Not Pretty Enough (18 page)

CHAPTER 33

Is it true what they say about how you’ll find something
when you stop looking for it?

I don’t care about Lloyd Layton anymore,
I really don’t. Suddenly it’s like the universe has combined to ensure that we
are thrown together at every opportunity.

I don’t think I’ve ever been
more surprised in my life when Mrs Reid, our RE teacher, starts giving us a
lecture about always sitting next to the same people and sticking with the same
partners on dual projects, so as it’s nearly the end of the year, she’s going
to shake things up a bit. She wants us all to work in pairs on a project about
ancient churches in Wales, and she’s going to choose the pairs randomly because
we always pick the same partners ourselves.

Imagine my surprise when Mrs
Reid yells out, “Francesca Clemenfield and Lloyd Layton.”

I can do this. I can work on a
project with Lloyd Layton, even though I’m still mad at him.

But here’s the thing about Lloyd
Layton — he’s so cute. I know he’s an annoying, disrespectful rat, but he has
these sparkly blue eyes that twinkle throughout RE, and a cute smile that he
flashes in my direction whenever I look over at him. By the time he comes over
at the end of the class, I’m drooling over him just as pathetically as I always
was. But I swear I’m not going to try to attract him or win him over or
anything like that. I’ve given up. I got my wish, I got a date with him, and he
didn’t show up for it. That says it all really.

Perhaps it’s his turn to make
things up to me. I put a lot of energy and effort into getting him to like me,
he could have at least had the decency to show up for our date, so maybe this
is a chance for him to show me that he’s sorry, and I can be a mature adult
about it and give him a second chance. I don’t want the whole year to have been
a waste, after all.

“So, dumb project or what?” he
says.

I nod. Personally, I don’t give
a damn about ancient churches, but Mrs Reid obviously does because she seemed
to get quite excited about this project. Or maybe she knew that Lloyd and I
have some issues to work out and she knew she was doing us both a big favour.

But I think it’s more likely
that she’s just abnormally excited about churches.

“So, know any ancient churches
we can research?” I ask him as we walk up to the cafeteria.

“I do, actually. There’s this
old ruin thing not far from where I live. We could go there to take some
pictures, and then you could come back to my house and we’ll get all the boring
stuff off the internet and print it out. What do you think?”

What do I think?

I’ve just been invited to Lloyd
Layton’s house, and he expects me to
think
?

“Sounds great,” I say calmly.

“How about the weekend?
Saturday?”

“Fine.”

“You know where I live, right?
Because I met you that one time in the summer with your uncle.”

Oh great, I’m so glad he
remembers
that
.

“Yeah.” I nod, hoping he doesn’t
notice that I’m blushing at the memory of that particular day.

“Okay, cool. How about I meet
you in Cardiff and we’ll go from there?”

“Great,” I say again.

“Come and find me on Friday and
we’ll make some arrangements, okay?”

I nod.

“Okay, see ya.”

“Hey, you are going to actually
turn up this time, right?”

At least he has the decency to
look guilty.

“I’ll be there, Chessie.”

That’s something, at least.

By the weekend we’ve arranged to
meet outside McDonalds in Cardiff city centre at eleven in the morning.

My mother hasn’t even complained
that I will be going down there on my own because, as long as I’m not shopping,
she approves of the fact I’m willing to work extra hard for school projects.

If only she knew.

It’s not like I’m working that
hard. I just need a little primping and preening. I would have done it anyway,
even if I didn’t have a date with Lloyd Layton.

Probably.

Eyebrows need to be plucked,
legs need to be waxed, face and hair masks are absolute necessities, as is a
full French manicure, pedicure, new make-up, tummy-tuck knickers and a push up
bra. My mother thinks I just filled out a bit more. Is it even possible for DD
cups to fill out
more
?

Okay, I might be trying to
impress him a little. But I never thought I’d get the chance to do this again.
I know he stood me up on our ‘official’ date, but that’s just because I wasn’t
important to him. If I were, say his girlfriend, then I’d be important to him,
and he’d never forget about me again.

It’s nearly a year since the
first time he spoke to me in technology class. A whole year has passed, and
something has got to give. This is it. This is the last chance. If Lloyd isn’t
interested in me after today, then I really do have to give up. Mrs Reid put us
together for a reason. It can’t just be coincidental that after all this time
we suddenly get thrown together on a crappy project. In all the time that I’ve
been trying to get Lloyd Layton’s attention, we were never made to work
together on anything, and almost as soon as I give up on him, here we are. It’s
like fate telling me there is still hope. There is still a chance, and this is
my time to take it.

