Noble Hearts 03 - The Courageous Heart (43 page)

“That is right, my liege,” Ethan agreed with
certainty
deeper than anything he had ever felt. Toby would have been so proud of him.

“You think I should let them walk free?”

“Yes, my liege.” Ethan smiled at the thought of how happy his words would have made his friend. “I think you should let them go immediately.”

“Done.” Richard nodded. “Release Sir Crispin and Lord John at once.”

As the guards moved to remove the ropes and shackles binding Crispin and Jack the crowd roared in approval.

Joanna gasped and pressed against Ethan as the block and axe were cleared away. “What did you say?” she panted, eyes lit up.

“I told him that Crispin and Jack were innocent,” he said, heart light with the affection that glowed from her. She could learn the rest later. He scooped her full
y into his arms and kissed her.

Crispin leapt off the side of the platform and crushed Aubrey in his embrace while Jack scrambled to Madeline with much less grace. The crowd that had been so eager to see blood spilled now applauded the reunited lovers.

“Well this has turned into quite a merry scene,” Richard laughed above them. The nobles around him laughed as though the whole thing were intended to be a comedy and not a tragedy. “But what about you, Sir Ethan?”

“What about me, my liege?” Ethan called up over the humming crowd.

“We shall reward you for your loyalty to the crown and your service towards us, both here and in the Holy Land.
”

“My liege?”

“I’m sure we can find some fruitful corner of this island to grant you in place of Windale,” Richard told him. “An earldom of your own might be in order as well.”

Ethan’s face fell. He glanced to Joanna. The joy of seeing her smile, free of anger or grief or worry, was all the reward he needed. He couldn’t take that away from her.

“No thank you, my liege,” he replied, bowing his head low to his king. “There is only one thing I want and she is here in my arms.” He held Joanna closer and kissed her again.

“I don’t believe it,” the king called down to him. “There has to be more you want. Go ahead, make your delightful servant into a countess in her own right.”

Ethan considered it, smoothing a hand across Joanna’s bruised face. He shook his head. “No, my liege, I could never take my Joanna away from her home, our home. It is the land where her brother, my dearest friend, Toby, is buried.”

“Toby?” The king’s face lit up. “I remember him well.
I wondered why he wasn’t with you.
” His face dropped. “It pains me to hear of his passing.”

“He gave his life for what he loved, my liege. He was the most loyal, the most faithful, the most courageous man I have ever known.”

“Very well,” the king sighed. “We shall have to find some other way to reward you.”

“Thank you, my liege.” Ethan bowed once again. He turned fully towards Joanna. “Marry me.”

“What?”

“You are the only home I will ever need. I never want to leave you again.”

Joanna gaped at him, her eyes sparkling
. She threw her arms around him and pressed to her toes to kiss him. Ethan closed his eye
s and kissed her with abandon.

At last, he had come home.

…
I don’t know how I made it back to Ethan. It is all a blur to me. All I know is that when I awoke from a stupor the battle had shifted and the place where we lay was quiet, like a dream. I held Ethan in my arms, weeping until there were no tears left. He kept assuring me that it would be alright, that he was alive and would continue to be alive. He spoke of home, how we could go now
, how we were free
. He told me to think of you and how we would
both enjoy your cooking again.

And so
I write this, my final letter to you, from a ship on the Mediterranean Sea. After so much stress and strife, after enduring so much sadness, it is strange t
o be rocking gently on azure—
blue water. The sun is happy in the sky. Sea birds sing their cries across the waves to each other. And I am coming home to you.

My one consolation
in this mess of war
is that Ethan never fully understood the bond I had with Baldwin. It was torture enough for me to have my heart split that way.
At least now my heart can be at peace.
I don’t think I could bear it if Ethan knew that
if he would let me
,
I would love him more passionately than I ever loved Baldwin. I know now more than ever that I must take
that secret
with me to my grave.
Love is the most powerful and terrible force in this world, Joanna.
I have lost love now and as painful as it is, I would die a thousand times more of Ethan were to know how I love him and turn away from me because of it.

Ethan has been silent for many days. I keep asking if his wound pains him, but he insists it is no more than a scratch. He says he’s more worried about me, about my unusual calm. I’ve not scolded him for days and he says it’s making him nervous. He joked that he would be lost without me constantly telling him what to do. In a moment of impertinence I told him he never listens to me anyhow, so why should I bother. He laughed, but I could see the fear behind his eyes. God willing, we will never see the day when he will have to muddle through this world without me. Not for his sake, but for mine. And yours.

I miss Baldwin. I don’t know what I was thinking to give a piece of my heart to him, but I feel the loss of that piece keenly. I miss his smile and the sound of his voice. It breaks my heart that the two of you will never know each other, that he will never see Windale. Once we are home I will have to take some time to walk through the fields, to run my hands across the tall grass, pretending he is with me and that I am giving him a tour of the place.

This absence has taught me what home truly is, Joanna. It has given both Ethan and I a sense of what it is we’re fighting for. All of the crusading knights were granted absolution from their sins for taking up God’s cause. And while it turned out not to be God’s cause after all, I feel as though the weight of my sins has been lifted. It is not through some external act of absolution that we are forgiven for the mistakes of our past. No person other than we ourselves can redeem us for our sins. God may pardon us here or in the hereafter, but we can only find redemption for our misdeeds when we come to understand, humbly and honestly, that we have been wrong. Once we know that, it is up to each of us to find the way back home and to follow it.

