Nothing Left to Lose (26 page)

“Anna…”

I shook my head
and patted the empty side again. “Lie down and shh. My hangover has
started to kick in, so shut up and cuddle me,” I instructed, trying
not to laugh.

He chuckled,
shifting onto his side before settling himself down so he was
facing me. I held my breath and prayed that he couldn’t see the
effect that he had on my body. His beautiful green eyes were trying
to hypnotise me, I could feel them pulling me in. I sighed deeply
and scooted closer to him. The smile that graced his lips was
beautiful as he shifted and moved one arm to the side, slipping it
under my neck before wrapping it around me tightly.

With his
beautiful, unique scent filling my lungs and the heat seeping from
his skin to mine, my body relaxed for the first time in two days.
Ashton just had this strange ability to make me feel whole, like I
wasn’t broken anymore, like he was some sort of magical cure that I
just couldn’t get enough of. He made all the terrible things seem
to fade away, at least for a little while anyway. Setting my head
on his chest, I tangled my legs in with his as he kissed the top of
my head before turning off the light again.

It was easy to
imagine while he was holding me like this that everything was
normal, that he was really my boyfriend, that he wasn’t just doing
his job, and that I wasn’t some screwed up, dirty piece of trash
that would never be loved again.

When his
breathing deepened and the soft snores resonated from his chest, I
pulled back slightly so I could look at him properly. My heart was
hammering in my chest as butterflies seemed to take flight in my
stomach as I raked my eyes over his handsome face. I reached out a
hand and brushed my finger tip across his cheekbone, tracing along
the line of his jaw, smiling at the prickle of his five o’clock
shadow. I’d done the same last night; it was like I just needed to
touch him to make sure he was real or something.

He truly was
handsome. I didn’t think I’d ever seen anyone so perfect, and he
was such a lovely guy to go with it. It would have been so much
easier if he were a jerk. I really hoped that I could keep this boy
out of my heart, otherwise in eight months when he left for the
stupid front line or whatever the hell he wanted to do, I was going
to have another serious problem.

As I slowly
started to drift into consciousness, the first thing I noticed was
that my head was pounding. I groaned and rolled over, pressing my
face into the pillow, trying to block out the light. My stinging
eyes cracked open and raked around the room. Not recognising
anything, I jerked up quickly with a horrible sensation brewing in
the pit of my stomach. The last time I woke up not knowing where I
was, I’d been with Carter.

I jumped to my
feet and pressed myself against the wall as my breathing started to
accelerate. The muscles in my body ached, as if I’d slept awkwardly
or something. Slowly, it started coming back to me. College, I was
at ASU with Ashton, and this was our new apartment. I breathed a
sigh of relief and relaxed, resting my head back against the wall.
My eyes fluttered closed again and I groaned as another wave of
pain started in my head.
How much did I drink last night?
Jeez!
I remembered having about four or five doubles, then we
met a couple of guys and played pool. What were their names? Tim
and someone else, and two girls…

One of the
girls was flirting with Ashton, and I got jealous and… oh no, I
kissed him! I was all over him and begging him to take me home and…
oh God no. I basically begged him for sex when we got back too!
My cheeks flamed from the shame of what I’d done last night and how
much I’d flirted with him. Thank goodness he’d said no though, not
many guys would have turned down a free score, I’d bet. I’d have to
thank him today for that because if I’d slept with him again, I was
pretty sure I’d be feeling guilty over Jack again afterwards. I
covered my face with my hands in disgust. I really had no
self-control, and I should have been thinking about Jack last
night, not myself.

After a few
deep breaths, I decided I should go and see if we were okay this
morning after that. Maybe my drunken antics had frightened him away
and he’d request that transfer that he was so adamant he wouldn’t
be asking for. The smell of coffee and toast drifting from the
kitchen made my stomach rumble as I made my way out of the bedroom
and into the kitchen. As I stepped into the room, I stopped. It
wasn’t just Ashton in there, Dean and a guy I vaguely recognised as
Peter, the night guard, were there too. They were all standing
around the kitchen island, drinking coffee.

“Good morning,”
Ashton chirped, smiling as he spotted me.

