Odd Jobs (20 page)

“More serious than 15 pounds of pot? Sure, I’m all ears,” she says.

“Look, I’ve really enjoyed spending all this time but.... ”

She interrupts to ask, “Are you breaking up with me?”

“No. Hell no,” I say. “Look, these things I’m involved in, I told you that it’s something I’m doing now, but I have no desire to continue with it after school. Right?”

“Yes,” she says, “to get you through school and help out at home.”

“I appreciate, you know, staying with me and giving me a chance,” I say gratefully. “I know you wouldn’t want to be involved in this stuff long-term, so I appreciate you giving me some leeway here.”

“Well, it’s been my pleasure,” she says with a smile.

“Rocky, I don’t want to freak you out, but there’s something I have to tell you because it’s important.” She looks at me seriously, her brown eyes large and intense.

It’s always difficult to speak to anyone about my father’s and sister’s deaths and the effect they’ve had on my mother and me. Speaking to anyone about this always causes that awkward silence and those uncomfortable comments meant to console. People ask what happened to your father, but the truth is, people do not have a lot of experience hearing about someone being murdered. I haven’t heard a good response yet. Rocky’s silent attention is such a relief that I hate to unload the rest on her. But I do. I tell her about my job at Kosher World and how I discovered Jimmy Balducci’s buying for free and his involvement in so many killings, most importantly, my dad’s.

“What about the police?” she asks. “Have you told them?”

“Rocky, my father was the police. He was the district attorney, and there were people inside who sold him out.” I tell her about Georgie Skolinsky cooperating with the police and then getting his head cut off. “Believe me, working with the police and wearing a wire is not the way to go. So right about now, you may be wondering why I am telling you this.”

“Kevin, why are you telling me this now?” she asks seriously.

“When I told you these money-making activities are temporary, I left out the fact that I’m really not using these transactions to pay my college bill. The truth is, I would have been able to scrape by without all this, but I need real money to stop these guys. They’re killing people. They’re ruining families, and no one knows how that feels more than me. I have an idea how to stop them, but I need to build up a presence. Getting Balducci is the least I can do for my father.”

I know that Rocky’s mind must be racing. To distract herself, she grabs her auburn hair and fits a band around a newly created ponytail. I can sense that I’m losing her. “Rocky,” I say, “I didn’t count on having feelings for you. Not like this. I care about what you think and I don’t want to see you hurt. The truth is, anyone involved with me could get hurt.”

“That’s why you’re telling me this? You don’t want me hurt?” She pauses to look at me, tilting her head. “Is this some sort of elaborate breakup line?”

“Rocky, that’s not what I want to do. I know I just dropped a bomb on you. There are so many normal situations for you here. I don’t want your time wasted and, more importantly, I don’t want you physically hurt. I didn’t want to get too serious too fast, but damn, I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Any shot you let this Balducci stuff drop?”

“I can’t. It’s what I was put on this planet to do.” Rocky is staring at the floor and nodding in acknowledgement. “Everything seems to have a purpose. I used to caddy on golf courses, deliver pizzas, sell on the telephones and work in the meat factory. I thought I was doing it to get enough money to get through school so that I could launch some career. I thought I was doing it so I could get into the social circuit around here. But that’s not the case. Everything I’ve done has been put in front of me to get Balducci, to finish the job my father started.”

“All right, let’s say you get Balducci, let’s say this works. What then?” she asks.

“Baby, I don’t know. I can start living my life, I guess.” I sure as hell don’t need this shit. There’s no way this can be done for any length of time without getting nailed at some point. I might last another year, at best, before I run out of luck.

“It wasn’t long ago that swinging this kind of money around was all I was dreaming about doing. It was just something I seemed to be missing. Everyone seems to have money; everyone seems to be having fun. I thought that’s what I cared about, but now I know better.”

The doorbell rings. Joel has arrived. “Coming,” I yell. Then I turn to Rocky. “I have to take care of business. I hope we can talk later, but I understand if you don’t want to have anything to do with me. You know, good people can be put in bad situations. I didn’t ask for this; it happened to me and my family. You have choices, and even though I’m crazy about you, I want you to have those choices and not be ambushed by my cavalier behavior.”

As Joel comes in, Rocky slips out. The transaction with Joel is a blur. I am trying to gauge Rocky’s reaction to my revelation, but I am trying to stay focused on Joel as well. It sounds strange, but I met Joel through his best friend Bartner – a policeman. Bartner lives in the building with his lobbyist girlfriend but occasionally stops by here and
I
turn him on for free. I figure it’s good for business to keep him happy. He’s a tall, powerful guy with a long chain-link tattoo on his neck that makes me think of the time I strangled Zog.

Joel and I go through the typical dance, beginning with him taking a few sample bong hits to make sure the quality of the merchandise is to his liking. He occasionally gives an approving nod or comment like, “Awesome weed, it’s chronic.” We measure out his purchase and he says, “Dude, three elbows on the screws, here’s your cashish.” With that he hands me money and puts the six bags of marijuana in a large gym bag. Joel holds up a fist, I close my hand into a fist and gently bang his knuckles, and then he leaves.

The money I pocket for the quick work seems pretty small compared to what I risked today. I’m not sure why Rocky was hanging with me before I leveled with her. Shit, if she’s not calling the travel agent to New Boyfriendland now, then somewhere cats are sleeping with dogs and it’s snowing in the rainforest.

