My Dead World (19 page)

Her voice was hoarse, it was obvious she was locked in a stare with the infected.

“Lisa.” I inched my way to her. “Come on. You’re sick. Let’s go back in.”

“I’m sorry, Niles,” she said weakly. “I’m sorry. It’s all too much. Tell your dad I’m sorry.”

“Lisa, what are you talking about?” Another step closer and I saw it. Even though it was dark, enough light bounced off the spotlight to allow me to see she held a pistol in her hand.

Immediately, I filled with a panic that caused my whole body to get hot.

“I’m sorry.” She lifted the gun.

I dove for her. “Lisa, No!”

“I’m sorry.”

Bang.

In the split second I had to think, I hoped with everything I had that she shot the straggler.

She didn’t.

Her hand dropped and with a sense of peacefulness she fell over to the side.

I wanted to scream. Internally I was freaking out. No sound emerged from my mouth. I felt it there, the cry out crawled up my chest but when it projected from my mouth, it was silent.

Cade grabbed on to me, but I broke from his hold, flew to Lisa and dropped to the ground.

My knees squished into the bloody grass by her head, and I grabbed for her.

“Don’t touch her,” Cade begged. “Please.”

Lost in that moment, I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t believe what I had just witnessed. A sudden calm swept over me as my hands hovered over Lisa, and I glanced over my shoulder to Cade. “Go get my father.”

I didn’t expect my father to rush out. A shot fired at a straggler was a nightly occurrence. The sound of it was jolting but not alarming, not anymore. I also didn’t expect my father’s reaction.

I imagined Cade went into the house conveyed that we had a situation without saying what it was. As they walked toward the fence, Cade probably told him what happened.

My father said nothing at first. He stood behind me and I could hear his heavy breathing.

“Get up Niles, go get clean. You don’t need the girls to see you like this.” His words were eerily calm. “Get cleaned up and go back to the house.”

I actually worried for a second that he was going to take his own life.

“Cade,” my father said. “Do you mind going with the girls?’

“No.”

“I need a moment or two.”

I stood and backed up some, watching my father stare down at Lisa. He didn’t move. I had nearly made it back to the cabin when I saw my father display his emotions, but not in the way I would have thought. He walked to the fence and to the straggler standing there. He pulled the spike from the straggler’s chest, then after a moment of looking at him, my father drove that spike full force into the straggler’s face.

Once the straggler dropped, so did my father. He lowered himself to the ground next to Lisa’s body. I walked to the back of the cabin to wash up and give my father his privacy.

Not wanting to alert the girls, I did everything quietly. I felt the water heater, it was warm to the touch, even though the logs had been extinguished. I filled half a pail with warm water and took it to the shower stall.

It was when I grabbed a towel off the line, that I saw Edi.

“I was going to ask if everything is all right.” She said. “Looking at you, I am going to guess it isn’t.”

“Lisa … Lisa took her life.” I said.

Edi inhaled deeply through her nostrils as she leaned back her head. “I did not expect to hear that.”

“Neither did I.”

“I’m very sorry,” she said. “Do you need anything?”

“No. But thank you.”

“I’ll be by in the morning. And … don’t let the girls see you.”

I hadn’t planned on it. But it was just a little blood on my knees. Out of politeness I nodded and thanked her. After she walked back to her trailer, holding the towel I went to the shower stall. I was going to rinse off. I’d use the water in the pail to soap a rag and wash, then dump the remaining water into the shower reservoir and get a good minute of rinsing.

I lit the battery powered light and when I did, I caught my reflection in my father’s shaving mirror that hung on the outside of the wooden shower room.

My face was completely splattered with blood. I looked down. It wasn’t just my knees, it was my arms and shirt as well. Then it hit me. I was inches away from Lisa when she shot herself. Those small, thick particles were more than just her blood.

I freaked out and immediately began to pull off my clothing. I poured the water into the reservoir and refilled it. I would need more than a thirty second rinse.

After tossing my clothes to the side, I put the towel over the shower stall door and released the pressure valve. I frantically flicked my hands over my body to aid in the rinsing. Then I shut off the valve and began to lather up.

I heard the back door open, and didn’t think anything of it until Cade called my name.

“Niles, I was …whoa I’m sorry.” He spun away.

“It’s okay.” I scrubbed. “I needed to get washed off. I didn’t realize I was this bad.”

Cade has his back to me. “That’s why I came out. I wanted to know if you wanted me to grab you fresh clothes.”

“Could you? Thank you. The dresser by my bed has my clothes. Top drawer is underwear. The others have tee shirts and shorts.”

“I’ll get them.”

“How are the girls?”

“They’re sleeping.”

“Cade? Before you go, can you get some more water and put it in the pail? I think I need a second wash. Please.”

