Now and Always (18 page)

“Hungry?” she asked.

“Starved. I haven’t eaten since last night,” he admitted.

So much for her pride
, she thought. She finished her rice and chicken, then nibbled on a
tostone
dabbed with a little of the citrus and garlic mix. When it seemed that Victor had eaten his fill, she rose, and took their plates. “Go relax in the living room. I’ll clean up.”

“No, I’ll help,” he said and gathered the remaining dishes on the table.

She gave him a smirk and he grinned at her. “I will not let you tag me with that macho label again. At least, not for this reason.”

Connie shook her head, but as he stood beside her and her gaze met his bloodshot one, she relented. “You look dead on your feet and I won’t have you passing out in my kitchen. Go sit down and close your eyes while I clean. I got a movie for later.”

Victor nodded through half-lidded eyes, hugged her hard, and left her behind in the kitchen.

Connie took her time cleaning. He needed the rest.

About half an hour later, she finished with the dishes, took down the espresso maker, and filled it with water and coffee. She turned on the gas, set it on the range, and went out to check on Victor.

He had sacked out on her couch and was sleeping so soundly she didn’t have the heart to wake him. She sat on the edge of the couch, ran a hand along his cheek, and noticed the lines of fatigue that bracketed his mouth. Gently, so as not to wake him, she ran her fingers across his lips, but he stirred, lazily opening his eyes.

“Lousy date, aren’t I?” he said, his voice sleep husky.

She shook her head. “Not at all. I actually like my men unconscious.”

He smiled and sat up. “I’m your man then.”

Connie brushed a stray lock of hair back from his forehead. “Yeah, I think you are definitely my man. Would a little coffee help?”

“A lot of coffee would help.”

“A double espresso with condensed milk?”

He nodded and held up three fingers. “A triple.”

Connie prepared the coffees in the kitchen, loading up a regular size coffee cup with condensed milk and espresso for Victor, and a regular demitasse cup for herself. Back in the living room, he had turned off the Ipod and loaded the DVD into her player.

She handed him his mug and he smiled, settled back against the sofa cushions, leaving space between his legs so she could nestle against him while they sipped their coffees.

“This is heaven,” Victor said as he sipped on it.

Connie sighed and agreed with him. “I hope you won’t get called away again.”

Victor shifted behind her and placed his empty mug on the coffee table. “I hope not. I’d like to be able to just sit here —”

“You mean lay here.”

“Yes, just lay here and relax with you. Make believe we’re just two ordinary people, home on a Saturday night, watching a movie.” He reached around her, removed her empty demitasse cup from her hands, and placed it next to his. He laid his hands against her midsection and urged her up a few inches. “Maybe even necking a little?”

Connie smiled, turned in his arms, and rested her hands against his chest. “Only a little?”

His laughter was a deep rumble and vibrated against her fingertips. “Maybe a lot?”

He dipped his head, met her lips as she moved upwards, and for the next few minutes she savored the taste of him and sweet milk-scented coffee. Savored his hard body beneath hers, warm and yielding.

“This is nice,” she said between nibbles on his lower lip.

“Very nice,” he replied as he took a quick bite back.

She chuckled and gave him one last kiss before shifting away to grab the remote for the television and DVD. “I have a movie, remember.”

“I was hoping you’d forget,” he murmured against the juncture of her neck and shoulder, sucking there until she moaned.

“The movie’s due back tomorrow,” she kidded, although she dipped her head, bit his ear lobe.

He stopped sucking long enough to say, “I’m running on the effects of that caffeine and sugar rush. I don’t know how much longer I can last.”

“You’re what?” His mouth on her neck was distracting her.

“Running on empty,” he replied and stopped, sitting up slightly.

Connie sat back on her thighs and finally realizing where he was going. Or maybe where he wasn’t going. “This can wait,” she stammered, suddenly embarrassed that it hadn’t occurred to her that he needed rest.

He cradled the side of her face. “I’m sorry. I know we’ve been waiting a long time to be together.”

