My Demon (9 page)

“Maybe you’ll get offended, and hell, if that works, I’m game,” she replied, her tone short and sharp. “Don’t
need
you. Don’t
want
you.” The bus stop drew closer. Alex searched through the group of waiting passengers. With a few of them, she had at least a passing acquaintance. Behind the shelter a low wall marked the boundary of a pub car park, the edge smoothed by countless bottoms over the years. Alex approached The Lamb, and sat down. She fixed her gaze away from the small crowd, hoping if she avoided eye contact, she’d be left alone.

Well, mostly alone.

Clive took a seat next to her. He wiggled his bum on the wall, as if the scratchy surface poked through the thin fabric of his costume. “That’ll ladder if I’m not careful.” Clive grinned and elbowed her in the side.

“I wish you’d just go away. And fingers crossed, all this mess would go with you.” Her voice cracked, and out of the corner of her eye, she caught Clive glancing over. She blinked furiously to clear her vision, but a stubborn tear fell and coursed down one cheek. Clive leaned over and wiped at the drop with a fingertip. He held his finger out in front of him, and studied the bubble of liquid as if it was a precious jewel. Alex stared as the tear rapidly dried up on his hot skin. “What are you?” Tears pressed against the inside of her face again, and she took two long deep breaths in an attempt to relieve the pressure. “Am I crazy?” she whispered before Clive could answer.

The demon shook his head slowly, and stared unblinkingly into her eyes. “You, babydoll, are perfectly sane. But there are so many things I can’t tell you.”

The bus Alex wanted pulled up to the stop.

“And yes. I am a demon.”

Alex got up, ignoring Clive, and walked over. She waited behind some concerned old lady, whose name escaped Alex. The woman glanced back, frowning and smiling at the same time. She must have seen the tears. Alex prayed for the lady to turn away, begged whomever might be listening—her God, any god—that she wouldn’t be dragged into a conversation. Alex hung her head, and examined the cracks in the pavement as she shuffled towards the doors.

Alex flashed her bus pass, and pushed through the standing passengers. She took the steep stairs up to the top floor two at a time, and sighed in relief at all the unfilled seats. The front row on the left side of the bus was unoccupied. Alex hurried there, and sat down. She pressed her body against the wall, her bag hugged to her chest.

“You look so sad, Alex. Cheer up, it’s not all bad.” Clive snuggled up next to her, and placed one of his extra warm hands on her knee.

She ignored the demon, feeling depressed, confused and angry all rolled into one.

He studied her for a while. She caught glimpses of him in the corner of her eye. His seemingly permanent smile faded until his expression mirrored her emotions. Maybe some of her sadness passed through to him, as he pulled back his hand and joined her in watching the streets as they rushed past.

When they neared the stop Alex needed, she finally broke her silence, not caring who might be listening in the seats around her. “All those lives.” Alex indicated to the people milling about on the pavement as the bus drove by. “People living decent normal lives, like her, the one with the kid in a pram.” Demon and human watched a young Mum as she waited by a pedestrian crossing. The bus moved on, and they passed from view. “I see normality slipping away. It’s like sand escaping between my fingers. I don’t know what’s real anymore,” she whispered, her voice almost soundless. Clive followed the movement of her lips, not answering.

Alex’s stop came into view, and she got up to leave. The man sat on the seat behind her gawked, his expression vaguely repulsed. She guessed he’d heard some of her one-sided conversation. She gazed wide-eyed, at him, until he turned towards the window. “This is my life now, stare management,” she told Clive as she descended the stairs and jumped out of the bus. The doors closed with a wheezy gush, and Alex made her way to town.

B
ecky was waiting outside the post office. “Where the hell did you spring from? And what time do you call this?” Becky tapped abjectly on her watch for effect.

“I’m so sorry.” Alex stared down at her feet. “It’s been a horrible day.” Alex leaned against the wall alongside Becky. “Can I bum a butt?”

Bec retrieved a crumpled pack of Silk Cut from her handbag, and tapped out a couple of fags. “Here.” Becky offered one to Alex before flipping hers deftly into her mouth, producing a lighter almost in the same instance. Seconds later they both stood there puffing away. “Since when do you smoke without a pint in your hand and a pub seat attached to your bum?”

“Since my world shifted ten degrees to the left.” Alex dragged deeply on the cigarette. The nicotine flooded her system, numbing the end of her nose and her cheeks.

“What happened to the jolly, I fucked my man in the cinema, Alex I heard on the phone earlier?”

Alex turned to Becky. She didn’t say anything at first, her face screwed up in a frown. The nicotine headed for her stomach, causing a mild attack of nausea. She held the half-smoked butt out, rolling the filter between her fingers, watching the red glow disappear under a growing head of ash. “Do I seem different lately?”

Becky glanced back over, fag hanging between her lips. Smoke flooded out of her nostrils and hid her face for a brief moment. “You’ve been a bit down in the mouth. Who can blame you? You’ve been looking after your drunken mother since you were, what? Nine years old?”

A bus lurched around the corner and past them. Alex exhaled. The smoke wafted through the air and faded into nothingness.

“Oi, I’m the one who’s supposed to need cheering up here,” Becky said. She nudged Alex with her shoulder.

The girls finished their cigarettes in silence.

Becky sucked her Silk Cut down to the filter and dropped the butt on the pavement. “Why are we here, anyway?” she asked.

Alex nodded. “I’ve got some bills to pay. Going to be dark in the Walker household otherwise.”

Becky frowned. She took a deep breath, and linked arms with Alex. “Well, hurry up and get inside.” Bec pulled them towards the entrance of the post office. “Then you’re taking me out for ice cream, you hear? And you’re still paying, I don’t care how miserable you are. You’re going to tell me exactly what’s got to you. Understand?”

