Nocturne (20 page)

Nicole thought of the years ahead and her heart ached. Was this truly the last time she’d ever see Michael’s beloved face?
No
, she told herself. Somehow, some way, someday she’d see him again—even if just for a week or a day or an hour. The promise of that meeting would help her go on.
Life is meant to be lived
, he’d said. She knew he was right. She knew what true love was now, and that memory would sustain her. In the meantime, she could read and reread the books of Patrick Spencer with intimate knowledge of the head and heart of the man who wrote them. Through his words on the page, she’d be with him again every day, if only in spirit.

When they arrived at the airport, Michael parked the car and stayed with Nicole while she checked in for her flight,

It was time to say good-bye. The tears Nicole had been holding at bay welled up and spilled down her cheeks. Answering tears glistened in his blue eyes.

“You’ve changed me, you know,” he said, tenderly running his fingers through her hair as if trying to memorize its weight and color.

“How?” she whispered.

“I was used to being alone. I was good at it, resigned to it. But I wasn’t happy. I was closed off, bitter, and angry. I don’t feel angry anymore. I feel . . . alive. Just knowing that this kind of love is possible—that you’re out there somewhere, living your life—that we once had four brilliant days—that will make me smile.”

“You’ve changed me, too,” she said with great emotion. “I see my life more clearly now. I understand what I want and where I need to be. I’m so grateful to you for that. But I’ll never forget you. Not one day will pass that I won’t think of you.”

“Every day, I’ll remember what we had, and wish that you were here beside me.”

“Thank you . . . for everything. For saving my life—twice—on that snowy road. For taking me in. For—” Her voice broke and she couldn’t continue.

He pulled her into his arms and held her tight. “I love you, Nicole.”

“I love you, Michael. I always will.”

He kissed her fiercely. “Have a good life. Be well. Be happy.”

Nicole’s throat was so full she couldn’t reply. She sobbed as he turned and walked away, melted into the crowd, and disappeared through the doors toward the parking garage.

Blinded by tears, Nicole moved into the security line.
How does anyone live through such sadness?
she wondered, the finality of their separation so profoundly painful that she thought her heart would break in two.

Her suitcase, as she lifted it up onto the moving belt, was heavier than Nicole remembered. When it appeared on the X-ray monitor, she glimpsed a small, rectangular shape inside which the TSA agent studied intently, then let pass by. What was it?

At her gate, the plane was already boarding. Determined to find out what was in her suitcase, Nicole quickly knelt down, lay her case on the floor, unzipped it, and tearfully searched inside. Buried among her clothes, she found what felt like a small wooden box. She brought it out and gasped in surprise.

It was a music box.
The music box.
The one with the exquisite red rose and music motif.

MICHAEL TURNED ONTO THE HIGHWAY, staring through the windshield with tear-glazed eyes. His CD played, the lyrics and melody of his favorite song so beautiful that he thought his aching heart might burst.

What was he going to do now? How could he go on, day after day, year after year, with only the memory of her to console him?

As he drove, he pictured her in his mind. How could he keep that image fresh and alive as the decades, the centuries unfolded?

An idea began to form. An idea for a love story that featured a captivating, green-eyed, red-headed heroine—the kind of woman he’d only been able to conjure in his imagination before, but now could see and hear quite clearly in his head. Yes. Yes. Work had always been a solace to him, a distraction from pain and loneliness. He welcomed that distraction now. In writing about her, he would have the joy of bringing her to life, hearing her voice, and being with her again every day and every night—forever. It was not the same, it could never be the same, but it was all he had, and he would devote himself to it.

He knew what he would call the book. He’d call it
Nocturne
.

THROUGH MISTY EYES, Nicole ran her hands lovingly over the smooth varnished surface of the music box, then lifted the lid and listened to its beautiful tune.

It was such a precious gift, and knowing that Michael had made it with his own hands made it doubly precious. Had he written her a note? There was none inside the music box. She looked through her things again, thinking a note might have fallen into her suitcase, and discovered a parcel she didn’t recognize. It was the size and shape of a book, neatly wrapped in brown paper. Had Michael given her one of his novels? she wondered, her heart skipping a beat.

As the last boarding call was announced, Nicole zipped her suitcase, raced up to the ticket agent, and hurtled down the jetway, boarding the plane with the parcel in hand. After stowing her luggage above, she dropped into her seat by the window and unwrapped the gift.

Her breath caught. It was indeed a book—a very, very old book—of Scottish songs and poems. The type and spelling were very old-fashioned, the leather spine was soft from frequent readings, and its pages were brown and tattered with age.

