My Dead World (25 page)

“Nilie, get away from the window,” My father grumbled.

Without a verbal response, I closed my eyes and shook my head.
Unbelievable, what was I, five again?

“Nilie,” he scolded softly.

I took a deep breath and pressed my fingers against the pane of glass. It was painful to speak, to even turn around and look at my father. But I got it. He wanted to yell at me to feel normal just once more.

I gave him that. I gave him a taste of the past.

“I’m just looking to see if I see any.” I put on a defensive whine to my voice.

“If you see them, they can see you. Get away from the window, or close the shutter.”

Okay, okay, more than likely, he was right. If … of course there were any more stragglers to come.

Just before that my father had bitched to me about putting a circle around the X on the calendar.

“I wish you wouldn’t do those circles. It gets hopes up,” my father told me.

Hopes? Whose hopes? There’s no one left here.

Then I said, “It’s been three days since we’ve seen anything.”

“Not long enough. You know the time frame. Besides, it’s not been three days. Bobby came yesterday.”

“Bobby doesn’t count.”

“Bobby will always count.”

He said he wasn’t angry with me about Bobby, but I felt guilty.

“Niles, get away from the window. Sit with me,” my father said. “I don’t have much time.”

I closed my eyes tighter as if I could squeeze out the pain.

I didn’t want to face the final moments of my father’s life. I never imagined him dying, ever.

I turned away from the window. Even in the unbearable heat, my father was covered with a blanket as he lay back on the easy chair. His coloring was gone, his injured arm was black. Katie sat on the floor next to him, her little hand extended up holding on to my father and I sat down on his other side.

My father didn’t want to turn. He didn’t want to get to a point where all we’d remember was the blood. He was fevered and nearing that point. The end of his life was not my call, it was his and he made it.

“I think … I think I need that injection now. I can feel it brewing in my stomach,” my father said weakly.

“Dad,” I choked on his name and squeezed his hand. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, we had a good life, didn’t we?” he asked. “My God, we had some good family times. I’m okay. I made my peace. I’m …uh a little worried though.”

I tried not to cry. “About what?”

He leaned forward some and whispered. “I got two wives up there.” He nodded upward. “What the hell is gonna happen?”

I laughed through my sadness. “I don’t know. It will be interesting.”

“That it will.” My father winced. “Never would have believed there wasn’t a pain I couldn’t handle. But this … for your little historical project, it feels like every nerve in my body is on fire.”

My historical project. Just a few days earlier when I was printing up pictures, my father poked fun, but he followed it up with telling me it was actually a really good idea.

“I think …” My father said. “I think I need that injection now.”

“Dad, I …”

“I’m okay with this. I can leave this earth knowing you and Katie will be all right. You got Lev to watch over you and Edi to make sure none of you die of food poisoning.”

My lips puckered in sadness as I lowered my head.

“And ... I can see your mom, Lisa and Addy. I’ll be watching her for you.” He took a deep breath. “Hand me that syringe.”

Hand trembling, I reached for the syringe on the table, as I gave it to my father, he rolled his fingers around my hand. “I’ll do this.”

I nodded and then turned my head. I couldn’t watch. I just couldn’t. I knew it had been done when I heard the syringe drop to the table.

“That’s better. Fast, too,” my father said. “The pain is better.”

I inched closer to the chair, as close as I could to my father. Katie did the same.

We had a few more minutes left with the man who was always the most important man in my life. I wanted more, but there would never be more.

My father would leave me.

We all said our goodbyes and how much we loved each other, then we sat in silence absorbing the last few moments of my father’s life.

We had every intention of waiting longer, perhaps even staying, but with each passing day it grew harder.

Since Bobby’s arrival we had one more straggler, then nothing for weeks.

The trees and bushes around the cabin, along with my garden were flourishing and full of life. But that big lush backyard was nothing but a cemetery. There were more graves than there were those of us who had survived.

We believed it was time. The wait was over. We needed to venture into the world and see.

Was anything left? Or were we just in a bad sector of the world?

Before she left the airwaves for good, Helena told us where she was located and said they were safe, that if we needed a place to go we were welcome.

Hal told us the same, he was in Kansas.

However, it was two weeks since we heard from Helena, and longer since Hal.

Were they even still there?

Packing up to go wasn’t taken lightly. It was nearly as methodical as packing to leave for the cabin.

Lev killed two deer and we dried the meat. We packed everything that we could in the back of the truck, including water and the chickens. We took camping gear and not an RV, figuring we’d find a place to sleep. We needed gas conservation. Of course we packed that solar generator as well.

It was a unanimous decision to leave items behind at the cabin, in case we returned. That was always an option.

We harvested the garden on the last day and said our goodbyes to those we had buried.

It was time to go.

I was sad leaving the cabin, but I knew one day I’d return. I took a picture of the mural and we left it there. It was full and at the end, before we left, Katie was able to fit one more picture in.

She drew Lev’s truck.

With the map we picked up from Evans City, we set our course to Lancaster, Ohio. The map stated The Green area was set up at River Valley Mall. It was one of many on that map.

We would try the ones nearest to us first.

The world had taken on a defeated silence. There were no sounds. In fact, as we drove down the road and to the highway, we saw nothing.

No people, no stragglers, no movement.

“Where is everybody, Mommy?” Katie asked.

“I don’t know, sweetie.”

“I’m scared.”

I reached back to her and squeezed her hand. Edi pulled my daughter closer.

“If it helps,” Edi said. “I’m a little scared, too.”

“Me, too,” I told. “Me, too.”

“Lev?” Katie asked. “Are you scared?

“No.”

My mouth dropped open, for sure I thought he’d reassure her that she wasn’t alone in her fear.

“Everybody is probably dead,” Katie told him. “That’s scary.”

