Nobody's Sorry You're Dead: A Hadley Pell Cozy Mystery (15 page)

H
adley called
Ruth down at the rescue shelter.

“Of course, I can use you. Come on down,” Ruth had said. “We’ve got several new orphans since you were here last. Those babies need lots of TLC.”

“See you in a short-short,” Hadley said, ringing off. Hadley punched in the speed dial number for Maury.

“I’m heading out to the shelter, Maury,” she said. “You want to join me. Ruth’s got some new babies there. I know you’re a sucker for anything baby, Sis.”

“You bet,” Maury said. “We’ll swing by the Spoon and get some lunch for Ruth, too.”

“Sounds like a plan to me. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

After picking up their take-out order from the Spoon, Hadley and Maury set out for the shelter. Winding around the curves of the narrow road, they came upon the entrance to MEGA Mountain Funland Park.

The park covered a lot of land, and it had been a major tourist draw for the first two years of its operation. After an unfortunate accident involving an injury to a visitor and a downturn in the economy, the ticket sales dwindled. Ruth’s aunt got sick. Everything about the amusement park seemed cursed.

Eventually, Ruth’s uncle agreed to close it, and the park was abandoned. Now, aside from Ruth’s wildlife shelter, it was pretty much an overgrown place of rust and silence. Hadley looked at the Ferris wheel. It stood tall and rusting above the trees. The morning mist that clung to its spokes like moss on the mountainside had long burned off. The wind whistled through the empty ticket booths. A giant cement black bear stood waving in the center of a collapsing train station. Vines and weeds choked the tracks that zigzagged off in every direction.

“You know, Maury, this place is really gonna be something when Ruth finishes tearing down all the rusting relics. The amusement park will be remade into a terrific place for the animals when she finishes the renovations.”

Hadley drove past the rotting and rusting skeletons that hinted of fun until she reached a sign that read “Sherwood Forest
.
" Parking the car, she helped Maury carry the food containers and drink cups. They wove their way down a dirt path until they came to a building encircled by a shiny fencing. Hadley pushed the button on the gatepost, talked into a little box, and it unlocked. The two sisters entered the animal center.

Ruth had big plans for the site. There was plenty of land to work with and plenty of work to do. So far, her main focus had been on enclosing the huge barn that had housed the myriad barnyard animals in her uncle’s petting zoo. Hadley and Maury wandered further into the old forest compound. They passed the ghosts of the park’s former occupants. A life-sized palomino reared on his hind hooves, his paint peeling and faded.

“Hate to run up on that guy in the dark,” Maury said. “Is it me, or does that horse look angry?”

“”You’d be furious. too,” Hadley said, “if the mare you were rearing up for and showing your stallion stuff to had been unceremoniously carted off on the back of a dump truck. Didn’t Nate Abbernathy buy the mare from Ruth’s uncle to advertise his grating and hauling business?”

“That’s right,” said Maury. “He did. Guess you got a point.”

Maury patted the hind leg of the cement stallion as she passed.

“Get’s kinda lonely out here without your missus. Don’t worry old fella. She’s still standing proud as a peacock over at Nate’s. Hadley?”

“Yeah,” Hadley said.

“Why do you think Nate painted his mascot purple? Whoever heard of a purple horse?”

“Shhh,” Hadley said, turning her eyes toward the rearing stallion. “He’ll hear you.”

“Aw, Hadley. Of all the colors in the world that shade of purple has got to be the most hideous!”

“I don’t know. Maybe Stella’s favorite color is purple. You gotta admit, you don’t miss that big old grape when you pass by his business.”

“Yeah. You’re right,” Maury said. “That’s probably the reason he picked that shade. An eyesore that attracts your eyeballs. Kinda like that giant rainbow pig over at Pricilla’s Barbecue.

From out of nowhere, a dark shadow swooped down over the unsuspecting women like a kamikaze pilot dive bombing a World War II battleship. Angry honks and Maury’s screams filled the air.

Wings and feathers beat furiously, and Sprat, the wild goose, landed in front of Maury, who, miraculously, was still in possession of the Styrofoam boxes from the Spoon. Hadley and Maury had nicknamed the animal ‘the guard goose,’ and Sprat took his duties very seriously.

“He must have claimed this area of the path as part of his territory,” said Hadley.

“I just wish I could figure out what it is about me that sets him off so,” said Maury.

For reasons unknown, Sprat had never cottoned to Maury. Maybe it was the smell of her shampoo or clothes detergent or the fact that she reminded him of a goose from his past he would rather forget. Hadley and Maury could come up with no logical reason for Sprat’s intense dislike.

Whatever it was, Sprat and Maury got along like oil and water.

