Northern Fires (12 page)

Merrilee waved a dismissing hand. “You know Dalton, he won’t mind.”

Juliette pulled herself together, cloaking herself in the mantle she’d so foolishly discarded for a period of time. “I’m fine. I’m a professional. I’ll do my job. I’ll talk to Sven later.”

And that would actually work out better because she was fairly certain if she tried to talk to Sven right now, she’d burst into tears and then she’d really feel somewhere beyond foolish. That was if she even did talk to him. Perhaps it was best to make a swift, clean break. What was there to talk about? She was a problem between him and his family. Eliminate her from the equation and there was no problem.

All the old feelings of inadequacy swept through her, over her. She felt in the bottom of the pit she’d been in for so long—hopeless, helpless, no way out. The equally familiar craving to dull those emotions, to take the edge off, the temporary relief of anesthetization, washed over her, as well. What difference would one, or two or more drinks make?

* * *

S
VEN
WANTED
TO
PUT
HIS
fist through a wall. Merrilee had filled him in on the morning’s events. He’d been waiting all day for a chance to talk with Juliette. However, she’d neatly avoided him all evening.

She’d shown up late for rehearsal, kept herself surrounded with other people, and now she’d managed to leave without him being able to catch a moment alone with her.

If, however, she thought for one minute that he’d just let it go, she was in for a rude awakening. They were going to talk about this. She wasn’t going to shut down and shut him out.

He knew where she lived. He got into his truck and was so intent he nearly missed her Land Rover parked on the back side of Gus’s. He pulled into the parking lot. Fine. He could show up at Gus’s, as well. And if she still wanted to ignore him, the place closed at ten. She had to go home eventually.

He walked into the bar and the room grew quiet, except for the jukebox playing “Are You Lonesome Tonight?” Great choice. And for the first time he resented living in a town where everyone knew everyone’s business.

Doubtless by now everyone knew his mother had canceled on the dinner theater because she disapproved of Juliette. Now Juliette was avoiding him like the damn plague and he couldn’t remember ever being this angry with his mother.

That disappeared the instant he spotted her. Juliette was sitting at the bar, raising a glass with a pale pink liquid that looked a whole lot like a cosmopolitan in a highball glass with a slice of lime on the rim. His heart lodged in his throat.

No! No! No!

He didn’t realize he’d spoken, actually shouted the words, until Juliette startled. She swiveled on her seat to face him.

“What are you doing?” Sven said. “You don’t want to do that.”

She eyed him with a mixture of consternation and coolness. “I assure you I do.” She deliberately took a swallow.

If she didn’t have enough sense… He wasn’t going to just stand here and watch her do something so self-destructive. He never thought he’d have to protect her from herself, but he’d take on whomever he had to. He crossed the room in three long strides.

“Put it down right now, Juliette.”

“You do not tell me what to do or when to do it. Do I make myself clear?”

“Goddammit, I love you enough—”

“You can stop right there. It’s seltzer, you know, sparkling water, with a splash of cranberry juice. It’s light and refreshing and my drink of choice these days.” She looked around the room, her face tight, her eyes guarded. “And for those of you who haven’t heard, you’ll figure it out soon enough after this little display. I’m Juliette…and I’m an alcoholic. A recovering alcoholic, but an alcoholic nonetheless. Once an alkie always an alkie.” She looked back at Sven.

“And I’m not sure what it is you love me enough for, maybe to disagree with your mother over seeing me, but it’s not enough to trust me. I don’t need a keeper. I am responsible for me.” Each word rang out like a shot. She put a five-dollar bill on the bar, her hands unsteady, rose to her feet and walked to the door, head held high, back ramrod straight, and strode out into the May evening.

He started to follow. Alberta—he hadn’t even noticed her in the room, his attention had been so focused on Juliette—stayed him with a hand to his arm. “Leave her be, Sven. She just got a big dose of humiliation and heartbreak. She needs some time alone.”

His gut was so damn twisted he couldn’t think straight. He’d just made a big-ass mess of everything. “How much time?”

Alberta shook her head, her eyes worried. “I don’t know.”

Sven received several sympathetic looks. However, Curl walked by and gave him a look similar to the one Juliette had sent his way.

“That was just wrong,” the taxidermist said. “I’ve been where she is and it’s not an easy path. She has to make her own choices. That was just wrong.”