Connie stroked his chest and smoothed the wrinkled cotton of his shirt to avoid his gaze. “The physical side of our relationship is without a doubt rewarding.” She spoke slowly, picking her words carefully, like someone walking through a mine field. “But the rest of it … the way you make me feel even when we’re not making love, is just as important to me.”

He cupped her cheek and applied gentle pressure until her gaze met his. “I feel the same way. So maybe tonight we can just enjoy being together again, wait until we’re both ready for something else.”

She nodded and reached for the remote. “Just an average couple on a Saturday night, watching a movie.”

He smiled, gave her a kiss, and leaned back against the plump sofa cushions.

She sank against him and he drew her tight. They watched the movie together for a while until his arms slackened and his deep even breaths confirmed he slept. Connie shut off the television, closed her eyes and joined him, complete in a way she had never thought possible.

Hoping that with the case finished, things would settle down and they would be able to find the time to be together more often.

Chapter 19

Connie organized the papers and files on her desk in order of priority. Two were brand new cases, waiting for her initial review. Another file was from Stone, with whom she had reached a kind of truce since their successful collaboration on the serial killer case. The last file was one that had reached a dead end and been set aside. Connie planned on reviewing the two new cases later that night to see if something popped that might help solve them.

After the excitement and fear of the counterfeiting and serial killer cases, she had settled into doing what most agents did — intensive investigation and routine surveillance of possible operatives and suspects. Not the shoot-em-up, running after the criminal most people saw on television. Or the spooky monster under the bed murder cases some people seemed to believe actually existed.

She shook her head, ended her musings and packed up the two new cases, intending to work on them at home. She had done that often, developing a kind of schedule which allowed her and Victor time together.

In the two months since the end of the serial killer case, they had been able to see each other off and on. Sometimes it was for the whole night, other times just for a few hours. More often than she liked, it was for one event or another related to Victor’s work at the hospital.

Tonight was supposed to be a quiet night at home with Victor. The first one all week since neither of their schedules had allowed for enough time together so far. As she was about to leave her office, her phone rang. Victor, reminding her that they had to attend a benefit dinner for a new wing for the hospital. It was the latest in a seemingly endless string of dinners and galas to which Victor had dragged her.

Not that he hadn’t warned her she might have to do this kind of thing.

She just hadn’t believed it would be such a whirl of social activity, eating away at the free time they had to spend together. They had attended one of these functions almost every week for the last two months.

Connie hadn’t remembered about tonight’s event, but agreed to be ready for him when he came by to pick her up. The two cases she had planned on reviewing would have to wait until later that night.

Way later
.

#

Connie scanned the interior of the ballroom, searching for Victor. After dinner and dessert, they had gotten separated during the mingling part of the event. Connie’s head and feet ached, plus she still had the files sitting in her briefcase that she wanted to read. Not to mention that she was hoping she and Victor could leave and finally have a little alone time.

She spotted him across the way, waved at him, and started to make her way over when his mother stepped in her path.

“Connie. So nice to see you again,” the bejeweled older woman said.

“Mrs. Cienfuegos. It’s good to see you as well,” Connie answered, even though his mother’s cordiality seemed to be an act for the benefit of those around them. She clearly disapproved of Connie and her relationship with Victor. She had made that abundantly clear during their earlier meetings at similar affairs.

“Are you going somewhere?” Mrs. Cienfuegos asked, her lips in a tight smile.

Connie nodded. “Unfortunately, I’ve got to get home and do some work.”

Victor’s mother raised an eyebrow, her annoyance clear. “You know this is work for Victor as well. Mind you, when he becomes Chief of Orthopedics he’ll have to attend more of these types of things.”

“More? I didn’t think that was possible,” Connie questioned in surprise.

The woman waved off her disbelief. “Right now he’s just working to get the position. Once he’s Chief, he’ll have to reach out to donors, politicians, and others to help the hospital. Go to other events where he’ll meet the right people.”

The way she said it and eyeballed Connie left no doubt that she didn’t consider Connie one of those “right people.”