One look at Maury, and Sprat’s feathers curled backwards. He quickly waddled up to her, snapping at her ankles with machine gun speed. Like a woodpecker, Sprat’s bill went into overtime. Nip, nip, nip, nip, nip.

Maury started squealing and high-stepping around the yard. Hadley couldn’t help but giggle as she watched her younger sister try to awkwardly avoid her tormenter. After several seconds of this riotous chase, Hadley decided her sister had suffered enough.

Kneeling down on one knee, Hadley pulled a plastic baggie out of her pocket and started making kissing sounds with her lips. “Come here, Sprat. I got a treat for you.”

Before leaving the house, she’d pulled several leaves off a head of cabbage from the vegetable bin of her refrigerator. Like magic, those few sprigs of green were all it took for the maniacal goose to lose interest in Maury and come waddling over to Hadley. Sprat took the leaves from her hand and gobbled them up. Hadley opened her arms, and the goose move closer to her. She lowered her head, and Sprat wrapped his long neck around hers in an offering of thanks.

Maury looked on with her mouth gaping open.

“How do you do that?” she muttered. “Forget it. I don’t care. I’m just glad that old goose has the hots for you and your cabbage leaves. If he didn’t, I’d probably be plucked clean and nipped dead by now.”

Maury seized the opportunity to escape into the building before the goose realized he needed to resume his diet of shins and ankles.

“Hey, Ruth,” Hadley called.

“Over here, Hadley.” “What was all that ruckus I heard outside?”

“Just Sprat getting his morning exercise.” “He and Maury play this game of cat and mouse. Maury’s the mouse. Sprat’s pretty good at playing the cat role. I think you should give him an Academy Award this year. His performance is a ten!”

“Yeah,” Maury said, “but how ’bout me. I should be up for best supporting role. That goose may be the star of the show, but my shins come in a close second.”

They were surrounded by mews and cheeps and all the other sounds of baby animals and birds. Ruth and a couple of other volunteers were busy feeding the orphans. Each species had its own special food or formula. Syringes with tiny nipples, small and large bottles, as well as chows, fruits, nuts, and vegetables lined the counters along the wall.

Ruth instructed Hadley and Maury to put the food from the Spoon in the break room.

“Thanks, gals,” Ruth said. “I really appreciate you thinking of me like that.”

The two sisters jumped in to assist in the feeding frenzy going on around them. And what a menagerie, they fed: squirrels, baby foxes, smiling opossums, owls, raccoons, and box turtles. When they got to the snakes, Hadley held the volunteers spellbound with her tale of the rattler on the old settee in Eustian’s house.

After all the animal, birds, and reptiles had eaten, Hadley, Maury, and Ruth went to the break room to chow down. The fare from the Spoon was delicious. Now, it was time for cleaning the beds, nests, and cages to maintain a good environment for healing and regaining strength. Everyone had put in a good day’s work.

Walking back to the car, Maury noticed a ball of black and white fur half hidden in a brown paper lunch bag.

“Oh no, Hadley,” she said. “Is that a kitten? I’ll bet it’s been abandoned. You know everyone around here knows about Ruth’s place here. It’s probably scared to death and has curled up in this bag to take a nap.”

She bent down to pick up the animal. Its coat was black, irregularly spotted with white and totally irresistible. Suddenly, the creature unfolded itself, revealing a thick fluffy tail.

“Yikes!” Hadley exclaimed as Maury clutched the bag in her hand. The
kitten
tumbled out of the bag and stood on its back legs, stamping its front feet rapidly up and down.

Unlike her sister, Hadley knew what was coming. She started to run away.

“Move, Maury!” Hadley yelled, but it was too late.

An arching spray of yellow liquid streamed from the animal. Maury was in shock. She hadn’t moved a muscle, and she was in the direct line of fire. A strong rotten egg smell saturated her, and Maury started gagging.

“Hadley, it’s a skunk!” Maury screamed. “How could something so cute smell so AWFUL!”

“Well,” said Hadley, eyes tearing, “I don’t know. But you’ll survive. That much I can be sure of. On the other hand, I don’t know if the interior of my car will ever be the same. I’d force you to ride home in my trunk, but I don’t think it will make much difference. Get in. Let’s get you cleaned up before the health department condemns you, me, and this stinking car we’re riding around in!”

B
ill’s face
wore a dark scowl. His mood was even blacker. This whole mess was turning out to be one gigantic problem after another. As soon as the key was in his pocket, he’d gone out to Eustian’s and tried to search the place more thoroughly. It was hopeless.

With all the junk Eustian had piled up inside that old farmhouse, it would take an army at least a year to do the job right. And here he was, Bill Whittaker, an army of one.

Shoot, he thought, where should I start?

