Of Loss & Betrayal (Madison & Logan Book 2) (25 page)

I could feel myself getting groggy, and my thoughts were getting hazy. I was vaguely aware of Kristina standing above me, but, in my fog, I couldn’t make out what she was saying. I wondered if she would still shoot me even though I had taken the pills.

Before I could feel afraid again, I slipped into unconsciousness.

Chapter Twenty

I squinted against the sun, shading my eyes with my hand. Despite the brightness of the sun, it was cold and I shivered.

“Maddie.”

My heart dropped and I whirled around toward the direction of the voice. My pulse raced when I saw Cassie standing in front of me, smiling.

“Cassie?” My voice was barely a whisper, but her smile widened.

“Of course, silly. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten what I look like.”

“Am I dreaming?” I froze, as a frightening thought surfaced. “Am I dead?”

Cassie’s smiled wavered. “I wouldn’t say you’re dreaming and I wouldn’t say you’re dead.”

I frowned, confused. “What does that mean?”

“It means I can’t really say either way. Not yet.”

“You mean I’m dying right now?”

Fear clenched my heart when Cassie’s expression turned sad. “That’s up to you.”

She reached out and took my hand, and my fear vanished. “It’s okay, Maddie. You’re not alone.”

“I’ve missed you so much.” My voice was thick with tears. “I’m so sorry about everything.”

Cassie shook her head. “Don’t be sad, Maddie. Let’s not spend these few moments we have together being sad.”

“Why did you do it?” I had to know. If I wasn’t dreaming and I was really talking to Cassie’s spirit, I needed to know why she took her own life. “Was it because I betrayed you?”

“All you need to know is that I love you and I want you to be happy. Please don’t blame yourself for my choices, because you weren’t responsible. Let’s not waste time on the past.”

Tears ran down my face. She hadn’t really answered my question, but I knew her well enough to realize that she had known. I could read her expression. She had known when she took her life that Logan and I had betrayed her. I squeezed her hand tightly.

“I’m so sorry,” I sobbed, not knowing what else to say. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sad,” she insisted. “Look where we are.”

I looked around, startled that what had only moments before been nothingness was now an amusement park. More specifically, the amusement park Cassie and I had gone to for her last birthday so long ago.

“You remember, right?” Cassie asked, looking at me expectantly.

“Of course, I remember. I’ve relived this day countless times. I kept searching for something that would give me a clue as to why you killed yourself.”

The corners of Cassie’s mouth turned down. “Don’t think about that. Let’s just have fun.”

Cassie led me to the rollercoaster we had ridden years ago. “Let’s go on it.”

“Wait,” I said, trying to get my head clear. “Please, let me just talk to you.”

“Maddie,” Cassie said patiently, as if I were a small child. “We’re talking. I just don’t have the answers you want.”

A car for the rollercoaster stopped in front of us. There were no other people besides us, and no one was operating the ride. Before I could object, Cassie pushed me into the seat.

“Cassie, I don’t know about this.”

Before I could say another word, Cassie jumped in next to me and the rollercoaster started to move. I gripped the handle in front of me, looking down and realizing there was no harness to strap me in.

“We’re going to fall out!” I said in a panic. “There are no seatbelts.”

“Silly,” Cassie said with an amused smile. “Do you really think we need seatbelts?”

Before I could answer, my breath was taken away as the rollercoaster abruptly sped up. Terror rushed through me. I didn’t want to die in real life and I didn’t want to die in my dreams.

Cassie turned to me, her eyes sparkling and her hair whipping in the wind. “Don’t worry. We’ll be okay.”

We started to climb a steep hill, gravity pushing me back against my seat. I turned to Cassie, determined to talk to her as much as possible. I didn’t know how much time I had.

“Are you happy where you are now? Are you in heaven?”

Cassie laughed, the sound carefree and melodic. “Typical Maddie. We’re in the middle of a rollercoaster ride, and you’re still asking questions.” Her face glowed. “I’m happy. I don’t really know what it’s called where I am, but I’m finally happy.”

