Nasty Bastard (Grim Bastards MC Book 4) (9 page)

After that, they help me up and lead me to the bathroom. Once inside, I look down at the toilet and wonder how much pain this is gonna cause me. The answer comes to me in a flash; it’s gonna hurt like hell.

As if she can read my mind, Trix says, “It’s gonna suck a dick, that’s for sure, but nothing you can do about it.”

She’s not one to sugar coat anything, that’s for sure, but she’s right. I don’t have a lot of choice though. I can’t hold it forever. “I’m sure you’re right.”

I nod for them to leave the room then wait for them to walk out. After I take care of business, I call them back in and let them help me back to the bed. When I lay my head down on the pillow, my whole world starts to spin as pain fills me.

Trix grabs a pillow from the floor and hands it to me, saying, “Hold that as tight as you can stand against your stomach. It’ll take some of the pressure off your ribs, and it should help with the pain.”

I nod and do what she suggested. After a couple minutes, I draw in a relieved breath as the pain recedes a bit. Being a nurse, I should’ve thought of the pillow myself, but the dizziness sometimes makes it hard to concentrate. “Thank you.”

“No problem, I’m no stranger to injuries. I’ve learned a trick or two,” she says, walking over to sit in the chair that Smoke exited earlier. “Keep the pillow close and hold it anytime you need to move.”

Addy slowly sits on the foot of the bed again before asking, “If you don’t mind me asking, what the hell happened to you?”

I go into the story about what happened, from the time I showed up in town to Torch showing up and beating the hell out of me. “I have no idea what the hell the man wanted, but he wouldn’t listen to me.”

Trix clears her throat, leaning back in the chair. “I don’t have all the answers you’re looking for. Never even met Torch, so don’t know shit about him other than he isn’t a good guy. I knew your dad and brother before they…”

Her words die on her lips, so I finish the sentence for her. “Before they died? That’s what you were gonna say, wasn’t it?”

“I don’t know the whole story about that either,” she says, not quite meeting my eyes. “But, I seriously doubt either one of them are still breathing, so don’t plan on them stopping by for a visit or anything.”

I pull in a quick breath, trying to find something in me that’s sad to have lost my father and brother, but I can’t. “I’m not gonna pretend them being gone bothers me, but I would like to know what they did to deserve death.”

After a couple of seconds of silence, Addy gives Trix a reassuring nod. “It’s not something I like to talk about, but I will give you a brief summary. Crank tried to rape me, and they both tried to kill me. I walked away with nothing more than a few scratches, but it still scared the hell out of me.”

Bile works its way up my throat, making me want to drain every bit of my father’s blood from my body. I’ve always known they were both bad, but I never knew they were that bad. Still, a small part of me is not surprised by it.

“I’m sorry,” I say, blinking back my tears. “I’m sorry they hurt you, sorry for all the people they’ve hurt in their fucked up lives.”

Trix shrugs, as if it’s not a big deal. “I lived, so it’s all good. Even if it wasn’t, you didn’t do shit to apologize for.”

Addy stands up and walks to the head of the bed. “That’s all in the past, so let’s forget it. What we want to know is what’s going on between you and Smoke. He wouldn’t leave your side all damn night. Just sat there and watched you. Any time anyone came in the room, he damn near ripped their heads off.”

It’s been years since I talked about him. Not even my ex knew about what Layton did to me, but it all comes pouring out now. I tell them everything about us, from our first kiss to the day he took my virginity and walked out on me.

“He just left me standing in his room and never talked to me again,” I say, as tears fill my eyes. “My ex did some pretty fucked up shit to me, but nothing ever hurt as much as Smoke turning away from me like that.”

“Shit, that’s fucked up,” Trix mumbles then says, “You’re gonna have to make him work for it, Gidget. Don’t let him off too easy.”

My eyes jerks to hers as I try to decipher her words. “Make him work for what? What are you talking about?”

“Every time you say his name, your eyes fill with tears. You wouldn’t have that kind of reaction if you didn’t care. You still love him, so there’s no way you’re gonna be able to say no to him forever.” She leans forward, getting closer to the bed. “Judging by the way he hovered over you last night, he’s always regretted walking away from you and is gonna do everything to get you back. Before you give in and take his stupid ass back, make him prove he deserves a second chance.”

