Natasha's Awakening (55 page)

After one final look between Eric and Natasha, the doctor’s focus returned to the screen in front of him. “Well, your babies are growing nicely, everything looks fine and I can tell you that you are having one of each, a boy and a girl.” He told them.

“Seriously?” Natasha’s eyes widened. “Did you hear that Eric? A boy and a girl.” She said in wonder, her anger at him momentarily forgotten.

“Yes, I did.” He replied, his gaze softening slightly as he looked down at her before the blank mask returned and the moment was gone.

The rest of the ultra sound went smoothly. Their babies were fine, Natasha’s health was good and the doctor let them hear the heart beats of them. The two little beats really bringing it home that there were two babies growing inside her. Once the doctor was finished, Natasha got to go to the bathroom which was an enormous relief and after final instructions about her continuing to eat well, getting some gentle exercise and resting when her body demanded it, they were free to go.

When they returned to the limo, the drive back to Eric’s house was in silence. Natasha spent most of the time staring at the black and white photo of their babies that the doctor had given them, although she still had to study it very closely to see the outlines of their babies. She pressed her hands against her stomach, feeling the hardness of them nestled in her womb and when she looked up, Eric was watching her with a strange look on his face. It was gone as soon as she saw it though and he went back to his blank impenetrable stare.

Once they arrived back at the house, he led the way inside and Alice came out to greet them, eager to hear how the ultra sound had gone. He told her everything was fine and walked off towards the stairs, throwing over his shoulder that he was going to have a shower. Alice looked from one to the other, worry appearing on her face. “Oh dear.” She said as her eyes followed Eric’s progress up the stairs. When he was out of sight she turned to Natasha. “Is everything alright? Your babies are fine?” She asked and Natasha nodded.

“We’re having a boy and a girl.” She told her.

“That’s wonderful news pet, but I think you need to go see to that man of yours. Whatever is going on, don’t let too much time pass. He’s a proud, stubborn man and it’s not my business, I know, but you two need to sort out whatever is going on.” Alice said, patting Natasha’s shoulder.

“I’m not the one at fault.” She said, but she found herself heading for the lift to go upstairs because she still had unanswered questions for Eric.

Eric was already in the shower by the time Natasha got upstairs so she sat on one of the lounge chairs waiting for him. She felt so tense that her stomach rolled ominously and for a moment she thought she was going to be sick. It frustrated her so much that he was acting like she was the one at fault, when he was clearly the one cheating on her and his stubborn refusal to answer her questions only made his guilt more obvious.

When he finally emerged from the bathroom, his hair wet and a towel wrapped around his waist, he hesitated briefly when he saw her before disappearing into the walk in closet to get dressed. She waited for him to dress and when he walked back out into the bedroom wearing his faded blue jeans and a black t-shirt, her mouth went dry at the sight of him. He was so overwhelmingly sexy. It was understandable that other women would want him as much as she did but it didn’t stop the stab of pain at the thought of him kissing another woman, making love to another woman. He probably needed to have a shower to wash the smell of the other woman’s perfume from his skin, she thought bitterly.

“You’re not going to let this go and simply trust me are you Natasha?” His tone was weary.

“How can I trust you Eric when you won’t answer my questions? You demanded to know what I was doing and where I was the day I bought that damned vibrator but I’m not allowed to ask the same questions of you? At least I didn’t come home reeking of another man’s aftershave.” She cried, her anger escalating.

Eric stalked over to her, bending down to plant both hands on the chair’s armrests, either side of her. “I am not having an affair, I am not fucking any other woman besides you and if you can’t accept that then what the hell are we doing?” He said in that low tone which meant he was barely holding onto his rage.

“I can accept you being late because of work, I can accept you almost missing our doctor’s appointment, but I can’t accept you smelling of another woman’s perfume Eric. Just how do you explain that one? Obviously a woman has been close enough to you for you to end up smelling of cheap perfume.”

Eric’s hands curled, digging into the arms of the chair and Natasha suspected that he wished it was her neck he had beneath his hands and not the armrests. “Even if I told you Natasha, would you believe me? It seems to me that you’ve already made up your mind that I’m a cheater and if that’s the case, nothing I say is going to change your mind. Don’t punish me because of your jealous insecurities.” He said.

