Obsession 3 (9 page)

Secret didn't reply.

Katherine looked over to Secret. “Oh, sis, I'm sorry. I keep forgetting he's your baby daddy.”

The door kept opening where Secret could tell Katherine the truth, that Lucky wasn't really Dina's biological father. But then she might have to tell her who was, and she didn't really want to go there, not right now; maybe not ever. This game of cat and mouse was just beginning and she wasn't yet sure which direction things would go in.

Let Katherine tell it, for years Lucky had been her drug of choice and she the fiend. How did Secret know Katherine wouldn't fall back under Lucky's spell and get back with him, exposing any- and everything Secret shared with her? She didn't know. So for now she wouldn't show her hand to anybody, just play the cards Detective Davis dealt her.

“So what are you going to do about Lucky?” Katherine asked. “I mean, he is your baby's father. I know I want you to go
First 48
on his ass, but that's not who you are. You the type who practices that forgiveness shit. And I get that.” Katherine pointed a stern finger at Secret. “But don't you go getting caught up romantically with his ass again. Coparent and leave it at that.”

“Why?” Secret was quick to ask. “You still want him or something so you don't want me messing around with him?”

“Puhleeze with a capital P. You'll never catch me fucking around with him again. Don't believe me if you don't want to, but after what he did to you, that was it.”

Secret nodded, but Katherine couldn't tell whether she believed what she was saying.

Katherine closed her food container up, bagged it, and placed it in the back seat. “See-See, I know we haven't been close in years, but you have to admit that when we were little we had a bond, yes?”

Secret nodded.

“I was so mad at my mother for so long for making it so that I couldn't see you anymore. You were my best friend. I loved you so much. You were always so nice, sweet, and kind.” She chuckled. “Me and the twins, we used to tease you behind your back. We would say you sounded like a white girl.”

Secret let out a light laugh.

“You were so happy and carefree. I didn't just want to be with you; I wanted to be you. You turned out good, sis. Graduated high school. Hell, I didn't get past tenth grade.”

“Really?” Secret was surprised to hear this. She had no idea her sister hadn't graduated high school; then again, how would she have known?

“Really,” Katherine confirmed. “So that day I saw you in the back of that police car,” Katherine said, squeezing her eyes closed tightly, “instead of me imagining being you, I pictured you turning into me.” Katherine opened her eyes and looked at Secret. The tears no longer had her eyelids to keep them locked in so they flowed freely. “Don't be me, Secret. You've still got a chance. Don't fuck with these streets or these street cats. I don't think you really know how big Lucky is in the game. Keep fucking with him and you will end up catching a case. God must have been watching over you this time, but don't think lightening is going to strike twice for yo' ass.” Katherine quickly and roughly wiped the tears she'd just realized were streaming down her face. She was trying to be hard and school her sister. How effective would it be if she herself was sitting there like some crybaby?

Katherine sniffed a couple times. Secret closed her food back up and put it in the bag. She turned her body toward the door and stared out the window at the restaurant.

“You ready?” Katherine asked her.

Secret nodded.

Katherine started the car and drove off. “Wanna go pick the baby up?” Katherine asked Secret.

Again, Secret just nodded.

Katherine headed in the direction to Yolanda's house, where they'd dropped Dina off on the way to the Chinese restaurant.

Katherine turned the music back on to fill some of the silence in the car. After about a minute or two, she turned it back off. “I'm sorry if you felt like I was getting on you back there. I'm not trying to be your momma or anything like that.”

“I know,” Secret said. “I just have so much on my mind. Seeing Lucky stirred up so much in me.”

“Like I said, I know how it is. I've been there and done that with Lucky.”

“I know, I know already. You fucked my baby daddy!” Secret snapped, tired of being reminded that she and her sister had both slept with the same guy and she'd slept with best friends. “You don't have to keep drilling that fact into my mind. Trust me, it's forever embedded.”

“Secret, do you think that's the worst shit anybody has ever done? Please. You have no idea how tricks get down out here.” She looked at Secret quickly and then put her eyes back on the road. “Not saying you're a trick or anything. But it ain't no joke trying to survive and eat out here sometimes. You got single mothers doing all and anything they can to feed their babies. I kept fucking with Lucky knowing he was fucking everything that moved, but he fit a need and filled a void.” Katherine didn't continue. She focused on the road.

Secret, curious as to what those two things were, said, “And what was that?”

“Attention from a man, that was the void. Shit, it wasn't like Daddy was around to let me know I was special, that I was important, that I meant something.”

“And Lucky made you feel that way?”

“Didn't he make you feel that way?”