I waved a hand
in response. He grinned and nodded down at my legs for some reason
as if trying to tell me something. My gaze drifted down, confused,
until I spotted that I was only wearing his T-shirt. Heat flooded
my face for the second time in a few minutes as I realised that
they were all looking at me. I grabbed the bottom of the T-shirt,
trying to pull it down further; it already came to my mid-thigh,
but I felt exposed in front of the other two. I actually didn’t
care if Ashton saw me like this. He’d seen me in much, much
less.

“Um, hi. Sorry,
I didn’t know you guys were here.” I winced, smiling
apologetically.

“Don’t worry
about it, Miss Spencer,” the new guard replied, looking me over
slowly with an appreciative look on his face.

I frowned at
his obviousness. “My eyes are up here, Agent!” I snapped acidly,
pointing to my face.

Ashton’s body
tensed as he stepped to my side, glaring at Peter warningly. I
moved closer to him, trying to discreetly hide behind him as he
spoke. “Agent Burnet, I appreciate that you might want to keep the
relationship of bodyguard and client informal, but that shit stops
right now, understand? Plenty of other Agents would love a cushy
job like yours, so if you want to keep your position, I suggest you
be a little more respectful,” he stated, his voice angry and full
of authority.

Peter jumped,
looking a little taken aback as he nodded in agreement. “Right. I’m
sorry, Miss Spencer,” he apologised nervously.

I laughed
uncomfortably. “Don’t worry about it,” I told Peter, waving it off.
“But can everyone just shush, please?” I winced and looked
longingly at the coffee, trying to decide if I could be bothered to
make the four steps over to it to pour some for myself.

Ashton’s
shoulders loosened as he smiled down at me before picking up a
glass from the side and pouring me a glass of water. “Suffering
after last night?” he teased, nudging me in the side and setting
the glass of water and two pills in front of me.

“Thanks.” I
smiled gratefully, swallowing them quickly.

“So, what’s on
the agenda for today? Do I have anything I need to do, or can I
unpack?” Ashton asked, as he poured me a coffee.

I frowned. “I
don’t know. We need to go grocery shopping, I guess, but I need to
unpack too, I don’t have any clothes for today. I mean, why the
hell am I wearing your shirt?” I asked, looking at him curiously.
All three of them laughed again.

“You were
drunk. I couldn’t find your pyjamas, so I let you borrow my shirt,”
Ashton explained, shrugging casually, but the tiny tightening to
his eyes showed me how uncomfortable he was.

Flashbacks of
me suggesting we sleep naked flashed into my brain, so I quickly
averted my eyes from his.
Dear God, what is wrong with me
lately?
“Right okay, well thanks.”

“No problem.
So, if we unpack first, then maybe go grocery shopping this
afternoon?” he offered. I nodded, liking the idea of having a few
hours to chill in the apartment; hopefully my hangover from hell
would be gone by then. “Did you want to go to that party tonight?”
he asked curiously.

“Party? What
party?” I didn’t know anything about a party.

He shook his
head, smiling. “Tim, the guy who liked you last night, asked us to
go to a party tonight at a bar. You had a whole conversation about
it with him. There’s a band and DJ, apparently,” he explained,
shrugging easily.

I frowned. A
party invite didn’t ring any bells with me so I must have been more
intoxicated than I thought last night. “Do you want to go?” I
asked, watching his face. I didn’t actually want to go, but I knew
that I needed to start thinking of him more. I couldn’t trap him in
with me twenty-four-seven for the next eight months, he’d go stir
crazy.

“I don’t mind,
whatever you want is fine with me,” he answered noncommittally,
finishing his coffee.

I turned to
look at Dean and Peter. “Well, what about you guys? Do you mind if
we go? I guess that means one of you has to go too, unless Ashton
and I can go on our own and forget this whole guard business? After
all, what my dad doesn’t know won’t hurt him. We could have a sweet
set up here. You can do what you want, and so can I,” I suggested,
suddenly excited for a little piece of freedom away from prying
eyes.