CHAPTER 34

On Saturday morning, I’m so excited I can barely sit still
on the bus. I feel sure that this is going to be the day that Lloyd Layton
realises I’m the girl for him.

I don’t even have any zits this
morning. It’s clearly a sign.

When I get off the bus and make
my way down to McDonalds, I am pleasantly surprised to find Lloyd already
waiting for me.

I didn’t want to not trust him,
but I did have my doubts about whether he’d turn up or not. I don’t think he
could blame me for that.

But there he is in all his
wrapped up winter glory.

God, he looks gorgeous.

He has a deep blue cosy looking
fleece on, which not only really suits him, but gives me a lovely fantasy of
saying I’m cold and snuggling up inside it with him. His brown hair is covered
by a ski hat, and he’s wearing a matching scarf and gloves.

Just seeing him makes me wish
I’d dressed a bit warmer too. I opted for only a hoodie because my winter
jacket makes me look fat.

It’s colder than I anticipated
though.

At least you can’t see my
nipples through this top.

“Good morning,” Lloyd says
warmly as he sees me approaching.

“Hi.” I grin. I can’t help it.
Lloyd Layton seems pleased to see me.

“Do you want anything?” he asks,
indicating the McDonalds behind us. “Coffee? Doughnut?”

“No, I’m good, thanks,” I say,
envisioning spilling coffee down my top or something equally embarrassing. It’s
safer to stay away from food substances in general.

“Shall we go then? It’s freezing
out here. The sooner we get back to my house, the better.”

Now
that
I can’t agree more with. Not the freezing part, although it is, but the part
about getting back to Lloyd’s house. Who wants to hang out at some fossilised
old church when you finally have the chance to go back to Lloyd Layton’s house?

Not that I intend to poke around
his bedroom, but it would be nice to find his secret collection of romantic
comedies and realise that we do have something in common after all.

The church is about a ten-minute
trek up a few scenic looking hills. Very steep hills. I knew I should have
tried to get fit. Oh well, maybe when Lloyd and I are a couple we can go to the
gym together and stuff like that. Maybe he’d even be my own personal trainer.
But then again, do I really want to get all hot and sweaty in front of Lloyd? I
look extra unattractive when I’m out of breath.

“This is it,” Lloyd says
eventually.

I wish I’d thought to bring a
bottle of water with me.

We’re halfway up a hill,
surrounded by a lot of dead-looking grass and a pile of old stones. It takes me
a moment to realise that the stones
are
the
church we’re meant to be studying.

Who in their right mind would
want to do a school project on this? Mrs Reid is insane.

“This is, um, nice,” I say to
Lloyd.

Honestly, I’m not really sure
what to say to Lloyd. I know I always get tongue-tied around the boy, but this
is not just about being nervous. We have absolutely nothing in common. Debs and
I can talk for hours about movies we’ve seen, hot celebrities, new CDs, YouTube
videos, and anything else under the sun. I figure that if I ever hope to have a
relationship with Lloyd, surely I should also have some kind of friendship with
him, but trying to talk about movies, music, hobbies or anything else is
fruitless, because he likes action movies with lots of blood, heavy metal
music, sports, and cars. No matter how hard I try, still the only thing we have
in common is the fact that our first name begins with the same letter as our
second name. Try making a conversation out of that.

We walked up here in what I
convinced myself was companionable silence, but was really more like an awkward
silence that involved Lloyd looking around uncomfortably and me panting for
breath.

I suppose I should get some new
interests. I’ll pop into WHSmith on my way home and pick up some car magazines.
It can’t hurt to try, right? I know Debs would say I’m trying to be something
that I’m not, but she’s wrong. Isn’t it essential to take an interest in things
that are important to your partner?

I jump out of my thoughts when
Lloyd puts his hand gently on my arm.

“You know, Chessie,” he says.
“I’ve been wanting to get you on your own for a really long time now.”

“You have?” I ask.

This is it. He’s going to ask me
out. When I go into school on Monday, I will be Lloyd Layton’s girlfriend.

“I really liked it that day in
technology when you felt my package.”

He runs his fingers lightly up
and down my arm.

