Naomi’s Christmas (35 page)

“Someone must talk to Emma about what has happened,” he said. “I’ll get Ben to drive
me over there to explain things.”

Seth nodded. “Tell her I’ll come and let her know what’s happening as soon as I can.”
He paused, looking at Nathan. “You have no reason to believe me, I guess. But I won’t
be dumping this responsibility onto you. I’ll stay here until things are stable with
my mother and my sister.”

Nathan saw the resolution in Seth’s face, and it seemed to him that he could feel
Ada’s approval. “Ja,” he said. “That is gut.”

Naomi
was packed and ready to leave. Soon Daad would pick her up and drive her to the bus
stop in Pleasant Valley. By evening—Christmas Eve, she reminded herself—she would
be with Anna and her family.

She suspected that Daad would have taken the unusual step of calling Anna to tell
her what had been happening in Pleasant Valley. Anna was the tactful one of the family—she’d
make sure that no one mentioned a thing about Nathan or rumors or Pleasant Valley
at all.

Naomi drew the collar of her black coat more closely around her neck. The chill wind
blew across the field, sending a fine spray of snow through the air. She sent a cautious
glance toward Nathan’s farmhouse, but no one was visible, and she thanked the good
Lord for that mercy. She couldn’t see Nathan yet.

She had just one thing to do before she left. She must say her good-byes to the bees.

Superstition, some rational part of her mind jeered, but in her heart she knew her
feeling ran deeper than a silly belief. The bees were a part of her life. Once, when
Naomi asked Grossmammi why she talked to the bees, she had said that she found peace
with life’s changes by speaking them aloud to the bees.

Perhaps telling the bees would help Naomi to accept, even if peace seemed in short
supply right now.

Satisfied that she had reached the hives without attracting anyone’s notice, Naomi
pulled off her mitten and put her hand against the center hive. If she listened closely,
she imagined she could hear the whirring of countless tiny wings as the bees clustered
closely around the queen, keeping her warm so that all of them could survive another
year.

Grossmammi seemed very close at the moment, the thought soothing and comforting, like
the feel of her gentle hand stroking the back of a crying child. The way Naomi had
stroked and comforted Sadie when she was sick.

No going back, she told herself. She had come here to tell the bees she was leaving,
not to think of all the reasons why she longed to stay.

“I’m going away for a bit,” she said to the hives, hearing the weight of the words.
“I do not wish to, but I must get away for a little bit of time, at least. It is too
hard to stay here.”

“Because of my stupidity.”

She swung around, stumbling back a step. Nathan stood there, his face grim beneath
the brim of his black hat. “Naomi, I—”

“Don’t, please.” She put up her hand, as if she could physically hold back his words.
“I didn’t see you, or I wouldn’t have come.”

“I was in the barn when I saw you. I thought you’d go back to the house if you saw
me, but I have to talk with you.”

“I don’t want to talk about it now.” She took another step away. She could hardly
run off across the field, but she wanted to.

Nathan seemed to swallow whatever he’d started to say. “I understand. But I could
not let you go away without telling you about Jessie.”

“Jessie?” She blinked, trying to follow him. “What about Jessie?”

“She came here early yesterday morning.” Nathan spoke with deliberation, as if choosing
his words. “She was talking wildly, demanding that I let her take care of the children.”

Alarms seemed to go off in her heart. “The kinder weren’t here to see it, were they?”

“No. Thank the gut Lord they were still with my sister. Daad was with me. We could
both see that you had been right all along about Jessie. Something had to be done.”
He blew out a breath, and she could see it misting on the cold air. “So I went to
Bishop Mose.”

Pain carved lines around Nathan’s eyes, and Naomi’s heart went out to him. “I am sorry.
But you did the right thing.”

“Ja, so the bishop said.” Nathan rubbed the back of his neck in the way he did when
tension ran high. “It turns out Bishop Mose was already worried about Jessie. He had
found out from a neighbor that ever since Emma went away, Jessie had been going out
at night.”

Naomi’s thoughts leaped ahead to the obvious conclusion. “You think she was spying
on us.”

“I know she was,” he corrected. “She admitted it when we confronted her.”

