Next To You (36 page)

‘Will you please shut up? You’re about to get lucky.’

‘I’m already lucky.’ Will untied the sash of her robe. It fell open to the subtle pink of her nakedness. He’d expected panties, but she wore nothing beneath the robe, and the breath snagged in his chest. He parted the fabric with the back of his hands and skated his fingertips from her collarbones to the tip of her breasts. ‘I got lucky that day chocolate milk spilled all over my shoes and you tipped me five bucks.
Holy Jesus
, you are beautiful.’

He got to his feet thinking that his skin looked cool, it always looked cool, but he wondered if he burned her the way she singed him.

Caroline reached out to his waist and unbuttoned his pants, unzipped his fly. She pushed his boxers and trousers down together, over his erection, and let the fabric fall to his knees. He kicked the pants off, and stood before her, his penis level with her face.

She giggled. ‘Is that a request?’ she said, leaning forward, her thumb and forefinger tracing a path along the shaft, her lips parting.

Laughing, Will took step back before she took him in her mouth and he flamed out before they even started. He opened a drawer in the nightstand and dug around inside. ‘No, we’re going to share this, like we do ice cream.’

‘That’s the most erotic thing I’ve ever heard.’

‘Ice cream is erotic?’

‘I’ve seen you lick your spoon.’ She looked at him, her gaze traveling from his feet to his eyes. ‘I love your tailor. That’s the nicest suit I’ve ever seen you wear.’

‘You want to try it on?’

The foil packet in his hand crinkled as she shrugged out of her robe. She said, ‘You think it’ll fit? You’ve sort of blown my L-Rule out of the water.’

He rushed forward and pushed her back, nudging her knees apart, his hips settling against her. ‘Small feet, big hands, and an even bigger … TV.’ That heat flared and he kissed her, his stubble scraping her cheek and chin. She nipped his bottom lip and dug her fingers into his back.

He said, ‘Am I crushing you?’

‘I want you to crush me, William,’ she said, out of breath.

‘You know, I love that you call me
William
.’ And then he was inside her, moving, thrusting, hard against her vulnerable, sensitive flesh. She pressed her feet into the edge of the mattress and rose to meet his thrust. He pushed into her, driving deeply.

‘William,’ she said and gasped.

Urgent fingers twisting in his hair, she bit his shoulder, kissed his neck, and then darted her tongue into his ear. ‘William,’ she whispered.

Palm flattened to the bed, he shoved an arm under her and flipped over. Her hair spilled into his face as her hands came down beside his ears, then she arched back and began to rock and rise. He pressed his hips up, reached out and circled his fingers around her nipples.

‘William,’ she said.

She rocked and twisted and arched, and he felt her tremble around him, felt her tighten. He thrust upward and she rose and fell in a rhythm he matched, and then his world dropped away. For a moment there was no sound, there was nothing but Caroline and overwhelming pleasure.

‘
William
,’ she said, laughing as she came half a second later.

And then Will started laughing too. ‘Yeah, my suit fits you really well.’

Snorting, catching her breath, she flopped on top of him. ‘Can we stay dressed this way?’

‘I like that idea, but eventually one of us is going to have to pee.’

‘Do you really want to get married?’ Caroline said, taking his hand to kiss his fingertips.

‘My mother doesn’t approve of living in sin, remember?’ he chuckled. ‘You want to marry me, don’t you?’

Caroline stopped kissing his fingers and drew back. ‘I don’t know.’

He looked at her with the most solemn expression she’d even seen on his broad face. ‘Do you love me?’ he asked softly.

She played with his fingers. ‘That’s supposed to be my line.’

‘Well, it’s mine now. Do you love me?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Yes you do. I know you do.’ He folded his fingers around hers.

‘What we have is good. I don’t want to spoil it.’

‘You don’t want to spoil it? How would getting married spoil anything?’

‘If it works like this, if it’s already extraordinary, why do we need to change it?’

‘Are you really that afraid?’

Caroline touched his brow. ‘As you’re so fond of pointing out, you’re older than me. What if … what if I had to pull
your
plug?’

He laughed at her absurd question. ‘So it
is
my age. Well, I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather have pull that plug than you.’

