Nothing But Time (22 page)

Kate bit back a smile.  “
Thank you so much for noticing.”

“I think
it’s funny,” he admitted.

“I know you do.”  Kate ruffled his hair playfully.

“It was funny watching you try to button your shoes
,” he added, making
Kate wince.  She had taken them
off to wade into the pond to free the hook from the weeds
the day before.  It was a
hard enough
task
with a button-
hook.  Almost impossible without one
.

“I’m glad I can keep you amused.
”
S
he smiled
and shook
her head.  “Buttons on shoes.  Who knew, right?  Crazy.”

“Or how you keep tripping on your skirts all the time…”

“Let’s not get carried away
listing my many f
ailings
, all right?”

Kate finished tucking Nate in or up or both before giving him a kiss on his forehead and turning down the flame in the oil lamp before leaving his room.  Despite the boy’s cultured British tones, Nathan did remind Kate oh, so much of her nephew of the same name.  It twisted her heart to think again of her family.

That thought that she might never see them – any of them – again caused her pain each time she
was reminded
of it.  It was a truth that pulled and prodded at her heart so continually that Kate
became
determined not to dwell on things she could not change.

There was that denial thing again, she thought ruefully.

At least the week had been mentally stimulating enough to keep those thoughts from haunting her where the monotonous work of the week previous had only provided more hours than she needed to dwell in misery.  Part of the distraction
was in worrying over Nathan and his grief process.  Though he had found his voice once more, the boy was still prone to long, moody silences.  She knew he cried nightly in his bed when he was alone.  His loss was overwhelming him and he had few outlets for his grief.

There lay
the other major distraction factor of her days – f
inding things to keep all her ‘teaching’ hours filled.

The lessons themselves were easy enough.  Mr. Scott had thoughtfully provided his lesson plans before he left giving Kate a general overview of what should be covered on a daily basis
.  Sh
e had upped the stakes somewhat, considering
the math and sciences
he suggested
too simple and had pushed Nate into more advanced work.
  At first
,
she had been afraid that she might be pushing him too fast but, much as she had as a child, he had seemed to embrace the challenge she presented him.

No, the basic lessons weren’t the problem, it was filling all the hours that remained that fell under her role as tutor, which seemed to be most hours that Nathan wasn’t eating, sleeping or bathing. 
He was happiest when his time was too busy to dwell on his loss and Kate did her best to keep him distracted. 

Fishing could only take them so far, though Nathan possessed what Kate’s father would consider the truest soul of the fisherman
in
that strange ability to sit for hours in silence, waiting ever so patiently for the next bite
at the line
.
  In those moments of silence, Kate somehow knew
that thoughts of grief weren’t on his mind, that there was peace where turmoil normally reigned and she wanted to give him more moments like those.

It had taken a careful review of every childhood moment and those she had spent with her nephew for Kate to fill in all the blanks th
at remained.  With no TV, video games,
internet, skateboards or hockey rinks to be had, there really hadn’t been much left to draw from.  In the end, she had resorted to stray leftovers from Girl Scout camp for simple sing-along songs and games to amuse him.  Her
own
Nathan might have called them all ‘lame’ but, luckily, this Nathan wasn’t jaded by the constant amusements that
over
stimulated a child in the
twenty-first
century.  He thought everything she came up with to be funnier or more interesting than the idea that preceded it.

Still it was a struggle to come up with new ideas that Kate thought wouldn
’t stretch her determination
not
to
give away the future.  It would be incredibly easy to wow Nate into
wide-eyed awe with tales of
what was to come but she
was determined not to go there.  These were simple times, with simple amusements and Kate wanted to keep it that way. 
Surely,
the early introduction of a children’s song or board game wasn’t going to change anything
in the big picture
along the way.

Tucking a small notebook and pencil under her arm, Kate carried
them – along with
a glass of wine Janice had been kind enough to bring up for her
– to
a large, comfortable wingback chair near the fireplace in the playroom that was attached to Nathan’s
bed
room.  She curled up, tucking her feet beneath her and set about brainstorming new ideas and activities for the days ahead.
Activities that could be worked around the house party and its guests
, she amended
.
  Mrs. Ryder had thoroughly scolded her for playing with Nathan on the lawns or near the pond while her guests were present.

Camping? 
Possibly.  There might be equipment handy, but Kate shook her head scratching off the idea
. 
I
t would be an impossible task in the wardrobe she had available.

Basketball?  Probably not.
  The few balls she had seen so far didn’t have the necessary degree of bounciness to dribble.

Guitar lessons?  Maybe, she
thought with a thoughtful shrug, writing it down.

Ice skating might be nice in the months to come, but right now it wasn’t cold enough.  Did they even have ice skates yet?  Kate’s brow wrinkled as she remembered the stories of Laura
Ingalls Wilder she had read as a girl.  Laura and Mary had skated, hadn’t they?  She chewed on the end of the pencil trying to remember.

Horseback riding?  It had been awhile, but
surely,
she could remember how to drive a horse.  Kate chuckled inwardly jotting it down.

