No Deal Breakers (20 page)

"Brian?" Todd was still waiting on answer
while Brian was lost in thoughts of his wife coming to Christ.

"Sorry, yeah, since my family's back I
thought I'd come with them at ten instead of coming before the rest
of them…in fact I'll probably just come for the service for
awhile."

"Do you think she'll keep coming after your
parents head home?" Todd asked, jutting his chin out to where Anna,
Aria, and Julia were talking and gushing over the Simpson's newest
grandchild. He'd clearly picked up that Aria was the reason he'd be
missing Sunday school for a while.

"Actually, I do. She's made a lot of progress
in that direction here lately."

"I saw you two all cozy at the fireworks the
other night, are you finally sharing a room?" Brian felt his eyes
go wide, unless Aria had told Anna, Helen was the only other person
that knew, even though Todd was one of his closest friends, he'd
never mentioned it. He looked around, making sure there weren't any
listening ears lurking around, they were in a fairly secluded
corner and the church was clearing out fast.

"What are you talking about?"

"You mean how do I know? I have eleven kids,
I know when someone's trying to pull the wool over my eyes, up
until recently, she'd jump ten feet every time anyone would come
close to touching her, even you. You two keep a safe distance at
all times, I know if you aren't touching her, then you certainly
aren't sleeping with her. But, that's all changed, I noticed at the
barbecue, what happened?"

"Does Anna know?"

"No, I don't think so, as far as I know I'm
the only one who's picked up on it, what about your parents?" He
shook his head and gestured for Todd to follow him, they made their
way into an uninhabited classroom, Brian closed the door and they
took seats across from each other at the table.

"I don't know where to start." Brian let out
a long breath and stared down at the table, he hoped talking this
out with someone he respected and admired, someone older and with a
solid marriage might help him gain some perspective.

"Let's see, you married her in Vegas, she was
a total stranger, but you decided to marry her anyway. She wanted
an annulment, but you refused and talked her into coming back here
with you." Brian nodded, that much he'd already told him.

"Even though she's scared of you, of
everyone, really, you've fallen in love with her over the last six
months. Your family came to surprise you, yet they don't know that
your marriage isn't…or wasn't an intimate one, so I'm assuming you
found out they were in town before they showed up at your place and
you're sharing a room at least for now, did I get all that?" Again,
he just nodded.

"Okay, so what I want to know is what
changed? In six months she's never touched you in public, yet
Christian told me you danced all night with her at the street
dance, and we saw you holding hands and cuddling up during the
fireworks, and now, for the first time she comes to church with
you. You said she's made progress, yet you still seem confused and
scared about it all. What's going on, man?" He sighed, Todd was
good, no wonder his kids were so well behaved, they wouldn't be
able to get away with anything anyway.

"I wish I knew. Something happened to her, in
her past. Something bad, though she won't tell me, she says if I
knew I wouldn't want her anymore, she thinks it's so bad that not
even God will want her. I can't imagine what it is, though I think
someone hurt her…uh, sexually." Brian almost choked on the word, he
didn't want to imagine anyone hurting her at all, but especially
that way, saying the words out loud was more painful than when he'd
finally put it together internally, voicing them made it seem too
real.

Todd went completely rigid before asking if
he was certain.

"No, she's never come out and said it, but
she's made a few comments the last few days, she has horrible
nightmares, sometimes she freezes and stares off into space, I
think she's having flashbacks, and of course, her not wanting to be
touched. I'm pretty sure that's what it is, and I think she blames
herself." He scrubbed his hands down his face.

"We settled into a nice pattern, became
really good friends, but she kept a safe distance, and I could lust
after her from afar, and then on Thursday Helen called and let us
know that my parents were on their way out and everything changed,
she insisted on moving into my room before they figured us out. I
told her we could just explain it all to them, that they'd
understand, but she's adamant that they don't find out, she doesn't
want to hurt them.

"That day, for the first time she said she
wanted kids…and not even to me! She said it to Ami! A child! The
day just got weirder from there. Don't get me wrong, weird in a
good way, a great way really, she wanted me to touch her and dance
with her—we made an agreement right after we got married that I'd
only ever touch her with permission—she held my hand, and even
agreed to start dating me as opposed to just being my friend. We've
talked a lot in the last few days about her feelings, a little
about her past has come up and just today she told me she's been
reading the Word and trying to pluck up the courage to come to
church. She even insists on sleeping in the bed with me, and not
only that but snuggling up close to me…all night. I'm sure all of
this sounds crazy, I know we don't have a typical marriage, but it
is what it is, I suppose. I'm overwhelmed with all of these
changes, and you know I hate mysteries I can't solve."

Todd gave him a knowing smile, "It sounds
like you've been a little uncomfortable the last few nights and
that's getting to you a bit too." Brian let out a puff of air.

"Of course there is always that, I thought it
was hard to resist temptation before." He shook his head and with a
wry smile asked, "Is it sinful to have inappropriate thoughts about
one's wife?" They shared a laugh at that, and Brian thought about
just how difficult it was to remain a gentleman with her snuggled
against him every night.

"I think the better question is, are they
really inappropriate if they're about your wife?" Todd winked, and
Brian felt himself blush at that, the man really did see too
much.

"I love the feel of her, I'm elated that
she's finally allowing, no, asking, me to touch her, but I can't
help but wonder if it's what she wants or if she's just doing all
of this because my family is here. I can't make sense of her, I
love her and I want to have children with her, and wake up wrapped
in her arms every morning, but I don't want to push her or make her
feel like she has to do anything. I don't know what to do."

"Have you told her that you love her?"

"Just this morning, twice. She didn't
respond, but she smiled both times like she was pleased to hear it,
which is a relief when I almost let it out before she cringed, but
today she looked peaceful and grateful that I'd said it."

