Neighbor Dearest (24 page)

Within seconds, I felt the slow burn of his engorged cock sinking into me. So worked up, I needed release, but held on for as long as I could.

Fucking me so hard to the point of pain, he whispered in my ear, “Come all over my dick. Come on.” We were so sexually in sync that he always seemed to know my breaking point.

As soon as I let go, Damien released his load into me. We stayed panting, leaning against the wall until the movement of our hips slowly came to a halt.

My body was completely limp. Damien was still inside of me, his mouth resting on my skin. A bead of sweat ran from his forehead onto the back of my neck. Our breathing and the rustling of the leaves outside were the only sounds left.

It was bliss.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

PENTHOUSE

Damien and I lived in sex-filled denial for quite a while. That ended one night when an eventful dinner at my parents’ house in Sausalito smacked us back to reality.

Mom and Dad weren’t surprised when I’d told them Damien and I were now together. Apparently, after that messy finale to my moving day, they’d long suspected it wasn’t the end of the story with him. I’d filled them in on everything that had happened since, and they welcomed Damien with open arms.

My sister, Claire, and her husband, Micah, had also come for dinner that night. At one point during dessert, Micah clinked his fork against a glass and asked everyone at the table for our attention.

Claire cleared her throat and looked straight at me. “So, we kind of have a special announcement.”

My jaw dropped because I had a feeling I knew what was coming.

“We’re pregnant!” Micah shouted gleefully as he rubbed my sister’s back.

Unable to stop myself from breaking out into tears, I immediately got up from my seat to hug them. This was huge. She was the first of us to have a child, and I was going to be an aunt. Visions of chubby legs, blowing raspberries and big toothless grins flashed through my mind. I was so thrilled for them—for all of us. Even still, I was surprised that the news caused me to cry so easily. It was more poignant of a moment than I’d ever imagined.

“I’m so happy for you, Claire Bear. I love you so much. I just know you’re gonna be the best mother in the world.”

My parents and I took turns hugging Claire and Micah. Everyone immediately started pondering potential baby names. My sister dialed Jade so that we could all FaceTime. Jade also broke out into tears upon hearing the news.

So wrapped up in the excitement, I hadn’t even noticed the empty chair.

Damien had disappeared. At first, I didn’t think anything of it, but with each minute that passed, his absence became more and more disconcerting.

After confirming that he wasn’t in the bathroom, I made my way out to the back of the house and found him standing alone in the yard. It was cold out and drizzly, not a great night to be outside. This was odd.

“Damien? Are you okay?”

He turned around, looking sullen. “Yeah.”

My mood had gone from happy a few minutes ago to panicky now. “What are you doing out here?” When he didn’t respond, I said, “You’re scaring me.”

The memory of being sideswiped by Elec’s change of heart was never too far. As much as I knew Damien truly cared about me, my own experiences had conditioned me to expect something to go wrong whenever everything seemed perfect.

“We need to get away from here and talk in private.”

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nodded. “Okay. Let’s get going, then.”

Nervously grabbing my purse and jacket back inside, I said goodbye to my parents and sister as Damien waited outside in the truck. I’d made up a story that he was feeling a little sick to his stomach when in fact it was my own stomach that was turning.

As Damien drove us over the Golden Gate Bridge, I sat in the passenger seat, staring at the beads of drizzle gathering on the window. Feeling nauseous, I turned to him and examined his expression. He seemed troubled and kept his eyes on the road. I wasn’t sure where he was taking us until he eventually turned toward our neighborhood.

Once inside his apartment, it was quiet, since the Double Ds were with Jenna.

Damien leaned against his kitchen counter with both hands. “I’m sorry for scaring you, but I don’t think this conversation can be put off any longer.”

His chest was heaving. It scared me whenever Damien seemed stressed out now that I knew about his heart. I just wanted him to calm down.

“What happened to you tonight?”

He released a long breath. “When I saw the way you reacted to your sister’s news, it really hit me, how much you’d be missing by being with me.”

“What do you mean?”

After a seemingly endless pause, he said, “I can’t have children, Chelsea.”

What?

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I can
physically
have them, but I can’t in good conscience father a child, knowing there’s a fifty percent chance that I could pass along my heart defect.” He repeated, “
Fifty percent.
It would be selfish, and if I ignored that and something ever happened to my kid, I could never live with myself.”

Although I’d read about the odds, I’d never considered that he wouldn’t want to take the risk. To hear him admit how he felt was as sobering as it was heartbreaking.

When I stayed silent, he continued, “We’ve never discussed this before, and we really should have. It was a big reason I tried to avoid getting involved with you. When I used to say I never wanted to have kids, I meant it. You just didn’t understand why at the time.”

It felt like the safety cocoon of denial I’d mentally built over the past several weeks was beginning to unravel. This was devastating, but so help me God, I couldn’t imagine life without him. Not now. Not anymore.

I didn’t know how to express my feelings; the words just wouldn’t come to me.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“It’s okay.”

“But see…what I know I should do and what I want, totally contradict each other. I say I don’t want to have kids, but there is nothing more that I
really
want than to see your belly swell with my baby growing inside of you someday. I want to hold our baby in my arms so badly. But I just can’t do it. And
you
deserve to experience that. I made the selfish decision to give into my feelings for you before having this discussion. I can’t say I regret that, but at the same time, I don’t think you really understand what you’re getting yourself into. I should’ve initiated this conversation a long time ago.”

Would he think I was crazy if I admitted that I’d rather have him?

“I’m not gonna lie. I want children badly, but I don’t want them with anyone else. There are a lot of kids who need to be adopted. We could take that route. I feel like I need
you
to breathe. And I understand your reasoning for not wanting to risk it. So, if given a choice between biological children and you…I choose you. And I don’t even have to think twice about it.”