‘This isn’t a joke, William. I’m serious.’

Will closed his eyes and sighed, unlocking their hands. ‘I’m sorry. I should have kept that to myself, shouldn’t I? Caroline, I think what you did for Drew was a very loving thing, but now you’re afraid of the unknown, and that’s what I think is silly. That’s why I laughed.’

‘Are you angry with me?’

‘No.’

‘Have I hurt you?’

Will sighed again and opened his eyes. He watched her sit up and slip off him. ‘No,’ he said. ‘You’ve disappointed me. But I suppose I rushed things.’

‘I don’t want to hurt you, William, but I don’t know if I can give you what you need, what you deserve.’

Will reached out to brush the hair from her face. ‘What I deserve? Listen, I realize I’ve made a stink about my age and I’m not exactly elderly, but I’ve learned to take life as it comes to me, and you’ve come to me, you’ve come with me, and I want you in my life. When I thought you were with Alex, I made it clear I was willing to be your man on the side, and you know what? I’m still willing to be your man next-door or anywhere as long as you let me, but humor me here, Caroline. You aren’t turning me down because you’re still in love with someone else, are you?’

Caroline blinked and spoke quietly, ‘Aren’t you still in love with Yvonne?’

‘What?’

‘Don’t you still love your ex-wife?’

‘Some part of me will always care for her, but she’s my ex-wife. She’s been my former wife since nineteen seventy-nine, and while I may care about her I’m not in love with her. Have you been so tentative with me because of how things went with Drew and the relationship I have Vonnie?’

She nodded. ‘Yes. I think so. Maybe. I don’t know.’

‘Not because of Alex?’

‘Why are we talking about him again?’

‘Are you in love with Alex?’

‘You
are
angry.’ Caroline looked at William. There were two red spots on his cheeks.

She couldn’t deny she hated Alex and loved him in some unexplainable way that had nothing to do with sex or the relationship they had, and everything to do with the fact they had both loved Drew. She couldn’t figure out know how she felt about Alex now any more than she could figure out how she felt about William, and covered her face with both hands. There were too many feelings—overwhelming feelings—it was impossible to dig through the basket of tangled emotions and fix on one, it was impossible to know how she felt about William.

For a second, Will felt a monster in his chest, a monster with eyes the color of the scorching verdant chiles he liked in his Indian food, and packed the same wallop. He sat up and coughed to get rid of the blistering heat. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry I asked that question.’

With a sigh, she dropped her hands. ‘I’ve really hurt you, haven’t I?’

‘Maybe a little. Okay, a lot more than a little …’ Will scooted to the edge of the bed, his eyes settling on the bedside clock. ‘Look, I’m not running off with my tail between my legs, well, perhaps I kind of am, but …’ He got to his feet.

Caroline snatched at his arm and tried to circle his bulky wrist with her small hand. ‘Please give me time for this to feel normal,’ she said. ‘Let me get used to the idea that everything doesn’t have to be simply … adequate. Give me time to believe I can have something extraordinary with you because the fact you love me, that you’ve asked me to be your wife is mind-boggling, and I need to do one thing at a time. What I’m saying is I don’t want to give this up. Jesus, William, what if it doesn’t work out? I don’t want to hurt you and have you to wind up like … Alex. We were very close friends and I don’t want anything like that to happen with you too. Don’t go. Don’t say it’s all or nothing.’ She squeezed his wrist tighter, her voice constricted, ‘Please, William. Don’t go.

‘I’m not going anywhere.’ Will laid his palm against her cheek. ‘I have to get ready for work.’

Her pinched expression faded a little. ‘You’re going to Dallas today, aren’t you?’

Will rolled his eyes and pulled his hand away. ‘Oh, shit. I completely forgot. I haven’t packed, I have an eight-thirty building site meeting, and a noon lunch appointment before I head to the airport at three.’

‘When will you be back?’

‘Monday evening. Will you miss me?’

‘Yes.’

‘You have my pajamas to keep you company.’

She smiled weakly. ‘They’d be nicer if you were in them.’

He pushed her Veronica Lake hair out of her face. ‘Caroline, I got a little carried away this morning. I was playing house too. I’m not
really
going anywhere, and I meant what I said about being here however you want me. So why don’t we keep on playing house together and you help me pack like a good little fifties TV wife.’

