No Lease on Life (6 page)

Then Ernest showed up, after the note and call. He was likable. He told her that when he read the landlord’s letter, he went berserk. He couldn’t sleep, he was infuriated by the injustice, the lies. He wanted to take the landlord on, with her assistance. He’d do the hard work, the field work, go to City Hall, search for the building plans, for the architectural drawings. He just wanted her assistance.

The same letter that swamped her in lethargy was the key to an ignition switch in Ernest. Indignant, he enlisted Elizabeth. She was inert and apathetic. But he knew, somehow, that she of all the tenants would be open to his plea. He may have heard her walking late at night, heard in her gait some telltale sign of anxiety. Maybe he even discerned in it a desire for a better world, for justice. That was impossible, she supposed. It was probably because she was friendlier than most of the other tenants. Maybe he had seen her in the hallway and she’d smiled, unaware of who he was. Yes, OK, I will, she said finally. He was asking next to nothing of her.

She would make a few phone calls, knock on tenant doors, get some names on their petition. She’d help write letters, do some minor evidence gathering, contact various City agencies only by phone if he asked her to. She’d use her proofreader’s expertise on the letters. The letters would spell doom, defeat, for the landlord’s illegal hopes. Elizabeth told Ernest that she’d make sure there weren’t any errors of fact or grammar in the letters, no typos. Elizabeth would see to their correctness. The landlord had applied for
MCI
s, Major Capital Improvements, Ernest explained. They were requesting more than they deserved. They wouldn’t get it, he said.

They spent time together, side by side, strategizing. They had to determine how the landlord should be rebutted and combated and what information they needed. The landlord stated that their building and the one next door were one building. That way any repairs on the one next door counted as money spent on their building. Their building could be charged higher rents for work done on the other building. An evil-twin situation, Elizabeth thought. She’d once wanted to be a twin, but now it repulsed her. The two buildings’ separate registrations had to be found. The other building had double the number of tenants too, double the trouble.

Ernest was relentless. He was on fire. He went downtown to a vast City building. He walked through room after room and floor after floor, through hundreds of rooms of file cabinets and computers and documents. He dealt with clerical people who ignored him. He waited on long lines and wasted his life. Elizabeth read that people waited on line at the post office five years of their lives. Waiting added up. Then Ernest would get to the head of the line and as part of a tradition or ritual he would be told he was on the wrong line and he should see another clerical person, somewhere else, on another floor or building, and that person would keep him waiting too, be rude, or tell him to see someone else and finally someone else would tell him he or she couldn’t help him, and he had to start all over, in another location, on another line. He did that. Elizabeth was impressed. He took action. He was a hero in a local way.

Ernest even found a free tenant lawyer. He came back from the first meeting with pages of yellow paper; he’d taken detailed notes. He absorbed and learned acronyms for all the City agencies and departments, and he learned legal terms too. Elizabeth didn’t know exactly what the acronyms stood for. Since Ernest did, she didn’t need to. A
PAR
, he repeated patiently, was a Petition for Administrative Review.

A man was going away and he asked his brother to look after his cat. Then he phoned home to ask how the cat was. The brother answered, Your cat is dead. The first brother asked, How can you tell me like that? Why didn’t you prepare me? You could’ve said, Your cat ran away. I’ll look for it. Call back in a day. Then when I called back, you could’ve said, The cat’s on the roof. And the next time I called, then you could’ve told me the cat was dead. You should’ve prepared me. His brother said he was sorry. Some years later, the man went away again. He called his brother. He asked, How’s Mom? His brother said, She’s on the roof.

Ernest asked Elizabeth to attend one of the legal sessions with him. The office wasn’t far, and the meeting wouldn’t take much of her time, he said. Elizabeth agreed, shamed by his commitment. The meeting was in a shabby brown room, with fake wood furniture. The lawyer wasn’t a lawyer but a paralegal; she used the acronyms Ernest used and knew. MCI. PAR. Elizabeth tried to appear involved. She knew if this was a documentary she’d be caught looking uninterested. There were stacks of paper on the harassed woman’s desk, thousands of claims against landlords, standing for thousands of tenants in trouble. It was a sorry place for sorry situations. Elizabeth was desperate in desperate places. Hector the super’s daughter-in-law walked in to the squalid office. Elizabeth said hello, and everyone nodded. Hector’s daughter-in-law was having trouble with her landlord and her husband. Elizabeth knew that. She’d already had two kids and the two kids were miserable. Even before their parents separated, the kids were falling on their faces, having too many awful accidents, and were being rushed, bloody, to too many emergency rooms. The daughter-in-law was tragic at eighteen.

