No River Too Wide (32 page)

Edna, usually upbeat, looked no happier. She was a lovely girl, just a year older than Maddie, with her mother Samantha’s wild curly hair and latte-colored skin. Samantha was of Korean, African and European heritage, but nobody except Samantha knew what Edna’s father had added to the ethnic feast. Samantha was noticeably silent about him, and as close as she and Taylor were, that subject had always been off-limits.

Taylor turned her attention back to the carrots and listened to the girls chat.

“We could carry umbrellas.” That solution came from Maddie.

“They’ll turn inside out in this wind.”

“We can’t
not
go, Edna. Our costumes are too amazing. And we’re getting old! Next year we probably won’t even want to trick-or-treat.” Maddie lowered her voice just a little, although Taylor could still hear over the thunk of knife against cutting board. “Boys will think we’re silly.”

“Who cares?”

Taylor tried not to smile. Edna probably
didn’t
care. She had been born with a unique confidence that set her apart from Maddie’s other friends. At twelve going on forty, she was thoughtful, whip-smart and absolutely capable of making everybody see things her way, including the aforementioned boys. Taylor’s mom had predicted that Edna might well be the first female President of the United States.

“Well, what do you think we ought to do?” Maddie got up and pressed her nose to the windowpane. “We’ll be warm in the bear costumes, but we won’t stay dry.”

“We could have a Halloween party inside.”

In the kitchen Taylor rolled her eyes.

“Nobody’s going to come,” Maddie said. “It’s too late.”

“Maybe it’s not. I mean, if they’re like us, they don’t have anything else to do tonight.”

“We don’t have food, games, a place to have it....”

“I bet your mom would let us have it here. Or maybe in your grandfather’s workshop?”

Taylor was feeling more and more like a fly on the wall, a particularly hideous, menacing fly since it was Halloween. She waited to see what else the girls’ fantasy might require of her. Run out in the storm to buy cider, popcorn and pumpkins? Magically clear Ethan’s workshop of dangerous tools and towering stacks of lumber?

“You’re right,” Edna said, after she’d apparently run through all the pros and cons. “Dumb idea. And besides, we’re supposed to be getting cans for the food bank.”

Which was why, Taylor decided, her own mother had seen political success in Edna’s future. The girl could compromise, and she could organize. Tonight a whole group of kids in her class were supposed to ask for food bank donations instead of candy, thanks to Edna.

Of course, if anybody wanted to give them both...

The front door opened and Jan blew in. “It is
miserable
out there,” she said, but not as if she was reporting something they didn’t already know.

Taylor dumped veggies into the broth and began to clean up. “I was beginning to think you’d washed away.”

“You girls still want to go trick-or-treating, don’t you?” she asked the duo on the sofa.

“Our costumes will get ruined.”

“They’re just costumes, but I’ve got the perfect solution.” Jan pulled a big sheet of yellow vinyl out of a shopping bag. “Rain slickers!”

“No way!” Edna jumped up to join Jan by the door. “You can make slickers?”

“More like ponchos, I guess, but we’ll fix them up so they’re maximum protection, minimum disguise, so your costumes will show. I’ve got enough of this for Lottie, too, but I’ll need help to get them done in time.”

“You bet!” Edna threw her arms around Jan. Maddie had joined them by then, and for a moment the three were a joyous tangle of arms and legs.

“Jan, you are brilliant,” Taylor said, drying her hands on a towel as she went to see the new purchase. “You know how to do this?”

“I’ll figure it out. I bought plenty of this stuff, and it was on sale. I wouldn’t trust it to last for years, but it will last a night. And they’ll be warm enough wrapped in fake fur that nobody’s going to come home sick, unless they eat too much candy.”

“You already did so much.”

“I have absolutely loved every minute of it.”

Since that was obvious, Taylor said no more. “So you want me to call Harmony and ask her to bring Lottie like she planned?”

“What are the Three Bears without Baby Bear?”