"It is a complicated situation, but I can see
how much you love her, just keep praying on it, keep telling her
you love her. Let her have her boundaries wherever she wants, maybe
she needs your touch to reassure her now in a way she didn't
before. I don't think it's just because your family is back, but
when they leave if she wants to put the distance back, let her. And
try not to let on about those thoughts, inappropriate or not." He
smiled, and then sobered again before continuing. "That poor girl,
I've wondered at what she's been through, I can't imagine, if she
were one of my daughters I don't know that I'd respond in a very
Christ-like manner."

"Daddy?" A little head poked in the door.

"Yeah buddy?" Todd and Brian both stood,
knowing this was their cue, they both probably had tired and cranky
families waiting on them.

"Mommy says you two are worse than a couple
of gossiping school girls…whatever that means. We're ready to go
home, and Pastor Mike can't close the church until we leave."

"Ah, well, at least it's school girls and not
church ladies." They were already en route to the front of the
church, the men made their apologies to the pastor before finding
their wives to head home.

"I wondered what happened to you, Julia
wanted to get the kids down for their naps, I told them all to go
ahead and I'd wait for you. It's a good thing we can't all fit in
one vehicle." Aria remarked after he'd explained that he and Todd
just needed to talk privately for a little while. After she climbed
in and was settled, she reached out for his hand.

Todd was probably right, this had little to
do with his family, after all, they weren't here now, and they
certainly weren't in their room at night. Maybe she was just coming
around and this was just the push she needed.

"Aria, honey, we need to talk." He glanced at
her as he drove, her lip was pulled between her teeth and her eyes
were cast down, she was nervous.

"About what?"

"Well, I want to get your reaction to the
sermon, but first I want to talk about our conversation this
morning. I told you I love you, twice."

"You did." She said without revealing any
emotion at all.

"And, how did that make you feel? Are you
okay with me telling you that?" Her gaze moved to the window and
she simply stared for several minutes, he thought she was going to
ignore the questions when she finally answered.

"Did you mean it?"

"Of course I meant it, those aren't words I
use lightly, Aria. I do love you. I don't expect you to return the
sentiment, but I want you to understand how I feel about you, how
much I love you."

"I liked hearing it, I didn't think I would,
but I do. The last time anyone told me they loved me I was eight,
and it was my mom. I like hearing you say it, it makes me feel warm
and cared for, but it also makes me feel guilty and unworthy." He
squeezed the hand that he was still holding, he didn't want to get
into the same old conversation about her worth and whether or not
she deserved love again. Instead, he decided to focus on something
else she'd said, it was the first time she had ever mentioned her
family, he wasn't going to let this opportunity slip by him.

"What happened to your mom? You never talk
about your parents." He felt her stiffen next to him, and she
seemed to debate whether or not she should tell him before finally
turning to face him.

"My mom died when I was eight, it was a car
accident, the other driver didn't see the stop sign and plowed
right into the passenger side, she died on impact. My dad died four
years later from cancer." His heart broke at the young girl denied
both of her parents. This new information brought on a torrent of
new questions, questions he knew he couldn't ask now.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, that's really hard. If
you ever need to talk about it, I'm here. I can't imagine what that
must be like." He pulled into the garage and turned off the
ignition before turning to look at her more fully, she had tears
streaming down her face.

"Thank you. You're a really great guy. Being
around your parents has been easier than I thought it would be,
they've been so loving and welcoming, I've really missed having
someone care about me that way. They're wonderful people, you're
lucky to have them." He smiled at that, he was very blessed to have
them as his parents.

"You're right I am, thanks for putting that
in perspective for me, I sometimes forget and take them for
granted."

"Brian, I'm going to kiss you on the cheek,
you've been warned, so please don't turn your head at the last
moment again." He smirked and leaned his cheek toward her.

It was just a peck on the cheek, just an
innocent little kiss. Why was his heart beating out of his chest,
his palms sweating, and his entire body on alert in anticipation?
He almost laughed at himself, he'd kissed women before her,
actually kissed them, not just some innocent little peck, yet every
time Aria touched him, no matter how innocent, it sent jolts of
desire racing through his body. Everything about her was special
and precious.

She leaned in and placed her lips on his
cheek, right above the corner of his mouth. Her lips lingered on
his skin a few moments longer than necessary and it took every
ounce of will power to not turn and take her mouth with his. She
finally pulled away, offering him a shy smile before climbing out
and scampering into the house.

He leaned back against the headrest and let
out a puff of air. He'd thought that living under the same roof
with his wife and never experiencing her touch was torture. That
was nothing compared to the little teases he was now getting.

He didn't blame her, or hold it against her,
he knew she was just doing what she was comfortable with, and he'd
never push her, but damn. As hard as he tried to always remain a
perfect gentleman, and good Christian, he was still human. He still
had the basic human desires of every other red blooded,
heterosexual male, and his wife was still the most beautiful woman
he'd ever laid eyes on.

This was his cross to bear, his temptation to
resist, his mountain to climb, and he was going to succeed. He
traced his fingers over the spot that still tingled from her kiss
and amended his thought, he was going to succeed…or die trying.

His family's visit had flown by, while he was
glad was for the time that they had been able to share, and was sad
to see them go, he was also nervous and excited to see where their
leaving left his relationship with Aria. He knew that their
presence had helped their relationship along quite a bit, and he
prayed it continued the forward progression they were in instead of
going backward.

They had continued their handholding and
cuddling at night, and she'd even kissed him on the cheek every
night before bed since that first Sunday. He would tell her he
loved her, and she'd respond with a peck on his cheek before she
snuggled into his arms for the night. He knew she wasn't ready to
say the words yet, but those little pecks told him what words
couldn't.