Nothing But the Truth (24 page)

“Brett!”

Brett recognized the urgency in her father’s voice. “Come on, non-cave dweller. Let’s go.”

The Hummer limousine was obscene. As they climbed in, Brett calculated she could fit a half dozen of her little Priuses into the beast of a vehicle and still have room for a few passengers. Her nieces and nephews were running around the perimeter of the lighted dance floor. Leave it to Dad to rent the biggest and the best. Brett was embarrassed at the excess and wondered what Ryan thought about her and her family.
Too late now
. They were headed to the State Fair grounds, and neither one of them had a means of escape.

*

Ryan took one look at the long line. “I don’t mean to be rude, but can’t we just get something to eat inside the stadium with everyone else?”

“In a word? No.” Brett wedged her way into the small opening as the line inched forward. “They don’t serve corny dogs or beer at the game.”

“That’s crazy. The stadium’s located on the fair grounds.”

“It is crazy. At least the corny dog part. No beer is an NCAA rule.”

“I don’t need a beer anyway. I’m working.” Work was not the reason Ryan didn’t want a beer. Her lack of restraint the last time she drank one with Brett was the true deterrent.

“You’re not working yet. I refuse to answer any questions until both of us have a beer and a corny dog.”

Ryan sighed. She resigned herself to Brett’s wishes.
I can always pour the beer out when she’s not looking.
“Fine.” She looked at the line again. “I don’t mean to keep grilling you, but I don’t see anyone walking away from this booth with either beer or corny dogs.”

Brett tried not to roll her eyes. How could she be so attracted to someone who had no clue about the real world? She forced any sign of condescension from her voice, but she knew some trace of incredulity remained. “We’re in line to buy tickets. Then we get in another line for munchies. Seriously, Ryan, have you never been to the State Fair?” The expression on Ryan’s face made her instantly regret her remark.

Brett’s question stung. Painful memories stabbed like sharp stakes into the soft spots of Ryan’s psyche. Spots Ryan thought were long scabbed over.

Every year, Texas schoolchildren slogged their way through the first six weeks of the fall semester buoyed by the prospect of their first break. Fair Day. They each received a free admission ticket and a day off to attend, but the getting there part was up to them. Ryan remembered the day each year the tickets had been handed out. She always took the ticket even though she knew she would never get to use it. Her parents would never take her, and they wouldn’t let her go unchaperoned. Julia had encouraged her to sneak away, but even the enticement of Julia’s company wasn’t enough for Ryan to risk her parents’ wrath. She knew better than to ask her aunt. Chaperone or not, her aunt thought the State Fair was a cesspool of sin and excess, and Ryan’s attendance was completely out of the question.

She knew her home life was different than most, but she always did her best to fit in. Once the fair hit town, Ryan read the newspaper religiously for details about the various scheduled activities so she could swap stories with her classmates the morning after Fair Day. Until she met Julia. Julia with her open, easy ways. Julia with her brutal honesty. Julia who would have scoffed at her own parents if they said she couldn’t go to the fair, who would have snuck out her bedroom window for a trip to the midway.

No, she couldn’t lie to Julia, but she wouldn’t cross her parents for her either, at least not by openly defying them. They’d never said she couldn’t sleep with Julia, never said she couldn’t caress her during a seemingly innocent sleepover, never said she couldn’t worship the ground she walked on. Looking back, Ryan had to admit she had walked a crooked line between obedience and defiance. Julia’s love was the one thing her parents hadn’t realized they needed to guard against, but her love had never been enough to compel Ryan to choose sides.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Ryan looked into eyes full of concern and the visions of Julia from her memory faded into the very real face of Brett whose brow was furrowed and whose stare was penetrating. Ryan saw something other than concern in the emerald green gaze, something familiar.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” And strangely enough, she was. Ryan felt the sting of her childhood memories recede. She wasn’t a child anymore, subject to the whim of her volatile parents and her stern aunt. Brett wasn’t Julia, daring her to be something she wasn’t. She was just a colleague, sharing the day with her. Ryan could have a beer, watch the game, eat a corny dog, and no harm would come of any of it. She looked into Brett’s eyes and appreciated the frank feeling she saw reflected there even though she didn’t entirely understand her reaction. “Let’s go get that beer.”