Before I can reply, before my brain can even take in everything she just said, a cry comes through the baby monitor. Addy smiles and says, “Cam’s up, so Parker probably is, too. I’ll go get him and bring him down to see you.”

They both jump up and walk to the door. Just before they open it up, Addy looks back and says, “I’m glad Smoke has someone good to love him. He deserves it.”

As the door shuts, my mind replays everything they said. For some reason, Trix’s words keep pushing to the front.
You still love him, so there’s no way you’re gonna be able to say no to him forever.
Fuck, she’s right!

Smoke

Leaving Boz’s office, I turn the corner to head down the hall to the room Doc put Gidget in. Hopefully, she went to sleep after seeing her son and is awake now. If she’s still sleeping, I’m gonna have to wake her up. There are questions to be answered, and tired or not, she’s gonna be answering them. She’s not gonna be happy to be talking to me, if our earlier conversation is any indication, but she has no choice.

After taking a few steps, Dad catches up to me. “Smoke, hold on a minute. We need to talk about this shit.”

The shit he wants to talk about is probably me and Gidget. Fuck, I knew this was coming, knew he would have some sort of input. Dad can never keep his mouth shut, even when he should. Right now, he should definitely be keeping quiet. I’m too close to the edge to treat him with the respect he deserves.

“All I’ve got is a minute or two, so you better make it quick,” I say, stopping in my tracks and turning to him. “I need to check on Gidget, and Boz wants me to ask her about the other guys with Torch. Then, I’m gonna head over to Stone’s place and finish the search we started last night.”

He walks to me, stopping mere inches away. “What’s this about Gidget being your woman again? I thought you ended that shit a long time ago.”

“Don’t start, Dad,” I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest. “This is between her and me; it has nothing to do with you.”

“You and that girl were over years ago. You were both too young back then to know what you wanted.” He runs a hand through his hair and adds, “You were too fucking wrapped up in her to see straight. I’m wondering if you’re still just as blind as you were as a teenager, and if y’all are still over.”

His words piss me way the fuck off, bringing up shit that I’d rather not even think about. Hurting Gidget is all on me. I made the decision, and fucked up big time, all on my own. Still, if Dad had just kept his mouth shut, none of it would have happened. After he compared her to Mom, I couldn’t think of anything else. Something in me thought I needed to let her go, so she could live the life she wanted. It was like he drilled that shit in my head.

I take a deep breath to get a grip on my anger before saying, “We’ve never been over, Dad. You’re smart enough to know that.”

“You’ve held on to it too fucking long, boy. Should have let her go years ago,” he says with a shake of his head. “She went away to her fancy ass college and started a new life, and you got your officer patch, became VP. She got the life she wanted and so did you. It’s time to move the fuck on.”

Some of what he says is true, but a whole hell of a lot of it isn’t. “Yeah, I’m VP and fucking proud of it. Still, I go to bed every damn night lonely and wake up the same way the next morning. If that’s what you think I want, you don’t know shit about me.”

The pain in his eyes is easy to see, but I can’t find it in me to regret one damn word I’ve said. Not that I want to hurt him, but he deserves to hear the truth from me. He’s my Dad; he should know enough to know I wanted more from life than what I got. If he doesn’t, that’s his damn problem.

“Fuck, son,” he mumbles under his breath, taking a step away from me. “You still love her, even after all these years?”

I step forward, closing the distance between us, and tell him what I should have told him all those years ago. “I’ve loved Gidget since I was nine years old. I’ll still be loving her when I take my last breath.”

“I hate that for you, Smoke. I really do,” he says, sounding more like my dad and less like a brother. “I’m afraid you’re gonna end up getting hurt.”

“That’s what you’re not getting, Dad. Pain is all I’ve felt since the day she left,” I tell him honestly.

“She’s Stone’s daughter, a traitor’s kid. That fact alone is gonna cause you problems, and we haven’t even talked about what her brother did to the Pres’s old lady,” he states, looking right into my eyes. “If you try to claim her, you could end up losing your cut.”

He’s right. Every damn thing he is saying is true. Still, it doesn’t change a damn thing. I’m not letting her go this time, no matter what it costs me.

Not waiting for me to reply, he asks, “Is she really worth giving up your brothers and the club, losing everything that you love?”

