Nothing But Time (20 page)

“Don’t call it a comparison then,”
Harrowby
went on.  “Call it
an analytical curiosity
regarding
how a normal family might function.”

“You think life is simpler on the other side?”

“Perhaps, yes, when one has fewer expectations regarding their behaviors,” he agreed.

“You think I had no expectations
placed on
me when I was growing up?” Kate asked with raised brows.  “
Just so you know
, t
here was no option for failure in my family.”

Harrowby shook his head
.  “I would wager that those expectations were tempered in some way by acceptance of your character but, please, you are avoiding the subject.”

She was but
Kate squeezed his hand with a rueful shake of her head.  “I think you’re just setting
yourself up for disappointment
but
,
okay, I’ll make you a deal.  I’ll tell you about my family if you tell me what you
were doing when I came in.”

“I hardly think…”

“It’s the give and take of friendship, Brand,” Kate told him.  “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

Harrowby
thought about that for a moment, thinking that Kate’s concept of friendship was much more involved than those he had been privy to in his lifetime.  Sharing.  Honesty.  What would it hurt to try?  “Very well.  You first.”

“’
K
ay
then.
”
Kate drew a deep breath.  “First off, you’re absolutely right in thinking that my family is very different than your own. 
While this might be due to anything from culture to class…”
to time period
, she mentally added, “m
y family is c
los
er, certainly more openly affect
ionate.
My mom is a blast.  She’s
fun, cool but a tough businesswoman,
and very ambitious.  She expects great things from her kids.  I always worked hard to live up to her expectations, not out of duty but because I wanted to make her happy, make myself happy.
L
ike you, I have just one sister, Anne.  She is a
couple of
years older than me and actually has a son named Nate who is just about the same age as your nephew.”

Harrowby
smiled. “You’re
making sport of me
.”

“Nuh-uh,” Kate denied with a shake of
her head.
  “I thought it an amazing coincidence myself when I met him
the other
day.  Anyway, if you
really
want to get an idea of what kind of
parents I have,
I can sum it all up with just one story about
my sister.  You see,
Anne got pregnant right at the end of her senior year of high school.”

There was that phrase again. 
“
High school, as I know it, is a largely Scottish institution that I doubt would equate to any American standardization
.” 
Harrowby
frowned.  “How old would she have been?”

“Eighteen.”

Harrowby
just shrugged.  Pregnancy at eighteen wasn’t unusual at all.  Many brides bore a child in the first year of their marriages.  Susan had
,
though that baby had died in infancy.

Seeing his confusion, Kate added, “She was eighteen and unmarried.”

“Ahh!”  Now
Harrowby
understood what she was saying.  The shame in bearing a child without the benefit of marriage had sent many a young lady over the years into banishment far from London or into a hasty marriage.  “Did you parents force her to wed then?”

“No, not at all.”  Kate thought back on that time. 
Kate ha
d been
sixteen
when it had happened. 
She’d always looked up to her sister with a bit of envy combined with that admiration.  Anne was a cheerleader and very popular while Kate was more athletic and a bit nerdy. 
Anne had told he
r before going to their parents.  O
f
course,
it had been hard
er
to hide
it
from Kate because Anne was crying all the time.  Anne hadn’t wanted to disappoint their parents
any more than Kate ever did
.  She’d been just miserable
and Kate had been certain her parents would kill her where she stood when they found out
.  “
Instead – after the shock abated, of course – t
hey helped Anne through it every step of the way.  Mom went to her doctor appointments with her and Dad even did some natural childbirth classes with Anne, though when it came right down to it, he fled the delivery room the first time Anne screamed.  Said he couldn’t take that.

“They helped her with daycare so that Anne could start at the U
- that is, the University of Minnesota –
in the spring semester and still go to college
.  They stood by her
side, supported her through the whole thing,
and loved Nathan more than I think any grandchild could be loved.  We spent our whole lives knowing our parents expected the best from us, b
ut even at our worst, they love
us even more.”

Eyebrows raised,
Harrowby
considered Kate’s story in comparison – even though he had told her he would not do so – to how his own parents would have reacted in a similar
situation
.  With a cynical smile, he knew that they wouldn’t have hesitated in sending Susan off to
some
distant country village for the duration
,
fostered the child out to some low class family
and would never have spoken to their daughter again.  They probably wouldn’t have
spared
a second thought to the child who was their own flesh.

Yes, Kate had been right, Harrowby probably did not need the comparison, did not need to know how deprived his own life truly was.  On the other hand, it gave him a picture of how he wanted his own future to be, about the kind of father he wanted to be someday.  Affectionate, caring.  Involved.

“Did your parents raise you themselves?”

“I wasn’t farmed out to the community, if that’s what you mean.”

