Neighbor Dearest (13 page)

“Oh, really? Someone from the site?”

“Yes. His name is Mark.”

Dudley and Drewfus were barking up a storm next door, prompting Jade to laugh. “Wow, you weren’t kidding about those dogs. I can hear them.”

“It kills me that I haven’t seen them in so long.”

She sighed. “This is really proof, you know.”

“What do you mean?”

“That men and women really can’t be friends, not if one of them is attracted to the other.”

“I feel guilty, like I failed him as a friend because I couldn’t control my feelings. He’s been nothing but good to me and up front.”

“Maybe you’ll hit it off with this Mark guy or someone else, and that will make it so that you can handle being friends with Damien again someday.”

“Anytime I think about moving on from these feelings for Damien, it just makes me sad. It doesn’t feel natural to me. I can’t explain it. It feels like even though a part of him is forcing himself away from me, there’s still this pull that is ever present. I can’t imagine my feelings going away as long as that contradiction exists.”

“Well, you can’t run in circles forever. He’s told you in every which way that he doesn’t feel like there’s a future there. At some point, regardless of his reasons, you just have to listen to him.”

“Those are his words, yes. But his heart…you should have heard the way it was beating when we kissed. I think that’s the main reason I can’t accept what he’s telling me.”

“I don’t want to see you wasting this precious time in your life pining over someone who’s not going to be there for you in the end. He’s told you his piece. I guess I just don’t understand why you’re not listening at this point.”

That was hard to hear, and I didn’t really have an answer. Matters of the heart weren’t always logical or easy to explain.

That afternoon after Jade and I got off the phone, I made some coffee and sat at my window. Damien was painting in the courtyard. I knew this was the time of day when the sun was just right when he usually worked on his art. I wasn’t normally at home at this time but had taken a personal day.

I sat and watched him for almost two hours as he painted a mountain with a sunset behind it. It was amazing how something that started out as a series of sprayed lines could be transformed into an image so realistic with the right blend of colors.

I wondered what he was thinking about and what made him decide to draw a mountain and a sunset. The dogs were sitting down watching him with their tongues hanging out, and that made me smile. It took everything in me to stop myself from going out there and joining them, but I didn’t want to disrupt him or worse—upset him.

My phone rang, interrupting the stalking session. It was Ariel from the youth center.

“Hey, Ariel. What’s up?”

“I was looking for you, but you’re not in today. You said I could call you anytime if I needed you, right?”

“Yes. Of course. What’s wrong?”

“Promise you won’t get mad at me?”

“I promise.”

“I had sex with Kai.”

Shit.

“Wow. Alright. Are you okay?”

“I think so. I mean, it wasn’t that great.”

I laughed inwardly. “Yeah, first times usually aren’t.”

“I see that now.”

“What made you decide to take that step?”

“I was curious. I wanted to see if it brings us closer. And I love him.”

“Well, as long as you’re okay with it and didn’t feel forced into doing something you weren’t ready for.”

“It’s too late now anyway, right?”

“It’s not too late to stop having sex moving forward.”

“I just thought I’d feel different…better about things…and I don’t.”

“Sex sometimes only complicates things even further.”

God, look who’s talking. It was like I needed my own advice.

“I almost feel more afraid than I was before,” she said.

“Since you’re being so honest with me, I’m going to tell you something very personal.”

“Okay.”

“You asked me a while back if I’d met anyone since Elec. At the time, there wasn’t anyone, but since then, I have met someone. He became my really good friend, but the problem is, I ended up developing strong feelings for him.”

“Did you have sex with him?”

“Well, that’s the thing. Even though we’re adults, which makes it less risky than it is at your age, he doesn’t want to take that step with me. It’s not because he’s not attracted to me. The temptation is there. But for some reason, he doesn’t feel that he can commit to me in the long term. So, he made the decision to not let things go any further, because he understands that sex does complicate things, and he’s trying to protect my feelings. He’s right, because a sexual relationship is not a step that anyone should take unless they’re sure. Even though I wish things were different, deep down, I respect his decision. I respect him so much for not using me or taking advantage of my vulnerability and for not wanting to hurt me.”

