Not That Easy (19 page)

“Did you just abbreviate casual?”

“Do you mean, did I abbrev it?”

He shook his head and laughed. “You're ridiculous. But, wow, sounds like it's getting pretty serious with this Nick guy. Emma said he even took you to some fancy bar for drinks and stuff.”

“Well, I mean, it's definitely still casual. But I guess I was a bit surprised he's wanted to see me so many times.”

“You shouldn't be,” he said. “He clearly fancies you.”

I laughed awkwardly, trying not to go red again. Was it the whiskey or was Ollie being pretty flirty? “Who wouldn't?” I joked.

Ollie looked at me and suddenly pulled me towards him. My mouth was wide open in shock and, as my face collided with his, his lips kissed my top lip and half my nose. My whiskey splashed onto my leggings. I broke away from him to dry myself down, then it properly hit me—what the fuck was I doing drying my leggings when Ollie Hastings was KISSING me?!

Without a second thought, I put my whiskey down, threw my arms around his shoulders and started snogging him. It was incredible. For once, I wasn't even thinking about what my tongue was doing—I was just so excited to be kissing him.

“Oh God, Ellie,” he said, breaking away. “I've wanted to do that for so long.”

Oh my God. Ollie had fancied me for ages. This was a miracle. “Really?”

“Yeah, and then when I walked in here and saw you with your vibrator, it just turned me on so much. I love that you're so sexual and you touch yourself. God it's making me so horny.”

He started pulling off his clothes and then yanked my T-shirt off me. I was semi-naked with my tits out in front of Ollie. He stared at me as though I was a work of art and grabbed my boobs. This was actually happening. I was going to have sex with Ollie. Yomi's face popped into my head and I felt sick. Then Ollie pulled my bra off and groaned in appreciation of my naked body. Nobody had ever looked at me like that.

He pulled my leggings and knickers off too, so we were both naked on my bed. His body was slim and as toned as I'd imagined, but he had a mass of pubes I hadn't expected. I hadn't realized boys' natural pubes would look so . . . wild. “I've fancied you for so long, Ellie,” he said as he kissed my neck. “I've wanted to fuck you since we met this summer.”

I felt my clitoris throb and bit my bottom lip to stop a huge grin spreading across my face. Ollie—the most attractive man I had ever met—wanted to fuck me. I put my hand on his shaved blond head and pulled him towards me. I kissed him, long and hard. “I've wanted to as well,” I said. “But, Ollie, what about . . .”

“It's fine,” he said firmly. “Forget it. This is what I want. It's just one night. We can get it out of our systems.” He started kissing my neck and talking in between kisses. “You were just so dirty sitting there with your vibrator.” Kiss. “It's so sexy.” Kiss. “And you're basically cheating on that guy Nick.” Kiss. “You're as bad as I am.”

I grinned uncertainly. I really wasn't that dirty—and I definitely wasn't cheating on anyone—but if Ollie wanted me to be dirty, I
would oblige. I pushed him onto the bed and climbed on top of him. He gazed up at me in pure delight. It spurred me on in my role and I bent down towards his penis. It was thicker and shorter than Nick's. I took a deep breath, opened my mouth as wide as I could, and descended onto it.

I sucked it, trying to make my mouth as saliva-filled as I could. He groaned loudly and I carried on.

“Wait, stop,” he cried out.

Oh fuck. A flashback to my worst memory came back and I wondered—had I bitten him?

“What?”

“You need to stop or I'll come. I want to fuck you. Let me get inside you.”

I gulped. “Okay, but do you have a condom?”

“Fuck,” he said. “Are you not on the pill?”

“Erm . . . no. I'm single.”

He looked stressed and then jumped up. “I think . . . I might have one in my room. Come with me.”

We ran stark naked to his room next door. He opened his drawers and started searching for the condom. I glanced at the wardrobe and saw the collage of him and Yomi. It had got bigger since I'd last seen it and now it was like a shrine to their relationship. I felt very sick.

“Here,” he said triumphantly. “Got one. Get on the bed, Ellie.”

Oh God. We were going to have sex under Yomi's watchful eyes.

He slipped the condom onto his penis and climbed on top of me. I cried out in pain as he pushed himself into me. His penis was wider than Nick's and I wasn't used to it.

He moaned loudly and started thrusting really quickly. I bit my lip in pain and tried to breathe through the feeling that my hymen was ripping in half. Maybe Jack had never actually taken my virginity and it was happening now?

“This is so fucking good,” cried Ollie. “Uhhhh.”

He pushed himself farther into me. He was going so deep he might actually hit my A-spot, but I did not feel like I was going to orgasm. It hurt too much.

“Let's change positions,” he said. “Get on your knees.”

I nodded uncertainly. This all felt so weird. He pulled himself out of me and I breathed out in relief. But then he pushed me against the wall and started shagging me from behind.