“How can you possibly mean that?”

“It’s not the perfect scenario. It’s painful. But the choice is not a tough one for me. I can live without children. I
can’t
live without you.”

I hoped that didn’t make me sound desperate; it was the honest truth.

He pulled me into the longest hug. He was breathing so heavily, as if he seriously didn’t expect my answer, like he was both relieved and conflicted at the same time.

Releasing me, he said, “Here’s my worry, alright? And hear me out.”

“Okay.”

“Say we never have kids of our own, and then something happens to me…but it’s too late for you to have kids and then you’ve lost me, too. Then what?”

“Don’t think like that.”

“It’s a very real possibility.”

I refused to entertain the thought. “No.”

“You want to know the really fucked-up part? I would love to sit here and say that if something happens to me, I want you to meet someone else, move on, fall in love again, but here’s the kind of selfish prick I am. One of the reasons I don’t want to die is because I don’t want anyone else to ever have you. As much as I knock my mother for how devoted she is to my father, I would kill for you to feel that way about me. I only want you to ever have eyes for me. Is that messed up or what? I’m terrified you’d eventually forget about me.”

“That will never happen.”

“I used to be afraid of the prospect of dying, but I had somehow accepted it, spent my days painting pictures of all the places I believed I’d never get to see. But things are different now. I can’t seem to accept it anymore. Now, I just want to live. My will to live is stronger than my fear of death now…because of you. You’re the reason I want to live so badly.”

My heart filled with so many emotions upon hearing his admission. There was no doubt in my mind that I loved this man more than anything in the world. He’d rendered me speechless, and despite all the things I should have said, I attempted to make a joke instead. “This from the same guy who used to pawn me off to other men.”

“I never really wanted that. I subconsciously did everything I could to derail those efforts, which I suppose was counter-productive. Now that I’ve had you, I can’t fathom how I ever even tried to push you away like that.”

“Well, you can’t push me away, because you’re a part of me. Not possible.”

“You’re seriously crazy, Chelsea, for wanting a life with me at this point. Thank God for you. I thank God for you every day.” He kissed me hard then said, “I want you to come with me to my next doctor’s appointment. I really want your input. I think for now I’m gonna hold off on the surgery, though. But I’m keeping an open mind about it.”

“I want to know everything there is to know. I don’t want you to hide anything from me, especially on those days when you’re not feeling well, and I definitely do want to go to those appointments. So, yes, please make sure you include me.”

“Okay.”

“No more secrets, Damien.”

“No more secrets.”

“What’s the H stand for, then?”

He tickled me under the arm. “Nice try. That one is the exception.”

I playfully threw a pillow at him. “Oh, come on.”

***

My apartment across town was merely a glorified storage closet now that all of my time was spent at Damien’s.

The old apartment next door still sat empty. Damien couldn’t exactly show it to potential renters with the gigantic unicorn on the wall. So, we needed to figure out whether I was going to try to break my lease in order to move back into my old place or whether I would move in with Damien permanently. Even though we were basically shacking up, he hadn’t exactly asked me to live with him. I wasn’t going to be the one to approach the subject, though.

Jade and I were chatting about it on the phone one afternoon while Damien was out with the dogs.

“Are you keeping a toothbrush there?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Then, you’re totally living with him.”

“I suppose I am…unofficially.”

“I was planning on staying with you when I came home after the New Year, but maybe I’ll stay with Mom and Dad instead.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to impose on you if you’re there with him. I wanted to come for Christmas so badly, but the show is busiest around the holidays, since everyone is visiting the city. They don’t want the understudies performing during peak times. So, none of the leads are allowed to take time off. There was no way I could get out of it.”

“Damien wouldn’t mind if you stayed here, but I’m still under lease at the other place. We can just stay there together and have a girls’ week.”

“Maybe I should just stay with the hot brother instead,” she joked.

Jade didn’t even know what Tyler looked like. She was just basing her opinion on what I’d told her about his resemblance to Damien. She also knew that he, too, was an actor.

“I have no doubt that Tyler would love that. He’s apparently dating someone now, though. I’m supposed to meet her over Christmas.”

“Well, nix that plan, then.”

“Yeah, she might not appreciate a six-foot tall, gorgeous blonde who looks like a model shacking up with her boyfriend.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time I shacked up with a guy and girl,” Jade said. “Except I was the girlfriend getting screwed over in that scenario.”

“What an asshole.”

“I don’t want to talk about him. Change the subject.”

“Okay...well, back to my living with Damien, I don’t want to assume it’s official, so let’s plan on you staying with me at my place when you come visit.”

“Okay. Sounds like a plan.”

Three weeks later, Damien would finally make it known where things stood as far as my living at his place.

I’d been enjoying spending time there with no expectations for however long it lasted. It wasn’t uncommon for me to wake up in the morning with Damien’s face in between my legs. I loved rolling out of bed on weekends and having breakfast with him and the dogs. I loved everything about spending time with him, and it didn’t matter to me if he put a label on it.

One thing I learned over time about Damien was that when he did something important or made a big decision, he typically did it in a spontaneous way. Case in point, the first time we’d made love when I found him painting the wall.

So, when he finally decided to acknowledge our living situation, it also wasn’t in a way that I ever could have predicted.

One afternoon, I returned to his apartment after work to find a massive pile of rubble where his office used to be. Damien was with two other men and wore a mask covering his face. There was dust everywhere, and the wall separating our two apartments was completely gone. It was all just one huge open space.

“Damien? What did you do?”

“We’ll go get your stuff next week when the dust settles. I talked to your landlord—mentioned some more violations on his property that I happened to notice. He said he’d be happy to let you out of your lease.” He pulled down his mask, flashed a huge smile and gestured to the massive space around us. “I’m giving us a penthouse suite.”