Nothing But the Truth (25 page)

Ryan interrupted her rambling. “Nothing.”

“What?”

“I don’t do anything for fun.”

Brett would have said the same about Ryan as a joke, but she never thought it was true. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“What do you do in your free time?” Maybe Ryan’s idea of fun was just slightly different from hers.

“Work out. Visit my aunt. Read case law. Pretty pathetic, don’t you think?”

“A little.” Brett ducked to avoid the teasing punch Ryan threw her way. “How about dating?” She saw Ryan’s open expression start to shut tight.

“What about it?”

Brett evaluated her options. Veer away from the subject and recapture the casual intimacy they had shared all day, or dive in and hope neither one of them drowned. She decided she wanted the information enough to take the risk. She took a deep breath. “Just curious.” She saw Ryan relax slightly and decided to take a more circuitous path. “I have a hard time finding time to date or anyone willing to date a workaholic. You?”

“I don’t date.”

“So we have something in common.”

“Ever.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s not just that I don’t date. It’s that I never have.” Ryan couldn’t believe she’d shared this fact, especially with someone like Brett. Attorneys were born to interrogate, but it wasn’t as if Brett were exerting a lot of pressure. Her guard must be down.
Too late now.
What she wasn’t prepared for was the silence that followed her revelation. She waited, but Brett said nothing. Ryan saw a mixture of pity and sadness reflected in her eyes. She wanted neither. “I’m ready to head back.” She leaned forward, pumping her thighs and driving her feet hard against the pedals. Ryan looked away from Brett to hide the blur of tears in her eyes. She didn’t see Brett’s hand move onto her thigh, but she felt the pressure of her touch. “Don’t.”

Brett held her tighter. “I won’t do anything you don’t want me to.”

“I don’t know what I want.” A necessary lie.

As if she could read her mind, Brett pressed. “I think you do. I think we want the same thing.”

“It doesn’t matter. It can’t happen.”

“I don’t believe you’ve never dated. I think you have. I think someone hurt you.”

Ryan now knew why Brett was such a good attorney. She could read minds and people couldn’t resist her. “Yes.”

“You don’t have to tell me, but if you want to I’m a good listener.” Brett paused. “And I care. I really do.”

“Why?”

“Because I find myself hopelessly attracted to you.” Brett looked down at her hand on Ryan’s thigh and smiled. “And not just to your fantastic body.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“Can’t help it. Tell me you don’t feel something for me and I’ll leave you alone.”

Ryan knew if she denied the attraction, Brett would know she was a liar. The scene in Brett’s foyer foreclosed any conclusion to the contrary. “You know how I feel.”

“I know you’re physically attracted to me. I can only hope you’re attracted to me for other reasons as well.”

Ryan nodded.

“Well, that’s something.” Brett cocked her head. “Let me guess, you don’t like the way it makes you feel.”

Ryan shook her head. “It’s not that simple.”

“Okay.”

“I have a campaign to think about. You’re a witness in a case.” Ryan knew the excuses were lame. She braced herself for a retort.

“I could say you’re a chicken, at least when it comes to the campaign. You’d rather be an elected Republican than have a relationship?” Brett knew she was jumping to conclusions. Ryan had barely confessed an attraction, let alone a desire for a relationship, but her own desires compelled her to push the boundaries.

“As for me being a witness, well, that should be over within a couple of weeks.” Brett knew something deeper lurked beneath the surface of Ryan’s reluctance, but she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to be the one to unearth the issue. Ryan saved her the trouble.

“I’ve only felt this way about one other person in my whole life.”

“Bad breakup?”

“The worst. We were in high school.”

“Ah. High school romances are the worst. And the best. They definitely leave a lasting impression.” All Brett’s internal alarms were ringing.
She hasn’t been with anyone since high school?
Brett tried not to dwell on the more significant truth behind Ryan’s revelation, but she couldn’t help but wonder if Ryan would ever recover if she hadn’t after all these years. She decided to ask more questions in lieu of mulling over the meaning. She’d start with the basics. “Girl?”

“Her name was Julia.” Ryan choked out a laugh devoid of humor. “I’m sure it still is.”

“What was she like?”

“A free spirit. Beautiful. Independent. Beautiful. Brilliant.” Ryan leaned back and closed her eyes. “Did I mention she was beautiful?”

Brett smiled. “I get the picture. So what happened?”

“I was too chicken.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to call you chicken before. I realize everyone has their own comfort level about revealing personal information.”

“But you think I hide things to further my career?”

Brett had no intention of letting this conversation dissolve into a discussion of political correctness. She was interested in Ryan’s personal intentions, not her professional ones. “The girl, Ryan. Tell what happened with the girl.”

“She loved me. I loved her. But our love didn’t come without conditions. For either of us. She wanted me to be more like her. I was too uptight, too frightened about what other people would think, too scared of what my parents might do if they found out about us. She pushed me to do things outside of my comfort zone. I pushed her to be more discreet.

“I wasn’t kidding about never dating. I never went anywhere with Julia in public, not on a date anyway. Ironically, if I had, I might have avoided my worst nightmare.” Brett was quiet. This time Ryan recognized it for what it was. Space. She needed it. She’d never talked about Julia with anyone. The last time she’d spoken her name out loud had been the last time in her life she’d lost control.

That day her parents came home a day early from an emergency out of town trip and found her and Julia on Ryan’s bed, half-dressed and tangled in each other’s arms. The Fosters had reluctantly agreed to let Ryan stay at Julia’s house that weekend since they hadn’t had time to make other arrangements. Ryan convinced Julia this was a perfect chance for them to be together, and they didn’t need to be in public to show their love. They snuck into Ryan’s house where they would explore their love in private. Their privacy was short-lived, and their intimacy was marred by Ryan’s parents’ condemnation of what they called vile and reprehensible behavior. They sent Julia home. Ryan, they packed into the car and drove to live with her aunt. Ryan had wailed the whole way, anguished cries of desperation laced with pleas of understanding. All her efforts were ignored. She never saw Julia again. Never spoke her name.