In an odd way, it made me love him even more, which was so fucked-up.

“Are you crying?” Ariel asked.

Wiping my eyes, I chuckled through my tears. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“See…sometimes, adults need to talk, too.”

***

Everyday I would tell myself that today was the day I would go over to Damien’s and apologize, and each day, I would let the opportunity pass me by. It never felt like the right time.

Sometimes, life doesn’t wait for the right time. Sometimes, a sudden situation brings people together whether they are ready for it or not.

One Wednesday, upon arriving home from work, the building super was standing outside with one of the dogs—but not both—which seemed odd. Upon closer look, I realized he was with Dudley.

“Hey, Murray. What’s going on? Where’s Damien?”

The look on his face worried me. “Drewfus was hit by a car today.”

My stomach sank. “What? Is he okay?”

“I’m not sure. He took him to the animal hospital. Boss was pretty shaken up.”

Dudley would normally be jumping up and down around me, but instead, he was quiet and didn’t seem himself.

“Did Dudley see it happen?”

“I think so. I wasn’t here. I guess Drewfus just took off suddenly, and it all happened so fast.”

My heart was aching for Damien. The dogs were his life. Filled with dread, I took out my phone and sent him a text.

Is Drewfus okay?

It was several minutes before he responded.

Damien: He’s in surgery. Some broken limbs and internal damage. I won’t know more until he’s out.

Breathing out a sigh of relief that the dog was alive, I typed.

Chelsea: I’m with Murray. Can I take Dudley to your apartment? What can I do?

Damien: That would be great.

Chelsea: Okay. I still have my key from last time.

Damien: Thank you.

Chelsea: Of course.

Once inside Damien’s apartment, it broke my heart to see how flustered Dudley was as he frantically searched all of the rooms for his best friend. The Double Ds were like right arms to each other. If he’d seen the accident happen, that had to have been traumatic.

He also refused to eat, which was very unlike him. I didn’t know what else to do. When I sat down on the couch, he hopped up to join me and rested his chin on my stomach. I began to slowly massage his smooth scalp to calm him. I couldn’t think of any better purpose for myself today than to be comforting this animal. My fingers continued to stroke his forehead until his lazy eyelids fluttered closed. He’d fallen asleep.

Since I hadn’t peed since coming home from work, I carefully slid my body from under Dudley to use Damien’s bathroom.

Upon returning, I noticed a notepad on the kitchen counter that seemed to have a number of different things scribbled on it from telephone numbers to grocery items to doodles. But it was the word written randomly in the corner of the notepad in an elaborate graffiti-like font that really stood out:
Chelsea.

In the midst of such a sad day, that made me smile and filled me with hope. I vowed not to read into it and just to appreciate it for what it was: verification that he’d been thinking of me, whether as a friend or otherwise.

Even though I was dying for an update on Drewfus, I opted not to bother Damien. He’d contact me when he was ready. So, I returned to my spot on the couch next to Dudley. He’d now woken up but was sullen and lethargic.

The door opened shortly after 11PM. Dudley started to pant as he ran to it in search of his best friend. Damien was alone and knelt down, rubbing his fingers along Dudley’s head.

Speaking softly, he said, “It’s okay, buddy. It’s okay. He’s not here, but he’s gonna be fine. He’s gonna be okay.”

With my hand on my pounding heart, I let out the breath I’d been holding. Still kneeling down, Damien smiled up at me, and suddenly everything seemed right in the world. I’d longed to see that smile directed toward me again.

He stayed crouched down for a while, trying as best as he could to reassure Dudley.

Damien finally stood up and walked toward me while Dudley stayed by the door waiting in the hopes that Drewfus would be coming through any minute.

Not knowing what to say or do, my body stiffened. Damien shocked me when he pulled me into him and held me tightly as he let out a long breath into my neck. My body relaxed into him as we just continued to hold each other.