I feel better that I told her everything, but I suspect she’ll dump me. It’s crushing me, thinking that we are done. Maybe I shouldn’t have spilled my guts just yet. Maybe I should have waited to let her know me better.

CHAPTER 16

As it turns out, Rocky doesn’t bolt. The Balducci story doesn’t make her run, but I ain
’t
gonna say the jury has come in with a verdict, either. She is still with me and I am grateful. There is another level to reach in what is developing in, dare I say, our relationship. I want to be at that level, but I don’t know if she does. As good as things are with Rocky, anytime we begin to get physical, it feels wrong. We’re having a lot of laughs and I know she likes me. I feel she wants more and I know I do. But then, she pulls back. I can’t put my finger on what pushes her away...that is, until this night. I call her at
1
1:45 p.m. on Sunday when the weekend’s work is wrapped up to say goodnight.

At first it’s our usual repartee, but things change when I ask, “How did you get the name Rocky? I can’t be the first person to ask you that.”

She laughs and says, “No, you’re not. It doesn’t surprise me that you ask. What surprises me is how long it took you. It usually gets asked sooner.”

“Oh, hey, I’m not looking to.... ”

“No, it’s not a big deal. I was born Raquel Olivia Campbell. Get it? R.O.C. It sounds like ‘rock’.”

“Aahhh, I get it, so the rock would become Rocky,” I say.

“Well, there is a little more to the story,” she concedes. “My father was a huge boxing fan. He can talk that stuff for hours. He was also a wannabe actor. His biggest success was a tiny part as an extra in the first Rocky movie. It came out before VHS and DVD, and Dad saw the movie and himself 25 times in the theater. He laughed that he spent more on movie tickets than he was actually paid.”

“How about the other Rocky movies? Did he see them a bunch too?” I ask.

“That’s my point. Somewhere between Rocky and Rocky II, I was born. So it’s no accident that my initials are R.O.C. It was a great way for my father to introduce his new daughter and gloat about being in the movie, even though a million other Rocky movies were made without my father.”

“Hmmm, would you rather not be called Rocky? Do you like Raquel better?”

“No. I like Rocky. I think the name is interesting, but the story behind it isn’t as cool as my father intended.”

“Are you and your father close?” As someone who hasn’t had a father since I was 10, I always get a kick out of father stories.

Rocky hesitates and stammers. “We haven’t had a reason to talk.”

“When was the last time you spoke?” I ask.

“Seven or eight years now. I guess you think that’s weird.”

“Hah! I’m not the guy to judge what’s weird.” The truth is I do think it’s weird, because from my vantage point, any day your father’s above ground should be a great day. “I guess relationships with parents can get tricky.” I try to be
polite, but she can tell I don’t really get it.

I notice how late it is and intend on wrapping up the conversation so I can get some sleep. But that’s not what happens. “Hey, Rocky, why aren’t you speaking with your father anymore?” Holy shit, did I just ask that? There’s something about fathers that makes me overwhelmingly curious. I can’t help myself.

There’s a pause on the other side of the phone. How do I take this question back?

“Kevin, if I tell you, it might change things. I don’t think you really want to talk about this, do you?”

It’s a rhetorical question at this point. I mean, could you imagine if I said, “No, thanks anyway.” The truth is, I’m captivated. So I say, “Yeah, Rocky, I’m really interested in you. Hell, I got a screwed-up situation too. Maybe I can help.”

“I don’t think so. I have it resolved.”

“C’mon, you said you haven’t spoken to your father in eight years.” I might sound altruistic here, but to be honest, I have my selfish reasons as well. I’m no Sigmund fuckin’ Freud, but I suspect I’ve found the reason she is pulling back from me. I hypothesize that her father was a player and Rocky walked in on him with the town nun. Therefore, she can’t trust guys. “Rocky, we can let it drop here. I’m not trying to pry. I’ll tell you this, though. I’m glad I told you about the situation with Balducci and my father. It was risky, but I’m glad I told you.”

I hear her sigh on the other end of the phone. “Okay. Here goes. My father didn’t work much, so he was around a lot. Most of the money we had was from my mother, who’s a terrific dancer and owns a few dance studios. Dad and I hung out a lot and we always had a lot of fun. The weekends were busy for my mother, so my dad was the one taking me to carnivals and the playground.

“Dad’s acting career wasn’t going anywhere, so, to help support me and my brother, he took a job with an uncle of his who runs a plumbing supply business out here in Albany.”

“Wow, that’s a big change, from acting to plumbing. How did it work out?”

“Not too well. Uncle Allen says that my father never put any effort into the job and wanted a piece of the business as his birthright. Dad says Uncle Allen got him to move out to Albany but was never going to make him a partner.”

“So who was right?” I ask.

“I don’t know. I’m sure the truth lies somewhere in between the two stories. We were fortunate because my mom developed her dance studios. Money-wise we were okay.” Her voice falters, she pauses for a moment, and when she continues, her voice is softer. “This is where it gets fucked up.” She pauses again and says, “You have to understand, my dad got by on his looks his whole life, but when he hit 50, his hair – what’s left of it – started losing the battle of salt vs. pepper and he gained a lot of weight as well. But the worst thing for him was that the young girls he used to love flirting with weren’t interested anymore. He looked average now and the rest of the world was running laps around him. He wanted to feel like a young stud again, and he turned to a young girl who couldn’t say ‘no.’ Me. My father molested me. Okay, he raped me.”