Not Meant To Be Broken (16 page)

I turned onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. Zach and I had been dating for four weeks. All we’d done was kissing. After my brief moment of courage when I’d touched Zach’s stomach that first night we’d watched TV in his bed, I hadn’t even seen his stomach again. He always wore a shirt in bed. He sometimes caressed my cheek or put a hand on my hip but he’d never done anything else. He was waiting for a sign from me. I wished I knew how far was too far for me at this point.

The door swung open and Zach came back in. I couldn’t help but blush at the thought of what he’d done in the bathroom. He perched on the edge of the bed and reached out to brush my hair back from my forehead. “Do you want to get up?”

I shook my head. It was Saturday, so we could stay in. Zach slipped back under the covers but I sat up. Zach’s brows drew together in confusion. My pulse was pounding in my veins as I reached for my long sleeved pajama top and pulled it over my head. I was still wearing a very thin spaghetti top underneath and I knew Zach had seen me like that before when he’d woken me from my nightmare weeks ago, but this was more. I lay back, feeling Zach’s intent gaze on me. “Can you remove your shirt?” I asked in a whisper. Zach sat up at once and slid his shirt over his head. I touched the tattoo on his shoulder blade. It was bigger than my hand, an intricate design of intertwined lines.

“It’s a tribal tattoo,” Zach said before I could ask. “It was a spur of the moment kind of thing. I loved the design.”

“It’s beautiful.” I traced the edges. “Maybe one day I’ll get a tattoo too.”

Zach lied down beside me, a curious look on his face. “Really?”

“Yeah. I once saw one I really liked. It was a quote ‘Sometimes you’ve gotta fall before you fly’ with birds fluttering away from the words.”

Zach cupped my cheek and kissed me. “Where?” he whispered against my lips. Drawing up my courage, I lifted my shirt up to my ribcage and motioned along my side. “The birds are supposed to fly over my scar.” I couldn’t meet Zach’s gaze. The scar below my ribs on the upper left side of my stomach was ugly. It was almost as long as my hand. Over the years it had paled but it was impossible to miss. I knew Zach was looking at it. How could he not? He reached out and put his hand over my scar. “Is this okay?”

I nodded, not able to speak. “It’s ugly. I know.”

“No, Amber,” Zach said fiercely. “No part of you could ever be ugly.” He leaned down very slowly, eyes on me as he placed a kiss on the scar. Goosebumps erupted all over my skin. I shivered at the feel of his mouth. “Does it still hurt?”

“No. It’ll always be a reminder of that day. Whenever I see or feel it, I’m forced to remember.” My voice broke. Zach’s eyes flashed with emotion. I could see that he wanted to ask what had happened. “They beat and kicked me when they were done with me. And when I passed out from the beatings, they tried to strangle me. They thought I was dead, so they left me. My spleen was ruptured and several ribs were broken as well bones in almost every part of my body. They had to remove my spleen. That’s why I have the scar.” It was strange hearing me say the words. They sounded detached, as if I was talking about something that had happened to someone else. Zach’s jaw twitched and he closed his eyes for a moment before he opened them again. He touched his forehead to mine. “I wished I could turn back time and kill those men before they got you. I would make them suffer. I wished there was a way to take away the memories.” Tears filled my eyes as I stared at Zach. “Every day with you makes it better, Zach. I never thought I could have what you give me. Those men said nobody would ever want me after what they’d done, so they were being merciful by killing me. For a long time I believed them.”

He swallowed hard. “Everything they said was a lie. I want you, Amber, scars and all.” He grasped my left arm and turned it over revealing the long scar from my second suicide attempt. He rubbed his thumb over it with a strange expression on his face. “I’m so glad your father found you in time.”

“He almost didn’t. I put a lot of research into my second try. When I woke in the hospital, I was so angry at my father because he’d saved me. I hated him because he couldn’t let me go, because he loved me too much.” I choked out a laugh.

“Have you ever thought about trying again since then?” Zach was still running his fingers over the soft skin of my forearm. I considered lying, but his eyes compelled me to say the truth. “Almost every day.” Zach’s grip tightened. “But I won’t. It’s more like a light at the end of a tunnel for me when the darkness of living gets too much.” Zach pressed his face into the crook of my neck. “God, Amber. Promise me you won’t ever try it again.”

