Obesssion (32 page)

“
Do you think he knows I’m here? With you?” I didn’t need to say Gabe’s name.

Josh led me back to the bed, sitting next to me and taking one hand gently in his own. He played idly with my fingers while he gazed at me.
“Yeah, I think he knows you’re here. And I’m thinking we should change hotels. Move out into the country, get away from Spa.”

“
I have to face him sometime, I need my passport.” I faked a smile, my heart hammered against my chest. “I don’t think your godly powers extend to creating a replacement passport, do they?”

A short laugh.
“No, I guess not.” He played with my fingers some more, raising them to his mouth to suck on each of them in turn. It sent a ripple of excitement through me.

“
I need to figure out a plan for getting it back.” It was difficult to think straight with Josh so close, so sexy and so intent on me. My voice was faint. “I’ll think about it tomorrow.”

“
Something else you want to do in the meantime?” Dark eyes peeped at me over the top of my hand. I felt weak under the blaze from them. He turned to shift the duvet, his firm bicep flashing the shoulder tattoo and I remembered asking about it earlier.

“
Tell me about your tat. Why have you got a Hebrew name on you? Are you Jewish?”

“
No, not Jewish.” He hesitated. “This is big and complicated to explain. Are you sure you want to do it now?”

My heart sank.
Big and complicated
was never good. “Are you married?” I blurted it out. To my relief, he laughed.

“
No, absolutely not. Never even come close. But…” I saw pain in his eyes. “I’ve lied to you, Suki.”

By now, my heart had plummeted down to my ankles. I held his gaze.
“Would this be a tiny, insignificant sort of lie, or is this a big and complicated lie you’re going to tell me about?”

He rubbed his eyes.
“Can I hold you, baby? It would make it easier.”
For you, maybe
. I nodded and moved into his arms. He rolled back to lie against the pillows, I curled up against his side. My head resting on his chest. His arms tight around me.

“
I don’t have any memories before the age of five, more or less. I was abandoned as a child and fostered out. As far as I know, and it’s only hearsay, my parents are dead. Either way, they didn’t want me.” He paused for a long time, I wondered if I was the first person he’d told this story to. “So I have one thing from my mother—my Talisman.” He held his left hand towards me. I fiddled with the slim leather band circling his wrist, examined the faded symbols etched across it.

“
Those symbols—that name?”

“
Yep. Exactly that. It was a long time before I learned that it meant Raphael, in standard Hebrew. And that’s when I had the tat done. It was a link back to my mother. Stupid, I know. She didn’t want me, yet, I wanted to have some connection to her.”

My heart went out to him. I couldn’t imagine growing up not knowing my parents. Even though they’d not been great as role models, at least I still had them. I remembered an early conversation.
“So your sisters, they’re foster sisters?”

“
Ah, no.” He squeezed me tighter. “I don’t have any sisters, blood or foster. I made them up.”

“
Why?”

A long pause.
“You were upset on the beach, I thought it might make you more comfortable with me.” I thought about it. So he had imaginary sisters, maybe it was his way of coping with having no family.

“
No nieces then.”

“
No.”

Something nagged at me. I spoke slowly.
“You said their names were Tara, Julia and Susan. I remember clearly because my two close friends at work are called Tara and Julia, and my real name is Susan. Where did you get those names from, Josh?”

I felt his body tense and I cringed inwardly.
“Gabe said he gave you information about me—you got the names from there, right?” Even as I said it, I knew it didn’t add up. “But you said when we met in Trearddur, it was before Gabe hired you…” I took a quick breath. “What are you lying about now? Why can’t you tell me the truth for once?”

He stayed silent and I felt a rush of anger. Pushing myself upright, I stared into his eyes, seeing the pain and anguish he tried to hide. My eyes searched his face.
“This is important,” I said slowly. “I’ve been living with a man who lied to me and I won’t tolerate that again. Either you tell me the truth, Josh, or…” I swallowed, a lump appearing in my throat. “Or we’re through. I mean it.”