Secret swallowed without answering. She looked down. Yes, he'd made her feel all those ways, but she couldn't force herself to say it. She felt like such a fool. She really thought she meant something to Lucky. She'd actually believed she was special. But his actions had spoken to her loud and clear. She hadn't meant any more to him than she had to her own mother and father.

“As far as needs,” Katherine continued, “well, that's an easy one.” She turned onto the street where Yolanda's apartment complex was. “Ol' Lucky knows how to take care of his own. That's for sure.” She tapped the steering wheel. “Where do you think I got this car?”

Secret looked around the vehicle. “He didn't try to take it back when you broke things off with him?”

“He used to try to all the time at first. But we broke up and got back together so much, he knew it was useless,” Katherine said. “Besides, it's actually in my name. After about the third time he took it, I called the police and reported it stolen.” Katherine pulled up into the apartment complex, then looked at Secret with a sinister grin. “He wasn't trying to fuck with the police.”

“I bet,” Secret said. “So you're really done with him this time. You think he realizes that? Especially now that he's seen us together. Maybe since he knows for sure this time that you two are done he will try to take the car.”

Katherine thought for a moment as she pulled in front of Yolanda's place and parked. “Well, he certainly can't do shit with it since it's in my name. But I can see that foul-ass nigga setting it on fire, stripping it down for parts or something. Anything else than to have my fine ass riding around in it.” Katherine smiled. “But, naw. He's over our situation I'm sure, or he'll be over it soon. I heard he's fucking with some other chick right now. Some girl named Shaun, Shaunna, or something like that. And you know how dudes are with new pussy. He'll be wrapped up in that for a minute until he comes up for air.”

Secret shook her head. “I don't even know how he ever even had time for me. He was with me, you, your best friend, and God knows who else.”

“It doesn't even matter; your only concern now is Dina and making sure that nigga takes care of her. Mafucker wanna take care of bitches? Take care of your own goddamn daughter. How about that?” Katherine looked over at Secret who was looking at her like she was crazy.

They both burst out laughing.

“Sis, you are crazy. You be going in,” Secret said. “I swear you remind me of Shawndiece.” Mentioning her best friend's name reminded Secret that after picking up Dina, she wanted to drive over to Shawndiece's mother's house to see if she could get in touch with her. She put her hand on the door handle and opened the door.

“Yeah, that's it!” Katherine snapped her finger. “Shawndiece. That's the name of the chick Lucky is fucking with.”

Secret's hand trembled as she gripped the steering wheel of her car. Dina sat in the back in her car seat doing a little bit of fussing. When Katherine had dropped her off at her mother's house to pick Dina up, the little one had been sound asleep. She was cranky after being awoken in order to get situated into her car seat.

Yolanda had invited Secret to stay and hang out until Dina woke up, but Secret couldn't even think straight after Katherine telling her that Lucky's new girl was named Shawndiece. What were the odds that Lucky's Shawndiece wasn't the same Shawndiece Secret had been best friends with for years? In Secret's heart she wanted it to be all just one big awful coincidence. No way would her girl stab her in the back like that.

Secret had already been sitting outside of Shawndiece's mother's house for almost five minutes. All kinds of thoughts were running around in her head. She wondered if Shawndiece was inside. If she was, how would she act toward Secret if she was in fact seeing Lucky? How would Secret react to the fact that her best friend was sleeping with the enemy?

She hadn't spoken to Shawndiece since that day she came to the jail to visit Secret. The same thoughts as before and then some began swarming through Secret's head. Her imagination ran wild as she pictured that for the past couple months Shawndiece had been hugged up with Lucky, too ashamed to face Secret, which was the reason why she never came back to visit her.

“No, no, no,” Secret said, shaking her head. She let out one more loud, “No!” and slammed her open hand on the steering wheel. Dina began fussing even louder. “Oh, I'm sorry, Mommy's baby,” Secret said turning her body toward the back seat. She fiddled around to find the pacifier that was tucked next to Dina down in the car seat. She plugged it into Dina's mouth, which calmed the baby down.

Secret turned back around and faced the steering wheel. She looked up at Shawndiece's mother's house, still gathering the nerve to go up to the door. If Shawndiece was there, what would Secret say to her? Would she just come right out and ask her if she was with Lucky? Just asking the question alone could change the dynamics of their relationship, regardless of what the answer was. If Shawndiece was kicking it with Lucky, that would be the ultimate betrayal and Secret would never have two words to say to Shawndiece. If Shawndiece really wasn't messing around with Lucky, she could get so offended by Secret accusing her of it that it ruined their friendship anyway.