We reached the summit of the hill and paused. I squeezed the bar in front of me as tightly as I could, and then we were plummeting down, wind rushing past my face as my stomach dipped.

“Scream!” Cassie ordered above the sound of the wind. “Let go!”

I screamed and immediately felt a lightening of my soul. I felt free and euphoric. I was laughing when we reached the bottom, feeling happier than I had in a long time.

“I forgot how much fun this is,” I admitted. Cassie smiled but didn’t say anything as the rollercoaster rounded a bend. “I wish I could stay here with you.”

Cassie’s expression sobered. “It’s not your time yet, Maddie. As much as I want you to stay, you need to go back.”

The thought of going back to the mess of my life made my heart sink. I had no one to love and no one to love me. I could be happy here with my best friend, forever on a rollercoaster.

“There’s nothing left for me.”

Cassie shook her head. “Of course there is.” Her serious expression was replaced by one of glee. “Oh, my God, there’s a huge drop coming up.”

We were starting to climb a hill that made the one we had just gone on seem like nothing. We ascended to the crest, and then we were soaring. I closed my eyes, screaming into the wind. I was no longer on a rollercoaster. I was flying.

When we got to the bottom, I opened my eyes, laughing. I turned to tell Cassie how amazing this was and my heart wrenched. The seat beside me was empty. Where was she?

“Cassie!” I yelled out, twisting in my seat to see if I could see her below on the ground, but there was no one there. I was grief-stricken. There was still so much to say. I didn’t want to leave her.

“Cassie!” I was screaming, tears running down my face. The rollercoaster abruptly slowed down, making a horrible screeching noise as metal grinded against metal as the brakes engaged. What had felt like an incredible ride now felt like a nightmare. I closed my eyes again, willing myself to wake up.

My eyes flew open and I squinted against the harsh light. I heard a beeping noise and turned my head towards the sound. It was a monitor and I followed the line to my arm, where I was hooked up to it. I closed my eyes again, feeling exhausted and drained. Images started to rush through my head. Cassie on a rollercoaster, and then Kristina pointing a gun at me. I gasped and opened my eyes again, frantically searching the hospital room to see if she was waiting to finish me off. I was relieved when I saw it was empty.

The door to my room opened, and relief flooded through me when I saw Emily.

“You’re awake!” she exclaimed as she rushed to my bedside. Her face was drawn and lines of fatigue were evident.

“What happened?” I croaked.

Emily bit her lip. “You don’t remember?”

“I remember Kristina. That’s about it.”

She gave me a puzzled look. “What about Kristina? I’m the one that found you when I came to drop off Lola.” She took my hand and squeezed it. “Thank God I did. Who knows what would have happened if I hadn’t found you when I did.”

I wrinkled my forehead. Kristina had pointed a gun at me. Had she shot me? I looked down and patted myself, but I didn’t feel any wounds. My mind was foggy as I tried to grasp onto the memory of what had happened.

“Did I get shot?” I asked, despite not having found a bullet wound.

Emily frowned. “You don’t remember taking the pills?” she asked gently.

“What pills?”

She took a deep breath before replying. “You took a bottle of sleeping pills. They had to pump your stomach.”

“No,” I said. Emily must be wrong. There was no way I would have tried to kill myself. I rubbed my forehead, trying to get my thoughts straight. “Kristina was in my apartment with a gun.”

Emily’s expression didn’t change but I saw the concern in her eyes. “Madison, you left a note explaining why you did it.”

I looked at her, confused. “A note?”

Emily bit her lip. “You said you were unhappy and didn’t want to live anymore. You were tired of pretending.” She dropped her eyes, staring at her hands. “You said you couldn’t keep pretending that you loved Logan when you were really staying with him because you felt sorry for him because he lost his memory. You said you wanted to escape him and your miserable life.” She looked up again, tears in her eyes. “You should have told me, Madison. You should have told me how unhappy you were. You didn’t have to do this.”

