Not What They Were Expecting (2 page)

The morning had been spent in bed opening presents with Rebecca, and talking about the future. He’d got up early and made breakfast in bed. Well, tea and toast, but with a beautifully wrapped and bowed packet of ginger nuts for Becs’ present. No morning sickness yet, but he’d thought they might be needed before long. As soon as they’d discovered they were pregnant they’d agreed they weren’t going to get each other expensive presents this year – they were going to need to be sensible and save up. She’d got him a funny old 1950s pregnancy and parenting manual from the charity shop. He’d got her the biscuits, and a two hundred quid handbag she’d had her eye on. He’d got his shopping sorted out the first weekend of December as usual, so the money was already spent.

There’d been a heavy frost, and so even at this time of day the car’s windscreen needed clearing before they left. It was a sunny day but with the direction the house faced and how low the sun appeared at this time of year, it would barely get the chance to warm up the glass all day. He went to the kitchen to heat up a bit of water in the kettle, and while it boiled he looked around the cramped space with its low ceiling. After three years in residence, he’d finally got the hang of stooping naturally whenever he came in, to reduce the risk of braining himself on a light fixture. He felt a small swell of excitement as he thought about plans for changing the layout – shift the wine rack off the floor onto some kind of wall mount, and the high chair could go in the corner next to the breakfast table. They could all sit around on Sunday mornings reading the papers and eating rusks. The baby’s first words could be something agricultural picked up from
The Archers
omnibus.

There’d been nothing in his life he’d ever looked forward to more. He wasn’t sure when the change from wanting kids at some point to actually wanting kids had happened, but the last time he and Rebecca had had their hypothetical children conversation, and she’d asked ‘When?’ his answer just popped out, ‘Now?’ The thing is he wasn’t sure he even liked them that much. He didn’t dislike them, and he wasn’t one of those people who tuts and sighs at the sight of them in a pub garden or Pizza Express, but he just didn’t know how to get on with a two-year-old. He was OK if they took charge though, and they often did. Being a big guy, and pretty smiley, at friends’ parties or work family days there’d usually be one cheeky toddler that’d see him as some kind of walking climbing frame and before he knew it there’d be a mob of them piling onto him, squealing and shrieking while he pretended to be a giant. He usually quite liked it, and wasn’t unaware of how it made him look to Rebecca – the cool, modern dad.

It’d been during a weekend in Edinburgh visiting old friends of his, who’d already managed three kids in about the past five years, when it’d happened. The first day they’d been there it had been a beautiful winter’s afternoon and they’d all bundled up and gone for a walk in the park. He’d had a five-year-old on his shoulders, and was carrying an upside-down three-year-old, while the baby nearly tripped him over and brought them all crashing down by tugging on his leg. Everyone was in hysterics. Then after the kids had gone down for the night they and Si and Jools had tucked into a mountain of fish and chips and wine and had a great laugh talking about how life had changed since he and Julia had been trainees together. Rebecca had just come off all her contraception, and they were on johnnies until they made a final decision to go for it. That night, they’d figured why wait any longer? By 6am they were hungover, had a Coco Pops-fuelled five-year-old bouncing on their bed, and had been woken up virtually every hour on the hour by a screaming baby who apparently was ‘a bit teethy’. They couldn’t even come out of their room to take a desperately needed slash because they could hear Si and Jools having a storming row, outside the door. It genuinely sounded like Jools was on the verge of leaving for a while. They decided they might leave it for a bit longer before they started trying after all.

But…

The kettle clicked off, and he picked up the jug and added a burst of cold water before taking it out to the car. Stretching over the windscreen he poured out a thin stream of hot water, seeing how little he could use to clear the whole screen in one pass, without any bits to go back over for maximum points. He finished his first go and saw there were a few bits he needed to give another splash, but not a bad effort. He smiled to himself as he thought about the pregnancy again. He knew it wasn’t a competition, or test of manliness or anything but still: he shoots, he scores! He checked the time on his watch; they were supposed to have been on the road ten minutes ago.

He wondered if he’d get away with a friendly ‘hurry along’ beep of the car horn.

Chapter 2

‘Winfield, you swine, my daughter make you late again did she?’