Okay. Well, that wasn’t what I
expected. “I didn’t mean to,” I mumble. “I just fell.”

“No, it’s okay. I liked it. I’ve
never known anybody more into me than you.”

I guess I can’t really deny that
I have been very
in
to Lloyd Layton.

“So, how about it? Want to come
back to my place and have a proper feel?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Oh come on, Chessie. I know you
want to have sex with me. We can do it here if you prefer.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Why would I be kidding you?
It’s not every day you get an offer like this from a guy like me.”

I stare at him for a moment.
“Are you seriously that egotistical?”

Lloyd shrugs.

“How could I not have noticed
that before?”

His grip on my arm suddenly
tightens. “Chessie, you’ve been trying to get into my pants for a year now.
I’ve never known anybody so desperate. So here we are. You get one chance. I
don’t suggest you turn it down.”

I try to yank my arm away from
him but his grip is too tight. “I never wanted to get into your pants. I just
wanted you to like me.”

“Oh, I like you, Chessie. But
I’ve had much prettier, much older girls than you, and they don’t turn me down.”

“Turn you down is an
understatement,” I shout at him. “I don’t want to have sex with you.”

“Then what the hell has this
past year been about? You’ve been leading me on for months.”

“Leading you on?” I splutter.
“Leading you on? I never led you anywhere. I never, ever said I wanted to sleep
with you.”

“Then what did you want?”

“I just wanted us to be friends.
I mistakenly thought that we might get along.”

“No offence, but you’re hardly
my type, are you?”

I stare at him for a moment.
“You are such a jerk. How could I have been so stupid?”

“You got what you wanted,
Chessie. I’m giving you the time of day. That’s more than you’ll get from most
boys in our school.”

“You’re not worth
my
time of day,” I yell at him. “You knew I liked you
and you took advantage of it. You tried to get me up here alone so I’d have sex
with you. You’re disgusting.”

“You wanted me, remember? Not
the other way around.”

“I don’t want this,” I say.

“Oh, I get it.” He nods like
I’ve just let him in on some big secret. “You’re one of those stuck up tarts
who’ll never be satisfied. You’ll never get any guy if you have such high
standards.”

“Apparently my standards weren’t
high enough.”

“You shouldn’t walk away from
me, Chessie. You’ll be a virgin until you’re forty.”

“I would rather become a nun
than sleep with an arrogant prick like you,” I tell him. “Let me go.”

His grip around my arm gets
impossibly tighter. I know I’ll have bruises there tomorrow.

“Stop being a cocktease, little
girl.” He spits in my face and his other hand goes to my boob.

I panic.

“Don’t pretend you haven’t been
trying to get me to touch them for months.”

“I haven’t,” I shout at him.
“Not like this. I didn’t want this.”

He laughs.

I do the only thing I can think
of. I knee him in the crotch.

It works. He cries out and lets
go of my arm.

I kick him again for good
measure but his hands are covering his crotch so I miss and get his thigh
instead.

Then I run away. I run as fast
as I can down the hill we just walked up.

For a moment, I expect Lloyd to follow
me, but he doesn’t. I hear him yell, “You fucking bitch,” in my direction but I
don’t turn around.

I don’t stop shaking until the
bus is halfway home. It’s only then that I start to think. What do I do? Should
I go to the police? Should I pretend it never happened?

I admit there have been times
when I’ve noticed that Lloyd wasn’t as perfect as I’d hoped he’d be, but I
didn’t see that one coming.

He is such a jerk.

How did I not see that before?

I decide to play down what
happened. Debs phones me that afternoon to hear all the gossip of my morning
with Lloyd. I tell her that it was a bit rubbish and that we have nothing in
common. I tell her I’m not into him anymore. She knows there’s more to it but
she also knows when I don’t want to talk about something.

I’m embarrassed. I’m embarrassed
that I didn’t see what a jerk he was before. Embarrassed that I nearly let
things go too far. Maybe he was right. Maybe I did throw myself at him. Maybe I
did lead him on. All I wanted was for him to like me, to look at me and see a
girl he might like. I certainly didn’t want to have a one night stand with him.
How dare he demean me for having high standards when his sole objective was to
get me in the sack? At least I wanted more from him than sex.

I can’t believe I wasted my
entire year on him. I can’t believe I was so stupid that I let my schoolwork
suffer, I let my friendships come second to chasing Lloyd Layton, and I really
messed my hair up.

I have to make amends next year.