Obsession 3 (12 page)

“My own mother! You paid my own mother to be a part of my life?” Secret screamed to Detective Davis through her cell phone as she drove away from her mother's apartment complex. “Who else have you paid?”

“Nobody, Secret, I promise,” Detective Davis assured her. “I know how you must feel, but believe me—”

“And why should I believe you? How do I know I'm not the one being played here? For all I know this could be a set up to throw my black ass back into jail.” Secret didn't know who or what to believe now.

“I promise you, your mother is the only person we reached out to. And that's only because I knew you'd need someone to keep an eye on the baby for you.” Detective Davis continued, “If it makes you feel any better, she didn't ask for the money; we offered it, you know, to sweeten the deal.”

“Yeah, but she took it,” Secret said. “You had to pay my mother to spend time with me and my baby like some trick. I can't believe this.”

“Look, I'm sorry, Secret, but this isn't about you. I like you and you are a sweet girl. I'm sorry you got caught up in all this, but the thing is, you're in it now and there's only one way out.”

Secret hung up in Detective Davis's ear before he could say another word. She wiped the tears from her eyes as she continued to drive. She looked in the rearview mirror at Dina in her car seat.

“You are the only one Mommy can trust now, Dina. And I promise you'll always be able to trust me. Mommy is never going to let anything happen to you. Ever.”

Secret cleared her tears away and made her way home. By the time she walked into her front door she was all cried out. Like her mother had said, she was moving on. She had tougher skin than she thought. Not many girls would have been able to so easily get over the fact that their mother wished they'd been aborted and was only playing a part in their life because she was getting paid to. She had a daughter to worry about now. No way was she going to give Yolanda another second of her time.

Secret inhaled and then exhaled. She allowed her mother's awful and evil words to play inside her head. This go-around they truly had no effect. They didn't make Secret angry. They didn't hurt her. Finally turned out Yolanda had done something right after all. She had taught Secret to be tough. Yolanda was who she was. She was never going to change, not even if she got paid to. And Secret realized there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it. For the next few moments she mourned the death of the mother she had always dreamed of but would never have. All cried out about the situation, Secret was more than ready to move on.

 

With Secret no longer having Yolanda as a caregiver for Dina, thank God her childcare assistance from the state kicked in, and right on time. Secret found a nice older woman who only lived about five minutes from the store to care for Dina. The woman's, Miss Good's, spirit reminded Secret so much of her own grandmother's, who she missed dearly. Yolanda had been removed from Secret's life, but Miss Good was certainly filling in the void as a grandmother for Dina. Miss Good had only been caring for Dina a couple of days, but her warm and inviting ways made Secret feel as if she'd known this woman all her life. She was just what the doctor ordered.

“She's just the sweetest little chunky button ever.” Miss Good cooed over Dina as Secret fastened her up in her bucket seat.

Baby Dina just smiled and kicked as the older woman talked to her. She would even look at Secret and smile as if to say, “You see the nice woman, Mommy?” It comforted Secret's heart knowing that her baby got the same type of vibe from Miss Good as she did.

“I fed her before we left,” Secret told Miss Good.

“What did you feed her?” Miss Good asked.

“Milk.”

“Milk?” Miss Good scrunched her face up. “You mean you gave her something to drink then. You feed people food. Milk ain't food.”

Secret chuckled. “She's just a baby,” she told the caregiver.

“And babies are little people, and little people need to eat!” Miss Good was emphatic.

Secret just shook her head and smiled. “Her bottles are in her bag.”

Miss Good brushed Secret out of the way and started talking to Dina. “Don't you worry. Momma Good's got something good for you. They don't call me Miss Good for nothing.” She then shot Secret a look, daring her to even fix her mouth into talking Miss Good out of giving Dina anything solid.

Worry covered Secret's face, as the doctors had said Dina couldn't have solid foods until she was six months.

“What's that look for?” Miss Good asked Secret, throwing her hands on her hips. “Child, I been taking care of kids longer than you been born. I know what I'm doing. I ain't gon' give her nothing but a little bit of baby cereal.”

Secret felt a bit more relieved and it showed as some of the tension left her face.

“Maybe a little grits and scrambled eggs,” Miss Good mumbled.

“Miss Good,” Secret said, tilting her head to the side.

“Child, I'm just playing with you. Carry yourself on to work.” Miss Good shooed her hand.

Secret kissed Dina one last time and then headed to the door. Before walking out she pointed to Miss Good and said, “No mashed potatoes either. I know how your generation thinks it's okay to give babies mashed potatoes and gravy just because it's soft. Then y'all wonder why there is child diabetes and high blood pressure.”

“Get on out of here already,” Miss Good ordered playfully.

Secret laughed and went to her car. Ten minutes later she was already clocked in at work and working the cash register.

While Secret checked out customers in the grocery store line for the next couple hours, her mind was 100 percent focused on the job and not worried about the safety of her child. Secret didn't know how she was going to feel leaving her baby with a complete stranger. But Miss Good didn't feel like a strange at all. That was a priceless piece of mind for a working mother.

“Have a great day and thank you for shopping with us,” Secret said to her customer who she'd just finished waiting on. She immediately let the next spiel fall out of her mouth while straightening up a few plastic bags. “Did you find everything okay?”

“Absolutely,” she heard a voice say.

Secret looked up from the bags only to find herself staring right into Lucky's eyes. “Lucky, what are you doing here? And how—”

“I came here to see you of course. Oh, and pick up this loaf of bread.” Lucky held up a loaf of bread he'd just randomly picked up to have an excuse to go through Secret's line.

“Boy, please. In all the time I've known you I've never seen you make a sandwich. You don't need that bread.” Secret looked over her shoulder and saw that she had two customers standing behind Lucky. She turned her attention back to Lucky. “Let me take care of the rest of these customers in line and then I'll get off the register.”

