Nothing is Forever (9 page)

Seeing the shocked expression on Ruth’s face, she reached out and held her hand, the tissue-wrapped packet falling unheeded, to the floor. ‘Ruth, it’s you we’re thinking of as well as ourselves. We don’t want to lean on you, you’ve done your bit and you’ve been wonderful, but we want to cope on our own, do things our own way, as new parents always do. You have to do the same, cope with the change in our lives, or you’ll end up a lonely old woman. Tommy and Bryn, Emrys and Geraint, they don’t want that and neither to I. Deep in your heart you must know we’re right. Please believe me, it’s best for us all.’

‘Of course I understand. I’ll be glad to be free, it’s about time, isn’t it?’ Ruth heard the words and could hardly believe they came from her own lips. The voice didn’t sound like her own. She wanted to shout and rail at the hurtful words. How could her brothers discard her on the word of someone who had been in the family for such a brief time? She had been mother, father as well as sister to them and now, because Toni thought they should, they were brushing their hands together dusting off ten years of loving, unselfish care.

She picked up the tiny coat she had lovingly made during the night when she couldn’t sleep and offered it again to Toni. Her newest and most outspoken sister-in-law opened the tissue paper slowly, and tearfully said, ‘It’s beautiful, Ruth. Thank you very much. I will treasure it. Our baby’s first gift.’

‘I’ll—’ Ruth was about to say she’d make more but she stopped and instead, said. ‘If you’d like any more, just ask.’

‘Yes, please,’ Toni replied at once. ‘We’d love more as lovely as this one. Thank you, Ruth. I know how lucky I am to have you for a sister-in-law,’ she added, as Ruth stood to leave. ‘Tommy and Bryn told me how clever you are at handiwork. You used to knit them beautiful jumpers. Complicated cable patterns and Fair Isle, wonderful work.’

‘Yes, I did, but that’s all in the past now, isn’t it?’

Ruth went back to the house and lifted the rugs and heaved the furniture around and scrubbed the kitchen floor. It was what she always did when she was upset, scrub and clean until she felt calm again.

Henry went into the shop, surprised that it was closed. Tabitha, his assistant, was normally so reliable. She didn’t work full time at the shop selling antiques, it wasn’t the kind of business that filled the shop every moment of the day with customers queuing for assistance. Henry advertised the hours he opened and when he wasn’t there, Tabitha usually filled in. For her not to be there as promised was unusual and he wondered if she was all right

Tabitha, at the age of twenty-nine, was very unworldly and even a stranger smiling and greeting her with ‘good morning’ made the colour rise in her cheeks sending her hurrying away like a frightened goose – one of her long-standing nicknames. She was a very nervous person, constantly criticized and often humiliated by her father. After years of his taunts, she accepted his low opinion of herself. Following the death of her mother, she had automatically left the factory where she worked as a cleaner, and stayed home to keep house for her father. Gradually she had been allowed to help out at Henry’s shop, and she loved it.

Her knowledge and interest had surprised him and he was pleased to be able to discuss his purchases with her. She agreed with his estimated value on most things. After a short time he allowed her to buy if she saw something they could re-sell, and until the silver tea-set, which remained a mystery, she had never been wrong.

Her father had begun to go out in the evenings more frequently over the past months. She didn’t ask where he went, presuming it would be the local club of which he had been a member for many years. She was just pleased to have time on her own, without his constant criticism, although she rarely did anything more exciting than listen to her favourite programmes on the wireless. She made very few decisions and when Ruth offered her a room she presumed she hadn’t really wanted her there. It was only when Henry added his persuasions, promising her that if she was unhappy he would find her something more suitable that she accepted gratefully. Another decision avoided. Decision making was something of which she had very little experience.

An only child, she had always known she was not wanted. Her father constantly told her how her arrival had ruined their lives. She often wondered whether they had given her such an unusual name out of spite. Besides being shy, her mother’s choice of dress, long shapeless skirts and blouses that were too large, and shoes with ankle straps like those worn by small children, added to the impression that she was a little odd, even simple, although she was neither.