Cade obliged and filled another pail.  While he fetched my clothes, I hurried and washed. I didn’t think about anything else but getting clean at that moment. Thinking in the shower wasted water. Besides, nothing that went through my mind would change what happened.

I washed off the blood but I couldn’t wash away the memories of what I saw.

He waited on the back porch while I dressed. I asked if my father had come back in and he said no.

I wanted to go check on my father, but I left him be. He had just lost his wife.

Cade offered me a drink, and I downed it.

“I have no words for what happened.”

“Why would she do that, Cade?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t.”

“We need to go check on Hannah. She’s probably wondering what happened to Lisa.”

Cade agreed.

Before going to the RV, I peeked in and checked on my girls. They were both sleeping on the couch. One on each end and they shared a single blanket.

Lev was standing on the RV when we got there. He looked down at us. “Nila, you all right?”

“I will be.”

“Can you check on my father for me?”

“Absolutely,” I said, grabbed mask and opened the door.

There was a hint of a smell when we walked in. It wasn’t overwhelming and didn’t call too much of my attention to it.

Boswick was right there as soon as we entered. He was sleeping on his side. One arm draped over his body. The room was lit by a single nightlight. But even in that light, I could tell he looked worse.

I walked over to check on him and he opened his eyes.

“I’m still alive,” he said.

“I know.”

“What’s going on? It’s been quiet.”

“Nothing,” I said. “Go back to sleep.”

He folded his arms to his body and I covered him with a blanket. The light was on in the back room and we headed that way.

At the door, that was when the smell turned into a warning sign.

The bloody vomit had a putrid odor, a sour smell of throw up mixed with the rotten smell of bad food in the fridge. At the doorway it was strong.

I had to take a moment and exhaled through my nostrils to push out the smell.

“Hannah,” Cade said. “She probably threw up again.”

I had already deduced that in my mind, envisioning the child retching, holding her stomach, crying as she fought not to throw up. My plan was to go in the back room, cover her with a blanket and take her to the front of the RV. Hopefully not disturb her if she fell asleep. I would tell her about Lisa the next day.

All plans to do anything about Hannah went out the window when we stepped in that room.

My mind registered briefly what I saw, and my body reacted before I could process what occurred.

I spun on my heels, flew out of that room, pushed open the small bathroom door and flung myself over the commode.

The splash of my vomit was loud when it landed in the empty commode. I could taste the bourbon as it made its way back out of my stomach. I was fearful of opening my eyes, scared to death of looking in the toilet and seeing bloody vomit.

When I looked I saw it wasn’t. It was the product of what I saw. What made me instantly sick to my stomach.

Using a bottle of water on the sink, I splashed my face, got it together and returned to the back room.

Cade was examining Hannah.

She lay in the center of the bed in a pool of what could only have been bloody vomit. Her little body was covered by a blanket and she held a small stuffed dog.

I had seen Paul after the virus ravaged him, others at Big Bear. Even the infected at the fence, but none looked like Hannah.

She was blue.

Cade faced me. “It looks like she had some bad episodes. Vomiting. Diarrhea. The poor little thing, she was suffering.”

“So the virus killed her?” I asked. “That fast?”

“No.” Cade exhaled and shook his head. “No. See how blue she is?”

I nodded.

“She has white pressure marks around her cheeks and nose.”

I shook my head. “What does that mean?”

“It means she was suffocated. The virus didn’t kill her,” Cade said. “I believe … Lisa did.”

“Check,” I requested of Cade after racing from the RV.

“I did.”

“Check again.”

“Niles, she was suffocated. Okay? The finger marks tell me that Lisa did it.”

“Why?” I asked in desperation.

Lev came down from the top of the RV.  “Because the child was suffering and Lisa knew there was no way to stop it except …”

“To kill her?” I asked with a whisper.

“It’s not murder,” Lev argued. “She didn’t have ill intentions. She just wanted to stop Hannah from suffering. She didn’t do a bad thing.”

“It wasn’t her right to take that life.”

Lev argued. “As much as it is your right to say the child should live it out?”

I grumbled under my breath, even though I knew he had a point.

“Why are we arguing about this?” Cade asked. “Nothing we can do now but bury them. We can’t scold Lisa, she’s gone. Hannah’s gone. Arguing about this is moot.”

“Why are you so callous?” I questioned.

“I’m realistic. There’s no reason to argue about it. Wrong or right,” Cade said. “It’s done.”

“And you getting upset,” Lev said, “isn’t helping. Please, Lisa was always there for you. Do not let this make your last memories of her sour.”

“Your father was in there sleeping,” I said. “Would this had been your reaction if she decided to take him out as well?”

“I would assume if she did so, she had his permission. “

“Oh, I’m sure. You righteous bastard…”

“Hey.” Cade snapped. “Enough.” He looked at Lev. “Why are you smirking?”

“She’s being so ridiculous it’s funny. I’m going to see my father then back up on the RV.”