Sven had never landed so knee deep in shit as now. He dropped onto the stool Juliette had vacated.

“I’ll take a Jack and Coke. Actually, just make it a Jack.”

* * *

M
ERRILEE
SLIPPED
THROUGH
the swinging door between Gus’s and the airstrip office. Bull followed her.

“Are you about to do what I think you’re about to do?” he said.

“Alberta’s the psychic, so I can’t answer that precisely. I can, however, tell you what’s about to transpire. I’m going to pull Juliette’s application and I’m going to call her emergency contact, Sue Dickens, because in my book this qualifies as an emergency. That girl is hurting and hurting bad. I’d go out to her place, but she’s not going to talk to me because she knows I’m friends with Marge. Trust is already a big issue for her and she’s not going to trust me with her heart breaking right now. And it is breaking. She needs someone and I’m going to see that she gets someone.” She planted her hands on her hips in defiance, daring him to tell her to mind her own business. “Now what?”

“Now I think that’s a good idea.”

“You do?” Bull sometimes accused her of interfering when she shouldn’t.

“I do. You’re burning daylight. Get on the horn with this Sue.”

While Merrilee was pulling the paperwork, Bull asked, “Just for curiosity’s sake, would it have made any difference if I thought calling her was a bad idea?”

Merrilee retrieved the sheet of paper and smiled at her husband. “No. It wouldn’t have.”

He returned her smile with a satisfied nod. “That’s what I thought.”

12

J
ULIETTE
HELD
HERSELF
together until she got through her front door…and then she fell apart. Gut-deep sobs tore through her as she collapsed onto the sofa.

She pounded her fist on the cushion. She…hated…him.

She had been okay. She had been content with what her life was. She had known what her life was. And then…she hated him so much she could barely breathe… He had shown her a glimpse of paradise, had made her want more, dream, hope. She had thought she could have what the rest of the world had—someone who understood her, who got her—

Her cell phone rang, startling her out of her internal rant. Sue—it was her ringtone.

“Hello.”

“I’m sorry, sweetie.”

“How did you…” She finished on a hiccup.

“Mrs. Swenson called. She is so worried about you. She thought you needed someone, but she didn’t think you’d see her…or anyone else. She said if it was ever an emergency, this was it.”

Juliette pulled herself up off the couch and went in search of toilet paper in the bathroom. “Why does everyone suddenly think I need a keeper? I’ve been looking after myself just fine my whole damn life.”

“I’m not telling you how you should or shouldn’t feel.” Sue was as pragmatic and matter-of-fact as she always was. “I’m not telling you that Sven was right or wrong in what he did and how he handled that situation tonight.”

“Hold on a minute. I need to blow my nose.”

“Okay.”

Juliette put the phone on mute and set it down on the sink. Sue didn’t need to hear her. A few seconds later she picked it back up, clicking the mute off. “I’m back.”

“Look, I know you and I know it was embarrassing—”

Juliette interrupted. Angry all over again. “It was so humiliating. I wanted the floor to swallow me whole.”

“Yeah, well, that only happens in science-fiction movies. But I know it had to be bad.”

She marched across the room and yanked open the freezer door. “And then he stands there and announces that he loves me like that. That was actually worse than him blabbing that I’m an alcoholic, because the truth is I am an alcoholic.” She grabbed the bag of chocolate chips out of the freezer. “I hate him.”

It was a lie and she knew it was a lie, but she hurt inside and she wished she could hate him. She popped a couple of chocolate chips in her mouth, letting them melt against her tongue. Chocolate might not help, but it sure couldn’t hurt.

“Hmm, so the truth is you’re an alcoholic but it couldn’t be the truth that he loves you?”

How could he? Didn’t he know she’d simply wreak havoc on his life? She hadn’t even met his parents yet and already she was upsetting their perfect apple cart.

“I don’t know him,” Sue said. “Never laid eyes on him, but your boss seems to think a lot of him.”

“Yeah? Well, Merrilee and his mother are good friends, so that’s not surprising.”

“I don’t know. I’ve got some friends that I love dearly and I think their kids stink, but that’s just me. Anyway, she seems to think almost as much of him as she thinks of you.”

Juliette poured herself a glass of water and didn’t comment. She’d try to hold her peace while Sue had her say. The chocolate did help.

