No Direction Home (31 page)

‘OK, look at it this way. Imagine that you hadn't intervened, that you'd let them fight it out. We'd be under the control of either New Dawn or EarthCorp and most of those soldiers would have died anyway because they were always going to slug it out to the bitter end, weren't they? Or what if EarthCorp had found themselves losing and decided to hit us with nukes on the grounds that if they can't survive then nobody will, or Ferreira had decided to go for the self destruct option on the same basis? We'd all be dead anyway… You said it yourself, this is the least bad scenario. And as for what gave you the right, well, it had to be you because nobody else
could
make that decision. I don't honestly see what else you could have done. Except for nothing, I suppose, which would have meant you wouldn't have this feeling of responsibility, but wouldn't you have felt just as responsible if you hadn't done anything, knowing that you
could
have done?'

He opened his mouth to reply, but she held up her hand. ‘I haven't finished yet, so hear me out, OK? There's something else to think about. None of those New Dawn or EarthCorp troops had any
right
to be here anyway. They were trying to take
our
colony away from us – from the UN. Maybe you
didn't
have any choice after all, maybe none of us did, because our job was to defend the UN and its people, come what may, which meant they had to die. I don't think there was anything else you could have done, because this was the only way you could get
Terra Nova
– and the colony – back for the UN.' She shrugged. ‘Remember, we both took an oath of allegiance to the United Nations and this was the only way that either of us could do our sworn duty and, speaking personally, I don't have any problem with that.'

She paused, then took a slow sip from her drink. ‘And don't tell me you haven't already thought of all this, if you're as super-intelligent as you're supposed to be.'

Despite himself, he smiled briefly. ‘Yeah, I guess I have,' he said slowly. ‘I suppose it helps to have someone else say it, though, just so you know you're not deluding yourself. Even we super-brains need reassurance now and then.'

‘Bullshit,' she said, a hesitant grin on her face.

‘Very true,' he agreed. ‘But super-human bullshit… Seriously, Kari, thanks for that. I guess I
did
need someone to tell me I did OK.'

‘You did more than OK… Look, we won, sir–'

‘Chris.'

‘OK, we won,
Chris
. That'll have to be enough for now. Let the future look out for itself – at least we
have
a future now.'

‘Sufficient unto the day, you mean?'

‘Sounds about right, yes.' She finished off her drink, then said, ‘And talking about sufficient, I think I've had more than enough of today, to be honest.'

Vinter glanced at his wrist comp and nodded; it was almost 0100. ‘It's OK – we're into tomorrow by now.'

‘I can believe it. So if you'll excuse me, sir, I need my bed. It's been – it
was
a long day.'

‘Of course.' They both stood up, then he reached out his hand to her; she shook it, firmly. ‘Thanks again, Kari.'

‘No problem.' She went to the door, then paused, one hand on the lock. She stood there for several seconds, as if making up her mind, then turned back to face him. ‘Chris… look, no strings, but if you want to join me, you'd be very welcome. If not, no problem, there's no rush, OK?' Her smile was now quite definitely flirtatious, inviting, perhaps the result of two large whiskies and a combination of both elation – they had won, after all – and tiredness – she had probably only slept maybe three or four hours out of the last seventy-two – but sincere, all the same.
And how do I know that? Pheromones, that's how…
Somehow, the thought saddened him; it was yet another indication that he was not really human, not any more.

As if sensing his hesitation, she suddenly shook her head. ‘Shit,' she muttered, looking down at the floor. ‘I can't
believe
I just said that. Look, sir…'

‘It's OK. As you said, it's been a very long and tiring day and–'

‘And I never could take my whisky anyway. Always gets me pissed. Sorry about that, sir.'

‘No need to apologise – I'm very flattered, in fact. I might just take you up on that one fine day, but…' He shrugged, helplessly.

‘Yes, I know. It's too soon anyway, is that it?'

‘I'm afraid so. Anji and Emma are still a bit raw in my memory, even though–'

‘Don't say it. Don't
ever
say it. They're as real to you as my parents are to me. All either of us have left of them is our memories, so don't ever think anything different, OK? Memories are part of what we are – wasn't that what you told me? Or at least something like that. Whether you want them or not, your memories are part of
you
, so don't push them aside, right?'

He stared at her, then nodded. ‘You're right, Kari. Thanks for that.'

‘Any time.' She hesitated, then went on, ‘And as for my totally shameless offer, can we just forget it ever happened?'

‘How about we put it on the back-burner for now?'

She thought about this, then nodded slowly. ‘OK. I can live with that. For a while, anyway.' Suddenly, she grinned impishly at him. ‘Or until I get a better offer, of course…'

He laughed softly. ‘OK, Kari, thanks… Go get some sleep, right?'

‘Will do.' Her eyes held his and he could see the smile in them,
disturbingly like Anji's…
‘I think you should take your own advice, actually. Good night, Chris.'

Then she was gone, leaving him with a feeling of regret – and then he heard the Persephone chime.

‘Hi, Kari.'