In a flurry of conversation, the girls and Jan disappeared into her bedroom, where she had set up her new sewing machine, complete with sewing table. Taylor didn’t know much about these things, but from what she could tell the machine could make a baby’s layette, change its diapers and rock it to sleep while it sewed new crib sheets and matching quilts. Jan had assured her the machine wasn’t even top-of-the-line, and Taylor thought that was a good thing. Anything more high-tech might redecorate her house with flowery pillows and polka-dot curtains while everyone was sleeping.

While she pulled a can of tomatoes out of the pantry, she dialed Harmony’s cell phone. Harmony answered right away.

For obvious reasons Taylor never mentioned Jan’s name over the phone. Her grasp of surveillance practices was limited, but why take chances? “The resident seamstress is making yellow slickers to go over the bear costumes. Are you game?”

“They’re going to look like Paddington Bear in triplicate.”

“That’s too subtle to matter. Say you’ll come.”

“Nate wants to come, too. Is that okay?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“He loves Halloween. Knowing Nate, he’ll probably dress up.”

“The girls will love him.” Taylor waited, because this was the perfect moment for Harmony to say she was falling in love with Nate, too, but the silence extended.

“If you don’t want him to come, tell him I said no,” Taylor said at last.

“No, we’ll have fun, and he’ll help carry Baby Bear. He saw Lottie’s costume and thought it was amazing.”

All three of the costumes were. Edna, as Papa Bear, was clothed in coal-black fur adorned with a shiny top hat, a satin vest with a striped tie, tuxedo pants held up by wide suspenders and a stumpy little tail that wagged when she pulled a string at the waistband of her pants.

Maddie, Mama Bear, had soft brown grizzly fur topped by a short yellow polka-dot housedress and a white eyelet apron, an Orphan Annie wig and feet showcasing patent leather Mary Janes with big yellow bows.

Lottie, Baby Bear, was a polar bear cub, with bright pink overalls edged in ruffles, and lacy lavender bows for the neckline and the top of her head.

Neither Jan nor the girls had been overly concerned with genetics when designing the bear family.

“I’m making a huge pot of soup for everybody, so please plan to eat here. Maddie and Edna made corn muffins to go with it.” After Harmony promised to arrive by six Taylor hung up.

Nate and Harmony. She had been so certain they were perfect for each other. Which just proved that logic had very little to do with choosing a mate or even a lover.

Which made her think of Adam.

Of course.

The Wednesday self-defense class had been postponed because of the holiday, so both classes would meet tomorrow. And this meant he was free tonight.

Before she could talk herself out of it, she picked up the phone again and dialed Adam’s cell. When he answered she leaned against the stove and imagined him in the black T-shirt he’d been wearing the last time they were together. Or possibly just coming out of the shower.

For a moment she couldn’t speak.

“Taylor?”

No surprise he had caller ID. She stood a little straighter. “Sorry. Look, we’re having something of a Halloween get-together over here. Just veggie soup and kids coming and going. I’m staying home to give out treats if any ghosts and goblins are brave enough to go out tonight, and I could use some company.”

“What about Jan?”

“Male company.”

He gave a low laugh, which seemed to be directly connected to her spinal cord. “Someday we’ll need to spend time together without an audience.”

“Really? Why?”

He laughed again.

“Come about six?” she said.

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

She hung up and imagined spending time with Adam that didn’t include the goddesses or her daughter or Jan. Or bikes. Or hikes.

She smiled and left the kitchen to see whether she needed to wash the new shirt she had just decided to wear tonight.

* * *

When the plan to include Lottie in trick-or-treating was hatched, Jan had assumed she and Harmony wouldn’t be in the same place at the same time on Halloween night. Then Taylor had pointed out it was perfectly logical for Harmony to come to her house since they had been friends for some time, and who would question one friend visiting another? As long as Jan didn’t announce her presence by answering the door for trick-or-treaters or someone scarier—or accompany her adorable granddaughter along the route with Harmony beside her, all seemed safe.

“I can’t believe what you did.” Taylor was examining the hastily designed and crafted ponchos that would—if the rain didn’t let up—top the bear costumes. “They’re so cute.”

“Maybe they won’t have to use them. It seems to be clearing.”

Taylor wrinkled her nose. “I’ll believe it when I see it. But it’s only drizzling right now. Maybe we’ll luck out.”