“
I’m scared.” It was a whisper, but I felt it come from his heart. “Scared that when you know the truth about me, you’ll hate me as well.”

I sensed I was on the verge of another chasm. Again I took a leap of faith. Cupping his face in my hands, I held his gaze.
“I love you, Josh, but I’m tired of your secrets. You need to trust me. Or I can never trust you.”

CHAPTER
17

17.1 Josh

Suki wanted me to tell the truth. I wasn’t sure I even knew how to do that anymore. Feeling like the condemned man right before he climbed the executioner’s steps, I held out my arms and gave her a crooked smile. She let herself nestle back into my embrace, while I searched my mind for the best place to start.

“I have a strange ability, for lack of a better word.”

“
I know.” She sounded matter of fact. “You can fix my headaches.”

I smiled over her head; I’d forgotten about that.
“Besides that. I can feel people’s emotions. Well, I should say,
women’s
emotions.” I paused, she stayed quiet. “I can tell when they’re upset or angry, scared… with some women it’s easier than others. Some I can hardly read at all.”

“
So what’s my mood now?”

“
I hope it’s receptive. I can’t read you any more, Suki.”

Her voice was slightly muffled against my chest.
“What do you mean,
anymore
?”

“
I could at first. I knew you wanted me to hold you, and I knew you were scared. But now, it’s just gone.”

“
Why?”

“
I don’t know, and that’s the truth. It’s weird. But we’re digressing. When I was a child, I knew my foster mothers hated me. They would say the right stuff to my face, but they were thinking about how horrible I was.” I swallowed. “It wasn’t nice.” Suki’s arms wrapped around my waist, she pressed an open mouthed kiss against my stomach. The ripples of pleasure anchored me back in the present. “Are you sure we need to talk about this…”

“
Talk, Josh.”

“
So… when I was talking to you on the beach, I was trying to put you at ease. And those names just popped into my head. It was like I was reading your mind. I’ve never done that before. Well, not knowingly.”

“
Sounds like a nice skill to have. A bit weird, but hey. I interview all kinds on my show. I’ve met people who make your talent look plebeian.” I smiled at the lightness of her voice, her ready acceptance.

“
I had a hard time growing up. I was in trouble a lot, expelled from school too many times and had to keep starting over with new families, new schools. I didn’t have any friends.” She squeezed me a little tighter. “And I reinvented myself when I was eighteen. I changed my name, moved, created a whole new person and tried to forget the kid I used to be.” I longed for a drink. I still wasn’t sure I had the courage to go through with this.

“
And I met a guy who used to, ah, pick on me at school. I knew his wife had the hots for me; I could feel it so strongly. So I set out to have an affair with her, to spite him.” I took a quick breath, bracing myself for Suki’s reaction. “I deliberately broke up their marriage.”

She’d gone very still in my arms. I waited, eyes closed. After an age, I felt her hands stroke circles on my spine.
“That’s why you were adamant revenge sex is a bad thing.”

“
Yeah.”

“
This is why you do this marriage-testing thing?” Again, she sounded curious rather than repelled.

“
I discovered I could do this really easily. When I meet a woman, I can tell if she’s interested. I can tell what she wants. And I’ve been exploiting that.” There. I’d said it. I waited for the resulting explosion.

It didn’t come.

Suki’s fingers crept up my spine, soft and warm against my skin. “You might just be good at reading non-verbal signals.”

I wished it were that simple.
“I think it’s more than that. I don’t feel proud of myself, Suki. I’ve set out to tempt women away from their husbands. It’s not very honest of me.” I returned her squeeze. “I’ve told so many lies, sometimes I wonder if it’s the only thing I can do.”

“
So what will you do now? If you don’t do
that
anymore?”

“
God knows. But I know what I want to do right now…” I slipped my hands further down and cupped her pert bottom. “Can you guess?”