“Cool.” Lucky went to walk out of the line.

Secret playfully snatched the bread from him, shook her head, smiled, then set it down in the basket of items that needed to be returned to the shelves.

Lucky smiled and went off to the side and waited.

Secret turned off her light so that customers would see her lane was closed and wouldn't get in it. She rang up her last customer, grabbed the basket of returns, and signaled Lucky to follow her.

“So how did you know where to find me?” After the incident with Detective Davis and her mother, Secret was leery of the entire situation now.

“Your girl,” Lucky said.

Secret thought for a moment, at first thinking it was Kat. Besides Kat and Yolanda, Secret hadn't really told anyone else where she worked. But Lucky didn't know Yolanda and why would Kat be talking to him.

“Shawndiece,” Lucky said after watching Secret rack her brain.

“Oh, yeah.” Secret nodded.

“She said she was supposed to come up here and holler at you, so that y'all could talk, but you played her.”

“I didn't play her. I had a situation.” Bumping into Mrs. Langston and finding out about the whole scholarship thing had trumped meeting up with Shawndiece. “I had a family emergency and had to leave.”

“Was it the baby? Is everything okay? Anything you need from me?”

Secret's heart began to patter. She had to take deep breaths. Hearing the sincerity in Lucky's voice, him wanting to be at her beck and call, him wanting to rescue her, made her feel so good and wanted. It reminded her of how things used to be between them, how things were supposed to be. Lucky had saved her from the streets, literally. He'd been there to protect her and supply her with all her needs without her ever even having to ask. That was every girl's dream come true, at least the dream of all the girls Secret knew. She'd heard enough conversations in the girls' bathroom at school to know what their motives and aspirations were when it came to men. And Secret had achieved such without even having to work for it.

The same went for Shawndiece when it came to guys. Secret had seen her run through men like it wasn't nothing. Anybody she gave herself to had to be giving her something in return. She hoped eventually she would hit the jackpot and end up with one dude who would cater to all her needs so she could just have to worry with one lame. At least those were her words. But to date it hadn't happened, which was why Secret kind of understood how Shawndiece could have gotten caught up with the dope game. It was quick, fast, and easy money; sometimes good money.

There was a time, though, where Secret felt Shawndiece was jealous of the fact that the first baller Secret had gotten with was the jackpot, while Shawndiece had been trying to rope one in ever since her cherry got popped. But in so many words Shawndiece had used Biggie Smalls' words on her: “I made you . . .” So why would Shawndiece play her?

Secret could honestly say that throughout her entire friendship with Shawndiece, Shawndiece never asked for or ever wanted a thing from Secret. The only thing Shawndiece had ever wanted for her was to survive. She made sure she taught Secret everything she knew in order to be able to survive.

Secret hated that Shawndiece thought Secret was trying to play her the other day by not waiting for her to show up at the store. That hadn't been the case at all, but Secret could wholeheartedly understand how Shawndiece might have thought that.

“Nothing was wrong with the baby. Everything is good. I don't need anything. I'm going to have to get with Shawn though and let her know what was up.”

“Well, I'm glad everything is good with you,” Lucky said.

Secret began to restock some canned goods out of the basket. “So you said you came by to see me. For what?”

“I hadn't heard from you since that day I came to your place.”

Secret gave him the once over. “I haven't heard from you either,” she shot back and then continued restocking.

“I kind of figured the ball was in your court though. I wanted to respect your feelings about the situation.”

“Look, like I said, everybody deserves a second chance. You explained yourself about the matter, I kind of get it. I'm out of jail. I have a beautiful, healthy baby girl. No harm no foul.” Secret shrugged and kept focused on her work.

Lucky stared at Secret in awe. “Girl, where did you come from? I know I've said it a million times, but I can't help it because it's true. You are not like other chicks from here. And I can't even believe you are related to Kat. You are nothing like her.” Lucky laughed. “If this had been her, she would have went ham on me and probably tried to . . .” Lucky's words trailed off once he noticed the sour expression on Secret's face.

“You really gonna compare me to my sister right now? Really?”

“Oh, my bad,” Lucky said.

Secret let a smile slip through. “I'm just messing with you. I get that situation, too.”

Lucky watched Secret struggle to place something on the top shelf. She couldn't quite reach it. “Here, let me help you.” Lucky went and stood behind Secret.

The heat from his body was warming her. She could smell his soft daytime cologne. Places in her body started to get moist.

Even once Lucky had removed the item from Secret's hand and placed it on the shelf, he stood behind her a few seconds, inhaling the smell of her hair. “Suave Professionals.”

“Huh?” Secret turned around, her front side now against Lucky's.

“Suave Professionals. I remember that is the kind of shampoo you use. Remember that time I washed your hair in the shower?”

Secret smiled. “Yeah. I was pregnant and getting too fat and tired to do it myself.”

“Let me do it again.” Lucky said it in a whisper with his lips practically pressed up against Secret's. “Damn, I missed you so much. I didn't know what I was going to do without you.”

“I'm sure you found plenty of women to fill the void,” Secret said.

“With your watchdog, cock blocking–ass best friend around? Shitttttt.”

Secret couldn't help but laugh. That was Shawndiece for you. Secret stopped laughing. She stopped smiling. She didn't want to be all up in this dude's face hee hee hawing, not for real and hardly for fake. But she couldn't help herself. She couldn't shake the feelings rising up inside of her, some old and some new. This was something she hadn't thought about when agreeing to rekindle a relationship with Lucky. She thought for sure all the hate would drown out the little bit of love that still might have been lingering around.

Lucky touched her cheek. Secret quickly turned away.

“What's wrong?” Lucky asked.