‘Howard! Great to see you. Merry Christmas!’ James gave Rebecca’s father a vigorous handshake while she gave her a mum a hug, before they swapped over. ‘Merry Christmas, Penny, your dress looks beautiful.’

‘Thank you, dear,’ she said adjusting the collar of her outfit. ‘Trip all right? I wanted Howard to call and make sure you were getting on, but I wasn’t sure who’d be driving, and he wouldn’t do it anyway. Too busy playing games on that blinkin’ phone of his…’

‘I was checking to see if your wayward son was online, dear. Thought he’d be missing the smell of your sacrificial sprouts,’ Howard said with a wink, before leaning in to James’s shoulder adding, ‘although those Angry Birds aren’t going to propel themselves into those green piggies are they, eh?’

James grinned back and gave Howard a pat on the back. Her dad being a slight, wiry man, watching him and James together often reminded Rebecca of watching an old lady’s Jack Russell terrier strutting about at the park bossing around a big, cheerful family Labrador.

‘Lunch smells gorgeous already, Penny. Have you done your potatoes?’ asked James.

‘I did an extra tray, just for you.’

‘What a woman!’

Over the years, it had been while watching him comfortably chat away with her parents that Rebecca had got an idea of what James must be like at work. Comfortable in a formal setting, but able to be relaxed and friendly. Respectful without being fawning. He’d been able to do it since they first met, and throughout the five years since, he’d been able to effortlessly play by their rules. It was a trick she’d never mastered, either at work or with his parents – although they
were
a bit odd so it wasn’t entirely her fault. She was just amazed at James’s ability to be someone else in these situations. OK maybe not someone else, but not exactly the same as the man who would burp ‘I love you’ after his first bottle of beer and bag of Doritos on a Saturday-night-in in front of the telly.

And it had only taken about eight seconds for her dad to get in his first dig about her timekeeping, she noticed. But these things weren’t going to bother her any more, or at least not today. Today she was going to be a woman serenely with child, and not a stroppy teenager who they just didn’t understand.

‘Toot-toot!’ James murmured in her ear with a supportive hand on her bum as they filed into the house behind her folks.

‘So have you heard from Matty?’ Rebecca asked her mum as they split away from ‘the boys’ and Howard took James to see a new programme for his computer.

‘We got a call last night, it was already Christmas where he is, and he was just going into work at the hotel, and some of the people from his hostel were getting together to have Christmas dinner on the beach.’

‘Sounds like he’s having a fab time.’

‘It’s a funny way to spend Christmas, his first time away from home. I hope he’s OK. I just worry he’s not going to eat enough before drinking. Or they won’t cook something properly on the barbecue and he’ll get food poisoning.’

‘You just worry, Mum.’

‘I just remember that time he got carried away and had that barbecue chicken that hadn’t finished cooking and was terribly ill for more than a week. He doesn’t think about these things, and he won’t have anyone to look after him.’

‘That happened over a decade ago, he was seven!’

‘Still, having him ill on the other side of the world would be the last thing we’d need right now.’

‘Right now…?’

‘And the thing is, it’s got everything on there you’d ever need to know. Do you know how much data it stores?’

‘Gigabytes, I’d bet.’

‘Terabytes! Terabytes of the stuff.’

As Dad and James came back into the room Rebecca felt a fluttering in her stomach. The champagne or Buck’s Fizz question would be next, it was coming up to the time to tell them.

‘Right then!’ barked Howard, with a clap of his hands. He opened his mouth to say something, but paused, looking at Penny like he’d forgotten his next line.

‘I was just telling Rebecca that Matthew had called last night and it was already Christmas,’ said Penny.

‘Ha! Yep, yep, yep, he’ll be pissed and chasing around some poor Aussie girl with the mistletoe by now, the little bugger.’

The expectant silence returned to the room. Dad always does the big host thing, thought Rebecca, this was his favourite moment. So why was he standing there with his hands in his pockets?

‘I’ll just go and get the stuff in from the car,’ announced James.

‘I’ll give you a hand,’ said Rebecca.

‘No, no, you’re fine. Not in your cond…’ Rebecca’s eyebrows flared at James across the breakfast counter. ‘I mean OK, you can grab the pressies.’

The couple scurried out to the car.

‘What the hell is going on in there?’ asked Rebecca as James opened the boot.

‘I know, I know, sorry, it almost slipped out.’

