Nowhere to Run (Stephanie Carovella) (38 page)

His head snapped up when the front door jerked open and Stephanie stepped out, her features contorted in pure agony. She didn’t even see him, as she walked to the end of the front porch, bending over the railing to retch. Silently he watched her grip the railing tightly, her knuckles whitening.

Stephanie wiped her mouth against the sleeve of her sweatshirt, wrapping her arms around herself. Closing her eyes, she backed against the house’s wall, sliding down it until she was sitting on the porch floor. Drawing her legs close to her chest, she pressed her face into her knees. She wrapped her arms around her legs, unconsciously rocking back and forth, as she fought for control. Lifting her head from her knees, she opened her eyes, looking ahead of her yet seeing nothing.

“You son of a bitch. You, god damn, sick son of a bitch,” she choked out, tears running down her face.

Jase slowly stood up, unsure whether to announce his presence or to slip away and leave Stephanie to handle her pain. Hearing her sob uncontrollably, he involuntarily took a step towards her.

Stephanie froze at the sight of Jase, hurriedly lifting the bottom of her Sweatshirt to wipe her eyes. “I didn’t know anyone was here,” she whispered, struggling for control.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude,” Jase began, closing the space between them.

Stephanie’s laughter was choked. “To be honest, I could use a shoulder right now.”

Jase slid down beside her, hesitantly wrapping his arm around her. She instinctively scooted closer, pressing her face into his T-Shirt. Jase slid his hand onto her back, stroking it gently. Silently, he held her, smiling as she wrapped her arm around his waist, almost as if she was trying to absorb his strength. ”Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” he asked gently.

She lifted her face from his chest, giving him a shaky smile. “What, Devlin? Isn’t a girl allowed to fall apart just because she needs to cry?”

Jase reached out to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear, gently stroking her cheek. “Sure she is, if she’s other than you, Carovella. You don’t fall apart. You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever met. It’s one of the things I love about you.”

Stephanie froze at his words and he stumbled over his next words, “I don’t mean love, love. I mean, that’d be crazy, right?”

“Right,” she echoed, her eyes dropping to his mouth. Leaning into the hand stroking her cheek, she closed her eyes. “It’d be absolutely insane.”

Jase groaned when Stephanie opened her eyes again, enthralled by her amber-gold eyes. “Damn it, Carovella, don’t look at me like that. It makes it hard to resist you.”

Stephanie clutched Jase’s t-shirt, pressing her forehead against his. Her mouth barely inches from his, she whispered, “This would be a really, really bad idea. We shouldn’t even think about it.”

“You’re upset. You’re looking for someone to comfort you. You should talk to Jesse…” he began.

“Except, I don’t want Jesse, I want you, damn you,” she whispered fiercely.

He laughed huskily, leaning into her, his lips pressing a feather light kiss against hers. “This is one of the worst ideas we’ve both probably ever had. Gena’s already warned me about you,” he whispered back, his arms slowly encircling her waist, drawing her closer to him.

Stephanie pulled away, letting her hands creep from his waist to slide up his chest until she reached his broad shoulders, bracing herself against them. “Let me guess, I’m toxic? A man-eater, who has no morals and who doesn’t give a damn about who she hurts? I’ll chew you up and spit you out? Then I’ll break your heart all before I’ve had my first cup of coffee and then leave you, without looking back?” She questioned mockingly, her eyes flashing with pain, before she carefully hid the hurt.

He nodded, his grin slowly fading, when he saw her pain. “Here’s the thing,” he began, shaking his head. He reached out against to stroke her cheek. “I just don’t care. Right now, you could break my heart. You could walk away without a backward glance. Hell, you could burn down my house and I just wouldn’t care.” He paused, grinning at her again. “But, please don’t.”

“This can’t happen. I told myself I wouldn’t let it happen. You’re too dangerous. You make me feel things, emotions I don’t want to feel for anyone ever again,” she confessed. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, trying to control the roller coaster of emotions churning inside her.

Slowly opening her eyes, she stared into his emerald-green eyes, her lips curving into a smile. Pulling him closer, she whispered, “Well, Gena once said I was destined for hell. If I’m going there, I might as well do it with style.”

