No Regrets (Bomar Boys #1) (39 page)

“It’s not all bad.” He finally broke the awkward silence, “I know it might not seem like it, especially right now, but loving her makes me happy.”

“I know.” Colt sighed.

“It makes me better.”

“I know. I’ve seen the difference in your good days and your bad and all of your good ones include her. You two love each other, that’s how I know you’re going to get over this.”

“Yeah, we are.” He agreed aloud for the first time.

“So let’s go home.” Colt turned to look at him again, “I don’t understand why you’re out here in the woods drinking your sorrows when you could go home and be with her.”

He sighed, knowing Colt was right. He’d calmed down considerably. He’d stopped drinking and his buzz was gone. He was as rational as he was probably going to get about the whole thing. And if he was honest with himself, he could already feel the pull inside of him, that magnetic part of him that wanted to get back to Jemma as fast as he could.

They needed to talk. They needed to work it out. And for the first time since he’d taken off, he wanted to.

He loved her and he wasn’t losing her again. Not because of his mistakes. Not because of hers. They loved each other and that meant they had to fight for each other, even if sometimes that meant they had to fight with each other.

He could only hope that she was looking forward to making up as much as he was.

“You’re right. I need to go home and talk to her. Let’s get out of this hellhole.”

She had no idea how much time had passed when she heard the knock on the door. She hadn’t been able to pick herself up and go to bed. The very idea of being in her own bed tonight, alone, had sent another flash flood of tears dripping down her face. All plans for going out had been abandoned and Skylar had given her a blanket, changed into pajamas and curled up on the other end of the couch to sit vigil with her. When she first heard the tentative knock on the door, she’d been convinced she had fallen asleep and was dreaming.

He would come back. Colt knew him better than anyone and he was right. Cash needed some time and space to cool down but he would come back. He would come back to her.

She blinked when the noise came again, trying to make her tired body sit up. Skylar groaned as she uncurled herself from the other end of the couch. Her friend squeezed her shoulder reassuringly as she headed for the door. She tried for a comforting smile but couldn’t quite muster it.

Jemma stifled a yawn and tried to tame her hair into something manageable. She probably looked like hell. She knew that. Just like she knew there was no changing it at this moment. She’d spent the better part of the night crying and she could feel her swollen eyelids and thick eyelashes. But if Cash had come back, she couldn’t make herself care about anything so frivolous as her looks.

“Hey.” A deeply familiar voice came from the doorway and her heart thumped in her chest. “Sorry if I woke you but I need to see her.”

“Do you have any idea what time it is?” Skylar groaned.

“Is she awake?” There was a pause where she assumed Skylar nodded and then his voice came again, “Can I see her?”

“Jem?” Skylar asked and she forced herself upright so she could nod.

She didn’t trust herself to look yet. If she looked at him, she might start crying again. If she started crying again, she might not stop. It had taken hours the last time to get herself back under control. And the fact that she was a woman that so rarely cried, yet hadn’t been able to stop, wasn’t lost on her. She needed to keep her senses so she kept her eyes on the floor and nodded her head.

“Okay then…” Skylar sighed heavily, “Come on in.”

“Thanks.”

“Do me a favor and try to keep it down would ya? Some of us have work tomo…” Skylar was clearly stifling a yawn but a second voice cut her off.

“You can stay with me tonight.”

Jemma forgot her reasoning and glanced up to catch Skylar’s reaction to Colt’s offer. If she was in a better mood, she might have smiled at the expression on her best friends face. Skylar hid it quickly but the look of longing had been there, as clear as day. The question was whether the look was for Colt or for the bed he was offering.

“I don’t think so.”

“They need some time alone. You can sleep on the couch or in Cash’s room if you hate the idea of using my bed so much.” Colt growled, “You have to work tomorrow and you need to get some sleep. Come on.”

When she shifted her gaze back to her friend, her attention was snagged by the six plus feet of intimidating male that had pushed past Skylar. Her heart ached at the sight of him and she itched to race to him. She wanted to throw her arms around him and hold him close but since she couldn’t do that, not yet at least, she wrapped her arms around herself and tried to hold it together.