“No, I mean, did they take care of you directly?
  Or did you have a nanny?
”

“Brand,” Kate
said with a sigh,
stroking his cheek.  “Why are you doing this to yourself?
  I was born in a different world, a
really
different world.  I doubt there is a child in the whole of England today raised the way I was.  It’s just not a fair comparison.
”

“Perhaps I just want to know that there is another way besides the way I was reared,” he replied
,
covering her hand with his own.  “Tell me.”

“You just make my heart break, did you know that?”
  Kate patted his rough cheek lightly before turning and easing down on to his
lap
.  She did so hesitantly as if she was sure he would push her off at any moment, but a part of her wanted to show him affection as much as tell him about it. 
Harrowby
stiffened as she sat, but when Kate wrapped one arm around his shoulders and leaned into him, his arms came up as if under their own will to encircle her.  “Di
d you hear me tell Nate about my
Dad when we were down at the pond?”

She felt his nod against the top of her head and continued, “That was my life.  My parents made a point to do things with us all the time
,
which is hard in any family where both parents work outside of the home
.  I mean most of the time aft
er we started school, it was Mile
na
, our housekeeper,
who took care of us
in the afternoons
, but my parents were the best.  We went places together, did things together.  They showed up at school for every concert or awards ceremony.  Every game Anne cheered at or basketball game I played in
, they were there
… if they were in town, of course. 
T
hey both had stressful, high-pressure jobs, just
as
you do, Brand. 
They made sure that we
were close to our grandparents
too, dragging us off to visit one set or the
other every summer or holiday.  Family is a big thing where I come from but
I think
, in general,
people just need to make a conscious choice to make the time for what
really
matters.”

Harrowby
sat there for a long moment with Kate in his arms, accepting the embrace
though he knew what she was trying to do in ‘giving’ him another hug.  She was sensing his isolation,
his regrets over his own childhood and
she was
offering comfort.  While he would consider himself man enough to be able to do without her comfort, there was a part of him that enjoyed that bodily warmth, that connection too much to push it away.  Instead, he returned her embrace and
tried to envision such a life
as she’d had. 

He wasn’t surprised that the picture wouldn’t clearly form
in his mind.  He was envious to some extent of Kate’s childhood but more than that, it only helped solidify the vision of the future he wanted.  If only he were able to share it with a woman like Kate who would certainly want to be such a mother as her own
children
one day.  With a rueful sigh, Harrowby pushed that picture away. 
Kate was
not at all what
would be required in his spouse.  He would be expected to wed a woman of good breeding
, fortune
and social standing
like the dozens of women his mother had paraded before him over the years
.  The lack of control over just another aspect of his life was frustrating.

“I thank you for sharing your life with me, Kate.”

“Just keep in mind that my childhood is not the norm today, Brand,” she hastened to add.  “There has been a kind of mini-revolution where I am from about quality of life and family.  Even twenty years ago, it wasn’t as it has been for me.  That’s part of how my generation has gotten it into their heads that we are the most important people on earth.  That’s what happens when the focus is put
on
child-rearing.”

“I shall keep your warning in mind.  As I said, it is curiosity.  Nothing more.”
Harrowby
straightened a bit, loosening his hold on her.  “
I would like to discuss with you at some point about your mother being a ‘business woman’,” he added
to deflate the cocoon of intimacy surrounding them
.  “That is a greater curiosity than your family as a whole but i
t is getting late.  You should be off to bed as I know Nathan to be an early riser.”

“You’re not getting off that easy, Brand,” Kate’s arms tightened around his shoulders.  “You promised to tell me what you were up to.”

“I don’t believe such a vow fell from my lips,” he insisted though his face was flushed with embarrassment
as he gave her a little push
.  “Up now.”

“No!”

“Come, Kate.” 
Harrowby
stood lifting her into his arms as he went, drawing a squeal of surprise from Kate.

“Careful!” Kate cried clinging tightly to him now, all her arguments forgotten.

Harrowby
looked down at Kate’s furrowed brow in surprise.  “You fear I might drop you, Kate?”  He
tossed her up a bit before clut
ching her tightly to him
and
wringing another squeal from Kate. 
The sound prompted a bubble of laughter to build up within Harrowby and he swallowed it back in surprise. 
“Truly, you think such thoughts?  I am easily twice your size, capable of carrying a much heavier burden than you
re
present.”

“I don’t think I’ve been picked up like this since I was five,” Kate retorted.  “You threw me off balance with that move…  But
still,
don’t drop me, okay?”

Giving into a
chuckle, Harrowby loosened his hold letting Kate drop for a split second before tightening his arms once more, enjoying her squeal as she clung to him.

“Brand!”

Meeting Kate’s bright green gaze, so close to his, feeling her warm, lithe body pressed so close to his,
Harrowby
felt
that enthralling
tug of attraction once more.
 
The humor faded from the situation as his desire for this unique woman blossomed once more and Harrowby could see in her eyes that Kate felt it as well. 
There was a battle brewing within himself that
Harrowby
knew he should wholeheartedly fight.  His principles were at stake in that moment.  Everything his father taught him about responsibility might be washed away if he gave into this.