Connie bit her lip, excused herself, and made a bee line for Victor. When she reached him, she apologized for interrupting. “I have to go,” she whispered into his ear. Although she had hoped he would go with her, after hearing his mother’s take on things, she had decided it was unfair to pull him from what he had to do.

Victor noticed something was wrong. He leaned close. “Are you okay? You look upset. I can go home with you if you’d like.”

Connie nodded and tried to smile, but it was a half-hearted one. “I’ll grab a cab. I just have some things to do.”

He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close for a quick kiss. “I’ll be by in an hour at the most. I promise.”

Rising on tiptoes, she brushed a kiss across his cheek and said, “I’ll hold you to that.”

She walked away and Victor missed her already. Dinner hadn’t provided for any time to really talk and immediately after, he had been pulled away to press the flesh with those who would be deciding if he was right for the head position at the hospital. Sadly, his goal of becoming Chief of Orthopedics had been taking way too much of the time he would rather be spending with Connie or helping patients.

For a moment he considered ditching the event and going home with her, but his mother approached and laid a hand on his arm.

“She left. Her kind just doesn’t understand the importance of events like these,” she said in a huff.

“She has a name. Connie. And she has important work, too.”

“But this is
more
important. She should have stayed to support you.” His mother sipped her champagne and glanced at an older couple across the room. Motioning with her glass to them she said, “They don’t think you’re settled enough to be Chief. They think a married man would be better. One with a wife who’ll be here with him.”

“Connie will be here when I need her,” he said and took a big gulp of his own champagne. It tasted slightly bitter or maybe it was just how he was feeling at the moment.

“God forbid that you ask Connie to be your wife. And if she is, will she support you at events like this? Will she be at the dinner that’s coming up or will her important job keep her away when you need her at your side?” she challenged haughtily.

The next event was key, but Victor hadn’t even mentioned it to Connie yet. He had been busy with keeping his practice running the same way that she had been busy with her own career. As much as he loved her, that was the one difficult part of their relationship — the demands of their careers. These recent functions for the hospital hadn’t helped. They had overwhelmed the only free time they had. But he had no doubt Connie would support him if he asked her to do so.

“She’ll be there,” he said forcefully, making it clear to his mother that the topic was now closed.

#

Connie was in the bedroom, getting ready for bed when Victor strolled in nearly three hours later. “I wasn’t sure you’d be up. It took me a little longer than I expected.”

Connie resisted the urge to look at her watch. Again. “I hadn’t realized,” she said, wincing at the touch of bitchiness she heard in her voice as she turned down the covers on the bed.

Victor approached and stood before her, making it impossible for her not to see him from the corner of her eye. He was slightly more hesitant now than when he had breezed into the bedroom. “Are you angry?”

She didn’t look up at him, afraid she would reveal too much, so instead she just shrugged. “Just tired. Over-worked.”

“Me, too. Ready for bed?” he asked and loosened his bow tie.

“For sure. I have to get up early to try and finish what I couldn’t do tonight.”

Victor nodded, yanked his tie off, and unbuttoned his shirt. “I’m sorry this is making things so difficult for you. And I hate to do this to you, but next Wednesday —”

“I have a meeting,” Connie jumped in and finally faced him. He was the picture of elegantly sexy disarray with his tux shirt half-buttoned, revealing the lean muscled chest beneath the expensive fabric.

He stopped undressing and shot her a disbelieving look. “I have a dinner with the Hospital Board. They think someone who’s more settled would be a better candidate, so having you there would really help.”

“We have an instructor coming down from Washington late Wednesday afternoon to train us on some new software. I can’t miss the session.”

He ran a hand through his hair and walked away from the bed. Paced back and forth for a moment before he faced her again, hands held out in pleading. “We agreed to be supportive of each other’s careers.”

Connie nodded and wrapped her arms around her waist. “We did. So why can’t you understand?”

“Understand? You don’t think I understand?” he asked, his voice escalating in volume with each word, but Connie didn’t respond.