“The dead can’t hurt you.”

Then grown up and sarcastically she said. “Um, yes, they can. They can tear you ….”

“Katie,” I cut her off. “We know. Lev is scared.”

“No, I’m not. If I’m scared then who are you going to look to when you need to feel safe? No, Katie, I’m not scared at all.”

It got better the farther we drove. There were fewer cars on the road, less military blockades. We passed a lot of quarantine signs in Ohio. Occasionally we’d drive by a camp on the side of the road, travelers that probably broken down.

There were very few dead bodies. Lots of partial remains we knew were human simply by the clothing.

The four hour trip took nearly six because we couldn’t take the direct route. We took back roads, through many small Ohioan towns.

Zanesville, Somerset, Rushville

All of them like Evens City.

Deserted and dead.

After Rushville we grew hopeful when we spotted a sign that read, ‘Green Area Ahead. Follow Signs.’

Maybe that was where everyone went, to Lancaster.

We were already on the four lane road that took us straight to the turn for the mall. With each few blocks we saw signs, saying ‘Registration Ahead.’ and ‘Stay Left’.

Still we saw no movement, I didn’t take that as a bad thing. I kept thinking the government set up a camp and had everyone safe inside.

Somewhere about a mile before, right outside another strip mall, traffic blocked the road. With the exception of a military vehicle only lane, which was free and clear, sans for a few cars that had been pushed aside.

Lev stopped the truck and got out. I watched him look into cars as he walked up the line of traffic. Then he returned.

“Empty. All of them are empty,” he said. “No bodies, no people, no blood.”

“They probably got out and walked,” I said.

“Probably. But we’re not.” Lev put the truck in drive and went into the military lane.

“Lev this is illegal, we’re gonna get in trouble.”

“No, we’re not.”

“They won’t let us in.”

Lev only looked at me and continued driving.

I really, truly believed we had arrived. That there was going to be a checkpoint, they’d wave us in, take our names and give us a place to set up camp.

Not that we planned on staying, but it would be nice to get information.

We made the turn into the Mall driveway where a huge fence was erected.

A sign on the fence stated it was the check in line.

But there were no people in line.

We parked the truck.

“Stay here,” I told Edi and Katie, then stepped out with Lev.

Lev walked ahead of me to the fence. The gate was open and creaked as it swung a little with the breeze.

He stood staring into the camp.

I wanted to cry. Multitudes of tents and trailers were set up around the mall. A good bit of the camp, from what we could see, looked destroyed, it appeared to have been toppled by chaos and the infection. Tents were torn, supplies scattered about, bodies on the ground.

There wasn’t a sound.

Nothing.

Fingers in the chain link of the fence, Lev stared out. “Did you really believe we’d find anything here?”

“Yes.” I walked up to him.

“We drove for four hours and saw no one.” Lev faced me.

“We can’t be the only ones left. We can’t.”

“Does it matter?” Lev asked.

I huffed out a breath of disbelief. “Yes. It does.”

“Why? Why are we doing this? Why do we need this?”

“Katie needs more than just us.”

“No she doesn’t,” Lev said. “Not now. Maybe in the future. But not now. She doesn’t need to see this …” He held out his hand. “A dead world.”

“That’s right, she needs to see life. We need to find life.”

“Don’t you get it?” Lev stepped closer to me. “We … are life. You, me, Katie and Edi. We have it, we don’t need to find it.”

“If we wait too long, we may never find anyone,” I said, shifting my eyes to the camp.

“You think these people moved?” Lev asked. “The longer we’re out here, the more chance we have of never finding a soul. What if those who lived are doing what we are doing? Searching? Then we become nothing but wanderers and targets for the desperate.”

“What are you saying, Lev?”

“I’m saying I will do whatever it is you want to do. If you want to go to the next place, we will. Kentucky? We’ll go there. But I believe if you are looking for life, we already left it.”

“The cabin?”

Lev nodded. “It’s the best example of The Green you can get. Trees, plants, deer that drive us nuts.”

“Graves. That’s not life.”

“You don’t think? Those aren’t graves, those are people we love. A reminder of our lives.” He inched closer and lowered his voice to a whisper. “Truth is, I am scared. I am scared that we drove away from our best chance at living.”

“You’ll do what I want to do?”

Lev nodded.

Before I said anything, I wrapped my arms around his waist and embraced him. Closing my eyes, I felt a single tear roll down my face and I stepped back. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay. Let’s go.”

“Are you sure?”

I looked at the dead camp then to the truck full of supplies, supplies that were just a portion of what we still had back at the cabin. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Lev gave me a forced, closed mouth smile, kissed me on the forehead and we returned to the truck.

“Are we staying, Mommy?” Katie asked when we got back in.

“No, honey,” I said. “We’re finding life.”

Lev backed up the truck and we drove away from the camp.

I truly don’t know exactly what I was hoping to find. More people? Answers? Answers to what? A virus happened and it brought mankind to its knees. Did I need to know more? I had an unsettled feeling that fueled me to want to leave my father’s land. To leave a cabin he built with his own hands, one that was made to survive and thrive, even if the world fell apart.

The world died. The cabin was still standing.

It was in me though, the curiosity, a drive. I still wanted to see what was left of the world, if there were others who survived like us.

Find survivors, find life. If indeed it was out there.

I was hopeful.

We’d find others eventually. It wasn’t time though. Not yet.

It wasn’t our intention to set out to find a home, we had one of those. We were setting out to find life. We would. We went back to the cabin.

For the time being that was where we’d stay and live. In reality, it truly wasn’t just waiting it out, retreating to the cabin was about surviving.

Mission accomplished.

Though so many that we loved had gone, we were still alive.

We … were the life I sought.

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