I ball my hands into fists to keep from knocking him on his ass. “Yeah, I’d give up everything for her, Dad. That includes you. Don’t make me choose between the two of you, because you’ll lose.”

I can see the doubt in his eyes when he says, “I’m just trying to keep you from making the same mistakes I’ve made.”

“Gidget isn’t Mom. She’s nothing like her.” I shake my head at how blind he is before continuing. “Do you think Lisa’s anything like Mom?”

His entire body goes taut as he growls, “Don’t bring my woman into this, Smoke. You know damn good and well that Lisa’s nothing like your Mom.”

Laying my hand on his shoulder, I tell him the one thing he may understand. “Gidget is my Lisa.”

With those words, I leave him and continue down the hall. Just as I reach the door to the bedroom, I hear my name being called from behind me. How many more fuckers are gonna stop me today? A sigh leaves my lips as I turn around. Violet is heading my way with a smile on her face. Even though I don’t have time for this shit, I wait, not wanting her to try to follow me into Gidget’s room.

“I saw Doc in there earlier,” she says, motioning her head toward the door. “What’s going on? Is someone hurt or something?”

My eyes narrow on her. “What’s going on is none of your fucking concern, so don’t be asking questions. I think you’ve been here long enough to know where your place is, and it’s not in everyone’s business.”

She starts to take a step back but hesitates and reaches out to try to grab my hand. “You seem stressed. I’m sure I can come up with something to make you feel better, just a little stress release.”

Her words hit me in the gut, causing my stomach to roll. I can’t believe I’ve spent the last three months fucking this bitch. “You need to get the fuck away from me before I do something we’re both gonna regret.”

This time, she does take a step back. “What’s wrong, Smoke? Did I do something to make you mad?”

The chick is fucking crazy. More than once, I’ve told her to stay the fuck away from me unless she is called. Still, she follows me around like a bitch in heat. That shit’s gonna stop right now.

“Yeah, you did,” I say, running a hand through my hair. “You are not my old lady, and you never will be. I’ve told you, many times, that fucking was all that we were gonna have. You don’t listen. For some reason, you think I’m your man, and that I want you. You’ve never been anything but easy pussy, so you need to quit trying to put yourself in my life.”

Standing in front of her, my eyes scan her from head to toe, thinking about the time I wasted in her bed. I don’t know what I ever saw in her. Violet may look a little bit like Gidget, but that’s as far as the similarities go. She has the long dark hair and blue eyes, but that’s it. As soon as she touches me, the illusion is broken.

I wasn’t lying; she was nothing more than easy pussy. She’s just like all the others I’ve fucked over the years. Just someone to fill the void left behind by the woman I really wanted. Now that I have a chance to have Gidget in my life again, even if that chance is slim, I’m not gonna let this bitch fuck it up.

Taking another step back, she pushes out her bottom lip and pouts. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

A part of me feels bad. The chick just doesn’t have what it takes to be a club whore. She wants to be an old lady, but she doesn’t have what it takes for that either. She needs to take her ass back home and stay the fuck away from the club, but I could talk till I’m blue in the face and that wouldn’t happen. The only way to get her away from here is to eighty-six her, but she hasn’t done anything to deserve that.

“This shit between us is done, Violet,” I say, trying to make sure she hears the truth behind my words. “You need to stay the fuck away from me from now on. If you see me, turn and walk away.”

“Please don’t say that, Smoke. You know how much I love you,” she begs, trying to grab my arm again.

“If you think what we shared was love, then you don’t have a fucking idea what love really is,” I tell her with a shake of my head, then add, “Don’t try to talk to me anymore, woman. Don’t even look at me. Find someone else when you want to fuck. Lots of brothers will take you up on the offer. Whatever you do, just stay the hell away from me. If you don’t, I’ll make sure you never step foot on Grim Bastards property again.”

Not waiting for her to reply, I walk through the door and shut it behind me. When I look toward the bed, Gidget is sitting up, wide awake. Her light blue eyes are shooting daggers my way, letting me know she heard every word Violet and I said.

“I see you haven’t change one damn bit in all these years, Smoke. You’re still using women to get what you want and then tossing them aside like they’re nothing but trash,” she says as she looks away from me.