Not Enough: Is love ever enough? (The Enough Series Book 1) (5 page)

Arriving at
the hotel we wait as the driver comes around to open the door. I can see there
are a few members of the press outside the velvet ropes lining the red carpet
below the historic red awning.

As the door opens Austin steps out, straightens his jacket,
and turns to help me out. I can already see a few flashes as the press take
pictures of Austin, Boston’s new favorite son. I take his hand and step out
careful to steady myself on my heels before attempting anything further.

Once I am solid on my feet, we turn toward the doors and I am
enveloped in Austin’s arm as he plants a sweet kiss on my cheek. “Past be
damned,” he whispers in my ear and we stop to pose for a few photos before
heading inside.

I am in awe of the classic luxury and old world charm the
lobby radiates. There are gold chandeliers hanging from the fourteen-foot
ceiling over the marble floor with red and gold furnishings. We continue
through the lobby following the signs to the Grand Ballroom.

The Ballroom is decorated to accentuate the Monte Carlo theme
with game tables spread throughout the room. The dining tables are covered in red
tablecloths and the chairs don black covers. The lighting is subtle and has a
casino effect. A dealer dressed in the traditional black and white outfit, black
pants, black vest, and white button down shirt staffs each game table.

All proceeds tonight are benefiting underprivileged children
in the Greater Boston area. As we make our way toward our table, numerous
people congratulating Austin on a great season stop us. I stand dutifully next
to Austin and smile as he introduces me to each one of them.

I remember him telling me when we first met that everyone
wants the “Super Bowl MVP Austin Black,” and he is right. Every person has
asked about the Super Bowl or the upcoming season or his arm, not once has
anyone asked about Austin. I would hate to see how they treat him if he hadn't
won the Super Bowl or worse had a bad season.

However, Austin, being the gentleman he is, answers every
question and poses for a few pictures. We have been here nearly thirty minutes
and we have yet to make it to our table.

When Austin is pulled into yet another football conversation
I excuse myself and head over to the bar to grab us drinks. I find an open seat
near the end and wait for the bartender to make his way to my end of the bar.
While waiting I pull out my phone and scroll through social media catching up
on the day’s events. Then a petite woman slides into the space next to me.

I smile as she bumps into me and asks, “So you are here with
Austin Black right?”

My smile fades as I wonder who this small brunette woman is.
Then she continues to talk, “I’m sorry that was rude. I love Austin and I am
just happy to see him out with someone for once. I am Bella Dawson, I am
married to Cardie.”

Cardie is Austin’s number one receiver and a true friend to him.
Bella is a beautiful woman with delicate features and short brown hair. She has
on a stunning silver gown and the most genuine smile I have ever seen. She must
be nearly a foot shorter than me. I have to lean down to answer her, “Hi I am
Rylee Ash, and yes I am here with Austin. We are just friends though.”

I see the flash of disappointment in her face as she
registers the
just friends
part, but she continues to smile as the
bartender makes his way to us. He is a good-looking guy with long dark
hair pulled back in a ponytail. “What can I get you ladies,” he asks in a deep
masculine voice.

Bella orders a martini and whisky on the rocks, presumably
for Cardie, before I order vodka seven and a whisky on the rocks for Austin. We
look at each other and laugh. “What is it with boys and their whisky,” I ask.

“You said your last name is Ash, is that any relation to
Jeremy,” she asks and seems genuinely interested.

“Yeah, he is my older brother.”

She laughs, “So you are playing for both teams then huh. How
does that work when they play each other?” I pause not sure how to answer that
question because I never even considered it. I suppose I should have since they
are in the same division and will be playing each other twice a year.

The season is still months away so I brush it off for now. “I
guess I will just have to get one of those jerseys that are made of two halves.
You know half for the each of them,” I say with a smirk.

That earns me a full laugh, and she returns, “Well Miss Ash I
believe I like you.” I am not sure what to say to that so I just smile.

I cannot help asking, “So have you been to many of these
events?”

She lets out a small breath, “Yeah, we attend a few per year
but not nearly as many as Austin. Cardie says he attends at least one a month
during the off-season.”

Huh, I did not know Austin frequented these events but with
his standing in Boston, I suppose it isn’t that surprising. “And he attends all
of these events alone,” I ask because it has been bothering me since she mentioned
it.

She smiles, “Girl you are the first woman we have seen Austin
with since he came to Boston.” And there it is she just confirmed my fear
Austin treats me differently than any other woman in his life. Well, that is if
there are any other women in his life and I doubt there are.

Bella and I end up talking for the next ten minutes giving us
enough time to need a refill on our drinks. I find that I enjoy Bella’s company
because she is easy to talk to and quite spunky. Just as our next round
arrives, Cardie walks up wrapping his arms around Bella. He has to practically
kneel to reach her since he is nearly six foot four and she couldn’t be more
than five foot eight even with her heels.