Unfortunately,
they didn’t look as if they were going for it. Peter gasped,
looking at me in disbelief. “Are you kidding? What with everything
that’s going on, there’s no way that’s going to happen, Miss
Spencer.”

Ashton snapped
his head around to look at him, giving him a warning look which
made Peter shrink back and press his lips into a thin line.

“Everything
that’s going on? What does that mean?” I quizzed, confused.

Peter cleared
his throat. “I meant with the whole starting college thing. We
still haven’t checked out everywhere. No one knows routines and
stuff, that’s all,” he answered quickly.

I detected a
measure of unease as he spoke, but decided to leave it. I didn’t
know him well enough to start second guessing what he was talking
about. “Oh okay,” I muttered. “Well, maybe we should go for a
little while, just to see what it’s like,” I agreed. “I’ll leave it
up to you three to sort out the details; I’m gonna go start my
unpacking.” Before I turned and ran to the bedroom, I stole
Ashton’s toast from his plate, laughing as he complained about
it.

We spent the
whole day just lounging around and not doing much. Lazily, I’d
unpacked my clothes, arranging my room how I wanted it, with my
photo of Jack right beside the bed as usual. After we’d unpacked,
we’d headed to the grocery store to stock up for the week. Even
that was actually quite fun. I’d only ever been when I was a little
girl with my mom. Since my dad had climbed higher up in his job, we
weren’t really allowed to do normal things and I enjoyed the day of
just relaxing, and talking to Ashton about random things. He was
incredibly easy to get along with, so easy that it almost
frightened me.

After half an
hour of watching him pull up the schematics for the bar that we
were going to tonight, my tummy rumbled. I smiled, deciding to make
some dinner. “Want to help me cook?” I offered, pushing myself up
from the sofa I was slouched on.

“Sure.” He
closed the laptop and followed me into the kitchen, standing close
to my back as I pulled open the fridge, looking at the array of
meat, salad and vegetables that we’d bought.

“What do you
want?” I pursed my lips, not sure what I was in the mood for.

He reached
around me, making his chest press against my back as he picked up a
pack of chicken. “Fajitas?”

I nodded,
ignoring the butterflies in my stomach caused by the accidental
brushing of our bodies, and we both set to work. The whole time he
was pottering around behind me, trying to help, but actually just
getting in the way. It was cute the way he was concentrating so
hard on learning how to cook.

Surprisingly,
despite Ashton helping, the food was nice. He’d cleared his plate
of five wraps, and even finished the last of my second wrap when it
appeared that my eyes were bigger than my belly. He moaned in
appreciation, sucking the spicy juice from his fingertips one at a
time with a satisfied smile on his face.

“That was good.
I think I could make that on my own,” he mused, eyeing the empty
dishes and nodding to himself.

I raised one
eyebrow in disbelief. Just from that one meal alone, I already knew
that Ashton was a terrible cook. He’d been so slow slicing up an
onion that, in the end, I had to take it off him and finish it, and
then I’d left him in charge of stirring the pan while I set the
table, and by the time I got back, the chicken was seconds from
burning. No, Ashton would not be able to make fajitas all by
himself. Frankly, I’d be worried that we’d die of food
poisoning.

“Maybe you
should start with something easier… like grilled cheese?” I joked,
shaking my head.

“You doubt my
ability,” he observed, standing and picking up the plates.

I grinned. “I
just think you shouldn’t get ahead of yourself,” I replied
cheekily.

He grinned and
leant against the counter, folding his arms over his chest.
“Alright, admittedly, I probably need more practice at cooking, but
I reckon that by the time we’re married, I’ll be able to lay on a
full feast.”

My heart jumped
into my throat at that word. Marry him. It wouldn’t even be
possible. “Right, yeah, okay, that’s not gonna happen. You’re too
pretty for me.” I gulped and stood, squirming uncomfortably.

“Too pretty?
Damn it.” He clicked his tongue, smiling his heart-stopping smile.
I forced a smile too, even though I could feel the emotion swelling
inside me like a storm. I needed to get away from him before he saw
it and questioned me on it. “You never know, I may be able to get
you to overlook my prettiness and make you fall madly in love with
me by the time I leave,” he replied, smirking at me cockily.