*

At halftime, the interrogation began. “So tell us about your campaign. I assume you’ll make an official announcement soon? Any ideas about changes to the office?”

Brett punched her dad in the arm. “One question at a time, nosy. I didn’t bring Ryan here to be interrogated.”

Brian piped in. “Why did you bring her, sis?” He leaned toward Ryan. “No offense. But seriously, I know Brett came to your last fundraiser, but I’m pretty sure she only came because I promised to buy her dinner after. You two seem like a mismatched pair. Not that we’re not happy to see the wayward Logan keeping more respectable company.”

During the course of the game, Ryan had become accustomed to the good-natured banter of the Logan family. It had not occurred to her they might wonder why she was present at this traditional family event. They hadn’t asked, and Brett hadn’t offered any explanation. The Logan family couldn’t have made her feel more welcome.

Yet, Brian’s comments were laced with innuendo.
Did Brett’s family know Brett was gay?
Ryan chided herself. Of course they did. If Ryan could find out with a few clicks of her mouse, then this seemingly close-knit family would know the sexual orientation of one of their own. She searched their expressions, words, and behavior for signs of rejection, but she couldn’t detect a trace of judgment. Ryan had never known unconditional love, but she could feel its presence now. Directed at Brett, anyway. As for her, well, that was a different story. If this obviously conservative Logan clan could somehow read her thoughts and discern her cravings for their daughter, their sister, she knew they would turn her out as the pariah she was. As it was, the fact they were questioning her basis for any kind of relationship with Brett was a cause for alarm.

Brett felt the tension in Ryan’s body even before she saw the panicked look in her eyes. The angst jumped off her skin in hard waves, and Brett feared it would propel Ryan to leap out of her seat and tear out of the stadium. She resisted her impulse to touch Ryan, to ground her into the moment, sensing even the slightest touch from her would send Ryan over the edge. Instead, she fixed Ryan with her eyes, forcing all the comfort, all the soothing she could muster into a steady gaze. Without breaking eye contact, she answered Brian.

“Ryan and I have a particularly messy case together. We couldn’t get plea negotiations wrapped up last week. We had a meeting scheduled for today, but I didn’t want to miss the game, so I offered her my extra seat. I figured we could talk about the case in between plays.” Brett felt Ryan relax, slightly.

Brian nodded enthusiastically. “Nothing like putting the opposition in close proximity with potential donors to further your own ends.” He patted Brett on the back. “Sis, I didn’t know you had it in you.”

Brett resisted the urge to punch him.
Great.
Now her family thought she was trying to bribe a prosecutor.
She instinctively knew Ryan would prefer them think that than that she was Brett’s date. What she didn’t know was why she was so focused on protecting Ryan.
Because she needs protecting.
Ryan’s apprehension about this entire outing had been palpable. Brett didn’t understand the source, but she wanted to root it out and banish it, freeing Ryan from the tension that gripped her so tightly. If a little lie and innuendo of her own could accomplish comfort for Ryan, she would happily comply.

*

Texas won. That simple fact was all Ryan registered from the experience. As over ninety thousand fans flooded out of the Cotton Bowl, she found herself plastered against Brett, the only physical contact they had had during the rest of the game. Before the conversation at halftime, Brett had interacted with her easily, punctuating her words with light touches to Ryan’s shoulder, hand, leg, all innocent gestures that an affectionate person might use while sharing conversation with a close relative, friend, or spouse. Their interactions took on a sharper edge after Brian’s comments. Brett still sat next to Ryan, but Ryan could feel the invisible barrier between them as Brett took extra care not to be in Ryan’s personal space. No more shoulder bumps, no more thigh squeezes, no more hand-grabs, no matter how exciting the play on the field. They sat through the rest of the game like strangers. As much as Ryan hated the claustrophobia of the exiting crowd, she welcomed the chance to feel Brett against her, welcomed the comfort of her closeness.