Inside the front cover was an inscription in Michael’s handwriting. As she read it, her heart seized and her eyes filled with fresh tears.

My darling Nicole,

My red, red rose,

This is one of my most treasured books. I know you’ll appreciate it as much as I have. I hope when you listen to the music box, it will make you smile.

Have a good life, my bonnie lass. Look forward, not back. Be happy. Have no regrets. Fall in love again—do it for me. And know that I will love you until the end of time.

Michael

A page of the book had been marked by a scrap of paper. As the plane pulled away from the gate, tears streamed down Nicole’s cheeks as she turned to the designated page and read:

O My Luve’s Like a Red, Red Rose
by Robert Burns (1759-1796)

O, my Luve’s like a red, red rose,
That’s newly sprung in June.
O, my Luve’s like the melodie,
That’s sweetly play’d in tune.

As fair art thou, my bonnie lass,
So deep in luve am I,
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
Till a’ the seas gang dry.

Till a’ the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the rocks melt wi’ the sun!
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
While the sands o’ life shall run.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I AM DEEPLY INDEBTED to the following people for their help during the creation of this book:

Mary Ann Elder, devoted horsewoman, for her enthusiasm, generosity, and patience in providing so many invaluable details on every subject from the care and training of horses to blizzards, barns, Colorado winters, road clearing, wild animals, medical emergencies, and sports. I’m especially grateful for her verbal inspiration in helping to design the layout of Michael’s property, her descriptions of Colorado in all seasons, and her suggestion regarding an unexpected use of horsehair. Mary Ann has the soul of a poet, and I will be forever grateful to her.

My cousin Adam Rosenberg, DVM, for his time and knowledge on a wide range of topics including Colorado wildlife, blood banks, backup generators, communications

My cousin Jessica Rosenberg, RN, PNP, CNS, for giving me such wonderful insight into her particular specialty in the medical profession, for sharing her expertise and personal experiences, and for helping me to craft the crisis at the heart of Nicole’s character. I can never thank her enough.

My friend Michelle Shuffett, MD, for her invaluable input with regard to all the injuries and treatments in the book, and her careful review of all pages with medical content. Thank you!

My friend Cynthia Bosworth, for the Audrey Catburn story that made me laugh, and the phrase about the face of a ladybug and a caterpillar.

My brother, Mel Astrahan, PhD, computer guru, and horseman extraordinaire, for so generously coming to my rescue when my computer died, sharing his passion for bitless horseback riding and the Indian Hackamore, all the memories with Posse and Pockets, and for teaching me how to ride bareback.

My sister-in-law, Cheri Astrahan, for the war stories from her sojourn in the world of medical insurance claims.

My agent, Tamar Rydzinski, for her tireless support and encouragement, and for insisting—
immediately
, when I gave her no more than a paragraph synopsis—that
this
was the book I was supposed to write.

My publishers, Georgina Levitt and Roger Cooper, for seeking me out and for trusting me to write the book that was in my heart; Francine LaSala for reminding me that sometimes less is more; Chrisona Schmidt for her light yet precise copy-edit; Annie Lenth for her diligent work getting the text and page layout just right; and, of course, the rest of the wonderful Vanguard team; thank you so much for the beautiful cover, which really knocked my socks off!

My son, Ryan, for inspiring me to write from two points of view, and for his usual thought-provoking feedback, delivered in such a timely manner, while incurring much loss of sleep.

My husband, Bill, for his loving attention and devotion when I needed a sounding board, for being so understanding and supportive of the vampiric hours and habits I was obliged to keep during the writing process, for helping me find the music, and for suggesting his favorite song—a song that was so perfect, it moved me to tears.

AUTHOR’S NOTE

I FELL IN LOVE WITH Nicole and Michael while writing this novel. They became so real to me that I feel as if they truly do exist, and this story really happened. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if, while driving around that particular bend of Highway 40 high in the Colorado mountains, I was to actually see Michael’s beautiful house perched up there, nestled between the pines.

I hope you found this book exciting and romantic. It came to be because the wonderful team at Vanguard Press, who’d read my novel
Dracula, My Love
—which features a dashing, highly accomplished, and charismatic Dracula—asked me to write a romantic vampire novel for them. I couldn’t resist the offer.

It was the first time I’d agreed to write a book without knowing what it was going to be about. But almost immediately,

For some reason, I just knew the story had to take place on a mountaintop in Colorado. I delved into my research. The challenge was to create an entire novel that has only two characters and takes place in a single location, and yet keeps the sexual tension, twists, turns, and surprises coming. Before I knew it, the story and characters began to appear fully formed in my head. The tale poured out of me, as if I was downloading it from the universe—or as if it was a true story and I was simply recording it.