Cardie is the picture of an All-Pro receiver. He is tall,
lean, muscular, and fast as hell. He wears diamond stud earrings, and a
perfectly tailored suit with his dreads pulled back. They make an adorable
couple and the love is palpable between them.

“Cardie, stop your groping and meet Rylee Ash, Austin’s date.”

He looks at me quizzically before looking back down at her, “Austin
has a date?” She nods and smiles.

“Well then Rylee it is most definitely my pleasure,” he says
to me as he extends his hand.

“It is a pleasure to meet you as well Mr. Dawson.” I stop to
take a drink and turn to see Austin remains surrounded. He glances my way, I
smile holding up his drink, and he nods his head indicating he could use the
drink.

Turning back to Cardie and Bella, “It has been great chatting
with you Bella but I had better go save my date.” She gives me a knowing smile
and shoos me away towards the most gorgeous man in the room, Austin.

I cross the room, slide his drink into his hand, and my free
arm around his waist. I can see relief cross his face as he takes a large sip.
The conversation between the men hits a small lull and I interject, “Boys I am
going to have to borrow my date for a moment if you don’t mind. I have a few
friends here I would like him to meet.”

They all look at me stunned but nod in acceptance. They are
obviously used to having Austin all to themselves.
Well not anymore fellas,
the pretty boy QB is mine tonight
.

 I take Austin by the hand and walk towards the bar where I
left Cardie and Bella. Austin pulls me back into him and wraps his arm around
me, “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he whispers into my ear.

“Anytime gorgeous, anytime,” I say as I turn in his arms
meeting his eyes.

I am lost in his eyes and the comfort of his embrace. I want
to be here, to stay here, and to lose myself in him. The desire in his eyes
tells me he would welcome the idea. Raising my hands to his chest, I
reluctantly break our connection and take a small step back.

He too understands the need to separate and comes to my side,
“So you have friends to introduce me to?” I can’t help giggling since I don’t
know anyone here except Cardie and Bella who I just met.

In an effort to keep my word I walk purposely, back to the
bar to my new favorite couple. Austin follows with a hand on my lower back
sending a thrill throughout my body. I am well aware that Austin knows them
both but I play along as Bella turns towards me. “Austin, I would like you to
meet my new friends Bella and Cardie.”

They all look at me as if I am crazy but play along and shake
hands before Cardie pulls Austin into one of those mock guy hugs. I lean into
Bella explaining, “I told the group of men hogging Austin I had some friends I
wanted him to meet. I never said he was meeting them for first time.”

She laughs, “Oh girl you are bad.” We stand and chat with
Bella and Cardie before heading to our table only to find they are sitting with
us. Truthfully, I am relieved to have someone else besides Austin to talk to
since we are walking a virtual tightrope in our relationship tonight.

The owner, coach of Austin’s team, and their spouses are also
seated at our table. Shortly after everyone takes their seats, our host for the
evening takes the stage and gives a short speech explaining the night and the
charity we are supporting. He thanks a few people individually who donated
time, money, or auction items.

Tonight there will be dinner, dancing, a silent auction, and
of course gambling. I am looking forward to all of it except the dancing; being
in Austin's arms will certainly test my waning willpower.

Dinner was
an exceptional three-course meal that started with Maryland style crab cakes.
The salad was mixed greens salad with sweet and tangy vinaigrette. The main
course was a fish filet stuffed with spinach and red pepper wrapped asparagus
stalks.

Throughout dinner, Austin kept one hand on my thigh absentmindedly
tracing patterns across my skin. We engaged in light-hearted banter with our
table and stole glances at one another here and there. As the night wore on the
hand on my leg inched higher and higher until I found myself with a delicious
ache forming between my thighs. As the last of our dinner plates are being
cleared and I excuse myself to the ladies’ room needing a moment to compose myself
and allow the heat between my legs to dissipate.

After I wash my hands and straighten my hair and lipstick, I
return to our table. Austin stands up as I arrive pulling my chair out. My
heart melts at the chivalrous nature of the gesture. I realize that I need to
be careful not to give him the impression I am ready to take the next step in our
relationship until I am sure I can be the woman I believe he deserves.

Once I am seated Austin sits down sliding his chair closer to
mine and draping his arm around my shoulder. I unconsciously stiffen at the
gesture now cognizant of my body’s reaction to his every touch. I know it would
be easy to fall into his arms both literally and figuratively, but I can’t, not
yet anyway. He pulls me into him as he leans down to my ear and whispers, “Remember
past be damned, we are just having fun tonight.” He then places a feather light
kiss behind my ear softening my newfound resolve as a shiver of ecstasy runs down
my spine.

Past be damned, just have fun
I tell myself as I melt into
Austin’s side. “So Rylee tell me how did you and Austin meet,” Bella asks over
the idle chitchat going on around the table.

Austin and I instinctively smile at one another before I turn
to her. “Austin caught my dog, Boss.”