He looked just as bad as she figured she did. His eyes were bloodshot and his hair was a mess. She figured he’d been running his hands through it, as was his way when he was stressed. The wary expression on his face tore at her insides but she couldn’t make herself look away from him again now that their eyes had met.

In the background, she vaguely heard Skylar and Colt murmuring to each other. No doubt, they were arguing. In another time and place that would have earned her undivided attention but not now. She and Cash stared at each other and she only blinked when she heard her name again.

“Jemma?”

“Huh?”

“I’m going to stay at their place.” Skylar frowned when she said it, as if she knew it was a terrible idea, “It’ll give you two some privacy and if you need me, I’ll just be next door.”

She nodded, her gaze snagging on Colt for a moment. She wasn’t surprised to see that he looked nearly as bad as his brother. No doubt, they’d already had their own fight. The small smile he tried to force for her benefit was mildly reassuring. He’d been right. Cash had come around if they were here together. She could only hope he was right about her as well.

“We’ll be right next door if you need us.” Colt nodded in her direction then exchanged a glance with his twin.

There was movement near the door as Skylar slipped on a pair of flip flops. She shut the door behind her when she left, leaving them alone. Jemma turned her attention back to Cash and her breath caught again when she realized he was already moving towards her. In just a couple of long strides, he was in front of her and he dropped to his knees, grasping her hands in his and holding her gaze with an intensity that stole her breath.

“I’m sorry.”

She shook her head immediately, “No, I’m sorry. God, Cash, I’m so, so sorry.”

His grip on her hands tightened, “Jem…”

“No, let me, please…” She squeezed back just as hard, “I didn’t get it at the time, when I did it. I was only thinking about protecting you but I understand now. I shouldn’t have kept it from you.”

Cash winced as if her apology hurt, “I understand why you did it but…”

“I hurt you by not telling you. I know and I’m so sorry. I just thought if I told you that you’d do something dangerous and I wouldn’t be able to stop you. I didn’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you, Cash. I love you so much.”

His eyes searched her face for a long moment, “You still love me?”

She gaped at him, “Of course I do.”

“I thought maybe you’d change your mind.” Cash sighed, “I get why you did what you did, why you kept it from me. I hate it but I get it. You couldn’t trust me not to blow up and when I found out and fought with Colt and yelled at you, I only proved you right.”

“Cash…”

“No, let me get this out. I love you Jemma and I want to be the kind of man that deserves you but tonight just proves I’m still not that guy. I’m going to get mad and I’m going to lash out. I don’t know how to control that side of me. I try but… you’re a trigger for me. I love you so much that the idea of anything coming between us, it sends me over the edge. I can’t lose you either.”

She bit her lip and shook her head. All night she’d worried that he wouldn’t forgive her for lying to him. She’d had good intentions but she’d broken his trust. She’d feared there was no way he could get over it when he was so accustomed to people he loved letting him down. She hadn’t paused for even a second to consider he might be afraid she wouldn’t forgive him too.

For a man that so very rarely spoke, he had no problem laying his heart on the line with her. He’d opened up to her from the very first day she walked back into his life. He’d never shut her out, not once. All of those weeks that he’d been there for her, he’d been trying to prove to her with his actions what he hadn’t been able to put into words.

He loved her. She loved him. And Skylar had been right, that was enough.

No matter what they had to overcome. No matter what obstacles they faced. As long as they loved each other, they could get through it, together.

“You’re not going to lose me. I promise. I’m never going to keep anything like that from you ever again. If it’s important to me then it’s important to you. We’ll handle anything else that comes at us together.”

Cash dropped his head into her lap, “That’s all I want babe. Us, together, it’s all I’ve wanted for so long and I don’t want to screw it up. Tell me I didn’t ruin us.”

“You didn’t.” She stroked her free hand through his hair gently, “I’m so sorry for not telling you about the threats.”

“I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t.”

Jemma held his head in her lap for a long moment, stroking his hair and trying to soothe him. It soothed her too. Having him here with her, where she could touch him, it settled the worst of her nerves.

They were going to get through this. Together. That was the only way.

“I’ll do better. I promise.” He muttered against her lap and she frowned and tugged his head up.