Elizabeth worried that the girl would mention seeing them to Hector the super, seeing them in the free tenant lawyer’s office. Hector would tell the Big G. Ernest told Elizabeth they were within their rights, doing what they were doing, they were absolutely within their rights. Nothing would happen to them. He smiled benignly at her.

Elizabeth wasn’t sure if being within her rights covered being seen as a conspirator, an agitator, and whether her rights would keep her from being tormented before being thrown out of the building illegally in the middle of the night. It wouldn’t happen, Ernest went on reassuringly. They were sitting tenants with leases. She was, she repeated to herself, a sitting tenant with a lease.

One night, when no one was around, except the morons on the street, Ernest and Elizabeth collected evidence for their dossier against the landlord. Pictures had to be included with the letter to the city. They needed photographs of the filthy halls, walls, and broken stairs. It was so late, the building was quiet, like the Tombs, Ernest said grimly. They arranged to meet in front of her door. They moved stealthily through the halls. They skulked. The naked lightbulbs were stark illumination. The light accented the streaks on the walls. Shadows made it harder to know where the dirt was and also made the dark spots darker. It was just the way shadows in gangster and romantic movies obscure and enhance the seamy sides of life.

The joke was that they needed photographs of holes in the floor. Any one of the tenants could have tripped or caught their heel in the ugly recesses, they could have fallen down and broken their nose. They could have fallen down and in a freak accident died because of the way their head hit the floor. If they were drunk, they could have tripped, hit their head, and bled to death on the floor. The tenants could’ve sued the landlord. Elizabeth thought the landlord would’ve wanted to repair things, to avoid being sued. But if everyone’s too poor to get lawyers, or too intimidated, why should the landlord repair anything, or if people like her—whatever that meant—couldn’t even respond when their rent was being raised unfairly, then landlords didn’t have to fix anything. She’d heard about someone who broke his arm falling out of bed to answer the phone, though his bed was on the floor. Accidents happen all the time.

The ugliest hole was in the deepest shadow. It was too dark in the vestibule to take pictures. The light overhead was the dangling naked bulb that the landlord had recently put in, the one they wanted the tenants to pay extra rent for every month. It was weak. If anyone wanted to mug you in the small vestibule, you’d never see him well enough to identify him. The weak light wasn’t a deterrent in any way. Just the opposite. Ernest and Elizabeth were standing very close to each other in the small entryway. She could feel his anxiety. She liked it and hated it.

—I need more light, Elizabeth said.

—You don’t have a good enough view? Ernest asked.

—I can see the hole with my eyes, but it won’t come out on the photograph.

—Let me open the door, he said.

He opened the front door as wide as it would go. Then he studied her with a worried expression.

—Is that better?

Is that better? she thought. The way he said, Let me open the door, his perplexity about photographing the hole, the way he said, Is that better? was priceless and ridiculous at the same time. She fell in love with him. For a minute. He changed in her eyes in the dark, ugly vestibule.

She could fall in love with anyone.

He was still holding the front door open so she could get a better shot of the hole. She knew the picture wouldn’t come out. It was close to hopeless, futile. The City might still be impressed by the documentation. They also had to get photographs of loose tiles and grease in the corners. There was a stair that slid out by itself, and anyone could slip off and kill themselves, it just came out, but it was hard to take a picture of that. They moved the stair to show that it was loose, to show it in its improper, dangerous position. Photographing dust on the walls was implausible. She did it anyway and looked at Ernest. He was smiling, reassuringly. He knew it was absurd. He wasn’t deluded, he was optimistic. Ernest was a mystery.