“Why won’t you just tell me Eric? Why can’t you explain to me why you smelt of perfume? Is that too much to expect?” Natasha’s voice pleaded with him.

Eric pushed back from the chair, straightening up. He sighed before turning away from her, running his hands through his hair. “Dammit, why did I fool myself that things could be different?” He asked, although his question didn’t seem to be directed at Natasha. One look at his face when he turned around and she could see his mind had drifted off. He wasn’t even aware of her in the room anymore.

Natasha watched him, seeing the tormented expression that came over his face. “What did you think would be different?” She asked and Eric’s eyes shifted to her and she saw the moment he became aware of her again.

“You want to know why I smelt of perfume? I’ll tell you, but if you can’t damned well believe me Natasha, then I have to wonder what the hell we’re doing. I can’t be in a relationship where you’re going to question every move I make, every time I’m late home because you know the nature of my work, I often finish late. You’ve been there, you can’t have forgotten already.”

Natasha conceded that Eric was right about his work. She’d stayed back late many times to help him out but she just wanted an explanation for the perfume. Whether she could believe it, whether she would accept it and let it go she couldn’t be sure, not until he gave his explanation.

Finally with a sigh he turned to her again. “I needed help with something out of the office. I got Samantha from Accounting to come with me. You remember her. She’s young and she’s married so I thought she could help me, give her honest opinion on something. When she helped me, we hugged. She was happy and I was fucking happy ok?” He said, his voice getting angrier with each word. “I’m not having an affair with her. She’s a pleasant enough woman, but I’m not even remotely attracted to her. Fuck, I thought by choosing a male PA to replace you that I wouldn’t have to deal with any of this kind of shit.” His frustration clearly evident in the way he constantly raked his hands through his hair.

“What did you need Samantha to help you with Eric.” She couldn’t keep the curiosity out of her voice. She knew he had a male PA working for him now and she also knew Samantha, not that well, but enough to know the woman was hopelessly in love with her husband. She was a reasonably attractive woman but not the kind of woman Eric would go for. Still a little voice in her head told her that she wasn’t the kind of woman he normally went for either.

Eric sighed and closed his eyes briefly. “Now that’s the problem. Everything has gone to shit. I had so many ideas on the way home before I walked inside and you started tearing into me. Funny thing is, I let myself believe, just for a moment that maybe life could be different.” He gave a harsh laugh. “Well more fool me then.” He said. Eric started pacing up and down the room his expression so tormented that Natasha was starting to worry about what was going on with him. He began talking again, but she knew it wasn’t to her, he had drifted again, his mind somewhere other than in the bedroom with her.

“All my life it’s been the same. Don’t get involved because it always ends badly. It’s me, it’s got to be me, something about me just makes it all go wrong. I should have known, I should have fucking well known but no, what do I do? Stupidly think this time will be different. This will be good, this will work out and now look at it? Shot to hell like it always is. What the fuck is wrong with me?” Eric spun around and the expression in his eyes scared her.

“I don’t understand Eric. What are you saying? What did you think might be different?” She asked softly.

Eric shook his head as if to clear the demons from his head. “What am I saying? Fuck, I don’t know what I’m saying Natasha. I don’t see the point, what the fuck is the point? You don’t trust me, that’s obvious. I’m fucking cursed, I tried to tell you that, but would you listen? No, and look where it’s got us? I tried to warn you, I told you I was bad news. You should have fucking well listened.” He yelled. “Dammit to hell, I need to get out of here. I can’t look at you, I can’t deal with this shit right now.” And he stormed out of the bedroom, down the stairs and Natasha heard the front door slam shut.

She leapt up rushing out the door suddenly fearful of him driving anywhere in the mood he was in. She had no idea what was going on with him, why he was talking in what seemed like riddles to her. All she knew for sure was she’d made one huge mistake. She’d accused him of having an affair, but he was right. That was her own insecurities coming out. He’d given her so much more than any other woman and she knew down deep inside that he’d made big changes in his life for her. He’d let her in, showing a side of himself no other woman had ever experienced. God, Maggie had told her what he was like, she could see the changes in Eric, but still Natasha thought badly of him. Always expecting him to let her down, to hurt her so she could point her finger at him and say “I told you so.” Now her accusations had triggered something in him. He’d looked so tortured, his expression heart breakingly tormented and she didn’t know how to help him. God, she loved him, she’d been so fearful of having her heart broken by him that she’d never even told him that. She’d been too scared to take a risk and lay her heart on the line. Eric cared about her. She wasn’t sure if it was love. Maybe he wasn’t capable of loving after what he’d endured, but for every change he made for her, for every gentle caress, every close moment they shared, she couldn’t accept it for what it was. A man who didn’t know how to love, showing her that he cared, the only way he knew how. She was such a fool and she was going to lose him if she didn’t wake up to herself. She needed to stop him if she could, before he got in his car and took off as worked up as he was.

