. I'm
still a babe in the world of technology. I still have much to learn.

I didn't have long to chuckle
over George's text, because I received one from someone else. This one was from
Heather, telling us how much she missed us, and that no one had been murdered
in Hilldale since we left town yesterday. It looked like all the murders, and
maybe all the  murderers were following us, only we weren't sure who they were
yet. We hadn't even been able to identify the victim. Either no one had
murdered anyone yet, or the victim wasn't on the bus. Maybe when Lou and I
check in at the place where we're staying there will be a body in his room or
mine. If so, I hope it's his room. After all, God gave him the message.

+++

I turned and looked out
the window. From what I could tell, our fellow passengers had forgotten my faux
pas. The bus  had turned onto I-75 and headed south, past all the Lexington exits. I wondered if my life too was headed south, considering that working for the
police department and solving murders was all I knew. I doubted if anyone would
pay me to solve murders in mystery novels for them.

I quit thinking about
the few things I had done with my life and thought about all the things I
hadn't done. That list was more extensive. I hadn't remarried after Eunice
died, never even dated seriously. Until now, I had never gone on a vacation.
The first few years it didn't seem right that I should have fun without Eunice,
and after that I never thought about taking a vacation. Even as a kid I didn't
do what other boys did. I never learned how to swim. Never played baseball.
Never wanted a bike. At least I had a friend in Lou. He never did any of those
things, either. Maybe Lou and I were born too soon. I could see myself sitting
around texting all day, as long as I had learned how to text, like all of the
other kids. At least, I assume that every kid today knows how to do that.

I must have felt sorry
for myself longer than I thought, because I looked up and there were hills on
both sides of us. I looked at them for a while, and watched the cars that
passed us. One thing about riding on a bus is that you are high enough that you
can look down and see if the woman in the passenger seat has a nice pair of
legs. I must have tired of that easily because I dozed off. The next thing I
knew someone was shaking me. Luckily it was Lou and not one of the three women
I'd encountered earlier.

"Hey, Cy, we're in Tennessee. We're at the Welcome Center. Let's get off and stretch our legs."

It took me a few minutes
to get my legs to cooperate, but soon I was up and walking. To make sure that
one leg didn't go limp on me I clutched each seat as I passed it. Unless the
murderer was hiding in the bus's restroom cubicle, we were the last two off the
bus. Well, the last two except for the driver. He got off behind us and shut
the door. He looked around, checked out each new vehicle that pulled in, like
he was afraid someone was coming to shoot him. I noticed that several people in
our crowd looked like someone who was trying to go cold turkey and give up
smoking or drinking. Some of them looked as nervous as a nudist trying to crawl
through a barbed wire fence. I wondered how many of them had murdered someone,
or was about to.

Other than stretching
our legs, there were three things my fellow passengers and I could do at the Welcome Center. Some headed to the restrooms, which were at least one step up from the
cramped one on the bus. At least there were more seats, but I wouldn't
recommend the stalls in the men's restroom to anyone suffering from
claustrophobia. They were so small you had to back in or back out. Except for
the one marked "handicapped."

Others from our group headed
to check out all the pamphlets that gave us suggestions on what to do while in Tennessee. There were well over one hundred of them. Suggestions, that is. It looked like
everyone who was trying to make money had a pamphlet there, hoping we would
choose their place as an attraction where we would spend our money. We had an
itinerary of what we would do in Tennessee, but we would have some free time,
so Lou and I decided to look for pamphlets we didn't already have, and ones
that were in either Gatlinburg or Pigeon Forge, the two towns we would visit
while we were there. I selected a few that I would use for reading material
until we arrived at our first stop.

Lou told me the bus
driver said we had fifteen minutes to do whatever we had to do, and as we finished
perusing the pamphlets from all the places that wanted some of our money, my
stomach growled. I remembered that we hadn't eaten, so I headed for the vending
machines to get something to eat and drink. I hoped that when I bit into
something it didn't taste like it was just past stale. I didn't remember ever
seeing someone restocking the machines at rest stops, but when you don't travel
you don't see a lot of rest stops. I wanted just a little something to eat and
drink. Just something to hold me over until we arrived at the Applewood
Farmhouse, the restaurant in Sevierville where we would eat our late breakfast.

I should have gone to
get my nourishment first. The two middle-aged women on whom I'd done my lap
dance were getting their sustenance, too. There were other people around, so
the two women didn't jump me. They merely grinned and waved goodbye as they
walked away.

I was observant as we
walked around. I saw no blood coming from any restroom stall, no bloody
handprints on any of the pamphlets, and nothing out of the ordinary while I
checked out the possibilities at the vending machines. Of course I didn't check
out the women's restroom. I recommended it to Lou, but he refrained. Still, I
told Lou I wanted to be one of the last ones to get back on the bus, so we could
see if we lost any of our new friends at the rest stop.

As we approached the
bus, I noticed the driver counting people as each one got on the bus. He
appeared to be counting noses, or counting legs and dividing by two. I noticed
that Miss Friendly rushed by him, and he stepped back as she approached. As Lou
and I got on the bus, I did a recount, just to make sure everyone was there. I
didn't bother to check the bus's restroom, because it looked like just as many
seats were occupied as before. I sat down and turned to Lou, whispered to him.

"You didn't see
anyone you didn't recognize, did you?"

"A few."

"On the bus?"

"No, in the
restroom. I didn't bother to introduce myself. As you know, restrooms are one
of the worst places to make new friends. I saw some unfamiliar faces while I
was out and about, too, but I knew we didn't have enough time to make new
friends. The young couple walking the dachshund did seem nice, though. I smiled
and nodded to them while you were flirting with those two women in our
group."

Lou was having too much
fun at my expense. I wondered what I could do to get even.  

I looked up as the bus
was pulling out and saw a man with a limp, hurrying to his car. It looked like
the same man I had seen back at the motel. Could he be following us? Maybe he
was the one who had the bus driver or Miss Friendly all nervous. I tried to
snap a picture of him. I got a good picture of a section of the parking lot and
the part of the bus that separates the windows. Lou saw me looking at it. He
smiled and suggested that I send it to George, to let him know that I'd used
the phone's camera. He knew George would be pleased. I checked my pockets to
see if I'd brought any arsenic to stir in a cup of coffee for Lou.