The most satisfying part of any story, for me, is the character’s arc. No matter the genre, I think the main characters must go through some kind of learning curve. I like to begin with a haunting, deeply felt inner wound that has in some way prevented the character from moving forward in his or her life. Over the course of the story, they grow and change, and come out on the other side transformed and ready to tackle life’s challenges with new insight and perspective. I believe that Nicole and Michael did that for each other; that the four magical days they spent together have changed them forever.

I loved every minute of the time I spent with Michael and Nicole. I got so deeply inside their heads and hearts that I feel

But I’ll tell you a secret: in my mind, Nicole and Michael’s story is far from over. I fully believe that they’ll see each other again, and not just for a week, or a day, or an hour.

Because I believe in the power of true love.

True love always finds a way.

NOCTURNE
by Bestselling Author Syrie James

AUTHOR QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

1.
Question:
One of the surprising elements of the book is Michael’s amazing relationship with his horses, even though he is a predator. Though Michael is confident that he can restrain his true nature around the horses, why can’t he have that same willpower around Nicole?

Answer:
Michael acknowledges that his horses might instinctively see him as a predator, which is why he’s had to work so hard to learn to communicate with them. During the years when Michael forced himself to feed exclusively on animals, he would have taken blood from any other creature in the forest before he would have touched one of his horses, because they were his friends. It is this emotional connection, founded on Michael’s innate sense of decency, that helps to keep his primal instincts in check, both with regard to horses and human beings—but as we’ve seen, that control could falter in a heartbeat if he’s enraged by a dangerous wild animal. Michael’s problem in Nicole’s case is further complicated in that it’s not just about his thirst for blood; the intense passion of lovemaking can also cause him to lose control.

2.
Question:
You must have had a lot of fun including real historical personages, such as the Scottish poet, Robert Burns, and Charles Dickens as friends of Michael in his past life. How did you

Answer:
That
was
fun! I didn’t really plan which historical characters to include in the story—they chose me. I wanted Michael to have a signed novel in his library. It had to be a famous British writer from the Regency or early Victorian era, but it couldn’t be Jane Austen or one of the Brontës, whose books were published anonymously during their lifetime. I didn’t know it was going to be Dickens until Nicole pulled the book off the shelf, and then it was fun to invent how and when Michael knew him in a way that was historically accurate.

As for Robert Burns—I asked my husband to please help me find a wonderful, romantic song to serve as the theme for the novel that could also be played on a music box. Bill played the CD
My Luve is Like a Red, Red Rose
, and it was so perfect I immediately started crying. When I learned more about Robert Burns, I decided that Michael
had
to know him, and I added a jaunt to Scotland to Michael’s backstory.

3.
Question:
Music plays a major role in
Nocturne
. In fact, a major turning point in the novel is when Nicole and Michael really connect as they discuss Chopin’s Nocturne and then play a duet together. How and why do you use music in your writing? And do you think music can be used to highlight or emphasize important themes in the novel?

Answer:
Music plays a big role in this novel, and one of the great pleasures of writing it was finding the right pieces of music to include, both to showcase the theme and the characters’ emotional state. At different points in the story, Michael and Nicole each sit down at the piano and play pieces that are difficult and dramatic, emphasizing the frustration they feel at the time. Their shared love of music and the piano is one of the many things that draws them to each other. The title of the book is both a tribute
My Luve is Like a Red, Red Rose
, represents the theme of the story: that Michael’s love for Nichole is everlasting, and like Michael himself, it will last till all the seas go dry and while the sands of life shall run.

4.
Question:
How much research into the medical profession and into details about blood transfusion did you need to do to write
Nocturne
? And Nicole’s passion for pediatric oncology is fascinating. Why did you decide to make both characters healers at different points in their lives?

Answer:
I interviewed a pediatric oncology nurse who specialized in blood transfusions, and both she and several doctors reviewed those chapters for medical accuracy. I loved the idea that Nicole worked with blood, which is so vital to a vampire’s survival, and serves as such a core element of the story. Because Nicole and Michael spend such a brief but intense time together—for the story to work, they had to fall in love almost immediately—I wanted them to have a great deal in common. Their mutual passion for healing the sick is just one of the many things that brings them together.

5.
Question:
Ironically, it is the devastating attack at the climax of the book that actually finally heals Nicole and gets her over her deep, emotional fear of blood. Why did you choose to set this cathartic moment in Nicole’s life during one of the most terrifying times in her life?