He picked his way through the tiny path Eustian had left among the stacks of garbage to the kitchen. This was where he’d found the dead man. He walked over toward the table and looked at the spot where the old man’s body had lain. Something was bothering him. Something. If he could just get it to fester in his brain and come to a head, maybe he could figure out what it was.

It had started out as a perfectly normal day and had only gone downhill from there.

* * *

T
he morning Eustian
failed to appear in court, Bill knew something was wrong. Bad wrong. He had a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t get them often, but when he did, they were usually right. He couldn’t explain it.

Maury said when he felt that way it was the leftovers from last night’s supper. But that wasn’t it. It wasn’t gas. It felt more like a premonition.

Bill had never known Eustian Singlepenny to miss a court date. Ever. The old man was obsessed with the legal system and having his day in court was akin to starring on network television. Eustian was always so pumped on those days, he arrived an hour before the courthouse was unlocked. But nobody had seen the old man, and he was scheduled to appear before Judge Marr in fifteen minutes. Bill made a quick check of the bathrooms and the lobby.

Eustian was a no show. He had missed this morning’s hearing. That was the reason Bill was driving out to the Singlepenny place. The man was unpleasant and as ornery as the day was long. He was a major nuisance and a cranky goose. But he was old. Anything could have happened to him, and as sheriff, Bill felt it was his responsibility to make sure Eustian was all right. If he wasn’t, maybe the sheriff could get him some help. Get him to the hospital or the doctor’s office, if need be.

He pulled up to the house and got out. The place was quiet. With all the no trespassing signs Eustian had nailed about the place, Bill expected the front to be bolted shut and locked. It was not.

The sheriff entered the house. It was like walking right into the county dump. With all the trash Eustian had heaped to the ceiling, there was no use to lock the doors. What had he been doing all these years? It looked liked a pack rat on steroids in the old house. You could hardly move for all the old magazines, books, and just old junk piled high in every nook and cranny. Bill navigated the path Eustian had left in the center of the rooms, cramped, winding paths down the center of the rooms. He called out the old man’s name as he wandered throughout the maze of litter.

He found the old man a few minutes into his search. Eustian was on the floor near the kitchen table. A single kitchen chair was resting on its side. Bill ran up to the still figure, but it was plain the old man was dead. He got in his car and radioed the office.

“Call Finley Eubanks,” he ordered Myra, the secretary.

Finley Eubanks was the Hope Rock County Coroner. Bill waited outside on the porch until Finley arrived.

“He’s in the kitchen, Fin,” Bill said. “Be careful. It’s like a jungle of junk in there. I think Eustian’s been stockpiling every piece of trash he could find for the last fifty years. Just watch your step. I don’t need two bodies on my hands.”

“I hear ya,” said Finley.

They carefully made their way through the maze of debris. The two men stood in Eustian’s kitchen quietly talking.

“It’s probably a heart attack,” Finley said.

“He looks awful,” Bill said. “And he smells funny. Then again, this whole house stinks.”

Finley bent down for a closer inspection of Eustian’s body.

“I gotta admit,” Doc said, “I don’t smell much of anything, Bill, but my nose ain’t what it used to be. Old age, I think. But I can declare ’em dead. And that’s all this job requires.

“I ain’t no doc. But in this office, you don’t have to be. Dead is dead. He ain’t breathin’. But he died out here alone and while a court case was pending. I don’t think it’s suspicious, but I’m only a county coroner. Just to be on the safe side, I’ll send him to Bowey Hill. We’ll let the medical examiner tell us for sure if it was the old guy’s ticker or something else.”

“Yeah,” said Bill, “an ounce of prevention.”

“Right. I don’t think this old coot is gonna have any kin or friends clammering for his body. He ain’t one of the ones I’d be likely to think was on the roster of saintly and good souls. Eustian probably has more enemies in this county than any other fellow whose ever lived here.”

“I know,” said Bill. “He could stir up more trouble than an army of troublemakers.”

“You said it,” said Finley. “I know Eustian was a pain in the patoot, and it probably is a heart attack that killed him, but elections are just around the corner. I don’t wanna take no chances. It’s probably just gonna come back as natural causes, but I wanna be sure I do this right.”

“I ain’t arguing with you, Finley,” Bill said. “Until they stick me and you with the bill for the autopsy. Then, I might start moanin’ and groanin’ a little.”

“That’s probably how this will play out. Heart attack, just like I said. But, we’ll see.”

“Yeah. I’ll get in touch with Stiggy. Get him to bring the meat wagon over here.”

“Okay, Bill.”

Eustian Singlepenny became Case #0486939 at the Bowey Hill medical examiner’s office.