Secret looked back at Dina. She was sucking on her binky fighting going back to sleep. Secret didn't want to take her out of the car seat and start her up fussing again. She decided to simply roll the windows down and run up to the house real quick. She didn't plan on going into the house, just on the porch. She wasn't going to let her baby out of her sight.

Secret got out of the car and walked up onto the porch feeling like with each step her legs were going to buckle right up under her. She finally arrived at the door after what felt like the longest trek ever. She looked into her car at her baby half asleep and then knocked on the door. She waited a few seconds and after not getting an answer she knocked again. Still no answer. She exhaled a gust of wind and then turned back around and headed to her car.

Once she was off the porch she heard the clicking of the door. She stopped and turned back around and watched as the door opened.

“Secret, baby, is that you?” Shawndiece's mother said, sounding surprised.

“Hey, Miss Franklin,” Secret said once she saw Shawndiece's mother standing in the doorway.

Miss Franklin stepped out of the house and onto the porch. “Girl, I thought you was locked up for selling drugs. I couldn't believe it. I always thought you was different. I guess hanging around that daughter of mine finally rubbed off on you huh?” She laughed.

Secret would have joined in on the joke, but she wasn't in a laughing mood right now. “Is Shawndiece around?” Secret asked, not addressing anything her best friend's mother had said.

“No, she hardly stays here anymore since she done snagged her a so-called baller.” She put the word “baller” in quotation marks with her fingers. “I hope she don't think that just because she ain't been here that much this month she ain't got to pay me no rent. Shit, I can't go stay at one of my dude's house then tell the mortgage company I ain't paying 'cause I ain't been here that much. She tried to pull that shit last month.” Miss Franklin pointed a finger at Secret. “And you tell her that if you see her.” She rolled her eyes. “Hey, you ain't pregnant no more. You done had the baby?”

“Yes,” Secret answered and then nodded to her car. “She's out here in the car.”

“Girl, you left your baby in that hot-ass car? You lucky don't no white people live around here. They'd call the police on you in a minute. Them some tattling folks. Clearly snitches get stitches don't apply to them.” She pulled her shirt up over her bra strap that was showing. “Let me see that baby of yours.” She walked off the porch and met up with Secret. The two of them approached the car together.

“There she is,” Secret said, pointing at the open back window.

The two women stood outside the car peeking at Dina.

“Well look at that pretty princess,” Miss Franklin said. She turned and looked at Secret over her shoulder. “Looks just like you.” She turned her attention back to Dina. “Did she get her daddy's anything?”

Secret just smiled. Her mind was still on getting in touch with her best friend. “So you don't know where Shawndiece is staying?”

“Nope. And she got her cell phone number changed, again. You know she changes it every five minutes.” She snickered.

“I know. I tried to call it when I got my phone but it was no longer in service.” Secret had actually tried to call Shawndiece a couple of times. Even though the first time she'd called she'd gotten a recorded message about the phone not being in service, Secret tried again a few days later thinking that maybe it had just been temporarily off for nonpayment. Miss Franklin confirming Shawndiece could no longer be reached at that number put a damper on Secret's attempts to connect with her best friend.

Miss Franklin stood up straight and faced Secret. “I figure this time she got it changed so I couldn't call her up and harass her about my rent money.” She laughed. “That daughter of mine, I don't know where I went wrong. Anyways, let me get back into this house and check on my food I got on the stove.” She put her hand on Secret's shoulder. “You want something to eat, baby?”

“No, I'm good, but thank you.”

“All right. You take care of that baby of yours, and bring her back by when she's big enough for me to stuff her with some real food.” She chuckled and headed up the steps. “I'll tell Shawn you're looking for her. She'll be happy to hear her best friend is home.”

Miss Franklin disappeared back into the house while Secret said under her breath, “I'm sure she will.”

 

 

Secret could hardly see Lucky's face when she looked through the peephole. She could see, though, a big pink teddy bear with a purple bow around its neck, and an oversized baby bottle filled with all types of baby accessories. He juggled diapers, shopping bags from department stores, and what looked like a walker.

Secret moved away from the peephole and straightened her outfit. It was a denim Capri romper with the Juicy Couture flip-flops she'd purchased on one of her last shopping outings prior to getting locked up, compliments of Lucky. She looked over at Dina who was lying down on top of a blanket-type play mat. She then turned and opened the door.

Secret swung the door open. She didn't even greet Lucky. She just stood there with her shoulder-length hair, straightened, tucked behind her ears. She usually wore her hair up in a ponytail or a bun, so this was one of the first times Lucky had seen her literally just let her hair down.

Although he didn't compliment her, Secret could tell by the look in his eyes that he liked what he saw. His mouth had hung open three seconds too long before any words had even come out of it.

