NexLord: Dark Prophecies (42 page)

"I will escort you there," he offered.

Mara shook her head, "No, this I must do
alone, but
my thanks for your
concern.  Rest, Aerin, tomorrow will be a worse day than
today."  She leaned heavily on her cane and headed for
the gate.

Mara was admitted into the seat, after some
discussion, and seated in a
hallway
while she waited to speak with
Gandarel.  After a long time had passed, there was
finally a sound in the hallway, and Mara looked up from her
seat.  Gandarel approached, with the priest Hork and
chairman of the council, Niler Corbin, at his heels.

"Mara," Gandarel said in
greeting.  "It is good to see you well.  I
heard of your disappearance after the battle at the wall and was
worried."

Behind
him,
Hork glared daggers at Mara.

"I am fine, though Tocor took a wound."

Gandarel looked down from Mara's strong
gaze.  "You were right about the Togroths leaving, it is
so strange."

Mara nodded her head slightly in
acknowledgment of his words.  "May I have some time alone
to speak with you Gandarel?"

Niler spoke before Gandarel could
answer.  "Anything you have to say to Gandarel can be
said in front of us.  There will be no secrets here
between us."

Mara nodded and said, "As you
wish.  Gandarel, there is more you need to know before
you can achieve your heritage."

"He has all the teachers he needs to take the
Seat of Stone," Niler stated.

Mara's eyes never left Gandarel's, "Your
destiny lies in greater things than just the Seat,
Gandarel.  You know in your heart I am
correct.  You know of what I speak."

"How did we ever let this insane woman have
time with the heir, so she could poison the boy's mind?"
Hork
demanded of Niler.

"I saved his life, though you seem to have
conveniently forgotten that," Mara noted.

"Are you done with Gandarel?" Niler asked
Mara in disgust.

Mara gave Niler, and his bushy eyebrows, a
frank stare.  "Gandarel and I will never be 'done' with
each other.  You are a minor word, a small footnote in
his story, be careful, lest you are erased completely."

Niler's voice rose indignantly, "You DARE to
threaten me?"

"Threaten?  If I wished you harm
you would already be dead."

Niler nearly foamed at the mouth in his
anger.  "I can have your head struck from your body for
such insolence!"

Mara merely raised an eyebrow at him,
seemingly unconcerned by his threats.

"All of you, calm down," Enolive
said.  The thin councilman had come up from the adjoining
hallway.  "This serves no purpose.  Gandarel,
say goodbye to your friend, it is time for us to look over your
troops."

"Mara, I... we'll talk later, all right?"

"Of course, Gandarel, be well, and remember
what I have taught you.  The time comes when everything
will change.  Events are approaching the time where all
is confusion, and choices made will color the future paths."

Niler took Gandarel by the arm and led the
unhappy boy away.  Enolive went with them.

Hork
stared
at Mara as she walked down the hallway leaning on her cane.

"Your time has passed woman.  It is
a new age where humans will take ownership of this world, and the
lesser races will pay homage.  Go back to your tea leaves
and chicken bones; your little moment of fame is over."

Mara paused with her back to Hork for a
moment and chuckled, but when she turned there was a look on her
face that had not been seen for some time.  "Little man,
you see so little of the world from the tiny walls of your
mind.  I will give you something to think about in your
petty little dreams.  I'll let you see clearly for a
moment, and perhaps you will learn."

She turned to face him and lifted her cane to
hold it above her with both hands.

Hork’s eyes grew until they nearly bugged
from his eye sockets.

Mara smiled, returned her cane to the ground
and walked away.

The following morning, Mara gathered her
remaining students in the chamber they used as a
classroom. 

"Today you will learn about fear and how to
handle it.  And each day that passes you will learn to
handle deeper fear.  The first step in stopping fear lies
in understanding that which causes it.  Fear is a strong
emotional state of mind.  Some fears have been taught to
you, and some are instinctual, like fearing height.  But
regardless of the origin, once started inside your brain, fear
feeds on itself and grows like
a
cancer.
  Much of fear is based on the knowledge of
the future, a future where you anticipate your own pain, loss,
failure, embarrassment or death.  Any sensation that you
dislike, but anticipate experiencing, can cause
fear.  You can even experience fear because you believe
some bad thing is about to happen to someone or something you care
about.  Fear is not about what has happened, but about
what you think will happen.

