Notorious (7 page)

She didn’t know if she could take the rejection if it went down like that.

“We miss him so much. Both of us do,” Alexa repeated, looking sad.

“Well, maybe Eric doesn’t miss you.” God, she couldn’t believe how arrogant her friend was.

“How do you know?” Alexa cast a shrewd look in her direction. “You talk like you have some insider knowledge. What’s up?”

“Nothing.” Stacy shook her head and focused on her salad though she’d suddenly lost her appetite. Alexa still continued to watch her, she could feel it, and Stacy glanced up from her plate. “Okay, fine. I ran into him about a month ago. Right after Keith and I broke up. He was drinking a lot that night.”

She still thought he drank too much, but he didn’t seem to drink as often as he used to. But he was damaged goods, she couldn’t deny it.

Damaged goods she desperately wanted to fix.

“Maybe it’s because he misses us.”

“He doesn’t miss you.” Stacy slammed her fork onto the edge of her plate, the clang so loud more than a few people at nearby tables turned in their direction. “The world does not revolve around you and Brandon, okay? God, sometimes you can be so selfish.”

Alexa’s mouth dropped open, and she set her fork very carefully next to her plate. “What are you talking about? What the hell is going on? Are you fucking him?”

Her friend was way too damn perceptive. No way did she want to admit that she was. “We’re friends. I’ve been there for him when no one else has.” And that was the truth. “He doesn’t want to be with you anymore. He’s told me that.” Not really, but how would Alexa know? “He doesn’t want to be with Brandon either. If anything, it would just do him more damage, you coming to him and making such a request. You need to leave him alone.”

“So that’s why you’ve been avoiding me,” Alexa said softly, shaking her head. “You’ve been hanging out with Eric. I know he’s the one you’re doing, Stacy. There’s no use denying it. And I can’t blame you; he’s good. I know he’s good.”

“You’re being a real bitch,” Stacy muttered, shocked that she said such a thing. She’d known Alexa for years but she wasn’t playing fair. And she was so damn self-absorbed she couldn’t see what she was doing to Eric. All she cared about was herself.

“You’re just pissed because I figured out you’ve had my sloppy seconds.”

Stacy stood so fast her chair went skittering across the floor behind her. Bending to pick up her purse, she glared at her so-called friend with enough venom that she saw red. “How dare you. I’ve been nothing but supportive ever since you first told me about your weird relationship with two men and then you act like this.”

“Maybe it’s because you’re sleeping with a man I think I might still be in love with.” Alexa pressed her lips together the moment the words left her.

Incredulity filled Stacy, and her entire body shook. God. What if Eric was still in love with Alexa? “You don’t love him.”

“Yes.” Alexa nodded. “I love him like a friend but I think I’m still
in
love with him. I’m in love with them both.”

“You can’t have them both. Look at how selfish you’re being.” She knew people were staring at them in the restaurant but she didn’t care.

“I want him back. So does Brandon. We can’t help the way we feel.” Alexa’s brows lifted. “I’m not going to back down from my feelings, Stacy.”

“You think having him back in your relationship will help fix whatever it’s lacking. Maybe you two need to look within before you start drawing Eric back into your drama.”

Before she could utter another word she might regret, Stacy turned on her heel and fled the restaurant.

Eric was in too deep, and he didn’t know how to get out of it. He hadn’t felt this way since Brandon. He didn’t think he felt so obsessed even over Alexa. Oh, there’d been love, a deep love that had formed out of friendship with her since they’d known each other for so long, but nothing like this.

Nothing like what he felt for Stacy.

Okay, he wasn’t in love with her. Not...yet. He knew it was the next step though. And it would happen fast. So fast his head would spin and he would put his entire heart into it and then what?

Then she’d grow tired of him and dump him because that’s what always happened.

No way.
He wasn’t about to get dumped ever again.

So he decided to dump her instead.

Fuck, he was such an asshole.

Knocking rapidly on her front door, he waited impatiently for her to answer. He didn’t even call to announce he was coming over. He just…showed up. Would that irritate her too?

He hoped so. He wanted her mad as hell by the time this was over.