She looked at his mouth. She had never noticed the thin scar on his chin. Maybe he’d been in a duel. He was a swashbuckler for tenants’ rights. She could fall in love with anyone if the timing was right and the place was right, or wrong. If she was in a room long enough with someone, with no other people around, or if she was trapped in a place, she could fall in love with anyone. Like an animal. She liked animals. They were adaptable.

Anyone could fall in love with anyone, under the right circumstances. Maybe it was the survival instinct. Elizabeth wasn’t sure she had one. People wanted to continue themselves, protect themselves, get pleasure. People wanted pleasure all the time, anytime, anyplace, they’d do anything to get it. Everyone was capable of the most hideous behavior and crimes to get it. The pursuit of pleasure wasn’t pretty. It made people cruel during tender moments. If they weren’t really getting what they wanted, they could kill as easily as kiss.

Ernest was driven. Driven was sex to her, sexy. Someone active and alive with desire for anything was sexy. Maybe not driven for a car, or ice cream, or heroin, because it excluded you, the possibility of you. She could kind of tell what somebody was like sexually, what their body might act like if stimulated, from the way they wanted supposedly nonsexual things. Nothing wasn’t sexual.

Ernest and Elizabeth finished for the night. They had done the job. The Polaroids were flat and weird, but they were evidence. They showed something. Maybe the City would appreciate that.

Hillary and Bill Clinton are driving around. They stop at a gas station. Hillary gets out and talks a long time to the gas station attendant. Finally she gets back into the car. Bill says, Who was that? Hillary says, He’s an old boyfriend of mine. Bill says, A gas station attendant? Hillary says, If I’d married him, he would’ve been president.

Now Elizabeth wasn’t exactly seeing as she stared out the window. Things were moving, even imperceptibly. She couldn’t live without windows. She got bored easily. She needed outside stimulation. She even wanted the outside inside her.

The street looked like desolation alley.

A man walks into a bar. He sits down and places a gunnysack on the barstool next to him. It starts to move. The bartender says, What’s that? What’s in there? I don’t want any animals in here. Get it out of here. The guy says, It’s not an animal. Listen, I’ll show it to you if you give me a drink. It’s really amazing. OK, says the bartender, but it better not be an animal. The guy opens the gunnysack and a little man about twelve inches high jumps out. He looks around and sees the piano. He runs to it and begins to play. He plays beautifully. The bartender is astounded. He’s great, says the bartender, I’ve never seen anything like that. The guy says, Well, one day I met a gypsy woman, and she gave me a ring. She said, Rub the ring and make a wish, and I’ll give you whatever you ask for. But you have to be very careful about your pronunciation, because I didn’t ask for a twelve-inch pianist.

The moon was fading. The sun was starting to rise. It showed the top of its fierce face. It rose resolutely. Daily Elizabeth negotiated with nature. Anything natural was a problem.

Elizabeth did contact other tenants, she did what Ernest asked her to do. One of the tenants was hard of hearing. Before she knew he was deaf, she tried phoning him. She raised her voice higher and higher and then she shouted into the phone and then hung up. She met him briefly on the street. She realized he couldn’t hear a word she was saying unless she stood in front of him so he could see her mouth move, and in addition she shouted. He was stone deaf. She didn’t know why he had a phone. Then she sent him a letter.

Dear Herbert,

I would like to talk to you about our protest against the rent hike the landlord is proposing.

We are filing our objections to the Major Capital Improvements and would like to know your objections. We know that a former tenant in your apartment
did
file a PAR, Petition for Administrative Review, a while ago, but we do not know what the specific protest was—windows? a hallway problem? Do you know? Did you file anything? Do you have any evidence or documents about the building’s condition?

Others in your building have also filed. If you could be of any help contacting them and finding out their objections, please let us know as soon as you can.

You and I say hello on the street. Because you are hard of hearing, the phone is not the best way to communicate. Let’s meet in front of the building when it’s convenient. Please contact me or Ernest—he’s in in the mornings. We both have answering machines or actually you could drop a line, just send me a letter. Please contact us any way you wish. If you can’t reach people in your building, Ernest and I will write letters. But are the people who filed still living there? I couldn’t find any of them listed in the phone book.

Many thanks.

Sincerely,
Elizabeth Hall