Now, Please (10 page)

“Can’t. Won’t. Don’t want to.” Another hot tear rolled down my face. “So many walls.” I wiped my cheek. “Fine. No more sex.”

“No.” Hunter studied his hands. “No more, period. I crossed the line when I kissed you. I made you something else. And I can’t be in that position. I can’t stand the thought of someone else touching you. If you chose another…I wouldn’t be rational. The situation is completely black and white for me. I cannot be with you and maintain my composure. In any capacity.”

The pain in my heart bowed my whole body forward. Breathing became intense as I struggled not to sob with the tone in his voice. Because I knew that tone. I’d heard it before, most recently with Jonathan. It was the “I’m sorry” tone. The “let’s be friends” tone. Except Hunter didn’t want to be friends. He wanted to push me so far away he’d never think of me again.

Another hot tear made a trail down my cheek. “So…what happens now?”

“I’ll place you in another position next week. I’ll make up any difference in pay until you are elevated within your professional career to your current salary. I’ll arrange for a safe to be put in your apartment for your jewelry. I think that’s the only way.”

Stunned, I stared at him. I didn’t know what to say. I probably should’ve expected this, but since day one he always said he should give me up but wouldn’t. I guess I’d believed him. And now I was floored.

“I’m sorry, Livy,” he went on. “I can’t have the distraction. This is how it has to be.”

“Will you get another admin?” It was the first thing that came to my mind.

“Yes,” he said in a flat voice.

“One like you usually get? With a contract…”

“Yes.”

The pain twisted my gut. Sobs came up, choking me. “Is it because I’m lower on the social ladder than you?” My voice was small and wispy, but I had to know.

“Nothing my father said applies here, Olivia. He resented my mother because it was her money that dug him out of a failed business venture, but she was from the same social standing as he. Her father had humble beginnings, but by the time she was born, he was well into his millions. As for you, none of that matters. If that was the issue, I wouldn’t need to make these changes. I have enough money for three lifetimes of indulgent living. The problem is that I can’t have the attachment with you while still focusing on what’s most important. We’ve crossed a threshold, which was my fault, and now there is no way back.”

The tone and look of finality finally did me in. I’d hardly known Hunter Carlisle. It had been just a month. But I’d opened up in a way with him that I hadn’t with anyone else. I’d let him in, feeling safe, and last night, feeling loved.

I’d meant to get out of the car before breaking down, but I didn’t make it that far. I put my face in my hands and sobbed. I don’t really remember getting into my apartment, just that Hunter picked me up and carried me into my room. He gave me one last kiss, deep and sensual, before turning around and walking out.

I
showed
up to work on Monday with puffy eyes and a slump in my shoulders. I’d basically cried all weekend. I hadn’t called anyone, I hadn’t gone out, I’d barely eaten, and I’d been utterly miserable. I could call it the worst breakup I’d ever been through, but it wasn’t even a breakup. I’d have to be
with
the guy for him to break up with me.

I dropped my laptop on my desk and looked up for Hunter’s coffee as Brenda came down the hall with two cups in hand. She took one look at me and stopped dead. “What happened?”

“Guy trouble.” I shrugged in that miserable way brokenhearted women did. I probably didn’t even need to say anything, just give that shrug. Oh yeah, and look like absolute crap. Nailed on both counts.

“Ah. That’s the worst kind of hurt.” She put the coffee on the edge of my desk and surveyed me over her half-spectacles. “Breakup?”

“Something like that.” I picked up Hunter’s coffee.

“Did you kick the bastard in the balls? It doesn’t solve anything, but it sure helps the mood.”

I chuckled as my heart wrenched. “It would make me feel worse. Isn’t that a bitch? He’s being a scared little punk, but I can’t hold him accountable, because he’s doing what he promised he would do.” I shook my head miserably. “I should kick myself.”

“Why add injury to insult? Well, you just go in there and deliver that coffee. Interrupt his morning, if you want. He’ll bark obscenities at you and send you running. It’ll take your mind off things.”

“Hunter swear at an employee?”

“He’s in a foul mood today. Which doesn’t make sense, as you landed the guy for him. Right?”

I moved toward the office, desperate to see Hunter’s face, but dreading it all the same. “Stole him right out from under Hunter’s slimy father.”

“Good. That rat deserves it.” Brenda moved around her desk as I entered the office.

The light shone in as it always did, cascading around Hunter’s large shoulders and glancing off the side of his handsome face. I slowed, savoring the view. Remembering his kiss.

When I got to his desk, I put his coffee in the usual spot and noticed his shoulders tighten. He didn’t turn to look, though.

With a stiff back and tears coming to my eyes, I turned quickly and walked out, then settled into my chair and stared at my desk for a moment. It was Brenda’s glance that had me pulling out my laptop and firing it up, pulling up emails that I would never work on.

I pulled up instant message and fired off a question, not daring to go into Hunter’s office to ask it personally.

O
livia Jonston
: What should I work on?