Teasing had been a daily agony at school and the unusual name was a gift to her tormentors. No second name, just Tabitha Bishop, so the few friends she had made in her sad life called her Tabs. Many of the girls she knew had earned nicknames, a sign of affection, and she longed for someone to call her something different, but apart from ‘scaredy cat’, and ‘goose’, and even by some, ‘the idiot girl’, she waited in vain.

Being introduced to her father’s ‘intended’ had been a shock. She wondered how she would cope with another woman in the house. Martha would probably treat her in the same way as her father, but she couldn’t think of anything she could do to change things. Leaving her home was the last thing she expected to do and her father telling her she must, gave her nightmares. But Henry had helped to reassure her that it would be a good thing to break away.

She was very grateful but apprehensive about moving her few possessions into Ty Gwyn. It was such a large and imposing place with its huge porch and solid oak door with the beautifully designed stained-glass window, and standing in its own garden made it seem far more important than the houses close by. She didn’t see the shabbiness, the need for paint and repairs after years of neglect.

Her own home had been the middle of a terrace of neglected houses without front gardens so the door led straight in from the street and behind the house was only a cemented yard.

She set off to talk to Ruth but walked around the block twice, attempting to summon the nerve to lift the heavy brass knocker on that impressive door. When she did walk up the front path she lost her nerve and went around to the back and tapped timidly, wondering where she would go if no one answered.

The door was pulled open abruptly and she backed away expecting a complaint, but the face that appeared was smiling and a hand came out to take her bag in a friendly way.

‘Tabs, come in. Why did you come to the back? I thought you’d use the front door.’

‘I’m sorry I thought….’ Words failed as Ruth ushered her inside and she saw the kitchen with its fire burning brightly and the comfortable couch on which a very fat cat was sprawled.

‘It’s I who should be sorry! This isn’t a good first impression, coming through our tatty, old-fashioned kitchen. I thought I’d be showing you the best room first.’ Ruth laughed. ‘We talk about improving it, making it into a proper kitchen, but nothing happens. It’s the most popular room in the house, and no one really wants it changed.’

‘It’s lovely,’ Tabitha said, staring about her in awe. ‘Such a friendly room. I’ve never seen a more – happy place,’ she finished in a whisper.

‘I’ll show you your room and the rest of the house soon but first we’ll have a cup of tea.’

‘Thank you.’ Tabitha sat on the edge of the chair Ruth pulled out for her and clutched her handbag tightly.

‘I’m glad you’re coming to stay. I’ve looked after the house ever since my parents died,’ Ruth explained. ‘My four brothers have been my life since then and now they’re all married and I don’t like not having other people around. I rattle miserably in all these empty rooms. Mali and Megan Grange and young Mickie are only staying for a few weeks, until they move into their flat and they have one of the big front bedrooms. The other room at the front is yours if you’d like it.’

‘Any room will do, certainly not one of the best ones!’ Tabitha looked horrified at the thought of such special treatment. ‘No, not the best room. One of the back ones would be fine.’

Ruth looked at her pale, thin, anxious face and thought that if she offered a cupboard on the landing the poor girl would gratefully accept. ‘The best room is yours,’ she promised. ‘I like it in my small back room and I don’t want the bother of changing.’

Moving in was simple, Tabitha carried all her worldly possessions in a couple of paper carrier bags and once installed, the room looked exactly the same as before. Ruth put a few cheerful cushions on the chair and some flowers on the window sill – which Tabitha immediately knocked over. She seemed afraid of being seen, and during those first few days, she unknowingly acquired a new nickname.

‘She’s like a little mouse,’ Ruth told Henry. ‘She creeps about so afraid of being a nuisance I hardly know she’s there and when we do meet she appears to be walking backwards in case she’s in the way. Poor little mouse.’

‘She’ll open out to you, I’m sure of it. Her father has never done much to encourage her to think good of herself. According to what I’ve learned, he wasn’t much kinder to his wife, either.’

‘I’m glad to have people living here again, but I still feel as though I’m alone. Mali and Megan stay in their room, only appearing when they need to use the kitchen, and the little mouse, she’s is more like a shadow than a real person. D’you think it would be wrong to ask her to help with a few chores? Better than her staying in her room, hiding away like a prisoner. Perhaps if I could persuade her to talk, she might be willing to share meals with me. It seems sad, both of us having to make our meals separately.’