* * *

B
ill looked
around the lonely kitchen. The house was quiet. Too quiet. He wondered if Eustian ever noticed the eerie stillness. Did it ever bother the old man? Probably not.

Bill’s tensed. Something moved. He’d caught it out of the corner of his eye. He took his flashlight and moved it about around the room. The beam lit the beady eyes of a little mouse. Bill smiled. Spooked by a three-inch fur ball.

Better quit daydreaming and get back to work.

The light was fading. He’d have to move fast. He flicked his flashlight here and there. All it did was light on piles and piles of rubbish. He didn’t really think he’d find anything. Still, it was worth a shot.

He examined the spot on the floor where Eustian had died. Nothing. On top of the table. Under the table. The beam hit upon a small plastic bottle. Strange, he thought. Or was it?

Few areas in this house were free of litter. Had this little bottle been there for a few years or not?

Eustian had kept the floor under the table clear. Probably did that so he could sit down to eat in peace. Bill got down on his hands and knees, grunting. Maury was right, he thought. I need to lay off the sweets. Cut back the portions on my plate. Get more exercise. I’m not as limber as I used to be.

Reaching out, he picked up the object with a gloved hand. It was a small, plastic bottle. Gold-plating solution. Cyanide-based. On the bottle was a picture of a 50- cent piece with the portrait head gold plated.

Sandy Miller worked with deadly poisons daily at his shop, but his cyanide was kept in large metal baths. But Sandy Miller had not phoned him back that day of the flea market, Bill remembered. A disturbing and new development in the case was staring the sheriff right in the face. Bill hurried to his car and sped back to town.

* * *

P
oisoned
.

The word kept circling around in Hadley’s brain like a dog chasing its tail. Round and round. An unending loop.

It was still early, but the library should be opened. That is if Anna was not out joyriding in her new plane. No, not Anna. She was too good at her job. Hadley grabbed her purse and car keys.

The library was open, just as Hadley had guessed. Anna was surprised to see her friend out and about at that hour.

“Hadley,” she said, “I hope I didn’t scare you too much on our joy ride. Are you here to beat me with a big, bad stick for taking you up in the plane?”

“Not at all. I really liked it, once I got used to it,” Hadley said. “It was fun. And I looking at our little community with a bird’s eye just gives me a greater appreciation of how lucky we are to live in such a beautiful place.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it. Now, what brings you here,” Anna asked. “If I can help you find anything, just let me know.”

“Thanks. If it’s okay, I’ll just shop around a while in the card catalog and see what I can find.”

“Oh, we got rid of that a few years back,” Anna said. “Come over here, and I’ll show you how to look up books on the computer.”

“I’m not much on computers, Anna,” Hadley said. “I can turn one on and off. I can probably blow one up or crash it, or whatever it is you guys say, better than most. I’ve got a sneaking suspicion I’d have a hidden talent for breaking one in a heartbeat.”

“Oh, Hadley. So many people feel that way. It’s just a matter of getting used to something that’s foreign to you. That’s all. Don’t be intimidated by them. They’re not that hard to use. It seems like a lot at first, but once you get the keystrokes in your head, it’s a matter of using those same keystrokes over and over again. We all start at the same place. Square One. Come on over here. I’ll have you up and running and searching for the books you want in a matter of minutes.”

“Okay,” said Hadley. “But if you suddenly hear a loud noise, that’s me cursing by the way, and see smoke, you know I’ve crashed your baby faster than a meteor drops from the sky.”

“You won’t hurt the computer,” Anna said. “You’ve got the best instructor, remember?”

Anna showed Hadley the ropes. After a couple of false starts, she seemed to have mastered the book search option.

“If you run into any problems, just call me. Nobody is born knowing how to work these things, Hadley. All it takes is a little practice. And don’t worry about the typos. Everybody makes them. Just be patient, and cut yourself a little slack.”

“If I need you, I’ll holler,” said Hadley. “And thanks. It’s not as hard as I imagined.”

Anna had left Hadley a cheat sheet to refer to whenever she got stuck. It really helped ease some her Hadley’s anxiety.

Anna left Hadley to help another patron. Hadley typed a few letters, made a mistake, and stuck her tongue out at the screen.

Sighing, she started over. Success! She found what she was searching for and made a bee line to the shelves. She pulled a few choices, skimming the first few pages. If the book read like a chemistry treatise for a science guru, she discarded it in search of another.

Hadley knew Sandy worked with some powerful poisons in his sheet metal shop. She looked up that topic, too.

“Well,” Anna said, “you planning on starting a new hobby, Hadley? Should I be worried that you’re plotting your revenge against me because of the plane ride?”

“No. Just trying to broaden my horizons,” Hadley said.