Hunter Carlisle: Pull up the various job openings and see if anything fits your desires.

N
ail
. Hammer. Coffin. Today sucked.

I wiped a stray tear from my face and clicked into the intranet. I kind of wanted to pull a Milton from
Office Space
and set fire to the place. At the very least break a fax machine. Office violence seemed mandatory in this situation.

I saw Brenda look over again. I should probably stop sighing so loudly. Or did I sniffle?

“I’m not going to turn into a puddle of misery. I’ve been here before,” I assured her. “This too shall pass, and all that.”

“It’s just…have you decided to leave?”

I couldn’t stop my shoulders from hunching. “Ah. That. Is Hunter looking for a new admin already?”

“He’s having me set up interviews. The first he scheduled himself for later today. He’s in a hurry.”

My gut twisted. It felt like a Buick was sitting on my chest. In as nonchalant a voice as I could manage, I said, “Yeah. Probably doesn’t want to lose momentum with Bruce. The buyout, I mean.”

I could see Brenda’s stare for a moment longer out of the corner of my eye before she said, “That’s my girl. He didn’t give you what you wanted, and you stuck it to him, huh? Well, good. He’ll do this—he acts like a spoiled little baby when he doesn’t get his own way, but he’ll come around. Don’t you worry. It’ll eat away at him until he buckles. Just hold out.”

I shook my head as a tear leaked out, thankfully on the opposite side of my face Brenda could see. I couldn’t very well tell her this was all his doing, because that would raise questions. I didn’t want questions. The situation was embarrassing enough.

Instead, I started looking through job listings, trying to find something out of the city, preferably, where I wouldn’t even have to be reminded of him.

T
he day passed
in a slow grind of boredom. There were no questions to deal with, and I’d been through all the departments that were hiring. Most jobs sounded terrible, so I started looking at the departments that weren’t hiring. Maybe Hunter would pull some strings.

The elevator chimed. Brenda murmured, “Brace yourself. Incoming.”

I glanced up in a fog of misery to see a tall, beautiful blond saunter in wearing an expensive suit and displaying miles of cleavage. Brown eyes and a pretty face decked out in makeup smiled in a condescending way as she laid eyes on Brenda.

“Hello, I’m Candice, here to see Mr. Carlisle.” She batted her eyelashes as Brenda checked her in before glancing at me. A tiny line developed between shapely eyebrows, probably at my appearance, before refocusing on Brenda.

“Please have a seat and he’ll call you in,” Brenda said, pointing toward the waiting area.

The woman turned gracefully on her high-dollar heels. My breathing got shallow and heavy as my heart started to ache, knowing that Hunter might just try her out today. Right now. He’d touch her intimately, only twenty feet away, while I sat, pining over him.

I bowed my head over my computer, seeing the keyboard turn foggy as my eyes filled with tears.

“He’ll see you now,” Brenda said.

The woman sauntered by, walking on those heels like she’d worn them all her life. Quite the contrast from my wobbling and staggering around.

“He won’t go for her. Too tight-ass.”

I ignored Brenda as I opened the programming notes from Bruce. I had nothing else to do, so I figured I might as well get lost in codes and programming. It was the only place I could totally shut off.

Half an hour later, the woman walked back out with stars in her eyes. She took a long look at me before thanking Brenda and strolling toward the elevator.

I hunched closer to my desk, trying harder to get lost in Bruce’s new game. My heart hurt so bad that concentration was not just difficult, it was nonexistent.

T
he next day
was the same, but thankfully, there were no interviewees. Four were scheduled for the day after, though.

I spent the whole day working on Bruce’s stuff, communicating with him freely via email, and sneaking out once for a phone call. That was when Kimberly caught me, having tried to get a hold of me since Sunday night.

“Livy? Is everything okay? I heard that Hunter Carlisle is looking for another admin.”

“I don’t really want to talk about it, but yeah. He is. I’ll probably go somewhere else in the company.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing. It’s just better this way. Anyway, I have to go. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Okay, but
call
me. I’m worried about you!”

“Okay, bye.” I hung up and faced the breeze, willing the tears to stop running. Willing the hurt to subside so I could focus on something else besides this terrible ache in my chest.

W
hen Wednesday rolled around
, I was a nervous wreck. I knew the real applicants would come in, and I’d glanced at a few résumés. These women weren’t just overqualified, they were spectacular. Experienced and already high-powered, these women were probably taking pay cuts to work for Hunter. He had the pick of the litter, and I was positive they’d all be beauties.

I slunk in, with my hair down and partially draped over my eyes. Brenda wandered to my desk, a little later than usual, set the cup of coffee down, and stood idle. I didn’t bother looking up—I looked worse than I had for the last two days. I’d even had a stranger stop me on the way in and ask if I needed help.

When perfect strangers spoke up, things were not going well.

“You’re in the home stretch, Olivia,” Brenda said softly. “He can’t hold out for much longer. He looks just as bad as you do.”