Answer:
When a person suffers from a deep, emotional wound, it often takes extraordinary circumstances to draw them out of their shell and cause them to face their fears—which they must do if they are to learn and grow and move forward in life.

Because Nicole’s fear of blood was the very antithesis of Michael’s basis for survival, it set up an interesting disparity between them. I wanted her to deal with and overcome her fear in a way that was exciting and dramatic, and served to remind her of her own special skills, while at the same time allowing her to save Michael’s life, just as he had already saved hers so many times.

6.
Question:
Is there significance to your use of the apple Michael hands Nicole after the attack to help her get her strength back?

Answer:
Interestingly, the forbidden fruit mentioned in the Book of Genesis is not identified, although popular Christian tradition holds that it was an apple. Magical, golden apples are featured in both Greek mythology (as growing on the Tree of Life) and Norse mythology (they keep one young forever), and they appear frequently in fairy tales such as the poisoned apple in Snow White. I had all this in mind when Michael hands Nicole that slice of apple. It’s a symbol of
all that he is:
the forbidden fruit, a combination of poison and youth elixir, whose very bite could kill her yet make her immortal. At the same time, the apple is a source of life: the nourishment she needs to recover and survive.

7.
Question:
In the novel Michael says the worst kind of pain is hurting one you love most. When Michael loses himself in the cougar blood frenzy, he calls Nicole, the person he loves most, “the creature.” How do you use this lack of identity to reinforce danger and obsession?

Answer:
I was very particular about which parts of the book were told from Michael’s versus Nicole’s point of view, and that scene—the cougar attack—simply had to come from Michael. I felt it was important for the reader to get inside Michael’s head to understand the transformation he goes through when the beast within him takes over. Only by seeing him truly become a wild animal

8.
Question:
Your description of Michael’s indoor garden paradise is fantastic. Do you have experience gardening yourself? What is it about this greenhouse that fulfills such a special need for Michael?

Answer:
I have a beautiful garden, a koi pond like Michael’s, and a fondness for plumeria trees and rose bushes. Although I don’t have time these days to maintain the garden myself, I’ve enjoyed many wonderful hours in the past planting and pruning, and I love strolling through my yard and watching the butterflies flit from flower to flower. Michael’s greenhouse fills two very special needs for him: the need to be surrounded by nature, which is difficult for a being that must avoid direct sunlight; and the need to nurture things and make them grow, which serves as a daily reminder that he is rising above the monster inside him—because he can create life, rather than destroy it.

9.
Question:
Michael is an author in this novel and draws inspiration from his past lives. What inspired you to write this novel?

Answer:
In
Dracula, My Love
, I thoroughly enjoyed exploring a new, more sympathetic version of Dracula—a man who was a good person in his human life, and has spent an eternity struggling against the evil inside himself, on a determined quest to improve his mind and talents. A union between a vampire and a human is fascinating and compelling, yet so problematic—and as I wrote, I fell completely under its spell. When I finished the novel, I was eager to write about another such vampire, and another such relationship—but this time, I wanted to invent my own characters from scratch.

I’ve noticed that, when reading some novels, I sometimes skim the subplot and jump ahead to the parts that interest me the most: the parts that focus on the main, romantic characters. I wondered: was it possible to write a book that focused
entirely
on the hero and heroine, and didn’t include a single other character? The challenge inspired me, and this novel was born.

10.
Question:
Though Nicole sees a gentle and kind man in front of her, Michael admits he has killed many times before, and not just because he was hungry. Why does Michael expose this side of his character to Nicole when he could keep the past a secret?

Answer:
From the very beginning of the story, Michael’s intent and struggle is to somehow keep Nicole safe. Fearing every moment that his true nature might assert itself, he feels it is his duty to tell her the truth: that he is a monster and she’s better off keeping her distance from him—even though it costs him dearly to admit it, because by that point he’s deeply in love with her.

11.
Question:
Michael tells Nicole: “Even legend is founded in a kernel of truth.” Do you believe that is true for the most part? Do you believe there is a kernel of truth to people’s superstitions and beliefs in vampires?

Answer:
The universe is a fascinating place, full of wonders that mankind has yet to understand, discover, and explore. Many of the advances that modern scientists have made and which we take completely for granted today were once considered impossible—the stuff of superstition—and would have gotten our ancestors burned as witches. It is certainly possible that many things
we
see as mere superstitions could be true, or founded on a kernel of truth. I believe that anything is possible.