“But the man cares about you…and she cares about you…and that’s not being your keeper, that’s just…well, caring about you. Obviously he’s got some things to figure out. I think alcoholism is pretty new to him and from what Mrs. Swenson says—” it took Juliette a second to realize Sue was talking about Merrilee, she just didn’t think of her as Mrs. Swenson “—being in love is brand-new to him, too. And he’s three for three in the newbie department, because so is making a fool of himself in front of the whole town and being at odds with his family. And he might’ve gone about it in heavy-handed jackass kind of way, which sounds like it’s not normally his style, but the man loves you and he panicked. I can’t tell you how to feel or what to think, but you might want to cut him a little slack.”

Juliette rubbed the glass of cool water against her forehead. “I have to think…”

“I know. Do you need me to come? Mrs. Swenson says she can send a plane to pick me up. In fact, that was what she was pushing for. I told her to let us talk first.”

Merrilee was going to send Dalton to pick Sue up for Juliette? It blew her away that Merrilee might care that much, that anyone other than Sue would care that much. And then there was the fact that Sven was at odds with his parents over her. And now everyone in town would look at her differently because she was a drunk and she’d caused a rift in the venerated Sorenson family. Her head was spinning and she didn’t want to think about any of it right now. She’d had enough drama to last her the rest of her life. She appreciated Sue, but she didn’t need the additional drama of her arrival. Juliette just wanted to be unconscious for a while.

“I just want to get some sleep.”

“Are you okay?”

Juliette knew Sue was asking if she was okay not to have a drink. As much as she just wanted to have it all go away, to numb it all, block it all, having a drink wasn’t an option. As she knew all too well, all the crap would still be there tomorrow and she’d just feel bad about the alcohol. No drink. She’d face her problems head-on; feel her pain head-on without the temporary anesthetization of alcohol that really only intensified the madness. For whatever she was and wherever she was right now, she would maintain her sobriety and her sanity.

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m just tired. It’s been a long day. I promise I’ll call if I need to.”
The best time to make the call was before you took that first drink.

“Okay. I do have one question for you before you go.” Sue paused. “Why did you go to the bar?”

The question took Juliette by surprise. “Gus’s is the only—”

“I know about Gus’s.” Merrilee, no doubt. “But you
sat
at the bar. Why?”

“I was drinking seltzer and cranberry juice.” She knew she sounded defensive. She
felt
defensive. She hadn’t compromised her sobriety with alcohol.

“That’s what Mrs. Swenson said, but you sat at the
bar
. Is that something you normally do?”

“Well…no.”

“But you sat there knowing that sooner or later Sven was going to show up, probably sooner rather than later. So, why’d you park yourself on that bar stool?”

She didn’t know. She just had. “I don’t know.”

“That might be something important to figure out. Call me if you need me.”

* * *

T
HE
NEXT
DAY
, S
VEN
PARKED
his truck by the cabin at Shadow Lake. He’d driven over and checked on his crew and their progress. Things were fine and he’d opted to come back here and work alone on the cabin remodel. That was the beauty of a competent foreman, because right now Sven wasn’t fit company for anyone.

He was hammering in some fresh header boards on the cabin’s porch when the crunch of tires on gravel and the low hum of an engine heralded company. Whoever it was ought to have enough damn sense to steer clear of him.

Merrilee’s dusty Jeep Cherokee pulled up next to his truck. Alberta rode shotgun. He ran a weary hand over his head. He knew he’d fucked up. He hadn’t slept worth a damn last night. And while he loved both these ladies, he really wasn’t in the mood to hear anything, be it advice or indictments. That was the very reason he’d had his cell phone off all morning. He didn’t want to talk to anyone except Juliette…and she wasn’t talking. He should know. He’d called her three times, each call going to voice mail.

Hammer in hand, he met them just as they got out of Merrilee’s truck, hoping to head them off at the pass. “I’m kind of busy—”

They kept coming, both their faces set in an expression of sympathetic dread. The hair on the back of his neck prickled.

Merrilee interrupted. “Sven, I’ve got some news. Your mom couldn’t get in touch with you. Your dad’s alive but it’s touchy. Edgar had a heart attack.”

The hammer slipped through his fingers and thudded to the ground. No…

“He was at the hospital in Palmer, but they’re on their way to Anchorage with him because he needs bypass surgery.”

“How’s Mom?”

“Falling apart. Eric and Darnita are with her, but…” But he and his mom had always been close. She must be frantic about Pops. Sven couldn’t—wouldn’t—even think about Pops not making it. He had to pull through. And Sven had to get to his family.