I huffed when Lev went into the RV.

“Niles. I know you’re upset. I know you are. Lisa was your stepmother.”

“Hannah was a child. A defenseless …”

“Sick,” Cade said. “Very sick child who probably was going to suffer even more over the next twenty-four hours until she died. She probably didn’t even know Lisa did that. The choice was made. Honor them with sadness and not anger. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have graves to dig.”

I folded my arms, trying as best as I could not to be angry. Trying to figure out exactly why I was so mad.

My father was taking Lisa’s death well. It could have been just shock. The days ahead would tell.

I doubted it. He handled my mother’s death like a champ. I don’t think I saw him cry once. Again, it could have been a front.

I made my way back into the cabin to stare at my sleeping daughters. The sound of Cade digging was easily heard in the quiet of the night.

My father returned hours later, he smelled of soap and must have taken the time to clean up.

“Are you gonna be up for an hour?” he asked when he came in. “I tossed some logs on the heater, I don’t want them burning till sunup.”

“I’ll put it out.”

“Thanks.”

“Dad? How are you?”

“Well, it’s over.”

“What do you mean?”

“When your mom died. We knew she hurt her head when she fell but we didn’t know she’d leave us. It was days, weeks of waiting, wondering and worrying. Was she suffering, did she know? I think if your mom had a choice to either die or stay on those machines for three weeks, she would have chosen death. Not just for her, but for all of us. Lisa got bit. She got sick right away. That woman raged with fever and wouldn’t let anyone know how sick she was. I knew. I knew she was in horrible pain. I worried, you know. Would she turn, what would I do? How bad was it gonna get? How long would she suffer? She went out the way she wanted to go out. Fast. No more worrying. Dying ends suffering for those who pass. Death really only hurts the living.” He started to walk toward the hall and stopped. “Ain’t that the goddamn truth with this virus? Death hurts the living.”

I wanted to tell him that Lisa killed Hannah. But I didn’t. “Dad, Hannah died.”

“I know,” he said sadly. “I’m gonna rest now. I’d like to be the one to tell the girls in the morning, if that’s okay.”

“Yes. Yes it is.”

“Night, Niles.”

“Night, Dad.”

His voice trailed as he walked down the hall. “And don’t forget the heater.”

I wouldn’t only because I knew I wouldn’t be sleeping. I had so much on my mind. In the short span of time since we arrived at the cabin there was so much death. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.

<><><><>

Edi Reis was a wonderful spry woman.  I envied her energy level. She attributed it to making sure she rested. Rarely, if ever, did she get up in the middle of the night. Quite the accomplishment for someone her age, she said. Our ordeal with Lisa was the one time she was disturbed. She felt it and woke up.

Her husband slept through it. His medication always made him tired at night.

Once again, I didn’t go to sleep until after the sun was up and I was surprised when I looked at the alarm clock and saw I had slept for four hours. It had been days since I slept so long, I heard the chatter coming from the kitchen, along with clanking. I thought maybe my father had gotten up to make breakfast or Cade. No one seemed to trust my cooking.

I had fallen asleep on top of the covers and was still in my clothes. “I’ll be right out, girls,” I called out and swung my legs over the bed.

My body hurt and I wondered what I did to make my muscles so sore. I had an instant moment of panic, thinking I was sick, but I quickly dismissed that thought.

Trying to toss the morning fog from my head, I looked up when Cade set a cup of coffee on the nightstand.

“Thank you,” I said surprised. “That’s nice.”

“We had a rough end to the night last night. I thought you’d want coffee before you came to breakfast and had to answer any questions from the girls.”

“My father told them?”

Cade nodded. “And … well, drink up. See you in a few. Edi made scrambled eggs. They’re really good.”

“You know, two days ago she dropped off some. Where is she getting all the eggs?” I asked, then took a drink of my coffee.

“Chickens.”

“Ha. Ha. Seriously. They have to be close to going bad. I didn’t see them in the fridge.”

“Really, Niles, chickens. They have two. You didn’t see them or hear them?”

I shook my head.

“They kept them in that pop up camper afraid we wouldn’t let them out in case this was some sort of avian flu. Your dad thought they were listening to some sort of weird ambiance music.”

“Should we worry about the avian flu?”

“No. Drink up.” Cade left my sleeping area.

I slipped on my shoes and got another four good gulps of coffee in me before venturing out. Sure enough, Edi, her husband, my father and the girls were at the table. Cade was by the window.

The eggs smelled wonderful, and as soon as I entered, Edi handed me a plate.

“Eat before they get cold.”

“Thank you.” I didn’t sit down at the table. I pulled up a bar stool and placed the plate next to me on the counter. “Addy, Katie, how are you feeling?”

Had I asked the wrong question? At that second everyone just looked at me.