“Eric.” She said his name as she opened the door. So gorgeous she momentarily took his breath away. She was in a pair of black yoga pants and a pale blue tank top, her hair pulled into a sloppy ponytail. Nothing special yet she was absolutely stunning. “What are you doing here?”

“Do you mind?” He slumped his shoulders, stuck his hands in his front pockets. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure.” She opened the door wider and he strode into her place, glancing around the living room. He hadn’t seen her for days and felt like a shit for not contacting her sooner. But this is what he did. This is what he always did now. She was lucky he was still seeing her.

“Are you okay?” she asked once she shut the door. “You seem tense.”

“I need to talk to you,” he started, and she sucked in an audible breath.

“Oh my God, you talked to Alexa didn’t you? And Brandon?”

He stopped short. “What are you talking about? Have
you
talked to them?”

“Um…” She shifted her feet, looked vaguely uncomfortable. “I had lunch with Alexa a couple of days ago.”

“Ah, shit.” Eric ran a hand through his hair. “What did she say?”

“If she isn’t what you want to talk about, then I don’t want to repeat it.” She flopped onto the couch, relief written all over her pretty face as she smiled up at him. “What’s up?”

“No way.” He shook his head. “You’re not avoiding that one. Tell me what she said.”

“Eric, please. I can’t. Now tell me what you wanted to talk about.” A pleading expression crossed her face, and he didn’t know what to do. Push and make her confess or let it drop?

Unease slipped over him, making him even tenser. He wasn’t going to sit by her. He couldn’t. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us. About you and me together and…I don’t think it’s going to work.”

“What?” She sat up straight, incredulity written all over her face. “What do you mean it’s not going to work? I mean, I know what we have going on isn’t always perfect but I thought…”

“I think it’s going to end up in disaster. And it’s best we end this now,” he said with a finality that killed him. He didn’t want to end it. Not yet. But he knew this was best. She would break his heart, and he couldn’t bear the thought.

It was so much easier to break her heart first.

“Oh.” She laughed and leaned her head against the edge of the couch, staring at the ceiling. She actually laughed and crossed her arms in front of her chest, which only plumped up her breasts and made him stare. “I get it. You’re dumping me before I supposedly get the chance to dump you.”

God
damn
it, the woman knew him far too well. He both hated and admired her for it. “That’s not it. I’ve thought about this, Stace. I really have.”

“Yes, it is it, you just don’t want to admit what a coward you are,” she said softly, still staring up at the ceiling.

“I’m not a coward.” He bristled at the insult.

“Bullshit.” She looked at him. “But go ahead. Break up with me. You’ll realize what a mistake you made.”

“You’re so fucking confident, aren’t you?” The fact that she practically dared him to break up with her infuriated him beyond reason. What sort of game was she playing?

A fucked up one just like I’m playing.

“Actually, no I’m not. I’m not confident at all. You want to know the truth? You scare the shit out of me. Us together? It scares the shit out of me too, but I’m willing to risk it. To give it a try and see if it works. Because I think we’re worth it. I think
you’re
worth it.” She stood, glaring at him, her hands resting on her hips.

Eric hung his head. Shame filled him at her brave confession. “I’m not worth it,” he muttered truthfully. “I’ll probably cheat on you.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Yes, I will. Or I’ll break your heart. More like you’ll break my heart. It won’t work. It never works.” He looked up so their gazes met. “I’m selfish. I always want what I can’t have. I like being with men. What if I miss it? What if I seek guys out and have little affairs on the side? How would that make you feel?”

She visibly flinched. “Thanks so much for your honesty. Are you trying to break my heart
now
?”

“At least I’m being honest.” He threw his hands up in the air, feeling like a drama queen.

She went to him, slipped her arms around his torso and he automatically closed his arms around her, hauling her to him. He breathed a sigh of relief at feeling her nestled against him, the scent of her hair. He was a damn fool.

“You’re going about this all wrong, you know,” she murmured against his chest. “You think you can just come over here and dump me so you can beat me to the punch? It doesn’t work that way, Eric.”

“I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.” He knew he sounded miserable. Felt even worse. “I’m confused. You confuse me.”

“Why, because you like being with me?”