“He’s really gonna be okay?”

He took a step back to look at me. “Yeah. The vet thinks so. They have to keep him there for a couple of days. He’s gonna have a bit of a recovery, but he’s gonna make it.”

“God, you have no idea how scared I was for you.”

“Me, too.”

“I’ve been praying so hard.”

“Thank you. It worked.”

“Is Jenna okay?”

“She’s still at the hospital, actually. We got into it a little, though. She was being a pain in the ass. I’m fucking exhausted.”

“Got into it about the accident?”

“Yeah. She accused me of not watching him closely enough.”

“That’s bullshit. You’d give your life for those dogs.”

“I almost did when I ran after him, Chelsea.”

The thought of something happening to Damien made me ill.

“How did the accident happen?”

“He saw a little dog on the opposite side of the road. Drewfus goes crazy over little dogs. Anyway, I tried to stop him, but he’d bolted faster than I could catch him. The Corolla didn’t have the chance to stop. He’s lucky the woman wasn’t going any faster.”

“You do look exhausted.”

“You sayin’ I look like shit, woman?”

He plopped down on the couch and rubbed his eyes.

“I should go and let you get some rest.”

“No.”

“No?”

“Can you stay?” When I didn’t respond, he said, “Please.”

I nodded. “I can stay.”

He patted the spot next to him. “Come sit next to me.”

“Alright.”

He laid his head back in silence until he finally turned to me. “Nice try.”

“What do you mean?”

“You were trying to get out of talking to me about what happened between us.”

“Tonight isn’t the right time to bring that stuff up.”

“You were never going to bring it up. If it weren’t for what happened with Drewfus, you’d still be avoiding me.”

“I’m sorry. But you’re right. I would rather forget that night. Everything about it is mortifying.”

“Why is it mortifying? You were drunk. We had a moment. Shit happens.”

“You called me a little perv.”

“You
are
a little perv.”

“Thanks for confirming that.”

“It’s not a bad thing. I love that you’re a sexually curious person.”

“You love that I watched your sex tape?”

“No. That I don’t love. But I’m not faulting you for your curiosity. You’re human.” We continued to stare at each other until he said, “You’re wanting to ask me something. Go ahead. Ask me.”

“Who is she?”

“An ex-girlfriend named Everly. We had taken a trip to Jamaica. That video is over five years old. She’s married now with a baby. It’s fucking old news, Chelsea.”

“Is she the reason you’re so fucked-up?”

“Whoa…I didn’t realize I was fucked-up. And you accuse
me
of name calling?” He chuckled. “No. She has nothing to do with anything. She was just a small chapter of my life. Everly thought it would be fun to record us that day. I threw that disc in a box where I’d always kept random shit. Never even watched it once. Forgot I even
had
it until you reminded me. End of story.”

“I thought my admission about the video was why you were mad, why you left.”

“God, no. It was never about the video. I don’t give a shit about that. I was pissed because of the message you sent me.”

“I was just messing around. It upset me a little that you still had an active profile. I got jealous.” I shook my head. “Why am I even admitting this?”

“Because you’re honest. I respect that. Since we’re being honest…speaking of the site…I don’t want you going out with that guy Mark until I have a chance to check him out.”

“You can’t dictate who I date.” I paused to ponder how he even knew about that. “How do you know about Mark?”

“You’re not the only one who knows how to snoop, Sherlock.”

“I’m not following. Are you a hacker or something?”

“I created that account. Remember, genius? For Christ’s sake, you never changed the damn user name and password. All I need to do is type in your name and fire3, and I see everything you’re doing.”

“You have no right to spy on me like that.”

“I wasn’t spying on you. I was trying to keep you safe.”

“How is that your business?”

“Because you’re my fucking best friend. That makes you my business.”

His admission made me speechless for a moment.

His best friend?

“I am?”

“Well, you
were
…until the night you asked me to duck, then stopped talking to me.”

“I didn’t know you felt that strongly about our friendship.”