I tried to enjoy my favorite position, but his penis was too big, I felt weird and YOMI'S FACE WAS STARING AT ME FROM HIS DESK.

“Ollie, get out of me,” I said.

“What? I'm about to come.”

“Get out,” I shrieked, lurching forward. He fell onto me and we collapsed onto his bed.

“What are you doing, Ellie?”

“Yomi's face is staring at me. I can't do this. I just can't.”

He sighed and lay back down on the bed. “I can't believe you stopped when I was just about to come.”

I stared at him. “Seriously, Ollie. You're more upset by that than the fact that you've just cheated on your long-term girlfriend?”

“I've slept with girls before. She doesn't know and never will. It won't hurt her. Anyway, El, let's forget it, please. I think you're so sexy.” He started rubbing my boobs and caressing my face. “Seriously, you're stunning. All I want is to come inside you.”

I felt my vagina throbbing again. Why was it so irrational? I ran my hands over Ollie's brown body and rubbed his penis. It was smooth and—wait, why wasn't it rubbery?

I sat up. The condom was gone.

“Erm, where's the condom gone, Ollie?”

“I don't know. I didn't take it off. It must have come out when you made me get out of you.”

I ignored the accusatory tone of his voice and leapt up. The condom wasn't on the bed, or the floor. It was nowhere to be seen.

“Are you sure it's not inside you?” he asked.

“What? Don't be ridiculous,” I cried. How could a condom get stuck inside of me—that never happened. It wasn't a tampon. Surely I'd be able to feel it if it was inside there—hang on, what was that? “Oh my God. Do not tell me this is happening,” I shrieked. “How is there a condom stuck inside of me?”

I squatted on the floor, hoping it would come out of me. It didn't. I shoved my hand inside to try to pull it out but my fingers couldn't find the condom. It was well and truly lodged up my vagina.

•   •   •

“I don't know why we're here, Ellie. This is fucking ridiculous.”

I turned to stare at Ollie in annoyance. He was acting like a complete arsehole. It had taken all of my powers of persuasion—and eventually blackmail—to get him to come to the ER with me. He'd even refused to pay for a cab for us and had forced me to get a bus. Now we were sitting on uncomfortable white plastic seats, in a four-hour queue, and I had latex lost inside my vagina.

“Ollie, seriously, what the fuck. You're not the one with a condom inside of you. This could be really dangerous. How do you not
want
to be here?” I cried.

His brow creased and he turned to face me. “You think I want to spend my Sunday night hanging out in A&E? What are you on, Ellie?”

“And you think I do? I have no choice. I could get, like, TSS or something. Do you know how dangerous that is?” I said. “Besides rubber could be way worse than tampons. I could get an
infection
.”

“Yeah well, I doubt one night would really be that much of an
issue. You could have just gone early in the morning. This is such an overreaction.”

My mouth dropped open. “I just told you I could have an infection and you think that's overreacting? I could be pregnant, Ollie. Or, I mean, who knows, I could have caught something from you.”

A woman holding a child in her arms shot us a look of revulsion and turned around. An elderly woman winked at me. Oh God. We were officially having a domestic in the Royal London Hospital in Whitechapel.

“Are you actually saying you think I have an STI?” hissed Ollie. I looked down at the floor. It was pale green and looked pretty dirty for a hospital floor. “Ellie?”

“I'm sorry,” I finally announced. “I didn't mean it, I'm just stressed there could be something actually wrong with me.”

He sighed. “Okay. I don't want to fight with you, obviously. I just don't really know what to say.”

I closed my eyes. Neither did I. I had just slept with my housemate and helped him cheat on his girlfriend. It was meant to feel fun and empowering, but I just felt kind of dirty and depressed. Sex with Ollie was the first properly slutty thing I'd ever done and and I ended up getting latex stuck inside me. If ever there was a clear sign something was doomed, this was it.

“Ollie, it's fine. Let's just forget it and hope we can get this all sorted ASAP,” I said. Fighting with him in this miserable waiting room was not going to make my night any better. Even though he was being a complete dick.

“Okay, cool. I'm gonna go get a drink. Do you want anything?”

“I'd love a chamomile tea.”

“Erm, okay. And if they don't have chamomile?”

“Peppermint? Green?” He raised his eyebrows at me. “Or . . . a normal tea?”

“Cool.”

He got up and I wrapped my jacket tightly around me. I wished I were drunk. Then maybe I wouldn't notice how everyone else here was really old or badly dressed. I felt like such a misfit. I shouldn't be in a shitty A&E with a condom stuck in me—I should be in bed with my herbal tea watching TV. How was this my life? I had a degree, for Christ's sake, why was I in the hospital on a Sunday night with a sex emergency?