“Because I’m afraid you’ll get sick of me. I’m screwed up.”

“Brandon and Alexa really did a number on you.” She squeezed him, ran her hands up and down his back. “If I tell you what Alexa said, do you promise not to get upset?”

“Yeah. Tell me what happened.” Curiosity coursed through him. Only a month ago the mere mention of Alexa or Brandon’s name would’ve set him on edge. Now he felt like he almost didn’t care.

But he was still curious.

“She implied that she and Brandon were having trouble. She said…they wanted to talk to you. See if you’d be interested in getting back together with them. Permanently or as a fling, I’m not quite sure but…yeah.” Stacy rested her head against his chest once more, and he settled his chin on top of her head. “That’s what she said. And we got into a huge fight because I told her she was totally selfish and self-absorbed. I feel bad about it. I should probably call and apologize.”

“You two got into a fight over me? Unbelievable,” he muttered, thinking over what Stacy just said. “I didn’t think I was worth it.”

Stacy tilted her head back and looked at him with a frown. She looked worried. “Would you ever consider going back to them, Eric? Be honest with me.”

He studied her, his gaze lingering on her every feature. Hope and worry shone in her eyes and he knew his answer would please her—especially because it was the absolute truth. “No. That’s in my past. I could never do that again. It would be too…difficult.”

“I told her it would just mess with your head.” Stacy shook her head. “She didn’t get it. I think she got mad because she realized we’re seeing each other. I didn’t want her to find out like this.”

“You know, she’s the baby in the family. She always got exactly what she wanted. She’d go after it, no one could stop her, and when she came after me I didn’t want to stop her. It felt good to be so wanted.” He drew in a deep breath. “But when I refused their offer of occasional sex together after they kicked me to the curb she was pissed. She doesn’t like being told no.”

“You’re right, she doesn’t.” Stacy scowled.

“First I tell her no, then you tell her she’s selfish and she can’t have me.” Eric shook his head, his lips curling into a soft smile. “She’s not used to being denied. You should go easier on her.”

“Like I should go easier on her, please. She needs to get used to it when it comes to you.” Stacy looked downright pissed and it made him want to laugh.

“You tell her, babe. But don’t let her make you angry. She’s your best friend. I don’t want to come between you two. You should call her after a few days and you’ve settled down.” He slipped his fingers beneath her chin and tilted her face back, her lips poised and ready for his. “It’s kind of sexy, how mad you got. Maybe I do need you so you can be my bodyguard.”

“You just need someone who wants to take care of you.” Her voice was soft, beguiling. She clutched at the front of his shirt, tugging on it so he bent his head closer to hers. “And I want to. Now if you’d only let me in…”

He silenced her with his mouth, his tongue. Didn’t want to talk about the heavy shit anymore and he couldn’t freaking believe he didn’t do what he set out to before coming here. She’d somehow talked him out of it.

Stacy made him realize he needed her more than he knew.

“Eric,” she murmured when he finally tore his mouth from hers minutes later to burn a trail of kisses down her neck. “I want to talk to you about something.”

“What?” Her skin was extra soft at a particular spot just behind her ear. Soft and fragrant and sensitive, she always shivered when his lips touched her there.

“There’s been something I’ve wanted to confess to you for a while, but I didn’t know how to approach it. Or work up the nerve.”

He pulled away from her so their gazes met yet again. “Tell me.” Curiosity and a fine dose of worry filled him.

“Well.” She plucked at his shirt, her hand slipping beneath the fabric to touch the bare skin of his stomach. “There’s this fantasy I’ve had for a long time, but I never believed I’d find the one man who’d be willing to make it come true…”

He grinned. This he could handle. “Oh, I’ll be your fantasy man. What exactly do you have in mind?”

Her gaze lifted and met his. She nibbled her lower lip, and he swore he caught a hint of a blush on her cheeks. “What do you think about sharing
me
with another man?”

Eric felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him. Sucking in a deep breath, he found he couldn’t even fucking breathe.

More than anything, he didn’t like the thought of having to fucking share.

Chapter Six

“No.” Eric’s voice was stern, brooking no argument and Stacy’s mouth dropped open in surprise.