Authors: Jean Bedford
D
o
yo
u
wan
t
t
o
kno
w,
no
w,
ho
w
I
manage
d
i
t
al
l?
Ho
w
cleve
r
I
wa
s?
O
h,
no
t
th
e
sordi
d
detail
s
o
f
th
e
death
s—
th
e
dildo
s
an
d
othe
r
implement
s.
Believ
e
m
e,
the
y
wer
e
onl
y
use
d
afte
r
th
e
childre
n
wer
e
blissfull
y
unconsciou
s—I
neve
r
intende
d
the
m
t
o
b
e
hur
t
an
d
the
y
neve
r
wer
e.
Bu
t
th
e
gran
d
pictur
e—
i
s
tha
t
wha
t
yo
u
woul
d
lik
e
t
o
kno
w?
M
y
bluf
f
an
d
doubl
e-
bluf
f?I
though
t
I
woul
d
b
e
triumphan
t,
tellin
g
yo
u
a
t
las
t,
bu
t
I’
m
no
t.
I’
m
strangel
y
reluctan
t
t
o
g
o
bac
k
ove
r
i
t,
thoug
h
I
hav
e
fel
t
th
e
nee
d
t
o
tel
l
yo
u
pressin
g
o
n
m
e
latel
y
.
I
visite
d
Padd
y
severa
l
time
s
afte
r
h
e
wa
s
arreste
d—
I’v
e
tol
d
yo
u
tha
t,
alread
y.
Mic
k
arrange
d
i
t
fo
r
m
e.
Suc
h
a
goo
d
blok
e,
Mic
k.
H
e
alway
s
wa
s.
Hal
f
i
n
lov
e
wit
h
Ros
a,
devastate
d
a
t
th
e
prospec
t
o
f
losin
g
hi
s
littl
e
Sharo
n,
grie
f-
stricke
n
ove
r
To
m,
ye
t
h
e
stil
l
foun
d
th
e
tim
e
t
o
rall
y
th
e
res
t
o
f
u
s
.
Yo
u
taugh
t
m
e
th
e
technique
s
I
use
d
o
n
Padd
y,
thoug
h
yo
u
woul
d
neve
r
kno
w
i
t.
Hypnoti
c
suggestio
n—
s
o
simpl
e
whe
n
th
e
subjec
t
i
s
amenabl
e,
an
d
s
o
eas
y
t
o
reinforc
e
whe
n
h
e
i
s
disintegratin
g
mentall
y.
An
d
ther
e
wer
e
th
e
hallucinogen
s
o
n
to
p
o
f
tha
t.
H
e
wa
s
neve
r
avers
e
t
o
drug
s,
Padd
y
.
Th
e
firs
t
tim
e
I
sa
w
hi
m
agai
n
afte
r
th
e
las
t
picni
c,I
trie
d
a
ligh
t
hypnosi
s.
H
e
wen
t
unde
r
withou
t
a
murmu
r,
an
d
didn’
t
remembe
r
a
thin
g
late
r.
Eac
h
tim
e
afte
r
tha
t
I
intensifie
d
hi
s
susceptibilit
y
t
o
m
y
suggestion
s.
H
e
wrot
e
thos
e
disk
s
the
y
foun
d,
t
o
m
y
dictatio
n,
som
e
o
f
i
t
materia
l
fro
m
thi
s,
th
e
tru
e
recor
d
.
Sometime
s
h
e
wondere
d
wher
e
th
e
tim
e
ha
d
gon
e
o
n
m
y
visit
s,
bu
t
ther
e
wa
s
alway
s
dop
e
fo
r
hi
m
t
o
smok
e,
o
r
Ecstas
y
t
o
dro
p,
an
d
othe
r
shi
t
I
encourage
d
hi
m
t
o
bu
y.
I
t
wa
s
eas
y
t
o
convinc
e
hi
m
he’
d
simpl
y
bee
n
ou
t
o
f
i
t
fo
r
a
whil
e.
I
t
wa
s
als
o
eas
y
t
o
ad
d
th
e
specia
l
magazine
s
t
o
hi
s
existin
g,
rathe
r
tam
e,
collectio
n,
an
d
t
o
fol
d
th
e
flanne
l
sheet
s
int
o
th
e
cupboar
d.
Th
e
soc
k
stuffe
d
dow
n
behin
d
th
e
bedboar
d
wa
s
saf
e—
hi
s
housekeepin
g
lef
t
a
lo
t
t
o
h
e
desire
d.
Tha
t
wa
s
whe
n
I
wishe
d
I’
d
kep
t
mementoe
s
o
f
th
e
other
s,
t
o
reinforc
e
th
e
evidenc
e
.
H
e
know
s
i
t
al
l,
Padd
y;
i
t
i
s
al
l
floatin
g
imprisone
d
somewher
e
i
n
hi
s
subconsciou
s,
i
f
i
t
coul
d
onl
y
h
e
unlocke
d.
Bu
t
i
t
neve
r
wil
l
b
e,
no
w.
H
e
ha
d
t
o
kno
w
i
t
al
l,
s
o
tha
t
hi
s
bewildermen
t
woul
d
b
e
greate
r,
s
o
tha
t
h
e
woul
d
alway
s
wonde
r,
o
n
som
e
leve
l,
i
f
thes
e
shadow
y
memorie
s
migh
t
no
t
reall
y
b
e
hi
s
ow
n
.