‘
You really don't know what you're missing, Chris… Proserpina.
'

He shook his head, smiling at the thought that, perhaps, there was someone there for him – and then the smile faded abruptly, because, like it or not, no matter what happened with Kari, no matter how close they became, she
wouldn't
be there for him for most of his years to come.

Nor would anyone else, come to that… He sighed, poured himself another glass, but then stared down at it without touching it, lost in thought.

The bottom line is that I'm
not
really human any more, not by any reasonable yardstick. I'm going to live for at least another two hundred years, maybe even three – barring accidents, everyone I know, including Kari, will die long before I do.
His body had been given rapid regeneration capabilities in order to recover from wounds or injuries as well as anti-ageing nanotech – the two hundred year figure was considered a minimum estimate, according to the Demeter files, and they also included likely research paths to extend his life expectancy even beyond the three hundred year mark.

And that was the problem.

Project Demeter – that was the crux, the ten thousand DNA templates in the Cryogenic Section ready to be matched up to their stored digital memories for cloning, a measure that could only be implemented if the necessary technology was developed on Terra Nova, because those templates could only be implanted into clones (never mind the ethical implications of implanting them into actual human bodies; it was perhaps just as well that it couldn't be done). So someone had to ensure that the technology was re-established and developed in the years after PlanetFall and it was apparent that
he
had been the UN's original choice to do so, if only out of self-interest. Unfortunately, the plan had also called for him not to be awoken until they reached Delta Pavonis, so that he would have had at least two centuries to ensure Project Demeter flourished. But now, if he remained awake throughout the journey, he would be dead at least fifty years before PlanetFall if the two hundred year figure turned out to be accurate after all.

But if he went back to the Zombie Pits, what guarantee would he have of ever being awoken again?
OK, so Kari might not be scared of me – obviously isn't, in fact – but everyone else sure as hell is, now that they've seen what I can do…
According to the files, there was no reason why he couldn't father children, but he knew damn well that the general feeling would be against that – they'd be terrified that he'd produce superhumans as well. There'd be no point in telling them that the augmentation could only be used on clones, because they just wouldn't want to listen – one Vinter would be more than enough, as far as they were concerned.

And what if he
did
have children? Say he and Kari – or anyone else he might end up with – were to become a long-standing partnership, he would be only about forty years old, physically, when she would be over eighty – he would have to watch her grow old and die. Shit, he would outlast their children, if they were ever allowed to have any…
Yes, they're scared of me and why not? Compared to them, I'm the nearest thing to immortal there is. I'm going to outlive all of them, and their children and their children's children – of course they're scared of me, who wouldn't be?

However, like it or not, he was going to have to go back into the Pits if he were to have any chance of reaching Delta Pavonis, even though there would be no guarantee that he would ever be awoken at the other end. But he
had
to be, because only then could he be certain that Project Demeter would be activated and provided with the proper oversight, so that there would be no tampering with the rights of the DNA colonists by genetically engineering them into conditioned slaves or second class citizens – or super-warriors… The whole issue of conditioning technology needed rigorous examination and monitoring – and could he trust anyone else to do it, other than himself?

Jesus, just listen to yourself! So you're the only one who can be trusted with all this? How arrogant is that? Or is it just a way of rationalising what you want to do anyway? So let's see where this goes… You know memories can be uploaded – hell, that's where your own came from so, if you can lick the high clone mortality rate, there's nothing to stop you doing the same once this present body becomes too old, say two hundred and fifty years from now, and then downloading it into a younger, cloned – and augmented – body.
And it probably
could
be done. He had terabytes of data from the Demeter Project to call on, so it would be relatively easy to carry on that research during the voyage itself, using the geneticists that were in both sets of colonists; they had all the necessary technology aboard
Terra Nova
, after all. And there was every chance the mortality rate
could
be overcome – if Demeter had been able to produce two viable clones inside ten years, then, given two hundred years, using all the existing data and refining the techniques…

It could be done. And he wouldn't even have to go into the Zombie Pits…

He really could become immortal – or at least as immortal as it was possible for an individual personality to be. This present version of him would die and be unaware of what happened after that, but the new Vinter would have all his memories as well as his personality; to all intents and purposes, he would
be
Vinter.

And you could do it again and again, as many times as you wanted… you could live forever. Could you resist that temptation, because who the hell is going to stop you?

Vinter stared bleakly down at his glass, suddenly wanting more than ever to call Kari, tell her he had changed his mind, if only to stop his racing thoughts. Because it was only now that he was fully beginning to understand just how much power he had in his hands –
the kind that corrupts absolutely… and I'm not even human any more. Can I be trusted with that power? Can anyone? I never asked for any of this…

‘OK, that's enough.' he said out loud;
sufficient unto the day…
No, he wasn't going to call Kari, not yet, although he suspected that it would not be long before he did, because he had to move on some time. She'd been right – he
did
need to get some sleep.
Tomorrow is another day…
A line from
Gone With The Wind
, one of Anji's favourite books; he smiled fondly at the memory.

Then the smile faded again as he remembered the last lines of one of
his
favourite books,
2001: A Space Odyssey
…

For though he was master of the world, he was not quite sure what to do next.

But he would think of something.

And that, more than anything, was what terrified him.