‘Not that. With Dad.’

‘He was just showing me one of his heritage research programmes. He likes me to see this stuff, he’s just being nice in his way.’

‘Are you doing this deliberately?’

‘What?’

‘The atmosphere! I had to get out of there.’

‘That was about ninety seconds. Are you trying to set some sort of new record?’

‘Something’s going on. Did Dad say anything to you?

‘Just the usual. He’s really getting into the family tree stuff this time, said it’s good to get away from it all.’

‘What did he mean by that? Get away from what?’

‘Come on. You’re just edgy about telling them, let’s go and spread some joy, eh? That M&S bag for life’s got the stuff for your folks.’

James bounded up the stairs with the overnight bag, while Rebecca slowly headed back towards the kitchen. As she walked in she saw her mother’s eyebrows flare at her dad, and her dad hop slightly.

‘Presents, oh goodie!’ said Howard clapping and rubbing his hands together as James reappeared by Rebecca’s side. ‘Right then it’s officially Christmas. Drinkies time. Champagne or Buck’s Fizz?’

‘Straight up bubbly for me please,’ said James grinning, while looking Rebecca in the eyes.

‘Just an orange juice for me please,’ she said, bouncing on her heels gently, her tingly fingers fluttering by her side.

Meaningful looks bounced around the room. Rebecca’s parents looked at her, tentatively checking they weren’t jumping to conclusions. Penny looked at Howard, fiddling with the wire on the champagne bottle. James stepped across to link fingers with Rebecca, and grinned at his in-laws with a cheeky look on his face. Penny was already in tears.

‘Something you two want to tell us?’ asked Howard. ‘You’re not on those anti-bi –’.

‘I’m pregnant!’ Rebecca said.

There was a delighted shriek and gruff cheers as Penny and Howard swooped on their daughter. James had never seen the two of them move so fast as congratulations and garbled questions built up on top of each other, Rebecca answering half of one before moving on to the next, speaking garbled happy nonsense. Then the attention turned to him, with hugs and back slaps and laughter.

‘A toast! Drinks for those drinking,’ declared Howard. ‘And juice and a seat for the new mummy.’

‘To be,’ added Rebecca, taking the seat being offered at the kitchen breakfast bar, while her parents fussed with glasses.

‘To the new master Winfield,’ pronounced Howard. ‘Or miss. Mzz, I suppose. Do you know what he’s going to be yet?’

‘They won’t know that kind of thing yet, dear,’ said Penny. ‘Always getting ahead of himself. No patience, your father.’

‘It’s still very early days yet. Only seven weeks so, y’know, there’s still a chance it won’t… We probably shouldn’t really be too…’ said Rebecca, unable to complete the warning.

‘We’ll be fine,’ said James, with an arm around her, while Penny surreptitiously tapped the counter top. ‘I’m practising my breathing already.’

‘It’s going to be fantastic. And they’ll get an idea of what they put us through, isn’t that right, grandma?’ said Howard.

‘Oh, don’t,’ said Penny with a giggle. ‘Grandma! I’m going to have to book in with the hairdressers for a heap of maintenance work now if I’m going to be a grandma.’

‘Blue rinse?’ asked Rebecca.

‘I’ll have to stock up boiled sweets,’ said Penny.

‘And you’ll have to get loads of–’ James was about to make a joke about knitting doilies for ornaments before he remembered the Collinses’ lounge was already full of the things ‘– loads of wool, for booties.’

‘Booties! You remember how many of those your mother made before Becky was born?’ Howard said to Penny, before turning to the kids. ‘We had a house nearly as tiny as yours, just full of them. And you never wore the blighted things! Pulled ’em off, had the occasional suck on one.’

‘I’ve still got them somewhere if you’d like them,’ offered Penny.

‘They’re not going to want those old moth-eaten things,’ Howard said.

‘It’d be lovely to see them if you can dig them out,’ said Rebecca.

‘Retro’s very in, from what I’ve read in the parenting magazines,’ added James.

‘Parenting magazines? None of that stuff in our day, was there, Pen? Just that book by that fellow with the sci-fi name.’

‘Dr Spock,’ said Penny.

‘Doctor, mister, one of those. Like something out of the Star Trek. What was it I used to say to you all the time?’