‘You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?’ Henry was smiling when she looked up expecting to see disapproval on his face. ‘You like looking after people, so why don’t we marry and start a family of our own?’

They were sitting on the couch near the slowly dying fire, and she moved slightly away from him, leaning forward, staring at the grey ashes. ‘I miss looking after the boys, but before I start thinking of marriage, I want to do something on my own, find out who I really am. It was something Toni said that made me realize I’ve done nothing except look after the boys, keep this house going for them so they have a home. I want to find out who I am. Does that sound stupid?’

‘No, I think that’s a good idea, just as long as you don’t allow your search to take you away from me.’

As though she hadn’t heard she went on, ‘Tommy’s Toni has really unsettled me. She’s very outspoken and says I should get a job, forget the years I sacrificed – her word not mine – caring for the boys, and do something I really want to do.’

‘And what do you really want to do?’

‘That’s the trouble, I don’t know. I’ve run this house for the family for so long that if I thought about it at all, I’d have imagined that it would go on in much the same way for ever.’

‘What about collecting insurance, door to door, would that suit? A friend told me about a vacancy and it hasn’t been advertised yet. I could put in a word for you? You’d enjoy getting out each day, at least for a while, until you decide what you really want to do. I’ll buy you a bike!’

She hesitated. ‘Henry, I don’t know. With Mali and Megan and now Tabs, I might find it possible to manage. They all pay me a little rent and it might be enough. With Toni’s baby on the way, I might be needed there too. I wouldn’t like to let them down.’

As though she hadn’t spoken, Henry stood up, then leant down to kiss her before saying, ‘You have an appointment to speak to a Mr Burrows tomorrow at ten-thirty.’

‘What d’you mean? I haven’t said I want a job yet!’

He handed her a piece of paper on which he had written the address and, kissing her again, he picked up his coat and left before she uttered another word.

It was Wednesday and she expected Tabs to be home before two o’clock and had waited so they could eat lunch together. Bt three o’clock she gave up and ate one of the sandwiches she had made. When Tabs came in a five o’clock she had a glow to her face that Ruth hadn’t seen before. Surely Henry wasn’t the cause? Tabs was unlikely to have found a boyfriend.

Tabs went to her room and changed her clothes from those she wore for the shop, she was so excited she knew people had stared at her as she walked alongside Jack, and on the bus journey home. He had been waiting when the shop closed and walked with her to a café where he bought her a cake, which she dropped, and tea which she spilt. He laughed, dropped his own cake before asking the counter assistant to hand him a cloth and dustpan and brush. ‘I’m so clumsy, it’s this girl,’ he told the counter assistant. ‘Got me in a real state she has.’ Which increased her embarrassment even more.

A miracle had happened. She had met Jack, a young and very good-looking man seven years her junior and he enjoyed her company. He didn’t find her boring and when she dropped something or spilt something, he just laughed and helped to clear it up. It wouldn’t last; she wasn’t stupid enough to think it would. Once he had given up looking for his family he wouldn’t stay. He’d move on and she’d be on her own again. Meanwhile she’d store memories and mementoes, like the bus tickets, and a stolen menu from a café. She would savour the moments like jewels; admired, borrowed, then returned to their proper place.

Ruth didn’t sleep that night. She could hardly explain, but walking back into the house when there was no one there was something she still found very difficult. Mali and Megan were out for part of each day and she could usually arrange to go out at a time when she was sure there would be someone in when she got back. A 10.30 appointment was not a good time. She’d be back about twelve, long before anyone else. She knew this was becoming an obsession, timing her shopping to coincide with her lodgers. Tabs had said she would be going to Henry’s shop later, and Megan and Mali were out all day, alternating shifts and looking after Mickie.

She finished clearing up after breakfast and stared at the note. Her first instinct was to telephone this Mr Burrows and cancel, but, as she turned to reach for her coat to go to the telephone box, she bumped straight into Tabs who had entered the room silently and was standing trying to pluck up the courage to announce herself.