“You and the bishop?” She cringed at the thought of what it must have been like.

“And Seth. I wasn’t so sure about him, but Bishop Mose said that Seth had to be told.
So the three of us went to the house late yesterday. It was…” He stopped, passing
his palm over his eyes as if to wipe out the images.

“I’m sorry.” Her heart hurt for him as well as for Jessie. “It must have been so hard
to do such a thing.”

“Ja, but it was needed. Seeing Jessie get so hysterical, even striking me—well, there
was no doubt about what had to be done. They took her to the emergency room, and she’s
been admitted to the hospital.” He sighed, rubbing his hand along the back of his
neck again.

“That is terrible news. Poor Emma.”

“Seth says they will keep her there for a few days. Then she will go somewhere else
for treatment.” Nathan focused on Naomi’s face. “So, if you’re going away because
of the talk, you don’t need to. Everyone in the township will soon know the truth
of it.”

She let out a sigh. Here they were, right back to the subject she didn’t want to talk
about. But maybe it was better to be telling Nathan instead of the bees.

“That is not the only reason for my decision.”

“I know. Like I said, I was stupid and angry, and that is not a gut combination. I
hurt you by asking you to marry me in such a way.”

Her throat was too tight to speak, but it wasn’t necessary, was it? He already knew
what he had done.

“I don’t blame you for saying no to me, Naomi. But won’t you at least think about
marriage?”

“Marrying you?” she asked faintly.

“Marrying me.” He took a step closer, his face suddenly eager. “Naomi, the kinder
miss you already. You and I…we work well together. Why shouldn’t we be married? We
could have a gut life. A comfortable marriage.”

Comfortable.
The word stuck in her heart like a barb. This proposal might be even more hurtful
than the first one. Somehow, she had to find the courage to tell Nathan the truth.

“I can’t,” she said carefully, knowing that wouldn’t be enough for him. “I can’t because
there is no room in your heart for me, Nathan. You know that and so do I.”

“I care about you. I do.”

“Ja.” She closed her eyes for a second and then focused on his face. “Once, that kind
of caring would have been enough for me. But I have learned something in the past
month. I have learned to value myself too much to settle for a marriage without love.”

She couldn’t say anything more, because if she tried, she would break down. She turned
and walked away, and she knew without looking that he wouldn’t follow her.

Nathan
watched Naomi, a solitary figure, dark against the snow as she trudged toward the
grossdaadi house. What had he done wrong now?

He’d apologized for his thoughtless behavior. He’d asked her to be his wife and tried
to be honest about his feelings.

Hadn’t he come up with an answer that would solve all their problems?

Turning away from the hives, he marched toward the outbuildings
as if he could outrun the sense that he had failed at something very important.

He had reached the barn before he let himself glance toward the grossdaadi house.
A buggy was coming up the lane—Sam Esch’s buggy, he could see from here. Come to pick
Naomi up and take her to the bus, no doubt. She was going on a visit to her sister
and no one, maybe not even Naomi, knew when she would return to Pleasant Valley.

Naomi must decide what was best for her. Nathan reminded himself of that fact several
times while he completed the chores that had brought him out of the house in time
to see Naomi talking to the bees. There was nothing else he could do.

By the time he returned to the house, he’d almost managed to convince himself that
was the truth. But no sooner had he hung up his jacket than Joshua and Sadie ran to
him—Sadie already crying and Joshua with tears sparkling in his eyes.

“Daadi, Naomi is gone,” Sadie wailed and clutched his leg. “She’s gone away.”

Nathan patted her back. “Hush, little girl. It will be all right.” But would it? He
looked toward Daad and Sarah.

Sarah shrugged, looking both guilty and defiant. “They had to know, Nathan. There’s
no point in looking at me that way.”

“It’s not true, is it, Daadi?” Joshua stared at him, willing him to deny it. “We have
to give Naomi her Christmas presents. You’ll make it right and Naomi will komm home.”

His son’s innocent belief in him struck Nathan in the heart. He reached out to grip
Joshua’s shoulder. “Sometimes there are things we must accept. Naomi is going away.
It is her choice.”

He intercepted a skeptical glance from his sister that annoyed
him. Did every woman in Pleasant Valley think he was the one to blame?