Sliding her hands off his shoulders, she placed them on both sides of his head, pulling him close for a scorching kiss, which left them both reeling. Jase groaned when his mouth met Stephanie’s, fitting perfectly together. Their tongues playfully dueled as Jase lifted Stephanie onto his lap, the urge to be as close to her as possible overcoming him.

Stephanie twined her arms around Jase’s neck, pressing her body against his. They briefly broke the kiss before their lips met again. Jase slid one of his hands up the back of her sweatshirt, needing to touch her naked skin. In response, she slid one of her hands from his neck to slide down his chest and underneath his T-shirt. Breaking apart again they looked at each other, their faces inches apart.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” Jase murmured, gently sliding his thumb against her bottom lip. He groaned when she closed her lips around his thumb, drawing it deep into her mouth. “Damn it Carovella, you’re killing me here,” he groaned, drawing her closer for another kiss.

They breathlessly broke apart. Jase pressed his forehead against Stephanie’s. “We can’t do this. You’re beautiful, crazy and sexy as hell. I’m not going to deny I’m attracted to you. I’m fairly certain you could bring the devil to his knees, but I can’t…” Jase broke off, closing his eyes and swallowing convulsively. “I can’t do a relationship right now, not after Angel. It’s too soon.”

Stephanie reached up to stroke his jaw, placing soft kisses against it. Smiling shyly, she confessed, “I know. I can’t either. Not after everything that’s happened. It doesn’t change the fact I want you. Or the fact I need you.”

Jase groaned again, wrapping his arm around her waist. “So what do we do now? Do we pretend we never kissed? Act as if we’re not attracted to each other? That we don’t want each other?”

Stephanie shook her head. “I can’t do it. I can’t pretend we didn’t kiss. Not when it was so…” She paused, struggling to find the words to explain their kiss.

“Explosive? Mind-blowing? Blistering hot?” Jase teased, his eyes darkening with passion, as they fixated on her mouth.

She nodded, moving to slide off his lap. He stopped her by sliding his hand to cradle the back of her head. He brushed his mouth against hers, sliding his tongue across her bottom lip. Hearing her ragged sigh, he smiled in satisfaction.

“We could have sex. No strings attached - mind-blowing sex. Maybe once will be enough. We’ll be out of each other’s systems and we can concentrate on other things,” Stephanie said, her voice trailing off when her gaze locked with Jase’s intense one.

“This isn’t about sex, Stephanie, you know it as well as I do,” Jase drawled. “It’s about two people wanting to be with each other, not just physically but emotionally. We have a connection. One, I can’t explain. One, I don’t want to explain. It’s just there. I want you. Not just your body, but you, Stephanie Carovella, the woman.”

His eyes darkening with sorrow, he said quietly, “Angel used to talk about you and I was fascinated. You seemed so strong, almost like a mythical figure amongst your friends. I think, even then, I was beginning to develop feelings for you. At Angel’s funeral, I felt a connection. I know you felt it as well.”

“I did,” Stephanie interrupted him, adding with a smile, “I could see what Angel saw in you. I’m not talking just physically, but the whole package. It was the same for me, too. Angel would tell me about the enigmatic Jase Devlin, the man who made her soul come alive and I would listen and wish I still had someone like you. You made her so happy and it made me so envious. She told me so much about you, and I wanted to know more. I want to know
you.
”

“I want to make love to you,” Jase confessed. “I want it more than anything in the world and have since the night we sat up talking.”

Stephanie nodded, sliding off his lap and standing. Holding out her hand, she waited silently. He looked at it for a moment, before he gripped it with his own, interlocking their fingers together. Standing, he drew her into his arms, kissing her again. This time the kiss was slow, evocative and filled with emotion. Breaking apart, Jase gripped Stephanie’s hand tighter, leading her towards the house.

Inside, they moved down the hallway into the living room. Jase led her into the kitchen, pausing when she suddenly stopped. “No?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“Damn it, I forgot,” she said, her eyes on the parcel sitting on the table. Jase’s eyes moved from her face to the black box.

“I’m sorry, Jase, I completely forgot. I found this box sitting on the kitchen table. It was addressed to me. It’s from
him
,” she said, dropping her hand. Wrapping her arms around herself, she shivered. “It’s why I was so upset. It’s why I was crying.” Shaking her head, she whispered, “I can’t believe I could forget something like this.”

Blushing, she moved towards the box, reaching past it to pick up the toy car. She held it out to Jase. Jase took it, intrigued by the gift. “He gave you a car?”