“Come in.” Secret stepped to the side while Lucky felt his way into the doorway, because he sure couldn't see where he was going. He tripped.

“Watch it,” Secret said, grabbing his arm to help him balance. She immediately pulled back as if she'd touched something hot and had been burned.

Lucky stood there as if a volt of electricity had flowed through his body. Was it possible that even though Secret desperately didn't want to feel anything for Lucky, a physical attraction was, indeed, still there?

Once Lucky was able to find his voice he said, “I bought the baby some stuff. I didn't know what you needed. I put the receipt in one of the bags, so you can take back whatever you don't need and just get what you do need.”

“You didn't have to do that, but I guess guilt can get the best of a person,” Secret shot back. Inside, she was grateful for the items, but she wasn't about to let Lucky off that easy by showing him a single ounce of gratitude. “You can set everything right there.” Secret pointed to the landing of the stairs.

Lucky set everything down. He then rubbed the palms of his hands down his pants as if they were sweaty. He looked over at Dina. “She's a cutie.” He walked over to where the baby was lying down. “Man, she looks just like you.” He laughed. “She's like a little lady.”

“Thank you,” Secret said dryly. She watched Lucky stare at the baby a little longer. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“Oh, no, I'm good,” Lucky said.

“Something to eat,” Secret offered. “I made a casserole.”

“Tuna with the peas, cheese, and onion?” Lucky asked.

Secret nodded.

That had been one of Lucky's favorite dishes that Secret made. Had Secret remembered that and made it especially for him? Was it her way of saying she forgave him? Lucky didn't want to make any assumptions, but he wasn't about to pass up the delicious dish either. He rarely got a home-cooked meal, always in the streets on the run eating fast food.

“I'll definitely take some of that,” Lucky said.

“All right. I'll fix you a plate.” Secret disappeared into the kitchen for about five minutes and then returned with a plate of the casserole along with a can of pop. “Here you go.” She set it down on the dining room table.

As Lucky walked over to eat Dina started fussing.

“Okay, missy. You hungry too? Mommy's got you.” She picked up Dina and carried her into the kitchen with her. She prepared her a bottle and then returned to the living room. She sat down on the couch and fed Dina a bottle while Lucky sat at the table and ate.

“I didn't know what kind of milk she drank or I would have bought her some of that, too,” Lucky said with a mouthful of food.

“It's cool.” Secret looked over to the pile of items sitting on the steps. “It looks like you've done plenty.”

There was the sound of Lucky's fork hitting the plate and him chewing. Secret looked down at Dina while she fed her. A couple minutes later Lucky was laying the fork across his plate and pushing it to the center of the table.

“Damn, that was good. I forgot how good you could cook.” He stood up, rubbing his belly.

“You forgot about me altogether,” Secret said.

Lucky exhaled. He knew the inevitable was coming. “Yeah, about that . . .” He walked over and sat down on the living room chair.

“Lucky, just tell me why. How could you?” Secret's voice trembled.

“I really don't want to go into details, just know that I am truly, one hundred percent sorry. I mean, that day I . . . I just froze. I was scared. It was a setup, I could just feel it. And I honestly believe that no matter what we said, they were taking us both to jail that day. I know for a fact that had we said it was my dope, whether it was or it wasn't, they were going to put us both away. You might not believe me, but I figured I'd have a better chance of getting you out than you would getting me out. But if we were both locked up, then we both would have been screwed.”

“Really, and just when did you plan on getting me out?”

“I had to fall back, lay low a little. But I had every intention of hiring you the best attorney in the city once you went to trial.” Lucky leaned in and rested his arms on his knees. “You have to believe me, Secret. There's no way I would have just thrown you away like that.”

“I want to believe you, Lucky, but how can I? Why should I?”

“Because if I didn't wanna fuck with you, I would have long been not had nothing to do with you. I wouldn't have waited until that day to say the hell with this girl. No, I would have said that the day you told me about how the baby you was pregnant with wasn't mine even though you had pretended it was. How you only got with me in the first place was to try to run game on me. But, baby, that day in the hotel when you confessed it all to me and shared with me how you really ended up liking me and didn't want to hurt me, I trusted you. I stayed with you regardless. So now, I guess, I'm just asking for a little reciprocity here.”

Secret thought for a minute. Lucky had a point. Who was to say that what he had done to her was any worse than what she had done to him? Secret shook off her thoughts. She was getting too much into her feelings. Regardless of how she really felt about Lucky one way or the other, she had a job to do, and that was get Lucky to trust her. If pretending to trust him was what it would take, then so be it.

“I guess you have a point,” Secret said, looking into Lucky's eyes.

“So what does that mean?” Lucky asked.