Of Gaea (13 page)

The
photo that finally broke the dam holding her tears back was a
simple one.
It was only
a profile of her parents. They weren’t kissing; they were about to
or had just finished. Eryx’s forehead rested on Lyris’s and they
looked at each other as if no one else in the world existed. There
was no uncertainly or fear in either of them. They looked whole and
solid.
We
love each other
, the
photo said,
more than anything else in this world.

Ari
carefully put the photos back into the envelope.
Then pulled out one of the notebooks and
tucked the envelope safely inside. After she resituated the
notebook she curled up and let the tears soak the pillow. She cried
for parents she didn’t know; for a life she would never have. She
cried for family she wish she could have and cried for the unknown
person bound to die if she lived. In the end she cried herself to
sleep.

The
creaking door woke her. Without moving, she checked her bedroom
door but it was still closed. She shifted ever so slightly to look
at the patio door.

A
familiar silhouette was frozen outside the door.
Ari watched the shadow ease the door
silently open. It slipped inside and closed the door just as
soundlessly.

Ari
touched the lamp near her head and flooded the room with
light.
Sasha blinked in
surprise. He held a finger to his lips before Ari could speak and
walked lightly over to the bed. He climbed in behind her then
reached up and shut the light off.

“
Ghita
is pissed.”
He murmured
right into her ear. “She’s been at my house all evening shouting at
da. Apparently she’s read your notebooks and spoken to Elias. She’s
not happy with either result.”

“
Why did
you sneak in?” Ari tried to ask as quietly as he spoke but her
voice still sounded loud to her ears.

“
She’s
forbidden me from coming over.” Sasha’s breath tickled her ear and
she fought hard not to squirm. “Apparently I’m filling your head
with silly notions.”

Ari
snorted despite herself. “She’s starting to annoy me.”

“
You’ll
be eighteen next month. Just hold out a little longer. I only came
to see if you were alright. Nasya told me what
happened.”

“
Please
don’t leave me alone in the dark.” Ari didn’t know where the
request came from but now that she was awake there was no going
back to sleep without feeling safe. Only Sasha could do
that.

He
cautiously wrapped an arm around her torso and snuggled
closer.
“As long as I’m
here nothing harms you. I’ve already promised it. Sleep in peace
tonight.”

Ari listened
to the rhythmic beating of his heart and let it lull her to
sleep.

A
slammed door
and heavy
bang on the
bedroom door pulled her out of sleep. Startled she glanced around
for Sasha but the bed was empty. The door opened without her
acknowledgement.

Ghita’s
Sunday dress looked like something that could have made her an
extra in a Mary Poppins play.
It just passed her knees and her stockings modestly covered
her exposed legs. Her Sunday hat was over the top, but as far back
as Ari’s memory reached Sunday church always warranted the Sunday
hat.

“
You’re
not up or dressed?”
Ghita sighed. “I thought we agreed you were coming to
church with me today.”

Ari
yawned lazily and watched the muscle in Ghita’s jaw twitch. “I
haven’t been to Sunday church since I was…” Ari counted on her
fingers. “Ten. I don’t believe in your faith. We both know that.
We’ve already discussed that. Or do you not remember yesterday’s
patio discussion?”

“
You
haven’t given it a chance.” She strode into the room; her perfume
waked in her path. “You should at least try.”

“
I have
no interest in it.” Ari flopped back down in her bed. “I tried the
first ten years of my life. You know what I feel when I go to your
church? I feel oppressed. Dragged down by a heavy weight that isn’t
my own.” Ari bit her lip and forced herself to stop. She had never
told Ghita, and she really hadn’t intended to tell her why she had
stopped in the first place.

Ghita
stopped rummaging through Ari’s closet and turned to face
her.
“What did you
say?”

Ari
shrugged indifferently. The words couldn’t be unsaid. “I can’t go
to your church. I’m not welcome there. I feel anything but welcome.
I never told you because I thought you’d tell me I was making it up
or that I wasn’t trying hard enough. Neither is something I wanted
to hear so I just found simpler ways of avoiding it. Like being at
Sasha’s house on Sunday.”

“
It’s
not possible.”
Ghita
marched over to the bed. “That can’t be possible.”

“
What
you want for me and what I want for myself are two different
things. I’m not like you, Ghita.” Ari gave her a patient look. “I’m
not sure what I am yet, but I know it’s not like you.”

She
flinched. “I am your mother in every way but one.”

“
Do you
really want to have this argument now?” Ari sat back up. “Where
were you when I got hit by the car? Where were you every time I
went to an Archery tournament? Where were you when I was the track
and field star of the school? Where have you been all my life?
Would you like me to tell you? You were at church. Or doing
something with the church. Or with Lyris. You never once came out
to support me. Sasha and Kleisthenes did. And when Nasya started as
an exchange student, she did too. Where have you been? You’re not a
mother. You never were. You’re a caretaker.” Ari flopped back down
and closed her eyes to avoid seeing the hurt in Ghita’s face. Ari
was hurt nearly as much. She needed Ghita to be a mother, at any
point in her life it would have been welcome, but Ghita, had only
cared for her sister and herself.