“Nothing you said was wrong, Cash.”

“But…”

“I understand why you got so angry and you had every right to be mad at me. I asked you not to shut me out and then I did the same thing to you. I kept something important from you and worse, I asked your brothers to keep it from you. Even if I was only doing it to protect you, it was wrong of me and you were right. I shouldn’t have asked you to do something I couldn’t do myself. I’m the one that will try to do better. I promise.”

“Oh, baby…” Cash cupped her cheek, “I don’t want us to keep hurting each other.”

“I don’t want that either but I won’t walk away from you. Don’t ask me to.”

“All I’ve ever wanted is you but if I put you in danger, if I scare you…”

“You don’t.”

“Jem…”

“Did you ever consider raising a hand to me tonight?”

The look of horror on his face said it all, “No, God no.”

“You were angrier than I’ve ever seen you. You were mad at me, specifically, but it never crossed your mind to raise your fists.” She met his gaze and tried to convey what she’d believed from the beginning, “You’re not that kind of man, Cash. You would never hurt me. I know that. I believe that. Why can’t you?”

“I’m terrified I’m going to turn into him.”

“You won’t.” She caught his cheeks between his hands when he started to look away, “I won’t let you. I’m not going anywhere so don’t try to push me away again, okay?”

They stared at each other for a long moment and she tried to convey everything she felt for him in that glance. He was a good man. Even angry, she’d never feared him, not for a second. She trusted him and he needed to learn to trust himself.

“Okay.” He finally leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers softly, “We’re going to argue. It’s what couples do. But I promise you, I won’t ever walk away from you again.”

She nodded, “Me too.”

“You forgive me?”

“I’m the one that should be asking that question.”

“I love you, Jemma.”

“I love you too.” She pulled him close and wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him tight when he hugged her in return.

For the first time all night, she let out the breath she’d been holding. They were going to be okay. They would fight again. They would encounter problems and have disagreements, but they were going to be okay. They loved each other.

“Jem, baby, I’m on my knees here…” Cash pulled back after a long moment and she wiped at the tears she hadn’t been able to hold back.

“Sorry. Yeah, come on up here.” She started to move aside to give him room but he took her hands and held her right where she was.

“No, I mean, I’m on my knees…” He met her gaze, “I promised myself a long time ago that if I ever convinced you to give me another chance that I would get down on my knees and beg you to love me again.”

“You don’t have to beg. I do. I love you.”

“I never should have let you go.”

And she never should have let him. She should have known that the boy she loved was lying. She should have trusted her heart not to lead her astray. But she’d been young and scared and she’d let him push her away, drive her out of town and force her into a life that she’d never truly wanted for herself.

Everything she’d ever wanted was right here. Her small hometown might be dusty and backwater. It might be full of gossipy people that were all up in each other’s business. But at the end of the day, it was home. It was where she’d been born, where she’d been raised and where she wanted to start her own family someday.

She bit her lip, “We can’t change the past, Cash. All we can do is learn from it and move on. Together.”

“Is that what you want?” His intense blue eyes searched her face, “You want us to move forward and put the past behind us?”

“Yes.”

“Then marry me.”

She gasped and her hand flew to her mouth when she realized that he’d pulled something from his pocket. He held it out to her now and she stared in complete shock. She’d imagined this night ending a lot of ways, but she hadn’t thought it would include a proposal. It wasn’t all that long ago that she’d told herself this was inevitable, that he would ask, and soon, but she hadn’t thought after their fight that he would choose this moment to do it.

“I…”

“I love you Jemma.” He cut her off before she could answer, “You’re my whole world and if you say yes, making you happy will be my sole mission in this life. I want us to be together in every way so nothing can tear us apart. We’ve been apart too long as it is. We’ve wasted enough time. Marry me and we can spend the rest of our lives loving each other.”

Tears cut into her vision as she stared at the ring. It looked familiar and it took her only a moment to place it. She’d made it for him years ago. It was a hammered circle medallion and if she looked closely she could still see the engraving of their initials. She’d looped it through a leather chain to turn it into a necklace but it was a ring. It had always been a ring and he’d kept it all this time.