Not having time for the lift, Natasha rushed down the stairs, desperate to get out the door before Eric drove off but half way down, her ankle rolled and she felt herself starting to fall. Frantically she lunged trying to grab the handrail but her fingers only clawed at thin air. As she started to tumble down the remaining stairs, she screamed in fear, fear for what might happen to her babies.

She heard Alice call out and the front door suddenly burst open, as Eric rushed inside. As if in slow motion she watched his expression go from irritation to overwhelming terror and he charged forward, but it was too late. Natasha fell, hitting the stairs, bouncing like a rag doll until he grabbed her, but not before her head cracked against the bannister and she caught a glimpse of Eric’s face, the fear in his voice as he called her name, just as the darkness pulled her under.

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It was the aches and pains through her body that finally dragged Natasha out of the darkness. She heard voices whispering obviously trying not to disturb her. Images flashed through her mind and as she remembered what happened, icy cold fear hit her. Her hands moved to her stomach and encountered the swell there of her babies. “Natasha, baby.” She heard Eric’s voice and she turned her head, wincing at the pain that speared through her head and neck at the small movement. “Baby can you hear me, open your eyes, god baby, please, open your eyes.” Eric’s voice called to her and reluctantly she opened her eyes, groaning when the light sent another stab of pain through her skull.

She struggled to focus on Eric’s face as he sat by her side but it hurt too much and she closed her eyes, the darkness immediately giving her some relief. “Baby stay with me, open your eyes.” Eric begged but she shook her head, groaning when pain lanced through her again.

“Light…too bright.” She croaked her voice rasping.

“Alice shut the blinds and curtains now, then can you leave us alone please.” Eric ordered and Natasha couldn’t help feeling surprised. Alice was in the hospital with them?

“Hospital.” She croaked but Eric took her hand, his voice lowered to try and spare her more pain as he told her that she was home in their bed.

“My babies, are my babies alright.” Natasha’s voice broke, tears trickling from the corners of her eyes and Eric groaned.

“Baby, don’t get yourself upset, they’re fine. Tough like their Mother. The doctor’s been here, he’s already checked and he decided that you would be better off being taken care of at home.” Eric told her.

“Huh?” She forced her eyes open again, seeing that what Eric was saying was true.

“The doctor said you were very lucky baby. If you had fallen down the whole flight of stairs it might have been different, but you didn’t and I got you before you went right to the bottom. Our babies are fine, but you suffered some bumps and bruises plus mild concussion. God Natasha, what were you thinking? I told you to always take the lift. I told you that for your own good, to avoid something like this. What possessed you to run down those bloody stairs?” He asked. “I thought.. God, I thought…” His voice broke and she watched Eric’s face as he relived the fear and hopelessness he’d felt when he saw her starting to fall and he couldn’t reach her in time.

As Natasha watched the torment on his face and the first tears that dampened his cheeks, she realised even more what a fool she’d been. Eric might not tell her he loved her, but he’d shown her in so many ways just how important she was to him and she’d thrown it back in his face, accused him of cheating on her. He might never be able to say he loved her and as much as she longed to hear those words on his lips, she also understood how hard that would be for him. He’d grown up thinking he was unlovable, that he was cursed and the only person he had loved, hadn’t been able to love him enough to put him first. He was lucky that he had people like Maggie and Alice and he showed how much they meant to him by what he’d done for them both, just as Natasha had finally come to realise that Eric had shown her in so many ways if not in words, just how much she meant to him. God, she’d been an idiot and she had almost put their babies at risk, and for what? Her selfish need to have Eric tell her he loved her? How many times did those three little words get thrown around without meaning? She had a man who showed her love in every way except to express it verbally.