I sighed loudly and put my head in my hands, no longer caring what anyone thought. I shouldn't have had sex with Ollie. I knew it was wrong. But he kept telling me how hot I was and I hadn't felt so pretty in ages. He was so out of my league—it was flattering.

Although, he was kind of proving himself to be a bit of a wanker. Had he always been so selfish? With a sigh, I realized that he probably had. I'd just never noticed because I was so blinded by how beautiful he was. Typical. I pulled out my phone. I needed the girls.

•   •   •

Emma: Ellie, where are you? I thought we were going to watch Downton Abbey together.

Lara: Maybe she's at Nick's place again . . . we've created a monster, Em. She's a sex fiend these days.

I laughed wryly; they didn't know the half of it. God, I missed them. I wished they were sitting here in A&E with me instead of Ollie. Maybe they'd come??

•   •   •

Me: Guys. Something crazy happened. I'm in A&E.

Emma: WTF!

Lara: ARE YOU OK?

Emma: Where are you? Will come now.

Me: Calm down, it's not horrendous. I just . . . have a condom stuck inside me.

Lara: Hahaha.

Emma: Oh, babe. Can't you just pull it out?

Me: I tried that. For an hour. So here I am.

Lara: Sorry, you can't get me out of Oxford to come to London just for some lost latex. Is Nick with you?

Me: Really didn't want to tell you over WhatsApp but something bad happened. It wasn't Nick.

Emma: ???

Me: It was Ollie.

The conversation went quiet and then Lara called me.

“Ellie, are you fucking kidding me?”

“Okay, stop swearing at me, I'm in the hospital. Besides I can't really talk. He's going to come back in a second.”

“What happened? I can't believe you did that. What about his poor girlfriend? You know her.”

I sighed. “I know. I feel really bad. But in a kind of surreal way. Probably because he's down the hallway. He was just so complimentary. I feel like he's fancied me this whole time too.”

She groaned. “Of course he complimented you. He was just telling you what he knows you wanted to hear. He just wanted to fuck you, Ellie.”

“Okay, thanks. Now I feel officially shit.”

She sighed. “I don't want you to feel horrible, Ellie. I just . . . It's a huge thing. You saw how bad Emma felt when she saw Sergio cheating on her.”

“That was totally different,” I cried.

“How?”

“Well, they'd been together ages and he was regularly sleeping with someone. Ollie and I only happened once.”

“He's been with his girlfriend for like four years, Ellie. Besides, do you not think Emma would have been just as upset if it was a one-off than if it was regular?”

I felt sick. “I guess. I feel bad now.”

“Also, do you think Nick would care?”

“What? No, we're really casual. Look, I'm going to go, Lara. I think Ollie is coming back. I'll call you tomorrow.”

Her voice softened. “Okay. Well, don't beat yourself up too much, El, what's done is done. I hope the condom stuff goes okay.”

“Thanks, see you later.”

I hung up feeling awful. That was the first time I'd ever lied to Lara to get off the phone to her—hell, it was the first time I'd ever wanted to get off the phone to her, full stop. But she had a point. I couldn't really pretend this was just typical millennial drama. I'd full-on cheated and ruined a four-year relationship. I was a horrible person. Emma must hate me. I nervously looked at my phone to see if she'd replied.

•   •   •

Emma: Please tell me that's not real.

Emma: Ellie??

Emma: Or at least tell me it was because he'd just broken up with Yomi??

Emma: Why would you do that??

Emma: Are you OK??

I officially felt like crying. I had done to Yomi exactly what Blue Eyeshadow had done to Emma. The only difference was that Yomi hadn't shown up with a surprise anniversary fiesta in hand and caught us à la Serge. I was a complete bitch. A bitch with a rubber lost in her pussy. Karma 1, Ellie 0.

“Hey,” said Ollie. He was standing next to me holding two Styrofoam cups. “Sorry it took so long. The chamomile was pretty hard to source but I got there in the end.”

I took the cup from him gratefully and sipped it. It burned my tongue, but the pain distracted me from wanting to cry. Karma 2, Ellie O.

“Are we any closer to seeing a doctor then?” he asked.

“Erm, I don't know. Hey, do you mind if I go and make a phone call quickly? I just need to speak to Emma.”

“What?” he cried. “You can't tell anyone about this, Ellie. Yomi can never find out. Promise me you'll keep it quiet.”

“But why would Emma ever tell Yomi? Or even Lara? They don't know her.”

“These things always have a way of getting out unless neither of us say anything. I'm not kidding about this,” he said, staring at me with his intense blue eyes. For once I didn't feel weak at the knees.

“Ollie, it's my life too. I need to tell my friends,” I said, conveniently ignoring the fact that I had already told said friends.

“Please, Ellie. I really love Yomi. I don't want to ruin things with her.”