I couldn’t stop myself from glancing up then. Her expression was pure pity, her usually snarky visage softened with concern. It sounded strangely like she knew what was going on. What was
really
going on.

“What are you talking about?” I said. It was a bad cover, but I didn’t know what else to say.

She tilted her head and gave a small pout before moving away to her desk. “I know what love looks like. And I know much more than you think. You’ve put that man on his toes. You’ve made him uncomfortable, you’ve made him bend, and now you’re breaking him. His first reaction to things he can’t control is to force them away. And now here you are, coming in every day when most women wouldn’t, taunting him with your presence. And you look like hell, girl. He is a caring man underneath—he won’t like to see his handiwork on the face of someone he cares about. Home stretch.”

Tears leaked down my face as I cried softly toward my desk.

“You must think I’m daft not to know what a weird setup he has with all these hoity-toity idiots. Useless, the lot of them.” Brenda sniffed. “Finally he gets someone who won’t fall into that ridiculousness, and he tries to chase her away? Well, I gave him a piece of my mind. Bert did, too.” Brenda tsked. “I don’t even care if he follows through and does fire me. Let’s see him fill this spot, the spoiled little brat.”

I took a deep breath and wiped my face, trying to tune out Brenda’s muttering. It was naive to think she didn’t know about Hunter’s setup. I didn’t even know if I had thought she had been oblivious to it. But discovering that she did know, and was on my side, made me feel better, if a little embarrassed. At least I wasn’t alone.

I slouched the whole way into his office, staring at the ground. I put his coffee in the usual spot and turned. Before I’d made it to the door, though, he stopped me. “You don’t need to come in for the rest of the week. I’ll pay you for it, but it might be best if you stayed at home…”

Each word was a dagger into my heart. He’d probably be giving the second interviews, bringing in fresh girls, and sending them back out with a flush and a satisfied smile. Claws of pain raked down my middle as more tears dripped out. I nodded mutely, unable to utter a word.

Back at my desk, I opened my program again and just went to work, numbing my mind. Trying to block out the pain.

Ding.

I looked up with wary eyes as another blond bombshell walked into the room. Her hair was shorter and her eyes were hazel, but she could’ve been cut from the same cloth. The knockout cloth.

I looked back down at my computer, blocking out her sexy hum. I ignored her hippy saunter to the waiting area. And finally, I ignored the tear dripping down my face as she walked by my desk after being called into Hunter’s office.

“When are the others coming?” I asked Brenda, not looking up.

“Why don’t you take a long lunch?” Brenda said softly. “Come back at two. Everything should be over by then. He won’t see these women for long.”

I grabbed my handbag and walked out of the office, my mind on that beautiful, experienced, high-powered woman in there with Hunter, flirting and seducing him with her eyes. She probably hoped he would take her right there. And maybe he would.

I sat at a cafe with a coffee and an untouched sandwich for two and a half hours. Just sat there, staring at nothing. Images of Hunter kept flashing through my mind. Sweet things, like him holding the door open for me, or guiding me around, or our dance. Then the kissing. I felt the burn of his passion, so fresh in my memory. His shaking hands after we lay in a tangle of limbs. His soft words.

I sighed and shifted my unfocused gaze. Another tear dripped down my cheek.

I flinched as my phone vibrated on the table. I stared down in confusion, forgetting I’d brought it out at all. Hunter’s name showed up above a text. “Come back to the office. Please.”

I smiled a little at the
please
before throwing my coffee in the trash. The sandwich I gave to a homeless man asking for change outside. He glanced up with thanks, looking weary and downtrodden.

He looked exactly how I felt.

Back at the office, I passed by Brenda’s empty desk and stopped at Hunter’s door. I peeked through the vast and sunlit space, seeing him sitting at his desk, turned in his chair toward the window.

I walked in slowly, pain still eating away at my insides. “You wanted to see me?”

He turned around, showing that handsome face and those deep brown, turbulent eyes. “Yes. Have you found a new position?”

I took a seat in his visitor chair, not because I thought I’d stick around for long, but because I just didn’t have any strength anymore. He’d defeated me. This whole situation had beaten me. I felt it in every nerve in my body.

“I found one that could work. It’s in Windsor.”

“Windsor?” Hunter’s brow furrowed. “Way up north?”

“Yes. It’s cheaper up there, and I could get a car. Seems like a good place. More bang for my buck.”

Hunter braced his elbows on his desk. “It’s a long way. What about your family?”

“It’s only an hour north with a car. And it’s not much further from my mom than San Francisco is. Not that it would really matter She has her own thing going.”

Hunter stared at me for a moment then bent down to the desk. “If that’s what you want.”

I clasped my hands in my lap. It wasn’t. None of this was what I wanted. Getting away from him, though, would be the only way to heal. It would be the only way I could forget that a piece of him was still lodged deeply inside my heart from that intense, emotional night we’d spent together. From all our time together.

“Okay. I’ll arrange everything. Brenda will contact you with the details.” Hunter looked at his computer, but I could tell his eyes weren’t reading what was on the screen.