“Doesn’t waiting weeks for you, going crazy with worry about your safety count for anything? What about what
I
need in this relationship?” The words were curt, harshly delivered.

“Are you implying I haven’t been supportive?” she replied, just as angry.

He raised his chin and crossed his arms in a defensive gesture. “Maybe.”

She walked up to him and stabbed her finger into his chest to empathize each point. “So going to these little functions for the last two months hasn’t been supporting you? Giving up our only free nights? Working to all hours on the nights you need me to go with you? You don’t consider any of that supporting you?”

He grimaced then, both from her finger, and from her observations. “Damn it, of course it is,” he replied and grabbed her finger, stilling her hand. “But I really need you there this time.”

Connie yanked her hand away and stalked from him. She fumed silently for a few minutes, then turned to face him. “I
can’t
reschedule. This meeting is as important as yours.”

“If you were free that night would you want to go?” he asked, one eyebrow raised in challenge.

She replied defiantly, “No. All this ….” She gestured with her hands, unable to quite put a name to it.

“Socializing. Politics,” he clarified and pushed on. “Is it your insecurities, Con? Do you feel that you’re not quite in their league? Is that it?”

Amazingly, she could truthfully say that wasn’t the case. In the past few months she had found her place, both in her job and with Victor. That in turn had given her a new sense of confidence that a few uptight, snobbier individuals, like his mother, hadn’t been able to shake. She was no longer like the Cinderella in the
telenovela
, wanting for someone to save her. She had saved herself. Now she hoped to save him from what she was certain would be a mistake.

“These fundraisers are not what’s important.”

“If I’m Chief —”

“
When
you’re Chief. I overhear things and it seems like everyone thinks it’s a done deal. Except possibly you, but is this what you really want?”

Victor considered what she had said and his anger deflated before her eyes, but was replaced by something more worrisome. “Yes, it is and I know you can handle this. It’s just a little overwhelming right now.”

She couldn’t imagine when it wouldn’t be overwhelming considering the needs of her own career. She couldn’t see herself doing the social scene on a regular basis if she planned on being able to do her work. Worse, once he was Chief, he couldn’t have a full-time practice which she thought he had loved.

“I know how badly you think you want to be Chief of Orthopedics. But will it really make you happy?” she pressed.

Again he nodded and she continued. “I don’t know how I fit into all this, Victor. I can’t be the dutiful little wife you drag to all these events.”

He walked away and paced for a bit once more, clearly in thought. When he faced her again, he said, “We hadn’t talked about husband and wife kinds of things.”

No, they hadn’t
, Connie thought. “I guess I assumed too much.”

Victor returned to her and cupped her cheek. “No, you assumed right. I’d like nothing more than to make this relationship something more permanent. I thought you wanted the same thing.”

A burning sensation built in her eyes as she responded, “Maybe if you had asked three weeks ago, I would have said ‘yes.’ But now I don’t know if I can handle all this.”

“You can’t handle me or my career?” he questioned. When she didn’t answer, he continued. “I want this position. I know you don’t believe that.”

“But I do, Victor,” she urged, wanting him to know she understood. “I just think it’s a mistake.”

“
My
mistake,” he said, pointing a finger at his chest. “My decision to make, the same way it’s
your
decision when it comes to your job.”

He was right. He had never interfered with her career and he had always been supportive. It made her feel small and petty, but in the long run, Connie had no choice but to make
this
decision, as difficult as it was. If she went along with what he wanted, it would drag her down as well.

“I’m sorry, Victor. But I can’t sit here silently and watch you make this mistake.”

Victor sighed and dragged a hand through his hair “I can’t be with someone who can’t believe in me. Who can’t trust my opinion. So I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t ask two or three weeks ago.”

“I guess so,” Connie said softly. She didn’t look up as he walked away or opened the front door. It closed with a soft but very final-sounding click and it was all she could do to not go after him.

But she didn’t, because it would be a bigger mistake. He needed to decide for himself if the course he had set out on was the right one.

Until he was certain, it was best if she stayed away.