I closed my eyes briefly. Now I knew why people didn't have sex with guys who were already in relationships. It hurt like hell
to know that they loved someone else more than you. That, actually, they didn't love you at all and probably barely fancied you. “Okay,” I promised. “I won't tell anyone.” It was technically still a promise if I didn't tell anyone from now on, right?

He sighed with relief. “Thanks,” he said. “Hey wait, where are you going?”

“I'm still going to call Emma. I just won't, erm, tell her,” I lied blithely, as I stood up and walked as far away as I could from the plastic green chairs.

The dialing tone kept ringing and Emma wasn't picking up. I bit my nails and dialed back again. This time she picked up.

“Hello?”

“I'm so sorry,” I wailed. “I didn't think about anything. I just forgot how much it would hurt Yomi and I was so flattered he fancied me.”

Emma sighed. “Ellie, you don't have to apologize to me, although I'm guessing this means he hasn't dumped Yomi. I'm not mad at you; I have no right to be. I guess I'm just surprised that you did it. It doesn't seem very . . . you.”

Why did everyone keep going on about it not being part of my personality?! “But, why not?” I answered with an edge to my voice. “You guys are helping me be slutty and this just felt like the next step, you know? A one-night stand with the guy I fancy, and we would never speak about it again. It's the kind of stuff that always happens in movies—well, minus the A&E scene afterwards.”

“I think you've got the wrong idea about being slutty, Ellie,” said Emma quietly. “It's not about having no morals and hurting people. It's just about having lots of sex and enjoying it. Did you even enjoy it with Ollie?”

“No,” I admitted, feeling shit and guilty again as the anger faded. My emotions hadn't been so up and down since I was fifteen. Maybe the latex was interfering with my hormones? “I guess . . . I
guess I enjoyed the idea of it. I just . . . Urgh, I feel like such a fuck-up. I should have just stayed a virgin. I can't even be a proper slut.”

“Babe, stop being weird,” said Emma. “Obviously it's good you're doing what you want, and being sexually liberated and a modern woman, just—just go for the single ones, Ellie.”

I sighed. “I know. I'm sorry. I miss you. I really, really regret what I've done.”

“I know. I miss you too. Go get the condom out of you and come home.”

“It's going to be so awkward with Ollie. God. I've ruined things for the whole flat too. He made me swear I wouldn't tell any of you, so can you just make sure Will doesn't find out?”

There was silence. “Emma?” I asked. “Don't tell me you've already told him.”

“I was emotional and it brought back bad Sergio memories,” she cried.

“You are not playing that line on me,” I cried. “I can't believe you've told him. Tomorrow is going to be hell. What have I done?”

“Calm down and go back to Ollie. Just act cool and we'll deal with it all tomorrow, okay? Remember what Rhett told Scarlett.”

“That she was a selfish spoiled bitch?”

“That tomorrow is another day,” she said and the line went dead. I walked back to Ollie feeling slightly better than I had after my chat to Lara. She'd hit me with the home truths the way only your oldest friend can, and, okay, it sucked that Emma was disappointed in me too, but at least she hadn't yelled at me. I could deal with this.

“Ellie, I've been trying to text you,” said Ollie. “The doctor's ready to see you.”

“Oh shit, okay, let's go.”

We followed a nurse into a small green cubicle with a curtain. A man in a white coat and stethoscope walked in.

“Hi, I'm Dr. Patel. How can I help you?”

“Hi, um, I have a condom stuck inside of me.”

His facial expressions didn't flinch and he pulled out a notepad. “Okay, when did this happen?”

“About four hours ago, I guess,” I replied, looking uncertainly at Ollie. He shrugged his shoulders.

“And have you tried to pull it out of you?” he asked.

“Yup, I tried for, like, an hour. I just couldn't reach it. Is it dangerous? Will I be okay?”

“It should be fine,” he said. “Lie down and I'll have a look, but I think it's probably lodged at the top of your vaginal canal, near your cervix. It can't ever get lost, don't worry; we will be able to get it out. But it's good you came in because if you leave it in there for a while, the bacteria can build up and you can get an infection.”

I shot Ollie a triumphant look. I knew infections were possible.

“Now if your boyfriend would like to leave, I'll examine you,” said Dr. Patel.

“Oh, he's not my . . .” I said as Ollie started saying the same thing. We looked at each other and I blushed. He walked out of the cubicle and I followed Dr. Patel's orders to get onto the bed.

“Right, do you want to just take off your trousers and underwear?” he said.

I pulled off my leggings and knickers. I flushed to see my pasty legs and hairy vagina exposed on the plastic blue bed. Dr. Patel didn't look fazed. He pushed my legs apart, got some gloves, and came towards my vagina.

I closed my eyes and felt some things poke around inside of me. I winced, imagining them to be pointy metal scalpels.
Breathe, Ellie, one, two, three, breathe
, I told myself, trying to remember what the yoga instructor had told us the one time I'd made it to her class
. Find your inner core, ommm.