Her laugh thrilled me.
“No,” she sounded breathless. “I think you might need to make it a bit clearer…”

“
Like this?” I moved to close my mouth gently around the soft flesh of her neck, nibbling and tasting her. “Or this?” I dropped to her breast and suckled one nipple, then the other.

Her hands were grappling with the button on my jeans.
“Are you sure you can’t tell what I want, cowboy? Seems like you’re reading my signals clear enough…”

17.2 Gabe

My emotions were battling with each other. A tide of relief that Suki was not the nameless woman in the river. Anger—and hurt—that she continued to stay away from me. And an overwhelming longing to have her back. She belonged to me.

I phoned down to Reception to order two bouquets, the most exotic they could conjure up quickly. And then I set off to find my wife.

As I saw it, she’d be in one of two places. Either with Mr-Fucking-Popular, or with Joshy-Boy. Armed with two oversized bouquets, I smiled at the pretty little receptionist at the Alexander.
“Flower deliveries for…” I made a show of looking at a receipt from my pocket. “For Mrs. Jon Craigowan and Mrs. Josh Delaney.” I gave her a beaming smile. “Shame I haven’t got a third one for you.”

Seconds later, I strolled along the corridors. The Craigowan’s room was first. I could hear the muffled sound of a baby crying behind the door, I knew someone was in. Would Suki be here? My heart thumped in anticipation. I waited for what seemed like an age before someone answered my knock. It was Anita.

The surprise on her face was laughable. “Hello, Anita. Is Suki here?”

Jonno appeared behind her, his face darkening with anger.
“What do you want now, Gabe?”

I just smiled politely.
“My wife. I’d like to talk to Suki.”

“
She’s not here.” Anita stood like a glaring fishwife, hands firmly on her hips.

I inclined my head.
“Can you tell me where to find her?”

“
I could… But I won’t.”
Bitch
. I’d make her regret that, later.

“
Is she with Josh Delaney? You do know Josh, don’t you?” I smiled, enjoying Jonno’s rising fury. “I believe you know him quite well.
Intimately
, even.”

“
Fuck off
. And keep the fuck away from us, or I won’t be responsible for my actions.” Jonno was actually quivering with anger. I stepped back, just in time to avoid the door being slammed in my face.

“
Nice to see you, too,” I called in a loud voice. “Have a great evening.”

It took even longer to get a response from Joshy-Boy. I was on the verge of going to talk to the girl on Reception again when I heard the door unlock. Clad only in jeans, his hair sticking out in odd directions and a flushed look on his face, I felt sick as I guessed what he’d probably just been doing. With my wife.

I didn’t give him a chance to speak. Brandishing the flowers, I spoke rapidly. “I’d like to talk to Suki.”

“
What if she doesn’t want to talk to you?”

“
She’s here, isn’t she? I want to see her.”

“
Bite me.”

Pushing past him didn’t seem like a great idea, bearing in mind our last encounter. And I knew losing my temper was probably the worst thing I could do. Sucking in a deep breath, I gazed at the ceiling for inspiration. Remembered the flowers in my arms.

“I’ve brought these, as a peace offering.”

He had the audacity to raise his eyebrows.
“That’s the best you can do?”

I had to grit my teeth for a moment.
“Whatever you may think of me, Suki is still my wife. And I would very much like to talk to her for a few minutes.”

“
Oh no.” He gave me a lazy grin. “Like I said, she—”

“
Please.” I fixed him with a pleading stare. “I thought she was dead, drowned. And I realised I can’t live without her. If you won’t let me in, I’ll just sit here, right here in the corridor, and wait for her to come out.”

He was shaking his head. In desperation, I played my final card.
“I don’t mind if you’re there as well. We can all sit down together and talk. Just talk. Nothing else, I promise you.”

We stood facing each other, neither giving way. And then a hand appeared on his bare arm. My heart surged, excitement and hope lurched into my throat as Suki murmured something I couldn’t catch. I felt like whooping in delight when Joshy-Boy stepped angrily to the side and she appeared in the doorway.