“You got a plane on the runway waiting on me?”

“Yes. Dalton.”

He didn’t want Dalton. “Where’s Juliette?”

“She’s on her way back from Bear Creek.”

“Does she know?”

“She does.”

If something happened to Pops… “I need her.”

He didn’t realize he’d spoken the words aloud until Merrilee answered him.

“I know. I know you do, honey.”

He looked at Alberta. If ever he wanted to know the future… “Is he going to be okay?”

Alberta shook her head regretfully. “I don’t know, Sven. I just don’t know. I’m not getting a reading on it.”

He picked up the hammer, already unhooking the carabiner with his truck keys from his belt loop. “Let’s go.”

* * *

J
ULIETTE
CUT
STRAIGHT
to the chase when she walked into the airstrip office. The flight back from Bear Creek seemed to have lasted a lifetime.

“How is he?”

Weariness and worry bracketed Merrilee’s mouth. “Edgar or Sven?”

“Both.” Juliette clasped her hands together to keep them from shaking. Sven must be beside himself. Recrimination and self-loathing surged through her. She had brought this on him and his family.

“Edgar’s about to go into surgery. It’s touch-and-go. Sven’s en route.” She looked at Juliette and said quite simply, “He needs you.”

There was a starkness there that tore at Juliette’s soul. And Sven was strong. She’d seen it in him, recognized it in him the day he’d picked Bruiser. “He has his family.”

“But they’re not you. They’re not his mate. He loves you, you know. All of you.”

“I love him, too, but…”

“If you leave him to face this alone—”

Juliette interrupted. “He won’t forgive me. I know.”

Merrilee shook her head. “Oh, no. He’ll forgive you, but will you forgive you? You’re the one who has to live with your decisions.”

Merrilee didn’t understand. Juliette had Sven’s best interests at heart. “I wreak havoc, I bring chaos. It’s always been this way. When I keep to myself, it’s as if it’s contained, but look what happened. He met me and boom, chaos. He was at odds with his parents when this happened—because of me. What if his dad doesn’t make it?”

“It’s called life, Juliette. And, if you’ll pardon me for saying this, it isn’t always about you. Life gives us tests and obstacles. It’s what forges character and makes us stronger people and better human beings if we rise to the challenge. We can’t grow without pain.” She pulled off her glasses and cleaned them on the hem of her shirt. “You love him?”

“Yes. Enough to take myself out of his path.” She realized in that instant—that was why she’d sat at the bar last night. She’d wanted to drive him away. If he wouldn’t walk away from her, she’d do him the favor of pushing him away.

Merrilee put her glasses back on. “That’s not your call. We’re each responsible for ourselves. He’s a grown man, respect and trust him enough to let him make his own decisions.”

Juliette knew what she knew, regardless of what Merrilee said. “I’m going to run this soap over to Jenna’s spa.” Her run to Bear Creek had been to drop off a group of fishermen and pick up a carton of the wild-rose soap that Jenna was stocking. “I’ll fuel up for the Kodiak run when I get back.”

Merrilee shook her head. “Dalton’s covering Kodiak. He’s refueling out of Anchorage and picking it up.” She shrugged. “It was efficient and made sense. The rest of the day is yours.”

“But—” It did make sense that Dalton would pick up that trip from Anchorage, but she’d counted on working. She needed to be up there in the sky.

“You’re fine, Juliette. Maybe Jenna can work you in at the spa, or maybe you’ve got a wind-chime project going or you just want to sit outside and soak up some of this beautiful May sun. The rest of the day is at your disposal. Seize the moment.”

Juliette stood there, locked motionless in indecision. It was one thing to hide behind the obligations of her job, but how could she possibly sit out in the sun or placidly craft a wind chime or any of the other options while Sven waited anxiously for his father to pull through surgery or not? How could she? The bottom line was…she couldn’t.

She’d felt her whole life as if she’d never had anyone to count on, so she’d insulated herself. The past couple of years she’d been safe and sober, but she’d also been stuck in a holding pattern. It was time to soar, it was time to give. For the first time she truly understood that in moving beyond the fear, in giving—truly, the sky was the limit.

She cleared her throat and Merrilee looked up as if she hadn’t known that Juliette had been rooted in that same spot. “When I finish this delivery,” Juliette said, “would you clear me for Anchorage?”