Alex nodded.

“Do you mind if I stay out here and finish my fag?” She took another from her pack. “Kind of in a chain smoking mood today.” She looked sheepish.

“That’s fine. See you in a mo,” Alex said, and walked into the post office. Clive was already waiting in the queue, right at the end. Alex rolled her eyes miserably and joined her demon.

“Thought you’d gone,” she said in a whisper. “Hoped you’d gone.” She kicked at the carpet.

“No need to sound so disappointed.”

Alex shrugged.

“I was giving you some time alone with Becky.” He put an arm around her shoulders.

“Aren’t you the ever considerate demon.” Alex pulled out of Clive’s hold as the queue stepped forwards.

“Have you thought about adding your name to the house and utility bills?”

“Why would I do that?”

“So you don’t have to pretend to be your mother again.”

Alex shook her head, frowning. “Why would it matter?”

“So you can pay things as and when they come in.” Clive spoke slowly, like he was conversing with a child.

“Oh. Yeah. I suppose it makes sense. How do I do that?”

A tall black woman stood next in the queue, her face unlined and a perfect shade of chocolate. She wore her hair swept back, the color streaked with grey. She glanced over at Alex. Her dark eyes filled with concern. Her mouth, painted with ruby lipstick, fell open, perhaps about to speak.

“What’re you staring at?” Alex asked. She put her hands on her hips and frowned.

Immediately, the woman in front turned back round.

Clive touched Alex’s arm. “Change the details over the telephone. Pretend to be Lily. It’s not like you don’t imitate her all the time anyway.”

Alex cocked her head to the side as she considered Clive’s suggestion. It was a reasonable idea, considering the circumstances. The queue moved swiftly, and Alex soon completed her transactions and found her way outside to rejoin Becky. Bec finished smoking her last cigarette, and crumpled the pack in her hand. She let the rubbish drop next to the pile of butts.

“You shouldn’t litter,” Alex remarked. “Filthy habit.”

“I’m a filthy kind of girl,” Bec said with a grin.

The girls strolled arm-in-arm to The Oracle. They made their way out the other end of the shopping center and towards the ice cream parlor. A canal divided two strips of restaurants. People milled about, sat in the sun on the steps leading down to the water, eating, smoking, and chatting. They entered the Häagen Dazs shop and ordered a triple scoop cup each. With their cups of ice cream, they settled down in a booth at the back.

“I’m sorry you lost your job.” Alex tried to keep her voice level. How would she speak if she didn’t know the truth? How would she say things differently? She poked her spoon into a scoop of caramel chew-chew.

“You sound guilty.” Becky sucked on a spoonful of mint chocolate chip.

“Uh…” Alex couldn’t think of an answer, and for once wished that Clive would pop out of nowhere and feed her some asinine line. He’d disappeared after she paid her bills, made his usual excuse about being needed elsewhere before puffing out of the post office in a cloud of red smoke.

Becky nodded. “I understand. It’s survivor’s syndrome or something. I read it in one of my Dad’s Reader’s Digests.” She leaned on the table, cup of ice cream in one hand, spoon in the other as she thoughtfully nibbled at a chocolate chip. “Why don’t you tell me why you’re so sad?”

Alex opened her mouth. She closed it again, tears welling. She blinked a few times, and dropped her gaze. The creamy white of the caramel chew-chew swirled into the strawberry scoop.

“Don’t wait too long, or I’ll start going on about how heartbroken I am about being sacked from the shop. Or how irked I am that I didn’t even thieve any bloody money.” Becky put the back of her hand to her forehead. She rolled her eyes until the whites showed, and flopped down in her chair. Becky peeked at Alex for her reaction. “To be honest, you’re the reason I never quit. Aggie did me a favor firing me.” She shrugged. “I hated that job, but I’m no thief. And no, sweets from the pick-and-mix buckets at Woollies don’t count.”

Alex gazed into her cup, and wondered why she’d ordered so much. She couldn’t force the spoonsful into her mouth. The taste was sickly sweet. She wanted to be home, hiding under her covers in her bed. Perhaps if she stayed hidden long enough, everything would be back to normal when she finally emerged. Alex debated calling Clive from wherever he’d disappeared to after the Post Office and asking if he could transport her. She was pulled from her reverie by Becky.

“What’s with you? I’ve never seen you low like this.” Becky reached out and placed one of her hands on Alex’s. Bec had small hands, so dainty and pale, she could be made from porcelain. At first, Alex thought her touch was cool. Then she realized her best friend’s temperature was probably normal. Clive burned.

The ice cream colors were mixing now, melting into the bottom of her cup. Alex stirred the remains of the scoops. She looked up, and stared blankly at Becky. “I’m losing my sanity. I’ve finally gone over the edge.” As if that were explanation enough, she lowered her head.

Becky didn’t speak for a while. Her grip on Alex’s hand tightened, her touch comforting. Alex held back, for a moment Bec was the only thing keeping her from floating away.

Finally Becky spoke, “You’re talking nonsense. You know that, don’t you? Complete and utter rubbish.”

Alex sighed then said in a low voice, “I’ve started hallucinating. I see a demon that’s dressed in a red cat suit. He’s even got these silly stuffed horns. He turns up all the time, and he always seems to land me in trouble. But then again, since he’s a figment of my imagination, I guess I’m the one doing the bad stuff. Anyway, it’s because of Clive-”

“Who’s Clive?” Becky interrupted.

“My demon.”

“Oh…” Becky watched Alex. Her brown eyes were wide with worry, her eyebrows knitted together in a frown.