I drank in the sight of her. Clad in an oversized t-shirt and what looked like a pair of men’s boxers, her hair was dishevelled and her cheeks flushed. She looked as sexy as I’d ever seen her. I knew in that moment I couldn’t ever let her go.

Her gasp of shock when she looked at me was heart-warming.
“Your nose… Oh, my.” I sensibly didn’t say anything, just looked pointedly at Joshy-Boy and then back to Suki.

“
Can we talk, for just a few minutes? Please, Suzu?” I kept my voice low and enticing, noting the flash of disgust across the other man’s face. He thought he’d taken her from me. He’d soon find out where her loyalties rested.

17.3 Suki

I know Josh said he’d punched Gabe
—he looked as though he’d run into a truck. Face first. I’d never seen him look in such a state. And this quiet plea to talk to me… He sounded almost penitent.

Josh moved a discreet distance away, not crowding me, but able to move to my side if I needed him. I gave him a little smile to acknowledge this. In contrast to Gabe’s eagerness, Josh looked almost sick with worry. Surely he didn’t think Gabe would be able to talk me round? I sat at the table, Gabe slid into the seat opposite, laying an enormous cluster of flowers in front of him.

“These are for you. To say… I’m sorry.” He leaned forward, speaking earnestly in a low voice. I was sure Josh wouldn’t be able to hear him. “I’ve been a prick, I know that. And I can’t begin to apologise for hurting you. I am so sorry.”

I just stared at him. If he thought flowers would be enough to make me go running back to him, he could think again.

He seemed to measure my silence, placing his hands on the small table, palm up. “I don’t know if you heard, but a woman drowned in the River Maas today. For a few terrifying, unbelievable minutes, I feared it was you. And I couldn’t live with myself.” He paused, closed his eyes a moment, and then gazed at me. “I knew then that whatever had happened between us, we could fix it. We’ve been together for ten years, Suzu, I know you like nobody else. And I know you love me. This”—he gestured to the room— “this is just a blip. It’s unimportant. And it means nothing compared to what we have.”

His voice continued, warm and tender.
“Suzu. Every minute that you’re apart from me, it feels like I’m being crucified. I know I’ve not been easy to live with these past few weeks. I’ve had some problems to deal with, stuff I didn’t want to burden you with. And I should have talked to you, shared it all with you, like we used to.”

His hands crept closer, inching towards me.
“Please, Suzu, give me a chance, darling. I love you so much it hurts.”

I felt mesmerised. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. When his fingers closed gently around my forearms, I didn’t jerk free. I just sat there and stared, mute. I could sense Josh’s misery, even without looking.

“Remember the first time we came to Spa together? We were staying in that crappy little hotel next door to a 70’s revival nightclub. The music kept us awake all night. And every time we heard Abba we used to look at each other and say
Spa
.” His thumbs stroked my wrists. “When I won that first time at Monaco, and you whisked me away in a helicopter to get away from the fans—we went and celebrated in that little seafood restaurant by the beach. You had squid for the first time.”

I forced a smile. He was clever, picking up on the good times. But he’d always been able to do that.
“I promise it will be different from now on. Whatever it takes, whatever you say we need to do to make it right, we’ll do it together. We’ll even go to counselling if you think that would help.” He waited, I sat frozen. A little sigh from him. “I guess you’re not going to make this easy for me, and you’ve every right to do that.”

This was horrible. I had loved Gabe. I couldn’t have stayed with him for so long if I hadn’t. And until a couple of weeks ago, I had no inkling things could change so much or so rapidly.

Josh’s phone chirruped, I saw him glance around for it. It had been trilling for a few minutes, someone was keen to speak to him. He grabbed it now and turned his back on us. I strained to hear him over Gabe’s impassioned speech. Josh snapped into his phone and then tossed it on the bed, before turning back to watch us.