"Because fear is
about
something that has not yet happened, it is really
about nothing."  She paused in her speech for a moment,
then said: "Dono, stand up and come here."

Dono looked extremely worried as he started
to his feet.

"Stop, you fear what I am about to do,
why?  Have I threatened you in any way?  If I
embarrass you will you be a worse person?  If I give you
pain will you not get over it?  Would it not be better to
ask what is intended rather than fear what you don't
know?  Sit down, Dono."

He looked relieved and took his seat
again.

"Aerin, stand up and come here."

He did as his teacher said and came to the
front of the room.

"Are you afraid of me, Aerin?” she asked when
he arrived.

"No, Mara, you will not hurt me, you are my
friend."

Mara smiled.  "I will not hurt you,
Aerin," she said and pulled out a thin dagger from her sleeve.

Aerin's eyes grew slightly, but he remained
calm.

"Good, you have
reined
in your fear.  Who are you, Aerin?"

The strange question took Aerin's attention
from the dagger.

"What?"

"Who is Aerin?  Until you can
answer that question, until you know what you are, in all ways,
fear will have a hold on you."

"I don't understand, Mara."

"If I cut off your hand, who will you
be?"

"I... you're going to cut off my hand?" Aerin
asked, his eyes going back to the dagger.

Mara's eyes held compassion for her young
friend.  "What happened to
trusting
me?"

"Oh, I do, Mara."

"Answer my question then."

Aerin thought a moment and then answered. "I
will still be myself."

"Excellent, and after I mutilate every part
of your body, who will you be?"

"Aerin."

Mara nodded in agreement as she moved across
the room.  "So if it isn't the state of your body that
makes you who you are, what is it?"

"The state of your mind?"

Mara took a deep breath and let it out as if
in thought.  "Is it, or is it your
personality?  Your state of mind can change from moment
to moment, but Aerin is a set of beliefs, habits, likes and
dislikes. Aerin is the set of things that makes up his
personality, do you agree?"

"Yes, that sounds right to me," Aerin
said.

Mara moved back near him again, tapping the
dagger into her other palm.  "But fear changes you; it
eats down into your mind and causes permanent changes to who you
are.  People fear pain and embarrassment, but what they
should fear is fear itself."

She reversed the knife and handed it to
Aerin.

He was
puzzled
but took the offered blade.

Mara placed her hand flat on the desk.

"Stab me in the hand," she ordered.

"NO!"

"Why not?  I am not afraid of the
pain."

"I... I can't, Mara."

Mara looked him in the eye.  "Are
you afraid you will hurt me?"

"Yes!"

"Why?  I have asked you to do
it.  No one will blame you.  It won't hurt you,
physically."

Aerin felt sweat on his
palms.  "That's just it, Mara, it will hurt me to hurt
you, in here," he said, touching his chest near his heart.

Mara removed her hand from the
table.  "And the fact that you care about me enough to
feel fear for me, when I do not, makes me love you, Aerin, but it
is all right to care; there is nothing wrong with
that.  Fearing because you care is wrong.  If I
had to physically hurt you to help you, I would do so without fear,
and I would feel your pain, but not fear it.  Pain is
fleeting, pain is transient, and there are more important things in
life than to worry about such a small thing as
pain.  Pain is merely a warning to your brain that a part
of us is being damaged.  It is just a signal, like words
or sound; a way of keeping us informed.  It is not
something to fear.  Emotional pain is much deeper, but
fearing it will not make it less, only more."

She paused a moment as she reached out and
took the dagger back, before pointing for Aerin to retake his seat,
which he did with relief.

Mara looked
at
her students and said, "Death, do you fear it?"

After a
moment,
they all nodded.

"You were a little late admitting it, Katek,
why?" Mara asked.