My father cleared his throat. “The girls are fine. Why would you ask? I mean …” He lifted and sipped his coffee. “No reason for them to not feel well. Right?”

As if I should have known better, Addy said. “We didn’t pet the dog or get bit, Mommy.”

They didn’t know and my father in his own way, conveyed to me that I wasn’t supposed to let them know they were exposed.

“We did our drawings today, Mommy.” Addy said. “We are gonna do it every day. A picture diary of what is going on. So we always know.”

“Then why do you keep drawing flowers?” Katie asked. “The flowers don’t tell.”

“They do, too,” Addy argued. “The colors and shape tell. You know that, right, Mommy?”

I didn’t, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. All I knew was despite all that was happening, my daughter Addy was still trying to find the beauty in the world.

“We’re gonna keep doing it,” Addy said and then paused. “For Grandma Lisa.”

I felt a lump form in my throat.

“She died,” Katie said. “So did Hannah. I drew them. See?”

I was afraid to look at the art. I walked over to the mural. It was then I noticed the flowers. They were different colors. The flower for this day was bent over with a red center and black petals. Of course each flower was next to a dismal drawing of Katie’s. Her newest was no different. Two semi stick figures, one with yellow hair, one with brown, both had blood by them and X’s as eyes. I cringed. My daughter was so twisted and demented I wanted to scream.

Addy said, “Pappy said we’re gonna do a funeral today. Pray by the graves.”

“That’s a good idea.” I stepped away from the mural.

Then Katie said, “That makes five graves. I hope we don’t have to make any more.”

“Me, too,” I said, then stopped. “No, sweetie. Four. You counted wrong.”

“Five.” Katie said. “I can count to five.”

“Of course you can. But it’s four,” I told her. “Daddy, Cade’s sister Julie, Hannah, Grandma Lisa …” My words trailed when I noticed everyone stared at me. My heart sunk when it hit me that there probably were five graves. With that revelation I flew from the cabin and outside.

I hurried to where we started burying those we lost and didn’t need to get close to see the five mounds. My hand shot to my mouth and I sought out the one-person that was missing from breakfast.

Lev.

He was out front, walking around the fence, checking it.

“Lev.” I hurried to him, and I grabbed his arm. “Lev, I am so sorry.” I pulled him to me and embraced him. “So sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He spoke soft, kissed the top of my head and pulled back. “He’s in a better place. He’s with my mother.”

“When?”

“About three hours ago.”

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

Lev shook his head. “For what reason? It’s fine. I was there.”

“Were you?”

“Yeah. He called for me,” Lev said. “It wasn’t a painful cry. It was eerie and calm. I went inside and he asked me the strangest question.”

“What was that?”

“He asked if he was the last one left in the camp that was infected. When I told him he was, he said: ‘Good. Good.” Lev respectfully imitated his father. “‘I can die now. The camp will be clean.’ I tried to tell him that he wasn’t going anywhere. He told me he loved me, closed his eyes and that was it.”

I gasped. “Did he take something? Did Cade give him ….”

“No.” Lev smiled peacefully. “The virus was too much for his body to handle. We think his heart gave out. I’m just so grateful he didn’t turn or bleed. I’m just glad he went quietly. To me, that’s a gift.”

“And just like your father to think ahead.”

“Yeah, wasn’t it?” Lev stepped to me and embraced me again. “We are infection free now, like he wanted.”

In the arms of my grieving friend, I said nothing to refute his claim. I wanted badly to believe it and for us to be infection free, but I also knew we were far from out of the woods.

<><><><>

I needed to speak to my brother. It sounded immature and needy, but Bobby was always the one with the answers. I needed to tell him what had happened, ask him about the girls sharing the plate of apples. He would know.

The old habit of going on the internet and searching for answers was snuffed out by a dying society. We were in a camp so far removed we didn’t have a clue if the world was still going on, if the virus had slowed down.

“We wait it out,” my father said. “We wait. What does it matter if all is fine? We wait it out.”

“What if there’s a cure or treatment and we don’t know because we’re here?”

“Niles, please.” My father only shook his head.

I was not getting any luck on the satellite phone at all, and in my desperation, I played with the radio. Lev had set it up for me.

I flipped the dial and called out sounding stupid.

It was during all that, when I picked up someone’s hourly announcement.

It was a woman’s husky sounding voice, laced with a southern accent. “KA4ROO calling out. Anyone there? Check in.”

“Hey!” I shouted. “I got someone.” I picked up the microphone.

Before I could say anything, someone else did. A man. “KA4, this is WA2BUZZ Checking in. No losses. Hanging on. Over.” Then another. Each time some code or weird name would check in like they had been doing it for a while.

In my enthusiasm, when I heard a quiet moment, I called out. “Hello. Hello?”

The woman KA4, replied, “Hey, there, what’s your call sign?”

“My call sign?”

“Name you use? Your camp?”

“I didn’t give it a name.”