Chapter 17

Caroline ruminated on several things William had said as she continued to play house, finishing the laundry she’d started. They’d misinterpreted or misunderstood significant chunks about each other. He’d believed Alex had been a stalking, abusive husband who wanted her back. She thought William had carried a brilliantly glowing torch for his ex-wife.

And they’d both been so wrong.

Later, after she’d crossed the landing to her own apartment, Caroline dressed for work and took Drew’s mood ring from the crystal holder on her dresser. She warmed it with her fingertip until the black ‘stone’ began to change to a Caribbean green-blue with a dark violet edge.

In those colors she saw the dimples in Drew’s cheeks, the dark auburn hair swept back from his temples, the sprinkling of freckles across the bridge of his nose, the blue of his eyes. William said he understood why she ended Drew’s life. He’d admitted he thought it was an act of compassionate love, and she found that remarkable, but she wondered if she would have been as sympathetic and open-minded if he’d given Yvonne a lethal dose of a narcotic.

Extraordinary, he said. She wanted that with William too, although admitting it was difficult. Believing she could actually want better-than-average was unnerving, but why was it so important to be a Jane Doe nobody? She wasn’t interested in perfection, but who said extraordinary was perfect? Why was she fighting so hard to have an ordinary life? Extraordinary was singular, singular was different and different wasn’t bad. So why was she afraid of different? Everybody was different. Different was the same as everyone else. Different was absolutely average and
normal
.

There was something else William had mentioned, and it made a kind of sense. Perhaps there was a way for her to compensate for something so seemingly inexcusable. Maybe it would be enough, maybe it was what Alex needed to hear, and maybe there was something else she could do too.

Caroline crossed the room, tucking in her pale pink blouse, zipping up the side of her black Chanel skirt. She went out to the living room, Batman trotting behind.

It took her twenty minutes to fill three small moving boxes with things that had belonged to Drew. When she’d finished, she called Jonesing, the baking and catering business Drew once ran with his brother, and asked for Alex. He was out making deliveries.

***

Hands at his back, Will stood on a CollinsBuilt construction site, wearing his pith helmet, hard hat, and sunglasses. While it seemed likely an incident would to lead to a sizable compensation claim, his mind was elsewhere; he only half-listened as the on-site safety officer explained how one of his crew had broken his leg.

All morning, his mind floated elsewhere. Back at the office, Bernadine poked her head through the door, twice, to let him know the woman from Cox, Reynolds, & Associates was waiting for him in the conference room. He’d sat in that meeting staring at his signet ring, swimming through the last three days, wading through the events of this morning.

By the afternoon, Will made it as far as the executive lounge at Midway Airport and turned around, knowing how wrong he’d done everything.

His previous trip away, the one to India, had been planned months in advance, yet it had been ill timed and interfered in reaching a clear-cut understanding with Caroline. He’d let the same thing happen again this morning. He didn’t want to give her an opportunity to mull things over too much. Dallas could wait.

The rest of his life could not.

He rode a crowded elevator down to the ground level, his suit bag over his shoulder, and hailed a taxi to take him home.

So what if she was scared. So what if she had an irrational fear and didn’t want to marry him? He was going to walk into her apartment and kiss her—like he should have before he left for Mumbai, like he should have this morning when Quincy picked him up. He was going to walk in, just like Ward Cleaver and Darrin Stevens and say, ‘
Honey, I’m home
.’

***

The Jonesing delivery van was parked in front of a large evergreen on the other side of the road from the Wellington Diner. Caroline crossed the street and looked through the café’s picture window. Alex was inside at the counter, a stack of green bakery boxes to his left. He laughed when Ray the barista said something, and took two boxes away.

Black and white checkered chef’s pants, white tunic shirt, Alex was dressed the same way he’d been last time she’d seen him at the diner, that day he’d shoved her against the counter.

She watched him through the window, and thought,
this is where this ends
. She pushed through the paned glass door, the little bell tinkled above.

‘Hello, Alex,’ she said, taking a stool beside his.

Alex set his coffee mug down next to a pastry box, looking at her. ‘Hi, Caroline.’