She vowed she would never lose control of her emotions again.

Ryan had managed to keep that vow until she met Brett. From the day she’d watched her in court, to their passionate embrace at Brett’s apartment, to this day, spent sneaking glances and light touches, Ryan’s control had been slowly, steadily slipping away.

Brett watched the emotions play out on Ryan’s face. Feelings too coarse to process, even after all these years. She didn’t have any personal frame of reference. She’d always been confident about being out. Her parents weren’t necessarily happy about it, but they spent too much time encouraging their children to be independent to really put up a fuss. Frankly, her father was more concerned about her chosen field of practice than who she slept with. She was always encouraged to bring a date along to family affairs, but Brett hadn’t brought many into the Logan circle. Either she didn’t care enough to go through the introductions, or she didn’t want to add another voice to the chorus telling her she should have a job with more regular hours and less angst. Since most of her former girlfriends had this litany down, she found it easier to keep them at a distance when it came to her family.

She almost envied Ryan her heart-wrenching memories. At least Ryan had the capacity to care about something other than the cases she worked on. Brett often wondered if her ability to muster feelings about people other than her clients was stifled by the energy she threw into her work. But her feelings about Ryan weren’t stifled. As much as Ryan had the tendency to infuriate her, she cared what she thought, how she felt, what she needed. Right now, she could tell Ryan needed understanding, compassion, space. Brett was going to give her all three.

“Look, I’m sorry I brought up such a difficult subject.” Ryan started to protest, but Brett held up a hand. “Don’t get me wrong. I want to know more.” She stared into Ryan’s eyes and ran her hand slightly higher on her leg. “And I want more. But I can wait.” She moved her hand back to her own lap. “Let’s get through this trial, and we’ll pick up where we left off. Okay?”

Ryan wanted to say waiting wouldn’t solve anything. The campaign would still be an insurmountable obstacle, but Brett had already heard that excuse. Even if she didn’t win the nomination, her career couldn’t withstand an affair with a prominent defense attorney, let alone a woman. She wanted to reaffirm her vow to never risk losing control again, but she was no longer confident she could keep the promise of her past.

Monday, after lunch, Brett poked her head in Jeff Oates’s office in the DA workroom. He wasn’t there, but Detective Paulson was sitting at his desk, sorting through the files spread out in front of her. She looked up and smiled at Brett. “Come on in.”

“That’s okay, I was looking for Jeff.”

“I know. He’s expecting you.” She waved Brett toward an open chair.

Brett continued standing. “Any idea when he’ll be back?” For some reason she couldn’t quite explain, Brett didn’t want to be trapped in the tiny room with Kim Paulson. She was there to see Jeff for her witness prep. She still thought it was unlikely she’d even be needed as a witness, but she understood that Jeff and Ryan would want to prepare for any contingency.

After Saturday, she and Ryan had agreed all Brett’s contact with the DA’s office about the Edwards case would go through Jeff. Brett had spent several hours the day before conducting research on the potential ethical issues of appearing as a witness for the state in light of her attraction to Ryan. Ryan had done the same. It was a gray area. They weren’t in a relationship. Even if they were, it wasn’t necessarily unethical for her to be a witness as long as they disclosed the existence of the relationship. As things stood, Brett determined there was nothing for them to disclose, but for the sake of propriety, she agreed with Ryan that all her interaction with the prosecution should be through Jeff. She imagined Jeff was ecstatic to learn two key witnesses for the state had reverted back to his control.

“I’m sure he’ll be back soon. I think he just went downstairs to grab a sandwich,” Paulson said. “How was your weekend?”

Brett resigned herself to taking a seat. “It was good. Thanks.”

“Do you go to the game every year?”

“Pardon me?”

“I think it’s great your whole family goes to the game together.”

Brett’s thoughts spun. She wasn’t processing fast enough to respond. How did Paulson know she’d been at the game? Okay, maybe Paulson had seen her there, but how did she know that the people with her were family? Had she seen her with Ryan? Maybe Ryan told her? Brett recalled the undercurrent of hostility she’d detected between them at her apartment. No, there was no way Ryan would have mentioned her attendance at the game with Brett to anyone, let alone Paulson. She decided to do some detecting of her own.

“Are you a Texas or OU fan?”

“I’m Switzerland.” Paulson laughed at her own joke. Brett didn’t, but Paulson didn’t seem to care that Brett didn’t find her amusing. “I graduated from Texas Tech. Go Raiders.”

Brett tried again. “I guess you saw me at the fair Saturday.”

“We decided it would be a good idea to keep an eye on you. For your own protection.”

“We?”

“Mike and I.”

“Is that so? I thought you had Ross Edwards safely behind bars?”

“Yes, but his female accomplice has never been apprehended. Until she is, you might be in danger for exposing this part of their scheme.”

Brett seriously doubted Ross Edwards’s girlfriend was anywhere near the action. She’d probably taken off the minute he got caught and was looking for her next partner-in-crime. She focused instead on the fact Paulson had been tailing her. “When did you start following me around?”

“You make it sound so clandestine.”

“It is. I can’t have law enforcement tailing me. I have client confidences to protect. A fact you are well aware of. My clients won’t feel comfortable coming in to see me if cops are parked outside my door.”

“See many clients on the weekend?”

“Matter of fact I do.”

“Hi, ladies.” They looked up as Jeff entered the room. Paulson got up from her place behind his desk and grabbed another chair from the outside office. When she returned to Jeff’s closet-like office with the extra seat, Brett started to feel claustrophobic.