I feel as though I am between two worlds now, Joanna, my dear sister and my dear friend. I know too much to go back. I fear Ethan will find our homecoming more difficult than he foresees. But I have not yet moved on. The sea spreads all around me, calm and blue. I feel the call of Baldwin’s laughter just beyond the horizon. I don’t know what waits for me, only that I must find it. Love will be my guide, my love
for you and my love for Ethan.

Someday soon, my dear one, we will be together again.

Yours forever,

Toby

Joanna finished reading the letter to Ethan and set it on the table between them. She brushed the tears from her eyes as Ethan took her other hand in both of his. He lowered his head, bringing her hand to his lips to kiss it.

The banging and sawing all around them couldn’t break through the hushed moment of grief that they shared. The inn that they were building with the rich reward King Richard granted to Ethan for his service grew up around them. When it was finished it would be the largest and most sumptuous of the new buildings in the city of Derby.

Almost everyone, Aubrey and Crispin most of all, had been baffled when they learned what had transpired in the dramatic conversation between Ethan and King Richard. Ethan refused to speak of it. Joanna had had to learn the truth from David when they had returned to The Stag Hunt. They had all learned the truth. Aubrey still didn’t believe it. She hadn’t believed it when Joanna had told her she was leaving her service to marry Ethan.

“I think I knew.” Ethan’s whisper shook
Joanna
from her thoughts. “I think I knew there was something deeper than friendship between Toby and Baldwin.”

“How did you know?” She lowered her free hand to rub the growing mound of her belly.

Ethan shrugged. “It was obvious
, really. Obvious to anyone who knew the slightest thing about love.”

“Which you didn’t.” She arched an eyebrow.

He sent her a sheepish smile. “Not back then I didn’t.”

He stood, shifting to help her to her feet. He walked her out of the newly finished common room and
in
to the garden at the back of
the inn,
their new home. Ethan sat on the bench against the recently constructed wall and pulled her onto his lap.

“You can tell when two people are in love,” Ethan reflected.

“Oh?” Joanna smoothed his hair away from his face, heart thrilling at his beauty as though seeing him for the first time.

He nodded. “They were always so kind to each other. If one or the other of them so much as stubbed their toe they would fall all over themselves to help. Baldwin used to set aside the finest cuts of meat he was served to slip onto Toby’s plate, even when supplies were running low. Toby was constantly pestering Baldwin to eat the fruit that the locals offered us in spite of Baldwin’s insistence that he didn’t like fruit.”

Joanna chuckled. “That sounds like Toby alright.”

Ethan laughed with her, kissing her cheek. “Baldwin used to tease him, and Toby used to nag Baldwin mercilessly. But if anyone else dared to speak against one of them, the other would roar to their defense. And they never thought about themselves if they could do something that would help the other.”

He grew silent, resting his forehead against Joanna’s shoulder. She ran her fingers through his hair.

“You’re like that with me,” she consoled him.

“I haven’t been,” he protested, lifting his head and shaking it sadly. “I’ve been a-”

She stopped him with a kiss. “Let the past live in the past, Ethan. We live in the present. And in the future.” She moved his hand to lay on top of her belly.

Ethan sighed, his smile returning. “If it’s a boy we’re naming him Toby.”

“
Of course,” she agreed. “But either way I know this baby will have a guardian angel watching out for it. Maybe two.”

“Two?” Ethan arched an eyebrow.

“Don’t you think that Toby and Baldwin have been reunited in God’s kingdom?” she asked.

Ethan smiled. “I hope so.” He paused, rested his head against hers. “I know so. Love might sacrifice, but it never dies.” He spread his hand across her belly, their fingers entwining. “It will always be with us.”

A Note About Historical Accuracy

The High Middle Ages is an era of history that most people only gloss over in school, if they study it at all. On top of that, there’s a lot of misinformation out there as to what the time period was really like. Contrary to “common knowledge”, the High Middle Ages was a time of economic prosperity, cultural flowering, and clean people. It’s unfortunate that so much of what people think they know about the era comes from the propaganda of legends, such as the story of Robin Hood.

In
The Courageous Heart
I’ve gone to great lengths to portray the Third Crusade and King Richard I as they really were. By all historical accounts, Richard was a vain warrior,
possibly
bisexual
(although this is a contentious point)
, who spent only
ten
months of his reign in England and didn’t speak English. He really did try to sell London to finance his military pursuits and he really did call for thousands of innocents to be slaughtered in the Holy Land.
Prince John, on the other hand, was his father, Henry II’s favorite and strong-armed his way into taking control of England in Richard’s absence because he honestly believed Richard would never come home. He did a better job of managing the land than the three-person team Richard put in charge in his absence, and later on his reign would bring greater prosperity to England than Richard’s ever did.

I do have a few inaccurate details though. John was not in England during the three months in 1194 that Richard came home. I also have the Third Crusade beginning in 1189 instead of 1190 because it worked better with the length of time I wanted to have had pass from the crusade to this story. Also, while the Tower of London was Richard’s home during these three months in 1194 and while prisoners were also kept in the Tower, executions actually took place on Tower Hill, outside of the walls. I took a little creative license and had them happening inside of the wall. The Tower itself has undergone numerous renovations and changes since 1194, and the structure that exists now is vastly different from the one that existed back then. The Tower of this story is a composite of several incarnations of the fortress. I hope you don’t mind.

Finally, as with all of the book in the Noble Hearts trilogy, and with the novels and novellas I’m sure to write about this world in the future, I’ve aimed for a deliberately anachronistic feel to the dialog and descriptions in an attempt to make this distant time feel more present. I hope you can forgive me.