“I won’t try again.” I knew it was something I couldn’t promise. Could anybody ever promise something like that? I’d learned to live with the horrors of my past, but I couldn’t tell what the future would bring.

I curled my fingers around Zach’s neck and brought his face up for a kiss. My tongue traced over his lips and slowly our kiss morphed into something that sent tingles through my body. I pressed my palms against Zach’s chest as we kissed before I took one of Zach’s hands and put it over my ribcage. I drew back to speak. “It’s okay if you touch me,” I said quietly.

“Do you
want
me to touch you? That’s what really matters.”

“Yes, I want you to touch me.” My cheeks flamed but I returned Zach’s heated gaze. “Where?” I bit my lip and lowered my eyes. “Everywhere above my waistband.”

For a moment, nothing happened and I risked a peek up. Zach scanned my face as if he was trying to see if I was serious. “You tell me if you don’t like something I do, okay? And if something scares you, you say stop at once. No trying to bear anything. I want you to enjoy this. Promise me.”

“I promise.” Zach kissed me again, his tongue making every nerve in my body snap to attention. His hand on my ribcage inched upward until his fingertips grazed the underside of my breast. He traced his fingers along the crease toward my side, then up to my armpit and up to my shoulder. His touch was feather-soft and made my body buzz with a pleasant ache. It felt so good and he wasn’t even doing all that much. His eyes bored into me as he stroked his thumb over my collarbone, then slowly lower, over the swell of my breast. Although his finger was so close, he didn’t touch my nipple. Instead he drew slow circles around it. I gasped against his mouth at the sensation his teasing sent through my body. Something warm pooled between my legs and I squirmed in surprise. Zach’s eyes darted toward my thighs as if he knew exactly what his touch did to me. A grin curled his lips when his gaze returned to me. My nipples were hard and straining against the soft material of my top. I wanted Zach to finally touch me there. I made an impatient sound. “What do you want?” Zach murmured against the skin below my ear, softly kissing the spot.

“More.” That was really all I could articulate.

Zach

“More.”

Fuck, how I wanted to give her more. I wanted to dip my fingers into the wet heat between her legs. The way she pressed her legs together, I knew she was aroused. But seeing Amber’s scars, hearing a bit more of what happened, had made me realize that I had to push my wants back. Amber had been through too much for me to be a selfish dick and pressure her. I wouldn’t mess things up between us.

I licked her throat slowly, feeling her pulse against my tongue. She moaned and it was the most beautiful sound in the world. I wasn’t even sure she realized she’d made it. I propped myself up and brought my hands up, cupping her breasts. I massaged them gently watching Amber’s face. Her eyes were half closed, her lips parted. I captured her nipples between my thumb and forefinger, eliciting a whimper from her, then I slowly rubbed them back and forth. She arched her back slightly, and squeezed her legs even tighter together. “Do you like that?” I definitely did. My cock was already rock hard in my pants. Amber gave a small nod, her lips pressed together. I kissed her softly, my fingers keeping up their teasing. It felt so good to kiss her, to give her pleasure. I trailed kisses down her chin and collarbone. When my lips brushed the swell of her breasts, I paused. Amber’s body was taut with anticipation.

“Yes,” she whispered before I could even ask. I smiled against her skin as I nudged the edge of her top with my nose, then licked the skin I’d exposed. Amber shifted her hips and I gently pressed my palm against her stomach, rubbing it with my thumb. As aroused as Amber was, I knew she’d feel it all the way in her core. I wanted to give her body what it wanted. Fuck. Amber was so fucking responsive. I pushed her top down until one nipple sprang free. What a sight.

I closed my lips around it and began sucking gently. She tasted so sweet and I closed my eyes, relishing in the feel of her hard little nub in my mouth. Amber gasped and moaned, and lifted her hips off the mattress in small desperate thrusts. So fucking responsive.

I released Amber’s nipple and kissed her parted lips. Her eyes were hooded with pleasure, but I couldn’t give her what she longed for if I didn’t touch her pussy.