“She doesn’t want to go away.” Sadie lifted a tear-stained face to him. “She wants
to be here with us. She loves us.”

“Sadie…” He was left without words. Naomi did love the kinder.

More, she loved him. Hadn’t that been what she was saying to him? She’d said she couldn’t
marry him when he didn’t love her.

Didn’t he love her? His mind seemed to be spinning in circles, showing him image after
image of the past month with Naomi: laughing in the snow, glancing up with a smile
from working with the children, emerging damp and rosy-cheeked from under the steam
tent with Sadie, holding him while he wept for Ada.

The spinning stopped, settling on one sure thing. Naomi wasn’t just necessary for
his children’s happiness. She was necessary for his own happiness. All the joy of
the past month had come because of the changes that Naomi made in his heart.

“I am certain-sure that Naomi loves you,” he said carefully. “Just as you love her.
Just as I love her.”

“Then she’ll stay with us,” Joshua said, his tone positive.

“I don’t know. That is up to Naomi.” Nathan tightened the grip on his son’s shoulder.
“But we will not let her go without telling her how much we love her. And we will
not let her go without giving her our gifts.”

The dawning hope of his son’s face seemed to echo the hope blossoming in his own heart.

“Sadie, you run and get our gifts for Naomi. Joshua, you
and I will harness the buggy. We must hurry if we are to reach Naomi before she gets
on the bus.”

“Komm, komm, Sadie,” Sarah exclaimed. “I will help you get the gifts and put your
coat on.”

Joshua was already shrugging into his jacket. “I will help Daadi with the harness,”
he said to his grossdaadi.

“Ja, I know you will.” Daad smiled at Joshua and then extended the smile to Nathan.
“The gut Lord go with you.”

He might need some heavenly intervention, Nathan thought as he and Joshua ran to the
barn. If they didn’t reach town in time…If they did but he couldn’t find the right
words…If Naomi was determined to leave…

Please,
his heart murmured.
Please. Give me a chance to make this right.

Joshua arrived at the stall before him, reaching up to clip a lead line to the halter
of the buggy horse. “I’ll lead her out,” he said. “I can back her between the shafts.
Grossdaadi showed me how.”

Nathan nodded, lifting down the harness. His son was growing up before his eyes, and
he had to allow that to happen. Naomi had shown him that truth.

In moments, working together, they had harnessed the mare and were driving up to the
house. Sarah hurried out, clutching a shawl around her, with Sadie and a shopping
bag full of gifts. She boosted Sadie up to the buggy and handed him the bag.

“Do it right,” she said.

“I will try.” He clucked to the mare, and they were off.

“Hurry, Daadi, hurry,” Sadie exclaimed.

“Ja, hurry.” Joshua leaned forward in his seat. “We can’t miss her.”

No, they couldn’t miss her. Maybe it was superstitious, thinking he had to stop Naomi
before she left. After all, he could go after her. If need be, he’d court her for
the next six months if that was what it took to persuade her.

But somehow the children’s urgency was his, as well. He couldn’t let another moment
go by without telling Naomi how he felt about her.

It was probably the fastest he’d ever covered the distance between the farm and town.
When they turned onto Main Street, he saw a group of Amish standing at the bus stop.
Naomi’s family, come to tell her good-bye. The bus must be late, as usual.

Not good-bye,
he prayed.
Please, not good
-
bye.

“Naomi,
look.” Lovina, one arm around Naomi’s waist, turned her toward the street.

A buggy was coming toward them, moving faster than most folks would ever drive a buggy
in town. It swerved to the curb and halted at the bus stop, as if to block the bus
when it arrived. Naomi’s heart cramped. It was Nathan and the children.

A murmur passed through the small group that had come to see her off. Nathan slid
down from the buggy seat, but the children beat him to the sidewalk. They came running
toward her, and she thought her heart would surely break.

“Naomi!” The family around her parted to let Sadie rush to
her, with Joshua close behind. “Don’t go.” Sadie clutched her coat. “Don’t go away.
We love you.”

“Ach, I love you, too.” Naomi loosed the clinging hands, holding them in hers. “Such
cold little hands. Where are your mittens?”