“
I’ll be
back in time to make supper.”
Ghita said very quietly as her footsteps retreated to the
door.

“
Don’t
bother. Have dinner with the ladies like you’ve always done. I’ll
go down to Sasha’s for dinner like I’ve always done.” Ari replied
without moving.

The door
quietly clicked and a few minutes later Ari heard the car
start.

“That was
unkind.”

Ari
didn’t even jump at Sasha’s voice.
She cracked open an eye and found he was seated at
the foot of the bed.

“You hid under
the bed?”

He
nodded.
“It’s Sunday.
She wouldn’t have scooted down to look in those heels.”

“
I’m
alright by myself Sasha. You can go home.”

His eyes
studied her; she could feel the worried scan.
“No. What’s bothering you?”

Ari
sighed. “Everything. I just need some time Sasha. I need to figure
out how much of my life is truth and how much is lie.”

“
Who you
are hasn’t changed. What you know has. That’s all. So you know more
now than you did before. That doesn’t change the archery master,
the straight A student, the tracking master. What it changes is
simply the knowing.”

Ari
scooted up slowly. “How does this not affect the way I think? The
way I perceive things?”

He
shrugged. “I know it’s a shock but it’s not changed Ghita any.
She’s still on her way to church on Sunday morning. You, on the
other hand, are lying here moping.”

“
So
okay, fine. I know stuff now I didn’t know before. What do I do
with it?”

He
smiled. “Whatever you want. You are still you no matter what you do
with the knowledge.”

Ari ran
a hand through her hair and it got stuck. “Well, I know I need a
shower. Go home Sasha. I’m going to clean up and then I’ll be
over.”

He
patted her foot and stood. “I’ll send Nasya over.”

“It’s not
necessary.”

“
I never
said it was.
But you’ll
feel better with someone else in the house and I don’t exactly have
the right body to sit in the bath with you.”

Ari gave
him a once over but to actually say the words she thought would
change the dynamics of their friendship. She couldn’t stand the
thought of losing him over something so trite. He may have changed
his entire life for her, but she lived hers for him. Without Sasha,
she would have ended things a long time ago.

When he
realized she wasn’t going to say anything he shook his head and
exited the way he had come in. The silent click of the door left
her feeling as if something vital had come and gone. It was almost
as if Sasha had been waiting for her to retort with an okay of some
kind. Was he trying to change the dynamics of their friendship? She
cowered away from the thought and grabbed her things to wash
instead.

The
shower felt deliciously wonderful.
Since Ghita was at church there was no one to
knock every five minutes to ask if Ari was okay. The first week
home from the hospital it was alright. The second week it was
tolerable but now it was just downright aggravating.

“I’m here
now.”

Ari
yelped and jerked open the curtain to see Nasya seated on the
toilet lid.
“Why do you
do that?”

Nasya
shrugged. “I am a quiet footed person.”

Ari
closed the curtain and went back to washing. “Sometimes I wonder if
you’re a person at all with the way you come and go.”

Nasya’s
laughter filled the tiny room. “You’re learning. Your notebook is
sitting here. May I read what you have so far?”

“
Sure. I
want your thoughts on some things anyway.”

Ari
didn’t hurry through her shower as she would have if Sasha had been
seated outside the bathroom door patiently waiting.
She scrubbed once with an
exfoliating soap then a second time with a moisturizing one. She
did feel slightly guilty for keeping Nasya in the hot bathroom so
long, so she didn’t treat her hair after conditioning it. When Ari
shut the water off Nasya’s hand was instantly there with her
towel.

“Thanks.”

“
You’re
welcome. I’m very interested in what you’ve written. And this
diagram is fascinating.”

“
It’s
the diagram I wanted your opinion on. Do you think it will work?”
Ari wrapped the towel around herself and pulled the curtain
open.

Nasya’s
face was flushed and her hair slightly frizzed from the
heat.
However she seemed
genuinely pleased and excited over the notebook. “I’d be most happy
to discuss it and I think I know just who can make this work, too.
Sasha will have to take you though.”

“
Really?
Are you sure?”

Nasya
nodded.
“Absolutely.
I’ll bring some clothes in. Dry off, will you?” Nasya stood and
went to fetch some clothes.

A
n hour later
Nasya and
Ari had
modified the research in the notebook. It was more advanced than
Ari could have done by herself. They sat on the patio in the sun to
enjoy the summer day while plotting.

“
I feel
like there are better runes we could be using.” Ari complained for
what seemed like the millionth time that hour.