“Do you want me to touch you between your legs?” Hesitation filled Amber’s face and I shook my head. “I won’t. How about you touch yourself…” I kissed her earlobe. “…while I tell you what to do?”

Amber’s eyes widened.

“I know you ache. Let me help you.”

Amber nodded. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her against me, my lips gracing her ear. I slipped my other hand under her shirt and started twisting her nipple softly. “Put your hand into your pajamas,” I said in a hoarse voice. I was so turned on, if I wasn’t careful I’d come in my pants. Amber slid her hand below her waistband, and I had to bite back a groan. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Are you touching yourself?” She gave a small nod, her eyes squeezed shut. It was so fucking sexy when she was embarrassed by her own arousal. “Are you wet?” Another nod, her cheeks flushing red. “Good. Run two fingers up and down between your folds, slowly.” She made a small sound of pleasure and I gave her nipple a firmer tug. Her hips buckled. “Coat your clit with your wetness and now rub your fingers over it.” She shuddered in my arms and I bowed my head over her breast and sucked her nipple into my mouth while my fingers teased the other. I kept watching her. I could see her hand moving in her pajamas and I imagined how it would be if my fingers were there. Amber’s movements became faster, her shudders more violent, and her hips twitched over and over again. I sucked harder on her nipple and graced the other with my fingernail. Amber jerked and let out a long moan, her entire body seizing up. I glanced up at her face. It was fucking beautiful. I wanted to make her come every day. I wanted to give her so much pleasure that there was no more room for darkness in her thoughts. She pulled her hand out of her pants and before I even thought about it I brought it up to my lips. I licked her fingers. Amber gasped, eyes wide as she watched me. I circled her finger with my tongue, tasting her. My cock twitched so hard, a simple touch would have been enough to make me come. “I can’t wait to really taste you,” I said in a rough voice. I knew some guys didn’t like to go down on a girl, but I loved it. There was no better way to give a woman pleasure. Amber buried her face against my chest. “I can’t believe what just happened. It felt so good.”

I kissed the top of her head. “It’ll get only better from here.”

Amber became still.

“Is—” The rest of my question was lost in a groan. Amber’s hand rested lightly over my cock. There was still the fabric of my boxers between us, but fuck I was so horny it didn’t even matter. I put my hand over hers and gave myself a few hard squeezes with her hand, and then I fucking came in my boxers like a randy teenage boy. I jerked my hand back, releasing Amber’s, feeling horrible. “Fuck, sorry. I didn’t want to force you to do that.”

She shook her head and kissed me. “I touched you. I wanted to give back.”

I closed my eyes. “Please don’t think I always come that quickly. I’m usually more controlled.” She laughed and put her head down on my chest. My boxers stuck to my skin. I really needed to clean myself but I couldn’t bring myself to leave Amber yet.

Amber

The next morning I woke with Zach’s arm around my waist and again I could feel his erection digging into my lower back. I couldn’t believe what had happened yesterday morning. I’d never felt anything like it before.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Zach said in a strained voice, sitting up. He probably didn’t want to come in his boxers again. I flushed with the memory. He pressed a quick kiss against my forehead, then left the room and closed the door behind him. Before I could change my mind, I hopped out of bed and followed him. I hesitated in the corridor. The bathroom door was closed and the shower was running. I sucked in a deep breath and slipped in before quietly closing the door. Zach stood under the streaming water, head tilted back and eyes closed. I was glad he didn’t watch me because my face slipped into an expression of shock when I saw him completely naked. Images from long ago nibbled at my mind but I pushed them back. This was nothing like the past. I walked closer, my eyes never leaving Zach. He was gorgeous. Rivulets of water traveled over the ridges of his body, his muscled chest, his abs, his narrow hips. It didn’t surprise me that girls wanted him. He curled his hand around himself and slowly began stroking up and down. He was big, bigger than…No. That was the past.

I took another hesitant step closer and Zach’s eyes opened, his gaze meeting mine. “Shit, Amber!” He jerked upright, hitting his head against the shower and dropped his erection. I drew my eyes back up to his face. Shock was plain on Zach’s face. He didn’t try to cover himself up. “What are you doing here?”