The Logan clan gathered in their predetermined spot outside the stadium. The crowd around them was even bigger now, filled with regular fairgoers in addition to the football fans. Ryan could see that Gerald Logan was addressing their group, but the music from the band playing nearby made it difficult to hear his words. She glanced around for Brett who had moved a couple feet away from her side and was whispering in her sister-in-law Lori’s ear. Ryan stared at them until she finally caught Brett’s glance, and mouthed, “What’s he saying?” Brett held up a finger, signaling she would fill her in shortly. After a few moments, the Logan crowd splintered into small groups all headed in different directions. The kids toward the midway, strings of tickets grasped in their eager hands. The adults toward the exhibit buildings. Only Brett and Ryan remained.

“The limo doesn’t leave for three hours. I told Lori we would catch a cab back to the house.”

“We’re leaving?” Ryan was genuinely surprised.

“Isn’t that what you want?” Brett’s tone was even, but Ryan caught the flicker of hurt in her eyes.

I don’t know what I want. I want to be close to you. Alone.
Ryan knew if she and Brett left now, distance would be more likely. Brett had obviously wanted to share this experience with her. The game, her family, the spectacle of the fair. During the first half of the game, she’d listened as Brett described for the kids all the offbeat foods she was going to eat, most of them fried, including Twinkies, butter, bacon, cheesecake, even peanut butter, jelly, and banana sandwiches. Ryan’s usual tendency to be disgusted by such a display of excess was stifled by the pure childlike joy she witnessed on Brett’s face as she regaled the attractions of the fair. She found herself wanting to experience all the fair had to offer with Brett as a guide.
I guess I do know what I want after all.
She risked honesty.

“I don’t want to leave.”

“You don’t?”

“I don’t.” Ryan realized she needed to be more clear. “I want to spend the day with you. Here. At the fair.” She stifled the fleet of butterflies in her belly. She had tons of work to do, but she knew that wasn’t the source of her anxiety. She was both excited and scared about being alone with Brett.

Brett’s face sported a wide grin. “Excellent.” She pulled a folded up piece of paper from her back pocket. “I’m giving you one last chance to back out.”

“I’m not backing out.”

Brett waved the paper under Ryan’s nose. “We’ll still need a cab later, because three hours is not enough time to make it through my list.”

Ryan grabbed the list from Brett’s grasp and glanced at the numerous items. “What’s a Crazy Mouse? Pig Races?
Fried butter?
” She gave Brett a stern look. “You know that’s wrong, don’t you?” Ryan laughed at the responding pout. “Come on, show me the fair.”

 “I can’t believe you’re making me exercise at the State Fair.” Brett quit pedaling and crossed her arms. What she really couldn’t believe was that she was sitting in a swan-shaped pedal boat in the middle of the Leonhardt Lagoon. Brett couldn’t remember the last time she’d spent an entire day at play. After the game, she’d checked in with her answering service, then she turned off the ringer on her BlackBerry and stowed it in her purse. Ryan had been an engaging companion. She’d indulged every one of Brett’s fair favorites with good humor. Brett was having so much fun she forgot all about her muted connection to the outside world. Amazing, since she usually checked her phone at least every fifteen minutes even when she was on a date.

“We’ve done everything on your list. Now it’s my turn.” Ryan’s strong legs provided power enough for both of them, and she was having the time of her life steering them around the smallish body of water. Ryan was thankful for the relief from consuming fried food and welcomed the opportunity to work off the pounds of fattening food she’d put away during the day. “Lean back and relax. I’ve got this.”

Brett did as instructed, watching Ryan all the while. She looked happy. Brett realized she’d never seen Ryan look happy before. Intense, focused, driven, but never happy. Maybe Ryan reserved pleasure for personal time. Whatever the case, Brett was glad Ryan had chosen to share some of that personal time with her.

“What do you do for fun?” Ryan seemed startled at the question, and Brett immediately wished she’d just let the moment be. “Never mind. It’s none of my business. We just had so much fun today, I almost forgot the real reason we’re supposed to be spending time together. We can talk about the case whenever you want. If you want to leave—“