There was the regatta, of course.  There would be two days of racing along with a small fair in Henley.  That would something fun.  Kate
added it to the list
. 

Maybe they could do something with Nathan’s mother or even Brand, she thought feeling her heart skip a bit a
t
the mere thought of the earl
and was immediately distracted from the task at hand
. 

Mountain, why won’t you come to me?  Kate laughed to herself.  Sticking to her resolve, Kate had tried to corner him at least once a day, but it seemed that every time she’d gone looking for him, he’d been nowhere to be found.  He was good at avoidance. 
Or
, perhaps he was as good at denial as she was.

For the past two days
,
Kate’s closest contact with him had been walking past him with Nate as they walked down to the pond to fish.  Other than seeing him on the lawns or in the gardens with his guests, the only other
time she’d spotted him was in
waking early that morning to find him walking down to the river with a long scull hefted over one shoulder.  She’d watched as he reached the water and dropped the boat off his short dock before he’d cli
mbed in and quickly
rowed out of sight. 

Kate sighed.  Too bad he’d been t
o
o far away to really see.  What a sight he’d be!

What was it about that guy?
she wondered.  Why did the very thought or sight of him set her aflame?  She had known guys just as handsome, just as well-built… Kate laughed, certainly she had known men just as dour as Brand could sometimes be.  Never before, however, had she met someone with the whole package the earl represented.  Brand was all those things and more.  Gorgeous, brawny and austere but
commanding, self-assured and simply funny as well.  There was depth to Brand that Kate knew went layers deeper than she had delved so far.  She want
ed
to pick away each layer until she got to the core of Brand. 

She wanted to know him.  All of him.  She wanted to feel that flush of excitement that raced through her when she wheedled a smile from him or when he touched her hand or cheek.

Kate cupped her warm cheek at the memory, recalling the feel of his fingers tracing along her jaw.

A light, female voice broke her concentration.  “Miss Kallastad?”

Kate looked up
with a flush of embarrassment at being caught daydreaming
to find Nathan’s mother hovering in the doorway.  “Mrs. Ralston, what can I help you with?”

“I thought… perhaps…”  The woman shifted uncomfortably.  “I thought I might tuck Nathan up for the evening.”

“Oh.
”
Kate stood slowly
setting her notebook on the table.  “He went to bed about twenty minutes ago, but we can check–“

“No, that’s quite all right.
”
T
he woman stopped Kate’s motion toward the door with a wave of her hand.  “You must think I’m a terrible mother that I’m not even aware of my son’s bedtime.”

Taking
in her raised chin
and
straight
,
stiff posture
, Kate
now realized
those gestures
hid everything that
Mrs. Ralston
was
feeling
underneath and felt her head shake automatically in denial.  “No, I just think that you have, culturally speaking, a way things are done, the way they
have
always
been
done and maybe you just don’t know of a different way.”

“It wasn’t always like this, you understand,” Mrs. Ralston said defensively.  “There was a time when Nate was a baby, before my mother came to live with us that things were quite different.”

Ten minutes in
Belinda
Ryder’s company had told Kate everything she needed to know to interpret that statement, even if further conversation with Brand did not. 
If Susan Ralston was a negligent mother, Kate knew that it wasn’t because she wanted to be.  It must have been hard for her to balance the mother she wanted to be with the one Mrs. Ryder deemed acceptable. 
“Would you like a glass of wine?”

Mrs. R
alston started at the offer then shook her head.  “Thank you, no.  I will leave you to your evening then.”

“Mummy, is that you?” Nate’s sleepy voice called from his bedroom.

Kate could almost feel the emotion that shone so clearly on the woman’s face.  There was that longing again that
s
he’d seen the previous week. 
Kate imagined that, given a chance, Susan Ralston would sweep her son into her arms and never let him go. 
Too bad the pair hadn’t been able to find a way to grieve for the loss of father and husband together. 
“Or perhaps, I’ll just leave you to yours,” Kate offered softly and moved towards the door leaving Mrs. Ralston in the
center of the room, a place she still was even when Kate reached the portal. 
Encourag
ing the woman to make a move, she urged, “Go on,” before slipping into the hallway.

What a crazy family this was, each one afraid or unable to show caring and affection for one another.  Kate again couldn’t imagine living in such a chilly atmosphere.  Determined to give Mrs. Ralston some time
alone
with her son, Kate strode down the hall
unconsciously heading for the staircase that would take her
down the three flights to Brand’s office
. 
As she descended she could hear conversation and polite laughter from the front parlor where the tinkling of a piano and light spilled from the open door.  The guests were still up and socializing, perhaps Brand was there with them. 

Kate
knew she shouldn’t go
on, that she should go back to her room
. 
It wouldn’t do for her to get caught sneaking about in the dark halls
when the
re
was company about and, e
ven if Brand were in his study, he might not be alone.  Al
so,
his
avoidance over the
se
last days spoke
volumes.
  He didn’t want to see her.  What sort of sorry woman was she that she couldn’t take the hint and leave him alone, she wondered.