I shook my head. “No, that isn’t right.” I tried to concentrate, and then suddenly it came flooding back to me. “Kristina made me take them,” I exclaimed. “She said she would shoot me if I didn’t take the sleeping pills and then she would kill Logan too. She probably forged the suicide note. I heard shuffling before she came into my room. She was probably looking for something with my handwriting so she could copy it.”

Emily looked uneasy. “I think you’re just confused. Maybe you dreamed that’s what happened.”

“It’s true,” I insisted, growing desperate that she believe me. “I would never try to kill myself. Not after Cassie.”

My room door swung open and Logan walked in. There were dark circles under his eyes and he looked like he had aged ten years. His expression brightened when he saw me.

“You’re awake!” He moved quickly to my bed, glancing at Emily. “You should have gotten me.”

“I just found her awake,” Emily said. She hesitated before continuing. “She’s a little confused about what happened.”

Logan’s expression sobered. The corners of his mouth turned down as he looked at me. “What do you remember?”

They needed to stop talking to me like I was a child who didn’t understand what was going on. “I didn’t try to kill myself,” I said emphatically. “Kristina wanted to get rid of me so she made it seem like I committed suicide.”

Logan raised a disbelievingly eyebrow, so I continued to spill everything that had happened, willing for him to believe me.

I made a sound of frustration as both Emily and Logan just continued to watch with me worried looks after I was done. “Where’s Kristina? She’s probably upset that she didn’t succeed in getting rid of me. We need to tell the police so she’s arrested.”

“Kristina’s back in L.A.,” Logan said gently. “She left a couple of days ago. Before you took the pills.”

I shook my head. “No, that’s not true. How do you know she went back to L.A. a couple of days ago? Did you check her ticket?”

Logan frowned. “No, but I didn’t see her before she left. She called me to tell me she was leaving.”

Why would no one believe me? I wanted to scream in frustration. Just then, a nurse walked in. When she saw that I was awake, she paged a doctor and ushered Emily and Logan out so that they could check my vitals.

After being poked and prodded and asked a million questions, they left. Logan came back in.

“Where’s Emily?” I asked.

“She went to get some food for dinner.” Logan sat down in the chair next to my bed. He was silent as he looked down at his hands. When he looked up, his eyes were anguished. “You should have told me how you felt. I never would have wanted you to stay with me out of obligation and guilt.” He closed his eyes for a few moments, looking pained, and then opened them again. “Yes, it would have hurt me, but more than anything, I want you to be happy. Even if it means us being apart.”

“I
am
happy with you,” I cried. “Kristina told me about what she did before she made me take the pills. She told me about how she set you up. I’m so sorry for not believing you.”

Logan hesitated before speaking. “I’m glad you believe me. I just don’t know what to think about Kristina. I know she was upset, but to try to kill you…are you sure you’re not just confused?”

I wanted to scream at him. Instead, I forced myself to stay calm because I didn’t want him to think I was being hysterical. “Logan, listen to me. I remember what happened. Please. I need you to believe me.” My voice grew urgent. “Kristina could still be here in Chicago, just waiting for an opportunity to finish me off.”

Logan took out his cell phone. “I’ll call Mack and ask him to check up on Kristina. He called me a few days ago to tell me he was sorry about everything that happened and that he was going back L.A. today.”

I was silent as Logan made the call. At least he was making the effort to see if Kristina was still in Chicago. I frowned when Logan disconnected the call without speaking.

“It went straight to voicemail. He’s probably on the flight back to California now. I’ll try him again in a little bit.”

I felt like I was going crazy. No one would believe me. What could I do?

Emily came back with food, and she and Logan tried to pretend like everything was okay, keeping the conversation upbeat. The last thing I wanted to do was eat, but I did it to get my strength back. I didn’t say much because I was upset that no one would believe me.

“Aren’t you supposed to be going to New York today?” I asked, finally contributing to the conversation.