She looks between Austin and I who are both still grinning ridiculously
at the memory. “No, I think there is more to that story, now spill it.”

Austin looks at me and I nod in assent signaling he can expand
further on the story. Much to my surprise, he recounts every detail including his
sweet plea for me to be his friend. By the time, he finishes the story I realize
all eyes at the table are on us and everyone is smiling.

A round of ahh’s and so sweets follows before Austin shocks me
by pulling me into the sweetest and softest kiss of my life, our first kiss.
With his free hand, he turned my head towards him with a light touch on the
side of my face and then leaned in pressing his lips to mine. The second his
lips left mine, our eyes met, and my world begin to crumble.

Austin senses my fear, grabs my hand, and excuses us both
from the table. With a tight arm wrapped around my waist, he leads us out of
the ballroom to a secluded stairwell. I am nearly gasping for air as the
stairwell door closes and I struggle to reign in the panic.

Why, why did he have to do that? Why do I now crave tasting him
again? I need a little more time to sort through all of my crap. More time but
how much more time can I expect him to give me? Our first kiss, it replays repeatedly
in my head. That was our first kiss, and it was perfect yet I reacted like a
terrified child. I cannot even look at him right now for fear of my emotions.

I hate that he has the power to bring forth all the emotions I
have kept locked away for years. I don’t like feeling like this. Well, that is
not true I love how Austin makes me come alive both physically and emotionally.
He makes me feel special and wanted. I, on the other hand, worry myself into a
tizzy and can’t let go of the past long enough to see the dream standing in
front of me asking to be my future.

My mind is racing and my heart is beating out of my chest when
Austin cradles my face and looks deep into my eyes. I can see the worry and
tenderness in his eyes, which has a strange calming effect on me. My mind is jumbled
and I cannot find coherent words to express myself. I am not upset about the
kiss it was perfect. Hell, he is perfect. The problem is I am not ready and although
he promised me he would not push me, he is. Not knowing what else to do, I
place my forehead on his chest and just breathe.

We stand there surrounded by silence as Austin runs his
strong hands up and down my bare arms. He leans down and kisses the top of my head
before taking a deep breath. “Ry?” My name comes out as a question and I can
tell he is waiting for me to say something but I can’t I don’t have the words
right now.

I shake my head against his chest and he pulls me in close. “Ry,
baby, I am so sorry. I promised I wouldn’t push you and I did. It wasn’t my
intention. I was carried away by the moment. Please forgive me; it won’t happen
again I promise.”

I feel a little better knowing he wasn’t trying to push
things, but, in reality, I already knew that. I know because, I know Austin and,
he would never purposely hurt me. He has been going out of his way since we met
to respect my wishes.

In this situation, I am not mad at Austin I am upset with myself.
I have to find a way out of my head before the best thing that ever walked into
my life walks back out. To steady my mind, I wrap my arms around Austin and
inhale his scent that makes my knees weak. He relaxes slightly against me as my
demeanor thaws.

It is becoming increasingly clear I need to decide. I cannot
keep running from him by running into his arms. It isn’t fair to him. I decide
on the spot that after tonight I am going to the cabin for a few days to sort
everything out. Maybe the time away from him will allow me to think clearly enough
to make a rational decision.

With my newfound plan in place, I push back from Austin and
draw his gaze. His eyes are a storm of emotion I am sure mimics my own. My
heart constricts painfully knowing I am causing the pain that is so clear in his
beautiful face.

“Austin, we should go back in before people miss you.”

Sliding a strand of wayward hair behind my ear, he sends a
wave of warmth down my body straight to my heart. “We are not going anywhere
until I’m sure we are ok Ry.”

I reach up stopping him mid-sentence with a finger to the
lips because I’d bet he is going to apologize again. He isn’t the one who needs
to be apologizing and I do not want our first kiss marred by guilt on his part.
I have already made it hard enough for him and I want to remedy that. Our night
has been magical and I understand how he lost himself in the moment. I felt the
connection too. Our connection is undeniable but I am still not sure it is
enough to risk my heart.

I slide my finger off his lips and to his neck pulling him down
the short distance. I press my lips to his and wrap my arms around his neck.
The kiss is soft, sweet, and incredibly hot. He takes the lead and parts my
mouth with his and our tongues dance slowly with one another.

The kiss is full of emotion and promise the way a first kiss
should be. Pulling back from him, I can see the confusion across his face, “Austin,
I am not ready but there is no way I would let our first kiss be ruined by a
moment of panic on my part.”

His face relaxes as he smiles at me. “First kiss, huh? Does
that mean I can hope there will be a second?” I know the answer he wants to
hear and I hope that after a little time away I can give him what he wants.

For now all I can offer is, “I hope so, just give me some
time.”

He flashes me a panty-melting smile, “I will take that, baby you
can all the time you want I will be here when you are ready.” He grabs my hand
and we make our way back towards the ballroom.