Jan took bowls from the island and set the table as Taylor added seasoning to her soup. Adam was coming, Harmony, Nate. Altogether she counted seven, although they might eat in shifts. She hadn’t celebrated Halloween in so long she was almost as excited as Maddie and Edna. She was also smart. Once the three bears left, she would disappear into her room to let Adam and Taylor have privacy. She had a distant view of the street, and she planned to hem a dress she had made for Lottie while she sat near the window and watched the parade of costumes go by.

The Stoddards had never had trick-or-treaters in Topeka. They had lived too far from other houses, and Rex always turned off the outside lights to be sure any brave souls knew they weren’t welcome. In later years he had banned Halloween decorations, too, calling the holiday the work of the devil.

She wondered if he had sensed his own evil nature and hadn’t wanted the competition. Or perhaps, more charitably, he just hadn’t wanted reminders of the person he was becoming.

Or always had been.

If she ever learned she was completely safe from Rex Stoddard, would he still occupy so much of her mind? Or could she then finally put the Abuser and her past behind her? Taylor had given her an older-model computer she no longer needed, and Jan had spent hours on the internet reading about abuse and recovery.

There were proven ways to relegate trauma to the past. Of course, one of them was talk therapy, and while someday she probably would find a counselor or join a support group, she wasn’t yet ready. First she wanted to finish telling her story. Afraid that sharing it with a counselor would make recording it feel less important, she wanted to finish the tapes first.

She was intrigued by Taylor’s suggestion that she turn them into podcasts to help other women entrapped in volatile relationships. Believing she might make a difference made it easier to put one foot in front of the other every day. And if Rex did reenter her life, she wanted her version of their time together made public so the world would know what kind of man he really was. Because when he found her, and when she refused to return to Kansas with him, she wouldn’t live to tell the story.

She realized where her thoughts had taken her, a familiar and well-trodden path. She reminded herself that today she was safe, and so were Harmony and Lottie. Today was about celebration, because today she was with people she loved, and despite the rain, this was going to be a perfect Halloween.

The doorbell rang and she disappeared into the kitchen as Maddie came running from the back of the house to answer. Adam came in, stomping his boots on the inside doormat that Taylor had installed when the rain just wouldn’t quit. Maddie took his rain jacket to hang it in the hall closet.

Balancing easily on one leg he removed first one boot, then the other, and stood them in the plastic tray beside the door. “Something smells good.”

Taylor left the stove to welcome him. “Because we know the girls won’t have enough sweet things to eat today, I decided to finish the meal with chocolate cupcakes.”

“As long as you’re the one staying up all night with them, I think it’s a great idea.”

As Maddie skipped back to her bedroom Jan watched Taylor and Adam together. The casual greeting should be over, but they looked in no hurry to part, standing as close as they could get without pressing their bodies together. They lowered their voices as they chatted, and she fiddled with glasses from the cupboards, putting ice in them, unnecessarily setting them on a tray, adding napkins, a sugar bowl, lemons, until they finally joined her.

She greeted Adam, then added, “I don’t know who will want tea, but we’re all ready if they do.”

He took the tray from her hands to carry it to the table. “I hear you made some great costumes.”

She followed with the pitcher. “I had fun doing it.”

“Are you going trick-or-treating with the girls?”

“No, Harmony and her friend Nate can take care of things.”

“Then you’ll help us give out candy?”

She had prepared. “I’m pretty tired. I think I’m going to head to my room after dinner and watch something spooky on television while I do a little sewing. I’ll let you and Taylor do the honors out here.”

“It’s a strange holiday, isn’t it? Strangers come to your home in disguise and make demands. I wonder who came up with that.”

“It must have been a simpler time when people didn’t worry so much about strangers.”

“I don’t know. Sometimes it’s the people we know best who cause the most trouble,” Adam said.

She couldn’t argue with that, nor could she agree and invite more questions. The doorbell rang before she could respond anyway, and she headed back to the kitchen to hide herself again.

Harmony came in with Lottie in her arms, followed by Nate and a stranger. Taylor went to take Lottie and balanced the baby on one hip.