“Not just any car, Jase. It’s a 1963 Porsche 911. More importantly, it’s the car my husband was killed in,” Stephanie spat, bending down to pick up the card she’d left lying on the ground when she’d left the house earlier. “It’s a message to me.”

Jase took the card, reading it aloud. “Ask Detective Evans what really happened to your husband?”

Stephanie’s expression hardened, her gaze focusing on the car, as she spoke, “That god damn bitch knew. She knew and she never told me.”

“Stephanie, I don’t understand …” Jase said. She interrupted him, her voice rising in anger. “It’s quite simple Jase, the message is this. Dominic’s death wasn’t accidental. The worst part is, Gena knew. She’s known all this time and she never told me.”

“Stephanie, just because you received a toy car and a card telling you to ask Gena about Dominic’s death, doesn’t mean it’s true. It’s all part of his game. He wants to mess with your head.”

Stephanie smiled bitterly. “Well, it’s working. Maybe you’re right, maybe it’s not true. But if it is Jase, I’m done. I want nothing to do with her.”

Jase gently placed the car down on the table. Moving towards Stephanie, he wrapped his arms around her. She leaned into his embrace, wrapping her own arms around him.

“Can you take me away from here? Even if it’s only for tonight, can you take me to your apartment? I can’t be here. Not surrounded by all this death. I’m sick and tired of being surrounded by ghosts of people I’ve lost. For tonight, I need to be with someone who is flesh and blood. I need you. I need someone who is alive, someone who I can lose myself in. Someone who can help me to forget the pain of losing everyone I’ve ever loved. Please, can you do that for me?” she begged, sagging against him in relief when he nodded.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Stephanie wandered around Jase’s apartment, wearing nothing but his T-shirt. Jase watched in amusement, as she roamed the living room, stopping every few seconds to study a photo or run her hands over one of the books in his bookshelf.

“You’re profiling me, aren’t you?” he teased, as he pulled coffee cups out of the kitchen cupboard. Placing them onto the bench, he turned on the coffeemaker, before leaning against the bench to watch her.

Stephanie shot him a relaxed smile, feeling completely at ease within Jase’s apartment. Her smile faded when she picked up a photo of Angel and Jase. “You know, I don’t think I ever said I was sorry for everything you’re dealing with, Jase. I wish I could take your pain away. I wish I could make up for everything I’ve put you through.”

Jase quietly moved over to where she stood. “Don’t do this, Stephanie. Don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault. You’re as much a victim in all of this as Angel was, as I am. You weren’t to know.”

Taking her hand in his, he said in a voice laced with a quiet inner strength, “I don’t want to ever hear you blame yourself again for Angel’s death or for anything else that’s happened. Do you understand me?”

Stephanie nodded. Sliding one hand onto his shoulder, she leaned up and kissed him softly. “Thank you,” she whispered against his mouth before she kissed him again.

Stephanie ended the kiss, grinning at him. He grinned back, her happiness infectious. Moving back into the kitchenette, he poured their coffee, as Stephanie continued to roam the apartment.

She stopped in front of his Police Academy graduation photo, stepping closer to study it. “Do you miss it?” she asked, nodding her head towards the photo.

Jase followed her gaze, shrugging nonchalantly. “Yes and no. I miss the thrill of the chase and I miss the adrenaline rush I used to get when I apprehended a killer.”

Picking up one of the coffee cups, he sampled the coffee. Satisfied with the taste, he moved back into the living room and handed a cup to Stephanie. “I don’t miss the long hours, the dead bodies, or the pain I caused each time I had to tell someone a loved one was dead.”

Stephanie took the coffee cup Jase offered her, following him to sit on his cream sofa. Tucking her leg beneath her, she said quietly, “I meant to ask you earlier whether you and Gena saw Leigh’s apartment.”

Jase scowled, not ready to talk about what he’d seen with Stephanie. Recognizing the stubborn glint in her eye, he nodded, bracing himself for the interrogation he knew was coming.

“Did you find any evidence to link Leigh to Angel and Carolyn’s murders? Did you find anything to implicate him in their murders?” she asked.

Jase took a deep sip of his coffee, savoring the strong, bitter taste. He weighed up his words, wondering how much he should tell Stephanie. The torment in her eyes made him want to tell her everything.