"I do not wish to die before I avenge
Temmen's death, but other than that, I do not fear death."

Mara smiled for a brief
moment.  "So why do the rest of you fear death?"

"It's painful to die," Lor noted.

Mara considered her statement.  "Is
it?  What if I give you this
vial
," Mara took out a small bottle and put it on Lor's
desk, "and tell you that drinking it will bring you a bliss you
have never felt before in your entire life."

Lor looked at it curiously.

"Taste it and you will be in ecstasy, I tell
you this and I do not lie to you, Lor."

Lor picked up the bottle and tried to see
inside.

"It will also kill you," Mara noted.

Lor dropped the bottle and it hit the table
and broke, she knocked her chair over getting away from the liquid
splashed on her desk.

Mara
watched
but said nothing further for a moment.

"Why would you give me such a thing?" Lor
demanded, still checking to see if any of it had splashed on
her.

"It must be ingested," Mara explained, "and
in a large quantity, so you are in no current danger, but you
suddenly feared for your life, didn't you?"

"Yes!" Lor growled.  Her heart was
still beating strongly from her quick fright.

"Why?"

"I thought that stuff could kill me."

"I did not lie about it being painless; it
would be quite the opposite."

Lor was still upset: "That doesn't
matter!"

"So you fear death?  Not the pain
of death?"

"Yes, why don't YOU take it if you are so
fearless?" Lor demanded.

"I do not fear death Lor; I just have more
things to do before I go.  And that is the difference
between most people in the world and those who do not fear
death.  People should have a reason to live, and then do
so, but they shouldn't have a fear of death, that is for
fools."

"All this is fine, and as I’ve stated, I have
a reason to live," Katek noted, "but it isn't going to drive away
all the things we fear."

Mara regarded the young
gladiator.  "No, but before you can learn with your heart
you must understand with your head."

"I understand well enough," Katek
decided.

"Do you?"

"I do not fear your dagger, whether you or I
am
the
ones
stabbed."

"But, Katek, it is not enough not to fear,
you must withstand it from without and give back nothing."

"And how am I to do that?"

"Know thy enemy.  You must feel
fear and overcome it, and then you must bath in it and let it drip
from you like droplets of water. Until you can live and breathe it,
you will drown in it and create even more for the
Dreadmaster.  But that is enough for you all to think
about today, tomorrow we will explore instinctual fear."

For the next
week,
they spent each morning learning about fear and how
to control it.  Many of the lessons were hard, and Mara
never gave an inch when challenged, she knew what was at stake. On
the sixth
day,
the session ended
on a new note.

Mara looked over her students for a few
moments, as if taking their measure.  "Tonight I will
take each of you to a place I know; it is an evil place, where the
Dreadmaster's power is strong.  It is one of the
Forbidden Zones. There you will feel fear, but you must not give in
to that fear.  If you do, if you allow your fear to give
the place power, it will manifest, and I do not know if you will
survive."

There was nervous laughter, started by
Lor.

"You think I overstate this, but I do
not.  Let me tell you of this place.  There was
a woman and her name was Jezebeth.  Her name was pretty
and so, once, was she.  Jezebeth married a man named
Jord, and he was a cooper.  Jord liked to drink, and he
grew violent when he was drunk.  They had a young son,
named
Paoul
, who was six years
old.  Jord would go out drinking with his friends, and
then he would come home.  Each time he came home drunk he
would take a strap to his wife, and sometimes to his
child.  His temper grew worse and the beatings became
more frequent.  Each time he was late, Jezebeth would
dread his return for she feared she would be beaten, and worse,
feared for her son.  Her friends told her to run away,
but she knew he would find her and kill her if she
did.  But that wasn't the worst of it.  No, the
worst part was the sound of his footsteps, coming up a tall wooden
stairway that went up to their second story
apartment.  Each stair would creak as he ascended to the
next, and the sound of each step was a harbinger of
pain.  She could have handled the pain of the blows on
her own body, but the scars he left on her soul when he beat their
little boy, was more than she could handle."